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Don’t Quote Me: Straight Girls Happen
by Kim Ficera, October 5, 2005

Sara on America's Next Top Model

SARAH: “I don’t know any full-blown lesbians, but I’m open about everything.”
(The next day…)
KIM (to Sarah, who is crying): “You’re a beautiful girl.”
SARAH: “You think I’m beautiful, Kim?”
KIM: “ Ye--”
(Pounce! Slurp, slobber, slurp…)
KIM (up for air and smiling): “One down, eleven to go!”

-- Kim and Sarah, two contestants on America’s Next Top Model, consoling one another in a limo after being told their fashion show sucked.

Straight girls happen.

And they happen to plenty of lesbians — “full blown” lesbians — the kind you’d find at Dinah Shore, not the Jersey Shore

Time will tell how “open” Top Model cast member Sarah really is. She’s eager and aggressive, that’s for sure, and she doesn’t seem at all interested in using the convenient, virtue-saving excuses many straight reality show contestants fall back on to escape an authentic plunge into lesbianism: ‘I have a boyfriend back home,’ or ‘Really? I kissed you? That was the tequila, not me!’

It will be interesting to see if Sarah backs off or if she chooses to crawl between Kim’s sheets and legs without the help of Jose Cuervo, a horny male audience, or crazy Jay’s insults. But it will be even more interesting to see if any of her fellow models follow her lead.

Granted, it’s early in the season, but it seems to me that Kim’s got something more than Charlize Theron-like beauty and a mouth that’s an invitation to heaven — she’s got a masculine innocence. She’s fragile, yet she drips sex. And she leaves a trail. I suspect that someone other than Sarah’s going to want a piece of her.

The other contestants might be a little slow supervene, but there are many weeks left on America’s Next Top Model and many limo rides still to be had.

I mention the limo rides because, judging from my own experiences and the stories I’ve heard from other well-taxied lesbians, there’s something about a limo that transforms housewives and beauty queens into lesbian-seeking missiles once their asses hit the huge back seat. Snoop Dogg and all the motorheads at MTV can eat their hearts out, because I’d bet them and every straight girl who’s ever locked lips with me in a limo that it was a lesbian who coined the phrase, “Pimp my ride.”

A stretch limo is a world all its own, with an open bar, music and enough room to play Twister, naked if you want. In a limo, straight women are free to indulge in activities they otherwise can’t with their high heels stuck in the muck of straight ground.

While being whisked away by lesbians to places only limos go and mini-vans aren’t allowed, soccer moms can sip champagne and fuck their brains out beneath a small disco ball and while floating on tar. On a stretch of highway that lies somewhere between a bake sale and multiple orgasms, straight women can see out, but unsuspecting husbands and boyfriends can’t see in.

And that’s a shame in a way, because one of things straight women crave most from the men in their lives is inside that limo: Seduction.

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