As awkward and disorienting as it was to watch The Real L Word‘s Whitney propose Sara/Sada at a new age spiritual healing party, I was actually happy to witness the engagement because I think it’s a sign of progress on the marriage equality front. Not too many years ago, two women who wanted to tie the knot would have quietly agreed to do so in the privacy of their own home, and then consummated the “marriage” in a lawyer’s office over some power of attorney documents.
Now, gay and lesbian couples are embracing all of the trappings of marriage — big parties, traditional attire, wedding registries and lavish proposals. That lesbians are proposing to one another in big, public ways is a definite signal that we don’t intend to sit at the back of the marriage bus any longer. We’re here, we’re queer and we’re going to bore our friends to death with awkward engagement stories, just like straight people have been doing for centuries.
While the faux healing circle turned marriage proposal made me cringe, I give Whitney credit for putting so much thought into how she would pop the question. If you’re looking for a clever way to put a ring on your lady’s left finger, I’ve got a few romantic ideas to inspire you.
On the beach
Sure, it’s been done a thousand times before, but I think a proposal on the beach is timeless and romantic. There’s something about waves crashing on the sand and the sun setting into water that just never gets old. Add to that some bling and the love of your life down on one knee, and you’ve got a winning engagement story. One of my straight friend’s husbands took her for a walk on the beach to propose. He had written, “Will you marry me?” in the sand with a stick. She said yes, and they have an adorable photo of the message in the sand that they can treasure forever.
Make it a really good morning
I’ve always dreamed about the idea of waking up to find a diamond ring on my finger. (I have one now, so my dream comes true every morning!). If your girl is a sound sleeper, slip a ring on her finger while she’s asleep and pop the question with breakfast in bed when she wakes up. Bonus: You’ll already be in the perfect place to, um, celebrate your engagement.
Go back to the beginning
No one ever forgets the place where she had her first date with The One. Whether your first date was at the burger joint down the street, a concert venue, a scenic park or even your local gay bar, going back to where your love began is the perfect backdrop for a proposal.
Catch her off guard
Proposals in fancy restaurants are a dime a dozen. How many diamond rings have been stuffed into desserts and delivered to women who probably knew they were coming? If you really want to knock your lady’s socks off, pop the question when she least expects it. This tactic works especially well if you’ve been together for a while and have already talked about marriage (i.e. — she’s waiting for you to put a ring on it). I think it’s particularly sweet to weave a proposal into a mundane task. Remember the Sex and the City episode where Aidan proposed to Carrie Bradshaw by asking her if she had a baggie for dog poop? Granted, the marriage didn’t work out, but how cute was the proposal? Take a cue from Aidan and get down on one knee while she’s loading the dishwasher or surprise her with a diamond ring while you’re brushing your teeth together in your jammies one Sunday morning.
Instant engagement party
Public engagements aren’t for everyone. Having an audience puts a lot of pressure on both parties and turns a special private moment into a very public one. That said, when you get engaged, a strong primal urge to tell everyone you know may take over your body. If you’re very, very certain your girlfriend is going to become your fiancée, consider gathering your close family and friends for dinner or a cocktail party. Pop the question in private and then whisk her away to the pre-planned party where she can show off her new bling.
What’s your engagement story?
