Len tells her he had some
sent over from his own collection. He then mentions if he were to ever be so
inclined to run a hotel, not only would they serve Sauternes, room service in
their London property wouldn’t take 43 minutes. Good God. What kind of dump is
she running? No Sauternes? Slow-poke room service? Do they provide toilet paper
in these hovels?
As their "date"
progresses, he advances, she retreats. She challenges, he deflects. It’s great
fun if you’re mature and straight. I am neither. Let’s move on.
Second chance at love — Mia is moments away from giving Wiley to a
pet adoption agency when he suddenly takes an interest in her. Well, in her
stinky, expensive shoe.
Mia isn’t mad at all that
Wiley is gnawing on 900 dollars’ worth of Ferragamo. She’s just happy he’s
And then, in walks Wallace
Shawn, this year’s hardest working man in guest spot television. Instead of
walking around with a mouth full of egg-white omelet, or being followed by
minions who stand ready to cut a check to anyone, anytime, Mr. Shawn is the
lowly worker from Pets Be Friends animal shelter who’s come to take Wiley away.
Mia tells him she wants
to adopt the dog and insists he interview her right then and there.
Mia: I’ve always wanted to own a dog,
but I never thought I had the time.
Wallace: We don’t say owner. We say "guardian"
or "life companion." "Owner" implies dogs are property,
instead of living beings in their own right.
Mia: OK, well then, I’ve always
wanted to be a life companion to a dog.
Wallace: So, could you please list
all your previous pets, starting with childhood.
Mia: Are you kidding? Chinese
families aren’t even allowed to wear shoes in the house.
That is the truth. Growing
up, we were also not allowed in the living room or dining room unless there was
an adult party going on. The study was off-limits always. We were not allowed
to use the dishwasher, even though it was just sitting there, empty, new and
waiting to be turned on. Also, we had to drink a glass and a half of milk at dinner. These are not Chinese things, though.
My mother was just crazy.
Mia mentions her last
quarter’s revenue was $110 million, as if that’s indicative of good doggie guardianship.
Wallace takes one look at Mia’s plastic office plants, notes her single lifestyle
and long hours and decides she’s not fit to be anyone’s life companion.
Mia: Three days ago, this dog was
eating garbage off the street. Isn’t being with me an automatic step up?
Wallace: Not from what I’ve seen.
Mia being judged by an animal shelter worker is worse than being judged by her mother, another crazy Chinese lady. Mia vows to fight on as Wallace walks out with Wiley.