“Candy Bar Girls” recap: Episode 6


We’re told that the media are out in force tonight, but we’ll need to take the voiceover’s word for that because the only press evidence we have is Joel Kafetz presenting for Thee Joel Kafetz Show.

DJ Jo is interviewed by Joel Kafetz and tells how the Candy Bar has lovely memories for her. She came out here, she first started Djing here and tonight she will end her DJ career here.

The canapés go out and people promptly shove them in their faces, so Christina and Natalie’s hard work has all been worth it.

Downstairs, all is not well; Gary has a face like a slapped arse. He wants a new Britney or a new Gaga pumping out because he thinks that’s what everyone wants to shake their thing to. When they can only get some dance music to play, Gary almost vomits on his own suit as he complains that this music is shit and not what he ordered.

Gary begins to point the finger at Sandra, saying someone should have checked this system. But Sandra is better than this passive-aggressive bullshit and decides this is not her problem and instead just fetches DJ Jo who fixes it quick sticks.

Gary: Sandra, you’re a drama queen.

Amid the celebrity throng at the press launch, Madonna is eating cheese and pineapple on a stick. No actually, there’s a TV presenter called Kirsty Duffy, weather presenter Sian Welby and Lee Baldry, who thinks he may turn a few ladies.

Sandra: The comments that have come back have been awesome. People are coming out saying “This is amazing” and I’m just like, wow.

DJ Jo and hairdresser Natalie get face touchy and intimate on the dance floor.

Lee: I did not see this coming. What happened to her and Christina?

Natalie tells us that she’s just hanging out and that lesbians don’t just lick fanny all the time.

Sarah: Well thank you for clearing up that stereotype, Natalie.

Natalie and DJ Jo then kiss passionately. Gary pats himself on the back for bringing such a forum of fun to the lesbian scene and we thank the heavens that this is the end.

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