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Chaz Bono talks about his new documentary, getting engaged and dancing

Fresh off a run on Dancing with the Stars, in which he was widely praised for his audience appeal, Chaz Bono is gearing up for the premiere of Being Chaz, a new documentary special on OWN. Viewers may be familiar with Becoming Chaz, a documentary that chronicled his physical transition. The new special follows Chaz as he jumps into his new life — and his girlfriend Jen Elia as she adjusts to having a boyfriend. It also shows Chaz’s preparation for Dancing with the Stars and the insane swirl of bile and death threats that followed the announcement that he would be on the show.

As if he isn’t already busy enough, Chaz took some time to talk to the media in a group interview about all that and then some.

On the difficulties of participating in a documentary about your own life:

I think the second one was actually a little bit harder, just because of the way we made it. We kind of had less time and so we packed more into it. And we shot it during kind of a crazy time in my life. …I didn’t anticipate a lot of the stuff that happened during that time would happen. …The thing about any kind of documentary is that you never know what’s going to happen in your life during any period and that there are cameras there and they’re going to catch it. I think that’s the great thing about the medium, but it can also be a hard thing for the subject.

And, indeed, it can also be hard on the subject’s relationship, as Chaz was all too well aware:

It’s hard for me to explain… Jen and I are really different people, and we always handled things really differently. And I think that Jen kind of started to feel some pressure in what was happening with my life and kind of my public profile getting a little bigger and also with, you know, having cameras and stuff on us.

Bono admitted that his own life in the spotlight as the child of an entertainment power couple made his decision to transition even more difficult for a long time:

If I could have done it privately, I would have, and probably would have done it a long time ago. But when I finally did get comfortable, I wanted to tell my story my way and I didn’t want other people to tell it for me. I wanted to try and help people in the process.

Bono is aware of his position as the public face of the transgender community, but is careful not to put himself forward as the unofficial trans spokesman:

I always just really try to tell my story and put forth my experiences, because the trans community is very diverse and encompasses so much. So I could never – one person could never represent our community. I certainly couldn’t do that. I just try to share my experience and I hope that it’s relatable and understandable to people. …A lot of what I do is just to try and open up discussions on what it means to be transgender. I think there are so many misconceptions of that in our society and there are, you know, not a lot of transgender people in comparison to, say, gay and lesbian people. So there’s not as much information.

One of my goals is to keep being out there and to keep the discussion moving forward.

Chaz pointed out that visibility can make all the difference:

When I was a kid, I knew about gay and lesbian people and that was really helpful to me to a certain extent, but I had no idea anything about being transgender, or that it was even an option that one could transition. So, in any forum, if I had grown up with being able to see transgender people on television – we didn’t have the internet back then, you know – that would have really been the thing that would have made a big difference for me.

(To help with that, Chaz did note that he made an It Gets Better video.)

Bono’s advice to trans kids who may not have support at home:

You know, I get these types of questions a lot, and it’s so hard, because it’s such an individual issue. And I guess the only thing I can say is to use the Internet to try and get more information and to try to find some support and some resources. But it’s, you know, it is really hard.

Thank God there are a lot of parents who are starting to deal with this issue with their kids and support their kids. Unfortunately, there are other kids and other parents who don’t get it at all. And I would never want to give advice that would put a child or a teen in danger. It wouldn’t make sense.

On his relationship with the lesbian community since his transition:

I can only really comment on how it’s changed with individuals – lesbian friends and my new life. It hasn’t changed at all. I have a lot of very close friends that are lesbians. And I haven’t lost any of them as a result of transitioning.

So, it’s hard. I mean, I don’t really have a gauge of the larger lesbian community, but I think that probably there’s just still not a full understanding that sexual orientation and gender identity are two different things. And I kind of mistakenly thought when I was younger and coming out that I was a lesbian because I knew about gay and lesbian people. I grew up around gay and lesbian people. You know, that was very comfortable and something I understood.

And later in life, I realized that wasn’t what the issue was, but it was an issue of my gender identity.

So, my transition was in no way a slap in the face to the lesbian community or anything. I just realized that wasn’t what the issue was until I didn’t get the comfort that somebody who is a lesbian would get by coming out.

On the biggest misconception about the transgender community:

Well, I think first of all, there are a lot of people who don’t understand the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. So I think that would be the first one – people thinking that transgender people are just like gay people, only more so. And then I guess the other thing would be that there’s some type of mental illness that is behind feeling uncomfortable with your physical gender.

The most difficult obstacle to transitioning:

I think that the hardest thing for me was to stop worrying about everybody else’s needs and start worrying about my own, really. You know, I’ve always been the classic people-pleaser, which is not a good way to go through life. I had so many fears about what people would think of me if I transitioned and I it took me a long time to work through all of that, but I was finally able to do that, and it made all the difference in my life.

His relationship with his father’s side of the family:

I’m very close to his side of the family. (Mary) and I and my brother and sister – I see them as much as I possibly can, and they have been just incredibly supportive of me from the time I told them that I was planning on transitioning. They were there for me 100%. So, we’re very tight with them.

On his mother Cher’s coming to terms with his gender:

I don’t think it’s ever been about changing her mind, or that she has any kind of fundamental difficulty with transgender people in any way. I think it’s just difficult for parents. I think for my mom, she had ideas of who her daughter was going to be even before I was born. And so it’s a tremendous loss for parents, and there’s a grieving process that happens. And then, I think, over time things become better and more comfortable. And so nothing specifically happened. Time has happened.

On the wave of bigotry that was inspired by his entry on Dancing with the Stars:

I didn’t watch any of that or look at any of those things. I’ve been doing LGBT activism for a long time now – since 1995 – and I’ve gone up against people like Jerry Falwell and stuff like that.

So dealing with that kind of controversy isn’t really new to me and it was pretty easy to let that roll off my back. I think that any pressure I felt was pressure because of the support that I was getting. I got so much support and response to that that I did feel a lot of pressure and I wanted to do a good job because I knew people were supporting me and there for me, and I didn’t want to let anybody down.

Oh, did you think we were done talking about Dancing with the Stars? Please:

It’s great. I mean it’s really, you know, I had such a good time doing the show and the finale is – I’m really excited, because I get to dance and I don’t have to stand in front of the judges afterwards, which is the worst part of it.

So, I can just have a good time. So I’m excited. I’ve got a rehearsal this afternoon; I had rehearsal last week. It’s great to see everybody, and it’s great to be dancing.

It’s mentally and physically the toughest job I’ve ever done. You really can’t understand it until you do it. And I think one of the nice things about doing a documentary on OWN is that you do get a nice behind the scenes look at what it’s really like.

But, yes, physically, I was able to have some time to do some stuff to physically get prepared a little bit, and I knew it was going to be incredibly physically challenging, but nothing can prepare you for the sheer terror of dancing live on television in front of 20 million viewers.

On Hope Solo’s controversial departure from the show:

Hope is a friend of mine, and I haven’t had a chance to talk to her since she did the show. I can tell you that the longer you’re on, the more you get involved with it, and it takes over your life and it becomes like your whole world. So it gets harder and harder to deal with some of the things on there.

And for me, there was always a kind of greater mission I was on as an activist and having this opportunity to let such a large number of people get to know me a little bit. That was always my goal. …I don’t know what Hope’s was. Again, I haven’t talked to her, so I’m not going to criticize any of her behavior. For me, that wouldn’t have served to my purposes.

On the sexist, gender-normative biases of Dancing with the Stars (You will never guess who asked that question.):

Well, I mean, again, that is ballroom dancing, you know? I know that there’s been talk about at some point maybe doing a same-sex couple, but even that within strictly the confines of ballroom dancing will put that couple at a disadvantage just physically.

But for me, I felt fine. I mean, look, I’m a pretty traditional person and I feel clearly male, and my attraction is to females. So for me, I think it worked pretty well. I know that Carson was able to kind of get creative with some of his dances that were traditionally about tension or romance between a man and a woman and since he didn’t have that – I remember one of his dances that was about coveting his partner’s shoe versus her, which I thought was kind of genius. We were all so impressed with the creativity that he was able to bring to his numbers.

On judge Bruno Tonioli’s critiques, which often contained insults about Bono’s appearance:

Entertainment Weekly actually did a good article about it. Not just me, but other shows where there are judges and stuff like that. I think the judges are in a position of ultimately – and the producers and everything – ultimately this is about entertainment. And that is the first thing on their minds when they’re doing their job on the show. It’s about entertaining the audience.

And I think sometimes that can be at odds with thinking about the contestants’ feelings, and I’d like to see it reach a way to do both.

I think anybody who’s doing any type of TV contest at this point – and certainly on Dancing with the Stars – I can tell you that from the time that I did the show, I didn’t do anything else, and it became my whole life, and I dedicated myself absolutely, 100%.

And so, when I’m giving that much, I expect back at least being treated with some respect, because I’m putting so much into this. So I would hope that on really any show that judges would find a way to try to entertain, but also remember they’re dealing with a human being who is putting everything they can into what they’re doing.

On his overall Dancing with the Stars experience:

You know, everything to me was really good about the show. I love the camaraderie with all of the other cast members and the pro dancers. We were an extremely close group of people, and I definitely have made lifelong friends from doing the show.

I loved – not always at the time that it was happening – the opportunity to overcome things that you don’t think you can overcome, both physically and emotionally. You know, it’s really invaluable when it’s over, because you’re like, “Wow, I got through that. I can kind of get through anything.”

I left definitely having more confidence in myself than when I started. I’ve talked to other people who have been asked to do the show, who have thought about it, and it’s something that I would recommend wholeheartedly to anybody. Because I do think it’s a life-changing experience, and I think if you really give into the process and you really have the time to dedicate to it, you’re going to come out of there with something special. You know, experiences really will change your life.

On the lessons Chaz has learned from his transformation:

It took me a long time to find the courage to just be myself and I think that a lot of people struggle with that in different forms in being themselves, or going for their dreams, or, you know, something of that nature – the job they really want to do.

In so many ways, try to do it safe or what we think society wants us to do. And we’re the ones who really suffer for it. And so, what I got was, when I found the courage to be myself, I actually started to transition. My whole life opened up. For the first time in my whole life I’m really comfortable and happy.

And so I think you’ve just got to let the fear go and do what you want, and be who you want to be, and do what you want to do. I guess that would be my message. Stop worrying about what other people think and just make yourself happy.

Being Chaz premieres at 8 p.m. Eastern/Pacific on November 27 following an encore presentation of Becoming Chaz at 6 p.m.

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