Business drinks — Mia takes Todd out for a drink to talk about the Modern Man cover, again. By the time they resolve this, it’s going to be Postmodern Man.
Mia: No right-minded woman with the ability to kill this cover wouldn’t kill this cover.
Todd: You’re killing the cover?
Mia: No, you’re killing it.
Todd: It’s a great cover, Mia. It’s loud, it’s obnoxious. It’s going to make a huge splash.
Todd has an interesting definition of "great." He refuses to kill the cover unless Mia makes him.
Mia: Don’t you think we’re sending the wrong message here? Shouldn’t we be telling men that they shouldn’t be so threatened when a woman succeeds? That a woman can work hard and be good at what she does? As good as a man. You know what? Sometimes, even better. And that that man will respect me and love me, maybe even love me more? Not just run away and never call, not even to say, "Hey, how ya doing, how’s the job and oh, God, I’m sorry we didn’t get married, but I’m still thinking about you!" Huh? How ’bout that ?
Todd: Are we still talking about the magazine cover?
We have protocol? — Caitlin and Alicia are out having their second date. Don’t they look cute?
Caitlin apologizing for not calling earlier; she "wasn’t sure what the protocol was." Alicia is easygoing and tells her the rules for lesbian relationships are the same as any other. Caitlin guesses, "A lowered expectation?" Heh, she’s been dating men too long.
Alicia says sweetly: "No. Honesty." Such a lonely word. Everyone is soo untru-ooh.
Alicia asks Caitlin for the second or third time if she’s sure she wants to get involved with her. I’m starting to worry if Alicia has worthiness issues.
Alicia: Look, if you’re not into this, if you’ve had a change of heart …
Caitlin: I haven’t, I haven’t!
Alicia: Good, because I like you, little that I know you. And …
Caitlin: OK, time out. Honestly? I have been stressed out of my mind with the usual work stuff, and this blog thing, and us.
Alicia: Us? If this is stressing you out, then what are we even …
Caitlin: No, the thing is, I get like this. And I need you to hang with it. I’m not stressing out because I’m gay or I’m straight. I don’t really care if I’m gay or I’m straight. I just — I need to be in control of my life and this past week, I haven’t been. OK? I really want to kiss you right now. Is this zit going to be a problem?
Not if she’s too close to see it.
A threat — Zoe’s Crackberry is ringing, but she’s screening because it’s Business Barbie calling from her Barbie Townhouse on 28th Street. Eric’s dying to hear what happened with Clayton. That man has got to get out of the house more. Finally, Zoe picks up to get it over with.
Katherine tells Zoe that Clayton got his and now she’s off the deal team and back with the peons in research, a fate that just cries out for a lawsuit, dontcha think?
Zoe tells Katherine to remain calm and she’ll fix it in the morning.
So busted — After a lovely evening at the theater, Juliet changes into her Victoria’s Secret lingerie and gets ready for bed. She asks Davis if he has a little something to help her sleep. Thankfully, he directs her to his travel kit and doesn’t initiate sex, as I thought he was going to.
Inside the small case, Juliet finds a new box of matches from the hotel in Anguilla. Their hotel. Davis sets a new record for idiocy.
Juliet stares into space, picturing Bobby’s chicklet smile. She calmly returns to bed and lights a candle with the Anguilla match, making sure Davis sees it. Rest well with that one eye open, pal.
Problem solving — Todd comes to Mia and tells her he’s decided to keep his job pull the cover. She tells him not to bother because she’s penned a letter from the publisher, addressed to modern men everywhere. Especially the stupid ones named Jack.
Speaking of stupid, Clayton is at that very same moment explaining his actions to Zoe. Zoe tells Clayton to find Katherine an equal or better job. It’s the only way.
And look, according to the chart on her monitor, profits are in the toilet, thanks to Katherine and her one point giveaways.
The moment Zoe says "lawsuit," Clayton regrets ever unzipping his pants. Where are the spies from RegretsOnly.com when you need them?
In Caitlin’s office, Lily Parish notices the improvement in Caitlin’s complexion. She asks Caitlin how she cleared up that nasty thing so quickly. Caitlin replies, "Honesty," a brand name Lily immediately wants to acquire for her makeup empire because she has an amusing appreciation for irony.
Caitlin’s job also involves approving big posters of naked women.
Lastly, Juliet meets with Cilla, the blogging bitch. Cashmere Mafiosa Juliet makes an offer Cilla can’t refuse: She’ll get Cilla into the penthouse she’s been creaming for if Cilla lays off the blogging, leaves her family and friends alone, and stops wearing jackets made from old curtains by Maria von Trapp.
Mission aborted — Juliet goes to see Bobby in his hotel room to exact her revenge sex plan. She attacks him as soon as the door is closed and strips down to her bra in two seconds flat. They jump into bed and he starts feeling her up, but before anything more titillating happens, Juliet starts to laugh. She sits up and tells the Bobster she’s changed her mind. Again.
"I can’t be like him," she tells Bobby, as his case of blue balls goes chronic.
Katherine gets hers — Zoe learns of Clayton’s solution to the Katherine problem: He has promoted her. As she steals all the office pens she can carry, Katherine tells Zoe her rise to the top must be a new company record. Whee! She skips off to her new office with giddy glee.
Endings — The girls meet for a drink to review the madcap events of late. Juliet admits she chickened out with Bobby, as if failing to commit adultery was a defeat. Caitlin reminds her going to second base is a sin, so yay for her! Pro-marriage Zoe is relieved to hear there was no yucking.
Mia shows the girls her Letter from the Publisher, a few heartfelt paragraphs about what modern women eat for breakfast (oatmeal, not men.) And by the way, guys? Get over yourself. Women are here to stay. Can’t we all get along?
At home, Mia packs up Jack-ass’ things and finally calls her mother with her "disappointing news," inviting a whole new round of blind dates with Mama Mia’s mahjong partners’ single sons.
Back at Juliet’s house, Davis watches as his wife undresses. "Like what you see?" she purrs, even though he doesn’t deserve to look at her shadow.
Juliet asks him to fetch her a glass of wine. As he’s leaving the room, she gives him a kiss and says, "And Davis? We’re even."
She closes the bathroom door on his stunned face. Brava.
Next week on Cashmere Mafia — Caitlin and Alicia go to a lesbian bridal shower where Caitlin finds she can still be attracted to guys. Alicia gets promoted to Saint.