Readers, I am not trying to dwell on the royal wedding. Truly, I am not. Yes, I did dedicate my entire last column to it, and yes, I am bringing it up again today. But, that is only because I have something very important to share with you: I’m pretty sure Prince William is, in fact, a lesbian.
Scandal! I know. You’re probably wondering how I’ve become privy to such information. And, I will tell you, it was actually quite easy to deduce. Actually, the writing was on the wall: He invited four – count ‘em – four ex-girlfriends to his wedding!
Prince William’s former flames in attendance on the big day included his first girlfriend Rose Farquhar and Arabella Musgrave, who he dated at St. Andrews before he met Kate. Also on the guest list were Jecca Craig and Isabella Anstruther-Gough-Galthorpe, both of whom have been romantically connected to the Prince.
Reports and commentary about Wills inviting his ex-girlfriends to the wedding have made mention of the fact that as royalty, he necessarily runs in a small and incestuous circle of other high-society royals. He can’t just go around playing polo and drinking tea with commoners (well, except for Kate). What they’re saying is that his social circle is so inherently limited that if he eliminated everyone with whom he’s ever had a romantic connection from the guest list, he’d have virtually no one left to invite to his wedding.
Does this sound vaguely familiar to anyone? That’s what I thought. As far as small and incestuous social circles are concerned, I think we lesbians could give young royals a run for their money. I personally have never met a single lesbian who is not friends with at least one of her ex-girlfriends. And, I know many lesbians who consider an ex to be their best friend, share pets and property, and remain in one another’s lives long after the romantic relationship has ended.
So, I have to wonder, should we, like the future King of England, go ahead and invite our ex-girlfriends to our weddings?
No matter how long ago you may have broken up or how amicable the split was, it is unlikely that your friendships with exes are completely drama-free. So, before you decide to include former lovers in your big day, consider some of the unforeseen complications that could arise.
Obviously, the first person you want to consult is the one who you are about to marry. She should get a say – actually, straight-up veto power, if you ask me. Jealousy and resentment will probably not get your marriage off to a good start.
If you are truly friends with your ex, you’ll also want to consider her feelings. Even if she’s cool hanging out with you and your fiancé from time to time, she may feel very differently when she sees you looking stunning and marching down the aisle to marry someone else. In all likelihood, you and your former lady love discussed marriage at some point (you know, on your fourth date). And, here you are years (months?) later – you two have broken up, gay marriage is legal in a few places, and you’re tying the knot with a new lady. That may be a party she’d rather miss. So before you assume that your ex is as thrilled about your upcoming nuptials as you are, ask her if she wants to be there. If you sense that she’s uncomfortable, give her an easy out.
Of course, I know there are probably plenty of you out there who have actually reached that elevated state that only lesbians can reach – you really, truly are close friends with someone you used to date and neither of you is harboring romantic feelings for the other. You’re close, but you don’t cross lines. You can finish each other’s sentences, but you refrain, especially when you’re on double dates with your new girlfriends. Congratulations, you can invite your old flame to your wedding and expect support – not drama.
Now, all you have to worry about are your friends, who are inevitably going to run into some former loves or one-night stands on the dance floor. Just explain to them that like poor Prince William, when you run in a small and incestuous circle, such complex social situations are basically unavoidable. Be sure to keep the bar open during dinner to help your pals make it through any awkward run-ins, and look at the bright side – no one will say your wedding was dull.
Will your exes be on the guest list when you get married?