Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (July 21, 2006)

AND WITH SONG TITLES LIKE "PROMISCUOUS" AND "MANEATER", SHE'S ALREADY EMBRACING HER INNER BISEXUAL STEREOTYPE
Portuguese-Canadian singer Nelly Furtado--who broke out in 2000 with hit singles "I'm Like a Bird" and "Turn Out the Light", and whose new album, Loose, has already produced the hit singles "Promiscuous" and "Maneater"--was recently asked by Genre magazine if she was attracted to women, to which she gave this response:

"Absolutely. Women are beautiful and sexy. It is interesting, because I’m reading a book about Chinese medicine, which claims that people are inherently bisexual to balance their energies. And, in a way, that makes so much sense. As humans we have both male and female energies. I believe in Kurt Cobain’s statement that, in the end, everyone is gay. Everybody should have the freedom to experiment. I believe sexual experimentation is part of human history."

It's always nice to see more women publicly embracing bisexuality, and I think Nelly Furtado is actually kinda cool, but forgive me if I'm a little skeptical of what appears to be yet another celebrity waxing on about how she's attracted to women, while never actually dating them. I can elaborate on the wonders of beets and lima beans, but that doesn't make me a vegetarian, now does it?

OPRAH AND GAYLE: SITTING IN A TREE, NOT K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Lesbian rumors have long dogged Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King, who have been friends for 30 years, talk four times a day, and frequently travel together. The two friends finally decided to address the issue head on in a conversation written up in the August issue of Oprah's magazine O.

"I understand why people think we're gay", said Oprah. "There isn't a definition in our culture for this kind of bond between women. So I get why people have to label it--how can you be this close without it being sexual?" Gayle, who is divorced, said the rumors used to bother her, because "it's hard enough to get a date on Saturday night", but she doesn't care anymore. "If we were gay, we would tell you", said Gayle, "because there's nothing wrong with being gay." Oprah agreed, saying: "People think I'd be so ashamed of being gay that I wouldn't admit it? Oh, please."

Then Gayle said, "if Oprah was a man, I'd marry her". But Oprah was like, "Um, no offense, but if I was a man, I'd marry Halle Barry" and Gayle goes, "Who wouldn't? She's hot! I wouldn't kick her out of bed for making Catwoman" And then Oprah was like, "What about Marg Helgenberger? She can investigate me anytime!" and Gayle was like...oh, just read the transcript for yourself here.

I SEE BAD BISEXUAL STEREOTYPES
Lifetime debuted Angela's Eyes this week, its new crime drama about a young female FBI agent who can tell when people are lying. No, there are no actual lesbian or bisexual characters among the cast, but don't worry, there is a fantastically accurate and original plot involving bisexual women in the pilot.

Here's the setup: a devoted wife and mother goes missing and is assumed to be dead, and the husband--who recently discovered he has a grown daughter he never knew about--is the chief suspect. Turns out, the wife/mother left her husband and young son to run off with the long-lost daughter, who--you guessed it--was never his daughter at all, but the wife's lover. It was all an elaborate scam cooked up by the women to bilk the husband of his money.

Bisexual women willing to deceive, betray, and abandon those who love them? Sounds about par for the TV course. Frankly, it's amazing bisexual women can even hold down jobs, with all the time they spend abandoning their children and scamming straight men. When they're not killing them or having threesomes, that is.

DEADWOOD DELIVERS?
On this Sunday's episode of the HBO Old West drama Deadwood, "Unauthorized Cinnamon", there's finally going to be some intimacy between foul-mouthed horsewoman Calamity Jane (Robin Weigert) and the town madame, Joanie Stubbs (Kim Dickens). The series has hinted at Joanie's alternative sexuality in the past, and now that Deadwood has been canceled, perhaps the writers plan to develop this side of her more. That's still not enough to get me to watch the show, but one TV viewer's dust bowl of violence and poor hygiene is another viewer's treasure!