“Cashmere Mafia” Recaps: Episode 1.4 “The Deciders”


The truth — The next day, still exhausted from playing emotional Whac-a-Mole the night before, Juliet gets another recon report from Zoe, her own personal Sherlock Holmes. Zoe confirms that Davis’ hedge fund is in huge trouble and his investors are going to take a hard hit. On the bright side, Société Générale is hiring.

Juliet weighs her options while Zoe gives her a long, long overdue reality check.

Juliet: In his own, messed up way, he was trying to protect me.

Oh. My. Gad. Someone shoot me.

Zoe: Just like he was trying to protect you from the affairs?
Juliet: It’s all so black and white for you, isn’t it?
Zoe: I’m not saying it’s easy. You need to do what’s right for you.
Juliet: I need to do what’s right for my marriage.

And therein lies the problem when otherwise highly intelligent women like Juliet get with ethically bankrupt twerps like Davis. Marriage is a mere facet of his life. Her life is a mere facet of a marriage.

As a business school graduate, Juliet should know when to initiate a strategic layoff.

More reality — Hey now. We’re 25 minutes into the show and Caitlin and Alicia finally show up. Hooray. The "couple" — and until one of them leaves the other’s apartment at 5 in the morning with her bra in her purse, I use the term loosely — are at Alicia’s friend’s bridal shower, listening to everyone talking giddily about weddings and babies.

Note to the writers: Lesbians do not talk about weddings and babies with that kind of exuberant reverence and frequency. You are thinking of straight women. Thank you.

As Alicia listens fondly, her friends tell Caitlin that Alicia is so into the bridal thing, she practically takes notes at showers. Caitlin says honestly she’s never even thought about it. The only showers in Caitlin’s life involve hot water, a loofah and $30 shampoo. And when she’s lonely, a shower massage head.

Alicia adds that the happy couple sitting across from them are getting geared up for the insemination process. Caitlin says knowingly, "It’s no big deal," not realizing they mean artificial insemination.

As soon as the two mommies-to-be ask where Alicia and Caitlin plan on getting their sperms when the time is right, Caitlin has a small freak-out and leaves the table.

At the unisex bathroom, Caitlin runs into a man who failed to lock the door, and Caitlin immediately spazzes out.

Caitlin: Oh, God, sorry.
Man: No, no, it’s OK. You’re cool. Everything’s all put away.
Caitlin: I didn’t mean like that. It’s not like I haven’t seen them before. I mean not like a ton … sorry. [checks her hair in the mirror]
Man: Relax. You look beautiful.
Caitlin: I get a spray-on tan.

Caitlin smiles and closes the door behind her after he leaves.

What was that about? Other than a network backpedaling, I mean. Please don’t do it. We’re begging you.

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