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“Chicago Fire” recap (2.2): “Packing all weekend”

Previously on Chicago Fire, Shay helped Severide count to 40 weeks, Dawson and Casey admitted how much they love being friends who have eye sex like a couple of rabbits, Mouch announced his run for Union President, Mills continued pouting because he blew it with Dawson, lost his spot on Squad to a mole, and is still a little pissed that Boden and his mom made the beast with two backs. Heather Darden celebrated the death of her husband the old fashioned way, by getting loaded and driving into a tree. The mean consultant, Gail McLeod, is out to shut down Boden’s fire house, and someone set Severide’s beautiful Camaro, and half of Chicago, on fire.

Severide walks out into the light and finds Renee arriving on his doorstep, pregnant and insanely gorgeous. She’s happy to see him because her mom made her watch The Business of Being Born 17 times while she was Out of Town. She grabs his hand so he can feel the baby kick. He’s really more of a baseball player type so the kicking makes him realize, as Shay’s arithmetic lesson couldn’t, that the kid isn’t his. He does the adult thing and makes a lame excuse about being late for work and runs away.

Somewhere across town, Casey is having a hard time with a couple kids who aren’t his, too. The Darden boys are hungry, still wearing their PJs, and dropping beer bottles on the floor. Casey is in way over his head. Thank god for Gabriella Dawson, who drops by bearing granola bars and the foolproof plan of telling kids to hurry because they are being timed. The boys scamper off while Casey tells Dawson he hopes Heather gets out of jail soon because when he said he was ready for kids, he meant cute little babies, not the beer-bashing, smart-mouthed, brothers Darden.

Severide is a man with a plan. Maybe he can’t count to 40 weeks or control the results of the paternity test for Renee’s spawn, but, dammit, he can solve the arson case with intuition and a very official looking folder. He knows who it is! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! The arsonist is a guy Benny Severide put away when he was on Squad. Clearly, he’s the one who has it in for Kelly. The investigator humors Severide who skips out the door whistling “Zip A Dee Do Dah.”

Evil Gail McLeod is in the Chief’s office, verbally kicking his ass, and making his blood pressure go through the roof. She offers to get someone to come input data into “The Wizard” for him if he can’t manage to do it himself. Oh man, she is delightfully evil.

Down in the garage Shay spots Severide and wanders over to remind him that they need to move out of their apartment. He says it’s no problem because he and Renee can finish packing over the weekend. Shay asks if that means he talked to Renee about the baby and Severide gets defensive. He tells Shay that Renee only got back to town a few hours ago and to give him a break. But his face says “I just want to hold on to this baby dream for a little longer, OK?”

Upstairs everyone is lining up for food (and a timely reminder that Mills’ family has a restaurant). They’re chatting about how Casey would have sent the Darden boys to school in their PJs, smelling like a frat basement, if Dawson hadn’t shown up to rescue him. Shay and Dawson engage in a little breakfast eye shagging as they momentarily reminisce about that time they had some beer and ended up in their jammies. But it’s ocular coitus interruptus because the gang gets called out.

The call is for a car accident involving a house that fell off a flatbed. Under the house is the wicked witch. Well, no, but there are two motorcyclists who got trapped when the thing came off the truck. While Severide goes all HGTV on the house to pull the guys out, Casey and Dawson track down an adorable kid who jumped out of the back of the second car and hid.

Back at the firehouse, Boden is getting his ass handed to him by The Wizard. While he’s trying to sort out McLeod’s computer program, Herrmann and Mouch are working on a campaign strategy. Apparently, Mouch is the most valuable commodity in this campaign. God, they’re screwed.

The lady who was supposed to take care of the Darden boys has arrived to drop the buggers off because her daughter is sick. Griffin won’t come in because he’s still pissed that his dad died in a fire. Ben has no such qualms and enjoys being escorted in by Dawson (smart boy). Severide picks him up (causing millions of straight ladies to have spontaneous ovary explosions) and shows Ben the map of all the houses in their area. While staring at the map, Severide goes all John Nash and his beautiful mind realizes something. Griffin tells Casey that this place is bullshit and he wants to go home. Casey figures he can buy a little good will with a sandwich on the pier. Maybe you should get Dawson to say it. It might work better if you pair your words and her, ummm, face. Meanwhile, Ben is getting to break the rules by going up on the ladder. Ruh roh, Clark the narc is watching.

Severide is up in his office doing some paperwork when Renee comes in bearing gifts. She holds up a firefighter costume and Severide barely looks at her. He tells her that he loves her but is there anyway that there’s a Spaniard in her womb? She slaps him and storms out. I’m not sure he quite deserved the slap but it was satisfying anyway.

The Chief follows up the slap by telling Severide the cops have the Big John the arsonist (not to be confused with Lil’ Jon the rapper), in custody. Severide runs down the station only to find out they have nothing tying the guy to the fires. Big John chirps at Severide who shoves him and gets an earful from the investigator. Not the best day for Severide.

Ladies, sit down for this next bit. Are you sitting? Good, because this is not a drill, Shay and Dawson are showering together. Well, together in separate shower stalls, but who is keeping track. Dawson says Renee sure looked pissed when she stormed out of the firehouse. Shay says, “I know, it was kind of hot.” She worries that maybe she got the math wrong (you didn’t) because she’s not an obstetrician. Shay, you’re being modest. I’m sure you’ve delivered a baby or two as a paramedic and, frankly, I feel confident that you are an expert when it comes to the relevant area.

While Cruz and Otis bang on the door to get in (not very gentlemanly, boys) the ladies chit chat about how they both need to make out more. Sorry, that’s not what they said? Fine, they need to get out more because having your social life revolve around firehouse 51 and Matthew Casey is not getting it done.

Severide meets with his dad, Bad News Benny, and they talk about the arsons. Benny doesn’t think Big John is the right guy. Kelly gets pissed and tells his dad that he’s wrong. Benny pats Kelly on the head and humors him.

Cruz is flirting with Otis’ cousin at Molly’s but Otis can’t kick him out because he’s their only customer. Mr. Long Island Ice Tea is back and flirts a little with Dawson. She asks him to a scotch tasting and the dipshit pauses. Are the men on this show blind or just monumentally stupid? He says yes but the next day Dawson tells Shay that there was a definitely hesitation. Guys, if a woman who looks like Dawson asks you out, you say yes and then roll over and thank your lucky stars. Anyway, Dawson tells Shay she should come and bring someone. Shay says no because she’ll be “packing all weekend.” Girl, if you find the right date you can go to the tasting and still spend your weekend “packing” with a friend. Ahem.

Shay’s phone rings and Dawson asks who Amy R. is. She’s the realtor who has been showing Shay apartment and maybe hitting on her. Dawson laughs about how shitty Shay is at sorting out who is gay and who is just your typical, friendly, softball player. This is a fair point considering how Shay overestimated the lesbianism of several of her lady lovers last season.

They arrive at their call to find a lady who “fell down the stairs” and her polo and sweater-wearing husband. Since he’s wearing the uniform of every asshole in an ’80s movie, the women are appropriately suspicious. The lady’s brother walks in and starts beating the crap out of the husband. Shay gets chucked against a wall because no one has tried to kill her yet this episode.

Back at the house, Narcy Clarky is on the phone with McLeod telling her that she’s put him in a tough situation. Mills walks in and Clark takes off. Mills tells Casey there’s something up with Clark and Casey calls him out for being jealous that Clark has his spot on Squad. The campaign brain trust is working on Mouch’s stump speech. After a bumpy start, he gets it and Herrmann is thrilled to take the show on a barnstorming trip through every firehouse in the city.

Casey and Dawson are in his living room talking about how Friday is going to be his last night with the Darden boys and would Dawson like to come over, have some Chinese food, and watch a movie? She shoots him the most delightful, mischievous smirk, and says she can’t because she has a dinner thing. Casey covers his embarrassment by trying to be a supportive friend. You choked dude, you kissed her on the cheek and blew your chance.

Antonio drops by to say that Heather’s friend died and now she’s looking at a manslaughter charge. Casey meets with Heather at the jail. Heather tells him that she took a plea deal and will be in for 15 months rather than risking a longer sentence. Orange is the new black and Darden is the new daffodil. She asks Casey to take care of the boys while she’s gone. So, Casey is the new Larry? God I hope not, that guy is a schmoe. Casey tells the firehouse that the Darden kids will be living with him for the next 15 months or so and asks for help. Everyone rallies and promises to help.

Herrmann is taking the Mouch show to another firehouse. Mouch starts off rattled because he doesn’t have his lucky stool and things get worse from there. He drops his note cards and fumbles over his words. The only good thing that happens is when the alarm rings and everyone has to leave. Saved by the bell, Mouch.

Shay and Amy R., the realtor who flies under the gaydar, are checking out an apartment. Amy says “here’s the bedroom where we’d have sex” but Shay can’t tell if Amy’s gay or not. I think it’s the jacket. That WASP suit jacket has jammed gaydars for decades. Shay tries a few awkward but very subtle maneuvers like asking if Amy has an ex-husband, if she’s a top or a bottom, and if she likes to #BooRadleyVanCullen. Shay you adorable little Dana Fairbanks. You should have asked Renee to lend you Shane for a little undercover, soup chef, mission. In a pinch, I bet Dawson and the boys would help you out too.

Renee is packing her clothes when Severide gets to his room. She says she had a test done and the baby belongs to the Spaniard she had a one night stand with when she was abroad. She’s sad and he’s sad and it’s all around a bummer of a scene. I know Sarah Shahi has a new gig, and I know I wanted the baby storyline to end, but her face is just so sad.

Back at the firehouse Shay asks if there is anything she can do. Severide just needs a place to live and she happens to have an in with a realtor. She say they can take the three bedroom Amy showed her and everything will be okay. Shayveride forever. We interrupt this hug to go fight a fire at Mills’ family restaurant. When they get there the place is up in flames but no one is inside. Instead of heeding the Chief’s call to stay out, Mills goes rushing in to get his dad’s medals. He gets the medals and an earful from his mom and Boden for being a stupid prat for trying to get himself killed. Mills hands Boden one of the wire sculptures. I’m no expert but that’s not a Calder, and this wasn’t a kitchen fire.

Back at the firehouse Gail McLeod is waiting for everyone. She tells everyone that allowing visitors to the house, especially kids, to ride on the trucks is a violation of policy and a huge liability. Herrmann smells a Clark-shaped rat. Everyone gets together to brainstorm who is setting the fires. Severide uses his beautiful mind to conclude that it’s a firefighter who is targeting their house by torching the most dangerous buildings in their district. Hmm who hates everyone in their house, especially Mills and Severide?

At Casey’s home for lost boys, he explains to the Darden boys that they will be staying with him for a while. He says their mom can’t come home but they can go visit her. Casey assures them that he and the rest of the firefighters from 51 are going to take good care of them (just like they took good care of their dad).

Dawson and her date are back at the bar and she scurries off to get some fancy cognac to share with Mr. Iced Tea. While she’s gone he ups his sketchy cred by checking out what’s in her cash register (not in a dirty way). This dude and his girls drinks can’t be trusted. Come on Dawson! You and Shay are dating disasters, maybe you should just date each other.

The episode ends with Severide sauntering into a bar to find Hadley drinking alone. You may remember Hadley as the charming racist who called Mills a “mutt” last season and got fired. He’s been having trouble getting any work since then. Severide asks if that’s why Hadley’s setting fires. Hadley finds this amusing and dares Severide to prove it. Severide tells him he’s going to and marches out.

All right, this was one of my favorite episodes so far. What did you think?

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