The next day — Caitlin tells Mia last night’s blow-up is all over the internet. Sort of. It’s on mediabistro.com, a site for writers and publishers. Mia’s incredulous there’s no mention of her big-ass deal with Ian Weber; it’s all gossip about her fight with Grant. What? Really? Vicious gossip and schadenfreude on the internet? I don’t believe it.
Mia’s assistant Tracy hands her a folder and starts to walk away until Mia stops her. Immediately, anticipating her boss’s criticism, Tracy states the disparity in the sales figures and braces herself for a flogging.
Mia: I was just going to tell you, you did a really nice job.
Tracy: Oh. Thanks. [long pause] I want to do what you did: work my way up.
Mia: Well, that’s nice to know. Tell me, have you given any thought to what you want to do next?
Tracy: Mm. Maybe something with Ian Weber?
Mia: He can be very difficult … but I think you can handle it.
Mia rewards her new Mini-Mia with a pair of rocking shades from her sunglass tree.
At Juliet’s office, her diminutive secretary carries in two different flower deliveries — one from Davis, the other from Bobby. Her secretary says sarcastically, "Expecting any more?"
Juliet sighs as she reads and re-reads Bobby’s card, fondling the paper between her fingers. Ah, yes. Revenge is a dish best served steaming hot, in a hotel room, with your cell phones off.
Mulligan — Alicia is leaving her office when Caitlin calls out her name. Was she waiting there, a little stalkery? Caitlin wants to know why Alicia left last night, because she has no clue. Nope, none in the world.
Alicia: Look, if someone doesn’t want to be on a date with me, then guess what? They don’t have to be on a date with me.
Caitlin: I should have said it. I didn’t want to say it. He’d just asked me questions. Am I gay? Am I straight? Am I with you? These are things other people know about themselves that I, apparently, don’t know about myself. It’s really scary to realize you don’t know them.
Alicia looks at Caitlin with gentle eyes and waits.
Caitlin: I’ve never even had a really serious, really successful relationship … I don’t think I can honestly say I’ve even had a semi-serious, moderately successful relationship. These are things you should probably know about me before you get in a relationship with me.
Alicia: Caitlin, we just met a week ago. We haven’t even had a complete date yet.
Hilarious. Which one is the lesbian again? ‘Cause Caitlin has the U-Haul thing down cold.
Caitlin: So, too soon for the R-word then?
If she means "R" as in relationship, yes, too soon! If she means relax, then no, not too soon. Right now would be good.
Caitlin admits she has a lot to learn. Alicia replies: "That’s OK. I’m an excellent teacher."
Caitlin’s hot for teacher, and they kiss right there on the sidewalk, causing an old biddy to almost run into a fire hydrant. OK, I admit, I’d stare a little, too. And probably fall off the curb and get hit by a bus.
Nice moves — At the Onassis School for Rich and Very Far Above Average Children, the long-awaited field day is about to begin. The children are off to see distant and exotic Harlem. And for reasons perhaps only Victoria knows, only three parents are allowed to join them, even though there’s a waiting list of other parents who’d like to go, too.
Zoe’s not about to let one manipulative woman get the better of her and says, "So I thought, ‘What if we made other arrangements?’" And lo, a double-decker bus pulls up with a dozen more parents waving and calling to their kids.
The class squeals with delight at the idea of family day in Harlem and rush the bus.
Zoe: Just so you know? I don’t blame you for hitting on my husband. He’s a good-looking guy. And he’s an adult; I trust him to make his own decisions. But don’t hit on my kids, ever again.
Juliet calls just as Zoe is about to board the Harlem Express. Victoria gets in her face and tries to defend the accusations before her. Zoe turns to her and says, "I can’t talk now, I’m on a conference call." Burn!
Next week on Cashmere Mafia: Caitlin gets outed on a gossip blog before the ink is dry on Alicia’s new toaster warranty.
For more on the first two episodes, check out the latest Cashmere Mafia edition of She Made Me Watch This, with commentary on the character development, video clips of the lesbian storyline, and a discussion of how the current show differs from the original pilot.