“Cashmere Mafia” Recaps: Episode 1.4 “The Deciders”


Flip-flop — Back at Zoe’s, she hands Flip-flop Boy a gift: a pair of shoes and black socks. The whole Silicon Valley thing is cute, but bankers don’t want to look at your toes, dude. Katherine trails along, trying unsuccessfully to be relevant.

Flip-flop laughs at Zoe’s silly, growny-up shoe gesture while Katherine scoffs.

Meanwhile, Mia’s coffee date has de-evolved into a contest for who has the best New York City battle scars. Mia shows off one on her calf from a bike messenger, but Jason has a scar on his shin from one of the most vicious animals in the concrete jungle: a woman with a baby stroller. "They use them like battering rams," he says.

There’s nothing anyone can say to top that truth, so they decide to end their meet on a high note. Mia moves in to give Jason a hug but is awkwardly thwarted by his arm, which he levels out in front of her for a handshake. Maybe he was put off by that dead ocelot around her neck?

Drinks with the girls — After work in the bar in Juliet’s hotel, the girls order up martinis and discuss their day. Mia regales them with the tale of Jason’s handshake, and everyone assures her he meant to give a hug but was probably distracted by thoughts of brain surgery and buying shin guards.

Juliet floats the idea of her and her dream of a husband being the featured Power Couple in one of Mia’s rags. Zoe asks what everyone else is thinking: Is now the time to be playing up the façade of a happy, powerful couple?

"Why not move forward and do something bold and positive?" Juliet asks.

You know what that would be? It’s called D-I-V-orce.

"I sure as hell don’t want to end up like one of those angry, drunken WASPs in an Edward Albee play," Martha Juliet adds as she takes a swig of gin.

Zoe says that things could be worse; in another Albee work, the man falls not for another woman, but for a goat, as if that’s any kind of consolation. At least goats don’t spread gossip via the internet. Their not being able to type might have something to do with it.

Changing the subject, Zoe tells Caitlin her son wants her to play laser tag with him at his birthday party. Caitlin’s clearly the fun one out of mommy’s friends. Caitlin can’t go, though, because she’s going to a lesbian bridal shower with Alicia. Give me laser tag any day.

Unfamiliar as they are with the lesbian way of doing everything and anything together, the girls are intrigued.

Juliet: I just didn’t know that you would take a date to a bridal shower.
Caitlin: Well, it’s sort of a date-slash-meet-my-friends combo.
Zoe: "Meet my friends?" That sounds serious.
Caitlin: Well, it’s definitely significant. [smiles] I actually like making out with her.
Mia: Being gay agrees with you.

Yes, it does. Unlike that necklace made of Kryptonite. Or lime Jell-O.

Caitlin: I know. It’s been almost a month! Twice as long as the last five guys and 29 days longer than Tae Bo, cognitive therapy and Carb Busters.

Almost a month has gone by, and all Caitlin and Alicia have done is hold hands and make out once a week. That is not called being gay. That’s called being 12.

Now, I am all for making out on dance floors and street corners, but when are they going to "move forward and do something bold and positive" with each other? I think poor Alicia is starting to feel like Bobby Blueballs.

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