Well hello ladies (and apparently Brett Dier).
Well, let’s see how that worked out, shall we?
Again and as always, I am in awe at the thoughtfulness and kindness of your comments. I’d like to address an issue that a lot of you brought up last week, which is the matter of the escaped Nazi. I thought that the Nazi divined that Betty is as gay as Marlene Dietrich, and y’all said that all he really figured out is that she is as German as Marelene Dietrich. Upon further consideration, I think you’re right, and huge thanks to AE site moderator Harpy—she translated scene after scene of German dialogue, at great risk to life and limb—for making my further consideration possible. HOWEVER. I noticed several of you were surprised that Betty turned the Nazi in, because you wanted her to keep him like an injured rabbit in the secrets cage, sneaking him jars of pickles and nursing his wounds. Well I hope those of you who feel that way are never forced to judge the sincerity of a crocodile because 1.HE TRIED TO STAB BETTY WITH A SHARD OF GLASS. And 2. He is a Literal German Nazi. Moving on.
It’s a beautiful morning at Vic Mu. A busload of new recruits has just arrived at the factory and Gladys, Betty, and Kate are carpooling, looking like a street gang or the Feminist Planeteers. (Betty: “The Power of Swagger! Vera: “The Divine Force of Fabulous!” Gladys: “The Hawk of Justice!” Kate: “That Thing I Do With My Eyes!”)
Everything is just so right with the world and then.
When suddenly it began to rain.
To understand what Gladys is going through this episode, and I am trying very hard to understand it, we need to flash back to their exchange last week, when Eugene performed Evil Psychoanalysis on Gladys. Evil Psychoanalysis is a technique most commonly used by supervillains in their “Join me and together we shall rule Gotham” speeches. It involves finding the selfish motivation behind every act of altruism a hero has ever committed, which unfortunately, is all too possible to do, since every person alive is motivated by self-gratification. Even more unfortunately, there is something seductive about someone reaching into your dark, hidden heart. It can come as something of a relief, but it shouldn’t be mistaken for true insight into one’s character because, as Albus Dumbledore said, “being a tough motherfucker does not a Slytherin make.” Gladys has to learn this one the hard way.
When Betty enters the factory, it is with the springy step of a woman who knows that in any busload of women, two of them are gay, and five more will drunk make out with you. The very first girl she interviews “goes by Reggie” so yeah, I think we caught one. But rather than instantly bonding and organizing a rugby league, Betty and Reggie circle each other with their teeth bared. Reggie is convinced she can be the hot new item in the giant gay bar that is Vic Mu and Betty thinks not if she gets her kicked out for being underage. Truthfully, though, I don’t get why Betts and Reg have such an immediate dislike for each other, unless it is because they recognize the same vulnerability and the same secret in each other. When Gladys cuts herself on an improperly sanded bomb (and this whole time I thought they were just massaging them!) Betty immediately blames Reggie. Whoever did it is on my permanent shit-list because Gladys’ injury allows this to happen.
YES, that is what my actual handwriting looks like.
After work, Betty, Kate and Marco grab a drink at one of the roughly three thousand bars this show uses as locations. When Marco observes Kate’s attempts at flirtation, which consist of dousing a fella with gin and then dabbing it off, he steps in.
Ladies and Brett Dier, welcome to Marco Moretti’s Game Seminar.
“Take it from the man who defrosted Lorna Corbett’s icebox.”
Marco: Alright, you gotta show a guy you’re interested. If you don’t, men will definitely not hit on you all the time anyway.
Kate: But how do I do that? I don’t even know the sexy parts of the bible to quote at them!
Marco: Just listen to them as if they are speaking a secret gospel, follow their every move with your eyes, and touch them literally at all times. You know, act like you do with Betty.
And y’all, Kate’s eyes are really her superpower because when Marco says this they send out a wave of sadness so powerful that at that moment, Mighty Casey strikes out.