According to Time magazine, the median income for a
COO like Juliet is about $258,000. The median income for a hedge fund manager
like Davis is about $330,000, with top managers making hundreds of millions
annually. But since Davis is about as good at his job as he is at his marriage,
I might make more than he does right now.
The real winner is Zoe,
whose median income as an investment banker is $438,000. Where was this info
when I was choosing a major?
Speaking of — Zoe is hard at work, earning those big bucks. It may
seem like a lot of dough, but she has to work closely with sexist Gumby-head
Clayton and incompetent promotion-whore Catherine, so consider her salary
Zoe’s boss announces that
a billionaire client named Max is setting up a Bill Gates–style humanitarian
foundation and has a spare 500 million clams just looking for a home. Clayton
and Zoe are supposed to work as a team to land this new big fish.
Clayton wants to go at
Max with a mano-a-mano
approach, leaving Zoe as the odd womano out. Zoe wants to go "green and
clean" to show they understand the purpose of socially responsible
This kind of deal gets
someone bumped up to a senior director position, and Clayton informs Zoe she’s
too much of a mommy to have the time needed for a job with such awesomeness.
Zoe sees red.
It is on, Mr. Man. Meanwhile, Clayton’s wife
is at home, barefoot and pregnant, but she has a maid to wash her feet.
Sake to me — Over at Mia’s place, she and Caitlin are sharing some
sushi and sake and commiserating over the never-ending drama in their lives.
Mia says she sent Jack a
congratulatory bottle of expensive champagne — her way of saying "Do I
know you, pal?" Caitlin doesn’t get it until Mia explains that if she
wanted to be sincere, she would’ve sent his favorite: scotch. Mia can dis me
Caitlin’s got her own
alligators. Her girlfriend is pregnant and she’s not the father. She tries on
the words: "My girlfriend is pregnant." Twice. It just doesn’t have that
"hooray" ring to it.
Caitlin: You say it.
Mia: Your girlfriend is pregnant.
Caitlin: No. It still sounds crazy.
I mean, what do I do? Do I stay with her? What does that make me, other mommy?
Caitlin: I think I prefer Mommy Two.
Mia is staring at the TV.
Jack’s new girlfriend, the talking-head news anchor, is on the air and wearing
Mia’s designer scarf. Not the same scarf: her
And this is why you have
to do a full and thorough sweep before vacating a relationship. We all learn
the hard way. Somewhere, someone is listening to my My Aim Is True CD.