Zoe tells her pale friend
she has some options. There’s the Pac-Man
defense, in which she doubles back and gobbles up the would-be buyer. (And if
she’s like me, gets greedy chasing cherries and gets trapped in a corner with
nowhere to go.)
Then there’s the Lobster
Trap, where people who own more than 10 percent of stock are prevented from
voting by taking away their bibs and nutcrackers. And then there’s the Nancy
Reagan tactic, which involves just saying "no" and staring with
vacuous, cult-like admiration at the back of your spouse’s head.
Meanwhile, Zoe and Juliet
break their bird-like diets and share a single muffin. Maybe they’ll go wild
and get a scone tomorrow. Where will it end?
Yiddish for beginners — Over at Lily Parrish Cosmetics, Caitlin’s
too busy to be crying over Alicia. In fact, it’s like their relationship never
happened. Much like Jenny
Lily is plotzing because her usual fashion
designer has dropped the firm in favor of a bunch of stylish, Icelandic nobodies
for Fashion Week, the biggest designer event of the year. Fashion Week is
rushing up on them like the floor to a drunk’s face, and they have no one to
hang their false eyelashes on.
Lily: That ungrateful little meiskeit. I was supporting that pishkeh when he was nothing!
Caitlin: Blond, Irish, brother who’s a priest? The only Yiddish I know is shmear and shiksa. Translation?
Oh, Caitlin. How long
have you been living in New York?
Yiddish is a wonderfully onomatopoetic
language. English spellings vary, but here are your translations, honey.
Meiskeit – Ugly little geek who dares to screw with Lily Parrish.
Pishkeh – Little pisser who dares to
screw with Lily Parrish.
Shmear – The best way to jazz up a
bagel before serving a hungry Lily Parrish.
Shiksa – A non-Jewish woman. Also
see "Shiksa Goddess," a blond hottie who works at Lily Parrish.
Caitlin is flummoxed
(another great word) over how the designer got away, especially since she’s
been talking to his marketing people for months. You know how those people from
are. The cold makes them fickle.
Lily tells Caitlin it’s
all her fault, as if she was supposed to anticipate an "Icelandic hostile
makeover." Lily commands that Caitlin fix the problem, regardless of what
happened. The blush stops here.
Better than an intern — When Mia finally shows up at work, she
meets the newest member of her staff: a stray black lab mix named Wiley. The
editor of Mia’s rag Havoc found him
trying to play tug-of-war with a bus on Seventh Avenue
and brought him to work.
Then, as if she doesn’t
know Mia at all, the editor suggests that Mia adopt him. Yeah. If there’s one
thing Mia’s personality screams, it’s "dog lover."
Editor: Do you want him?
Mia: Me? Aren’t you keeping him?
Editor: Please. I would love to, but
six dogs is just weird. You should take him.
Mia: No, I couldn’t.
Editor: Why can’t you?
How much time do you
Mia: Because my personal life is like
La Guardia in a snow storm. Arrivals and departures are all screwed up.
In other words, like
Newark International, every day.