Girlfriends, Forever! How To Do Dinah As A Couple

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Club Skirts’ The Dinah is next weekend, and I know that it is all anyone can talk or think about. It’s only the biggest, gay-ladiest weekend of all time. The reasons for going to Dinah Shore as a single person are pretty obvious. There are pool parties, hot drunk girls with abs, and sunshine. What more does a single person need? The reasons for going to Dinah if you are in a long-term relationship, on the other hand, are a little bit more of a mystery. What could a couple possibly get out of this experience?

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Last year, I went to Dinah with my lovely fiancée, Ever, and I was pretty nervous about it. I pictured us both getting there and then just immediately falling apart. We’d be standing in the hotel lobby, holding hands, when suddenly we would each see our respective soul mates on opposite sides of the room. We’d give each other a polite, knowing look, as if to say, “Go get her.” Then we would let go of each other’s hand and slowly walk away from each other, never to speak again.

Luckily, my greatest fear did not happen last year. Ever and I experienced the chaos together and left intact. I didn’t expect it to be fun to be in a couple in the midst of a bunch of drunk partiers who are hooking up, but it totally was. Here are some tips for having fun at Dinah in your LTR.

1. Ask her to rub sunscreen on you in a sexy way in front of all of your friends.

Have you been looking for a way to inject some extra PDA into your friends’ lives? After a few poolside drinks, you won’t even have to try. Your friends will be blinded by the grossness of your uninhibited, coupley ways for months.

2. Say romantic things to her like, “Babe, you’re the prettiest girl in this convention center filled with 600 lesbians wearing white right now.”

Have you ever wondered if the only reason your relationship has lasted so long is that the two of you have never been around a bunch of available, queer ladies before? After Dinah, you’ll know that it isn’t true. You’ll have put your relationship to the ultimate test, and you’ll still want each other (fingers crossed).

3. Get matching tattoos.

This is just a fun, optional idea for a “crazy” way to show your commitment. Everyone else is being crazy and single, why not be crazy and super in love by getting matching rainbow tattoos somewhere in Palm Springs?

4. Have hotel sex.

It’s super fun to go to all of the Dinah parties with your girlfriend, but it will be even more fun to leave the parties and go have sex in a room where you can be as loud as you want, where you don’t have to clean the sheets later, and where your dog and/or piles of laundry will not be cock-blocking you (#couplestuff). After hotel sex, you can go back down to where your friends are hanging out and tell them you had to “take care of something,” and then wink a bunch of times until they all show their understanding by throwing up. Obviously, you might have to alter this tip slightly if you are sharing a room with people.

5. Realize how awesome it is to NOT be single right now.

Being around a bunch of single ladies can often make people in relationships feel like they are missing out. “Look, these people are wild and free and can hook up with anyone!” But for your own sanity, I recommend looking at it in a different way. Instead of being jealous, realize how lucky you are. “Yay, I can go home with someone I actually love tonight without having to flirt with dozens of strangers in string bikinis in order to do it.” With 100% less effort and 200% less fear of unknown STDs, you can have sex at Dinah Shore with someone who actually knows what you like, and your middle name. See? Silver lining.

Have ideas for LTR topics you want to hear about? LTRadvice@gmail.com.

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