Celebrity couple name fusions, or uninames, are ubiquitous, if not completely predictable, these days. Ever since someone with attention deficit created the monster of “Bennifer,” we haven’t been able to escape the Brangelinas, TomKats and Spederlines of the world, or at least Hollywood. It’s even too difficult to say well-known fictional couples’ names separately. Spashley, Tibette and Foreteen are a few examples we’re all pretty familiar with.
Clearly, this is a trend that’s not going away anytime soon. And this week, NPR even went so far as to call our new president and first lady “Marrack.”
I was surprised that NPR stooped to the tabloid-ish level. I mean, this is an intelligent organization that covers topics intellectually, not in the typical gossip blog fashion. Surely they, of all people, can handle saying two names, separately. Besides, I’d like to think the Obamas are on a totally separate level than Tom Cruise, Ben Affleck and either of his Jennifers.
That being said, celesbian couples are a little behind and need to catch up in the uniname game. Might I suggest some of my ideas:
Melissa Etheridge + Tammy Lynn Etheridge = Melynn
Those Etheridges sure are fruity. You know, gay.
Daniela Sea + Bitch = Ditch
I’m not trying to give either of them any ideas, I swear.
Ellen + Portia = Elletia
Mandy Rogers Portia’s already had to come up with one name for herself, so I took the liberty of helping them out with this one.
Kate Clinton + Urvashi Vaid = Kavashi
It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? It also sounds like a new recipe I might want to try out.
Pamela Means + Alix Olson = Alimela
Because Palex was already taken. Damn you, Degrassi!
Lindsay + Samantha = Linantha
Lindsam was an obvious first choice, but when tested, it just sounded like saying their names separately, but really fast.
JD Samson and SIA = JIA
Like the model Angelina Jolie famously portrayed, only twice as gay, and with much better music than that porny crap in Gia.
Rosie + Kelli = Rollie
RKelli could have worked, too, but then there’s that whole sex with underage girls connotation that should be avoided. Plus, Rosie hasn’t been Trapped in the Closet for a long time.
Cynthia + Christine = Cystine
The Sex and the City star is obviously better known, and Christia just sounds like the name of a stripper or Rock of Love contestant (though those are pretty much the same thing).
Are there any others who could use a uniname?