“Cashmere Mafia” Recaps: Episode 1.2 “Conference Call”


At home — While Juliet does a model’s runway walk all the way home, her daughter, Emily, and idiot husband are arguing over Emily’s poor math scores. When Juliet walks in the front door, math is the last thing on Davis’ mind. He thinks the marriage counseling worked and his wife’s new garnish is for his dining pleasure. Someone please kill him.

Davis suggests they celebrate his new, hotter wife by going to Nobu tomorrow. Just then, Juliet gets a text from Caitlin telling her drinks with Bobby is confirmed. Juliet says, dripping with false regret, "Sorry, I have a date tomorrow." Eat that, doofus.

At dinner — The girls have all changed their clothes, but I’m not sure what day it is anymore — they have more costume changes than Cher on her unending Farewell Tour. Every outfit is vibrant, colorful and a little nutty because Sex and the City and The Devil Wears Prada costumer (and lesbian!) Patricia Field is at work here.

While they wait for Zoe, Caitlin explains the white lie she told Bobby Walsh to lure him into the date trap with Juliet. She told him there was a business school reunion, the kind where someone calls you the day before and it happens to be five blocks away. Nothing suspicious there.

Zoe arrives and shows the girls her Construct-a-Guilt-Trip bear. Mia takes one look and asks, "Is it ticking?" I snorted a little.

Zoe says she dreads going out to dinner with Victoria, the tofu whisperer, but Mia reminds her what they learned in school: "You can’t run from the fire. You have to walk into it. You have to take the enemy down. This is not a drill." The Harvard Business School and Fire Academy. Perhaps you’ve heard of it?

The axe — In the office before the Ian Weber photography show, Mia spies Clive talking to Grant and panics that Clive is saying goodbye to a guy who doesn’t know he’s a dead man walking.

Mia pulls Clive aside and says she doesn’t want to fire Grant and rattles off a list of reasons he’s an asset, giving him credit he doesn’t deserve. Clive is one of those rare bosses who actually knows what’s going on.

Clive: Grant is only there for moral support, which you think you need, but you don’t. Mia, at this level, decisions get tough. I thought you already knew that.

Mia suddenly looks sad for a moment. Aw, don’t worry about Guy Smiley. With his well turned-out style, knowledge of art and food, and quippy, free-loading ways, he has a great career ahead of him as a male escort to rich old ladies.

Propositions — Elsewhere, Zoe is running very late for the foursome dinner, and Victoria’s husband is "stuck in Boston," leaving Eric in the restaurant alone with the MILF. And she’s not wearing a velour track suit anymore, if you know what I mean.

Over wine and shared experiences with absent spouses, Victoria lays it out for Eric: "The only safe affair is between two people who want to stay in their marriages. You have a good time, you go home. Nobody gets hurt." She reaches across the table and touches his faithful arm, which is attached to his other faithful body parts.

And right on cue, Zoe rushes in and sees them. Is it possible to be innocent and busted at the same time?

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