“Candy Bar Girls” recap: Episode 6


Gary has ordered butler outfits for all of the girls to wear at the party this evening. This is a confusing move because Sandra has worked quite hard to get across the fact that the Candy Bar caters for all different types of lesbians, and Gary’s marketing campaign was deliberately targeted more at the femme ladies, so why he’s now handing ALL of his staff a pair of brogues to wear, we cannot fathom. Now, we’re sure Lizu and Leelee are going to look exceptionally dapper in these suits, but we can’t imagine that the girly Alex and Shauntelle will feel terribly happy about matching their new spray tans and veeeery, veeery beeeg herr with a white shirt and tie.

Still in the salon chair, Alex quite rightly says her hair looks like a My Little Pony.

However, the Pink Flamingo has obviously never heard the saying “The customer is always right” and tells her to deal with it, before being so rude that Alex looks quite upset. But she’s a tough cookie and instead of crying, she gamely downs the remainder of her sparkling wine, while a slightly tangerine Shauntelle rubs her arm and unconvincingly, but sweetly says, “I like your hair. I really like your hair.”

Christina and Natalie are on their way to the Candy Bar with the canapés and Christina is worried because the salmon has started to go brown. Natalie tells Christina she enjoyed making the canapés but what she’s really saying is “I love you.” Christina tells Natalie that she can be her commis chef and that the commis does all the bitch work. She then says that she also likes to do the bitch work. What Christina is really saying is, “I feel the same way and I’m not selfish in bed.” Or something like that, we just have to make stuff up because the voiceover is doing nothing. And these two do look like a nice couple.

The girls get to the bar and Christina is angry because there is no fridge, which will be bad for the fresh food.

Lee: I hate to be a bore, but they should have checked this out.

Sarah: I blame Gary. He should have told them.

Luckily someone thinks quickly and they empty the champagne chiller and fill it with the food.

Gary is rolling out the red carpet and the VIP ropes, while inside manager Sam who is wearing a gold dress is giving a motivational pep talk to her staff. Alex, dressed as a butler with a My Little Pony up-do stares thunderously at her own hand.

The doors open and lovely Sandra is outside welcoming everyone to the party. We see Jessie D, Natalie’s sister and her girlfriend and then Shabby and Red arrive – which must be the first time we’ve actually seen them in the bar – excluding the séance sketch. Shoreditch Jo and girlfriend Alicia arrive and Jo says she loves the Candy Bar but she wishes it was located in East London because then it would have more soul. She does not say this, we made this up.

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