Oh,
my. Raise Arthur Miller and Rebecca Nurse from
the dead. I saw Goody Clinton with the devil!
Wait,
you evil lesbians, there’s more: “…the
culture of lesbianism has influenced Hillary’s political
goals and personal life since she was a student at Wellesley,
an elite college near Boston, from 1965 to 1969…There
was a long tradition of lesbianism at
Wellesley,” he writes. “At least two women
who were close to Hillary would become out-of-the-closet
lesbians.”
Gasp.
Lesbians
at Wellesley? Two? Ha-ha-ha-ha-HA!
Edward
Klein’s agenda is as obvious as the strings that run
from his keyboard to the most homophobic offices of the
Republican National Committee, and back again. We know that
Klein wrote his latest book to discredit Hillary Clinton,
and we know that one way he chose to discredit her in that
book is by implying that she’s a lesbian. He does
so absurdly, in my opinion, but a little absurdity never
seems to trouble the folks most likely to buy Klein’s
book.
As
a whole, lesbians have always been objects of straight male
entertainment and ridicule — if guys aren’t
jerking off to us, they’re beating us down. And straight
women aren’t exactly lining up to defend us. It’s
the end--not the means--these folks are interested in. Only
the same people who make the grand mental leap from same-sex
marriage to man-beagle nuptial bliss could morph Hillary
Clinton into a lesbian and all lesbians into Satanettes,
and be proud of it.
Klein’s
publisher isn’t disturbed by the gay-baiting absurdity
in their latest offer either. The conservative Sentinel
imprint of Penguin Putnam angles in right on the money shot
with their promotion: “Just as the Swift Boat Veterans
convinced millions of voters that John Kerry lacked the
character to be president, Klein’s book will influence
everyone who is sizing up the character of Hillary Clinton.”
Today
it’s not only detestable to be a lesbian, it’s
offensive to know a lesbian. Operation “Cooties”
has swung into action! Quick, get your shot or you’ll
have to kiss my little brother at the Republican Convention!
Unless
you’ve been enjoying some time off in another
galaxy for the past few years, you know that in America,
in these mature times, real lesbians are bad--very bad.
You don’t need Edward Klein to tell you that we’re
immoral man-haters. You already know from Senator Rick Santorum,
congresswoman Marilyn Musgrave, Jerry Falwell, and all their
political and “family”-friendly cohorts that
it’s just a matter of time before we track down America’s
most wholesome families, suck all the goodness from their
hearts and bodies and steal their kids’ milk money.
It won’t be long before terrified five-year-olds wake
up their parents in the middle of the night screaming, “Mommy,
mommy, there’s a lesbian under my bed!
That
much I know.
But
what I don’t know is what “wifely instincts”
are. I have an idea, though, and it makes me want to gargle
and send everyone I know a copy of The Handmaid’s
Tale.
If
Mr. Klein can’t stand the thought of Hillary being
called Madame President, if he’d rather she be known
as “Ofbill” throughout the land, he should have
the balls to say so, instead of beating-off his insinuations
around the lesbian bush, so to speak.
Wifely
instincts. My God. His family must be proud.
Klein
and his ilk give me the creeps. I’ve had it with all
the garbage I’ve heard about the “sanctity of
marriage” and “one-man, one-woman”…blah,
blah, blah. And Mr. Klein’s spin on it just makes
me want to puke.
