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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (September 28, 2007)

NO SLEEP TILL BROOKLYN

In case you didn’t get the memo, AfterEllen.com is hosting a gathering (I like to think of it as more of a “happening”) this Saturday from 3:00 to 5:30 p.m. at the illustrious Brooklyn lesbian bar Cattyshack (readers 18 and older are welcome, but ID is required for all). Sarah, Lori and I would love to meet you, so please stop by and say hello! (And yes, we will continue to hold these little get-togethers from time to time in different cities. It’s all part of the AfterEllen.com World Tour.)

The man pictured below will not be coming to the AE gathering. The gopher, however, is a definite maybe.

SHE FEELS FOR US

Funk goddess Chaka Khan has sent AfterEllen.com readers some love in an audio shout out. This week, Khan released her new album, Funk This, and her AE greeting contains samples of that music.

Listen to the shout out here. (Warning: When you click on the link, it will immediately open up as an audio file.)

First Hilary Duff, and now Chaka Khan? I’m not sure how AE became a magnet for the divas (or divas-in-training), but I like it. And I am officially issuing a challenge: Stevie Nicks, we’re waiting …

LESBIAN QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“You gotta love Shane. You just do, you just gotta love her. I relate to her way too much.”

– Melissa Etheridge on her favorite character on The L Word.

TOP CHEF‘S LIA PASSES THE BISEXUAL QUICKFIRE CHALLENGE

Per Dorothy Snarker’s blog, Lia from this season’s Top Chef revealed in her original casting video that she had just ended a six-year relationship with a woman. Sarah had been telling me all the signs were there that Lia played for our team, but I just smiled and nodded politely (I don’t watch the show). Here’s a look at Lia:

“I never identified as gay,” says Lia. “If someone specifically really needs to know, like, how I identify, I would probably say bi. So I just kind of say that I’m attracted to people, not – you know – what is downstairs.”

I can relate – I’m not attracted to what’s downstairs, either. In addition to complaints about my music, my downstairs neighbor smells funny and claims she can hear my cats talking to her.

WONDER TWIN POWERS, ACTIVATE!

The first photo of Portia de Rossi on Nip/Tuck has surfaced; here she is with love interest and annoyingly similar-looking Joely Richardson:

Or maybe this is just a still from a new L’Oreal commercial. I can’t tell.

There’s more news about Portia’s role on Nip/Tuck (warning: spoilers!). Julia (Joely) returns to Miami with her children and an announcement: She’s in a new relationship with Olivia (Portia). Nip/Tuck has officially informed us that Julia (Joely) is living in New York at the beginning of Season 5 and goes to L.A. to visit Sean. (Presumably somewhere in there Portia shows up.) The show’s spokesperson, Scott Seomin, says: “It’s about love and the fluidity of sexuality, not labels. The character that Portia plays is very, very confident, always gets her way and has an answer for everything. This is a really big role. It’s juicy.”

Poor Liz (Roma Maffia), however, may not fare so well. Again. She falls for Olivia, too, and given her track record with women, I think we all know how that’s going to turn out.

SADLY, SARAH PAULSON HAS NOT BEEN CAST IN BRING IT ON 4

On the heels of the news that out(ish) actress Sarah Paulson (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip) will be guest-starring on Desperate Housewives this season, it was announced this week that she will play the true love of a crime-fighting dead man in Will Eisner’s The Spirit (2009), the upcoming movie directed by Frank Miller about the classic comic strip character of the same name.

The hero is a rookie cop (Gabriel Macht), who returns from the dead to fight crime as the Spirit from the shadows of Central City. Playing Dr. Ellen Dolan, the police commissioner’s daughter, Paulson joins a cast that includes Eva Mendes and Scarlett Johansson as femme fatales, and Samuel L. Jackson as the villainous Octopus. Sarah, Eva and Scarlett all in the same movie? That’s a triple dip of epic proportions!

I DO NOT LIKE THAT DRESS IN A BOX. I DO NOT LIKE IT ON A FOX.

The first photos of the Sex in the City movie have been released, and although I’m liking Cynthia Nixon‘s hair better here than it ever looked on the TV shows, what on earth are these women wearing? Miranda’s dress looks like a gold lamé shower curtain!

Here’s Cynthia looking much cuter at a theater event last month in New York:

“LESBIAN” QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“I’ll give you my phone number afterwards, I’m actually very effeminate.”

– singer James Blunt to Ellen, on The Ellen DeGeneres Show this week. Ellen responded, “It’s not going to work. But thanks for trying.”

WHO DO I SUE FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGES?

The fourth season of Boston Legal debuted this week with new cast member Saffron Burrows, and there’s no other way to describe her story line – in which she repeatedly and inexplicably seduces James Spader’s character – except as a crime against humanity. You can see glimpses of one of their elevator trysts in this promo, but don’t say you haven’t been warned:

Look, I like a woman in a power suit as much as the next lesbian, but not when she exists solely to fulfill some bizarre straight male fantasy of hot female lawyers who treat court like a nightclub, complete with using words like “orgasmic” and “hard” in their courtroom summation while glancing seductively at the opposing attorney. Bailiff, please remove this travesty from the courtroom!

Look for more ranting about this by Sarah and Lori in the “Who thought that was a good idea?” section of this weekend’s She Made Me Watch This.

NOW IF ONLY THEY’D MAKE A STAR TREK: VOYAGER GAME THAT LETS YOU HOOK UP WITH SEVEN OF NINE

AfterEllen.com reader Katie L tipped us off that the new Xbox game Mass Effect has a bisexual female character – or rather, if you choose to play as a female character, the game offers the ability to hook up with a female alien:

In an interesting article about the difference between European and American video game ratings, GameSpot reports that the Entertainment Software Ratings Board slapped the game with a M for Mature primarily because of this ability to have hot lesbian alien sex. I give the ratings board an L for Lame.

MARCIA, MARCIA … MARCIA?

This week the internets were abuzz with tawdry rumors about a lesbian affair that reportedly occurred between Maureen McCormick (Marcia) and Eve Plumb (Jan) on the set of The Brady Bunch back in the day.

McCormick is in the process of writing her “tell all” memoir, Here’s the Story, and someone “leaked” the story that the memoir would contain information about their alleged dalliances. The lucky “news” outlet that got the big scoop? The National Enquirer.

A “source” told the Enquirer:

The most explosive comments will be how the then-blonde, blue-eyed cutie developed a crush on Eve Plumb, which led to some sexual play. This book will certainly come as a shocker. While Maureen is not a lesbian, she reveals there were some sexual hijinks going on behind the scenes. It’s bizarre because she played such a virginal character on the show.

That quote set off a firestorm of speculation, resulting in some unwholesome headlines:

  • “Marcia Brady: I had sex with Jan” (miamiherald.com)
  • “Maureen ‘Marcia Brady’ McCormick Reveals Lesbian Incest In New Tell All Book” (thespoof.com)
  • “Marcia Brady aka Maureen McCormick Had Lesbian Sex With Jan!” (2snaps.tv)

Naturally, it turns out that the rumors were untrue, and were eventually debunked by McCormick’s publisher – but not until after they had benefited from a lot of free publicity.

HOW DO YOU SAY “FIERCE” IN NORWEGIAN?

An AE reader (thanks Luna!) let us know that one of the contestants on Norway’s Next Top Model came out on the show last week: 22-year-old Silje from Oslo.

Here’s Silje in a Top Model photo shoot:

In her official bio, Silje is described as: “Silje er en skikkelig guttejente. Hun er makeup-artist og er frisørl?ªrling. På fritiden liker Silje å v?ªre med venner, hun er også interessert i film og trening. Silje har aldri jobbet som modell før, men har alltid hatt lyst til å bli modell. På mammas oppfordring meldte Silje seg på Top Model og nå vil hun se om hun har en fremtid i bransjen.”

The only part of that I understood was “makeup-artist,” but I think the rest roughly translates to, “People tell me that I look like Jake in Sixteen Candles.”

Read more about Silje on this gay Norwegian site.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

Our new women of color vlog is finally live! Malinda and her friend Sarah Pecora posted their first one yesterday, a summer round-up that talks about Girltrash!, Jekyll and Itty Bitty Titty Committee. Look for new episodes weekly on Thursdays.

Yo Majesty has signed a record deal.

Here TV is running a poll this week about which new Dante’s Cove actor you’re most looking forward to, and We’re Getting Nowhere‘s Jill Bennett is currently in the lead. Go here to cast your vote (look for the poll in the lower left corner).

The ensemble romantic drama Feast of Love – which includes a story line about Selma Blair falling for a woman – opens this week. Read what the critics are saying here.

We’ve updated our profile pages! Now when you click on an AfterEllen.com member’s name, you can see their biographical information, their 20 most recent comments, and photos of the first 32 buddies they added – which will make it that much easier for you to judge people by their friends. Yes, it’s just like high school. A high school full of gym teachers.

That’s it for this week! Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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