I confess when Sophie and Sian’s relationship started up on Coronation Street a few weeks ago, I didn’t really pay much attention because it had been teased as a fling back in ’09. And it’s a 50 year old British soap, so I didn’t know if I would be able to pick up on the stories. And — you know what? Let’s just be honest — I felt like it might turn into a Naomily vs. Sophie/Sian fisticuffs, and we all know which side of that fight I’m going to land on (times infinity to eternity, you guys; I’m serious).
But lo, Katysnail private messaged me over the weekend with clips, and said that even though she is slightly ashamed for watching and enjoying Corrie, I should probably give it a go because it’s cute. And she’s right! And you know what else? It’s really authentic too.
So, I’m going to bring us all up to speed on the Sophie/Sian storyline, but first some ground rules: 1) Be gentle with me; I didn’t grow up watching this show. 2) No comparisons to Naomi and Emily, OK? My head will actually explode.
Sophie and Sian, Part One: With This Henna Tattoo, I Thee Gay Marry
Sophie and Sian are best mates. Sophie is being raised by the entire village because her mum has breast cancer and is staying with her sister, and her dad is the Rufus Humphrey of Weatherfield, only instead of pushing waffles he pushes microwave lasagna. Sian splits her time between her dad’s place in Weatherfield and her mum’s place in Southport. She literally jumps on a bus and goes back and forth six, maybe seven, times a day. She actually may live on a bus, I don’t know.
Recently, Sophie and Sian got matching henna tattoos on the backs of their necks, which is the perfect compliment to their matching friendship bracelets. They’re close, these two. Really close. So close, in fact, that Sian’s boyfriend, Ryan, is starting to get pissy about it. Sophie would rather get all up in Ryan and Sian’s dates and eat chips and get advice about dating than go on an actual date herself.
On the fateful evening that Sophie and Sian’s story begins edging from BFF into BFF+benefits, Ryan fully tells Sophie to get out of his house so he and Sian can enjoy some time alone before she has to go back to her mum’s. Sian cuddles more snugly into Sophie on the couch and is all, "We are crafting a really important text message, Ryan! God!"
Ryan then consults his Classic Horny Boy Moves pamphlet and chooses option number three out of five. He tells Sian if she doesn’t want him, then this whole other girl totally does want him. Sian assesses the situation, correctly deduces that she is, in fact, six levels hotter than than Ryan, and bounces with Sophie.
In Weatherfield, when people need to talk about their feelings, they sit outside on park benches, and so Sophie and Sian do that.
Sian: Why are boys so stupid?
Sophie: Oh, don’t ask me. It’s probably in their DNA or something. Do you really want to split up with him?
Sian: Why? Do you fancy him?
Sophie: No, I do not!
Sian: I’m off men.
Sophie: Me too.
Sophie says it’s super boring when Sian is away from her, and Sian says it’s super boring when Sophie is away from her, and they go inside and probably have tea, because there is an inordinate amount of tea on this show.