I WAS NO. 7 ON THE AFTERELLEN.COM HOT 100 LIST AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY PHONE CALL
In a blatant (and successful) attempt to win more votes for next year's Hot 100 List, honorary lesbian Tina Fey mentioned AfterEllen.com on NBC's Late Night With Conan O'Brien on Wednesday night.

Tina told Conan that a few months ago her dad called her and said, "'Great news! You're no. 7 on the lesbian crushes on AfterEllen.com." She added, as the audience laughed, "He was really psyched!" Not nearly as psyched as I was when I found out about this mention! (Thanks to AE reader Aya for the first tip-off.)

More proof that Tina rocks? She can use terms such as "ding dong" and "goober" and still sound cool and sophisticated. (Check out Dorothy Snarker's blog for more Tina Fey adoration.)

I WAS DEFLOWERED BY TILA TEQUILA AND ALL I GOT WAS A PART ON THIS TRASHY TV SHOW
MTV's bisexual dating show A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila debuts next week (Oct. 9), and if you thought MTV's reality shows couldn't get any worse, this show makes The Real World look like a Ken Burns documentary. At least, that's the impression I got from watching the trailer for the show.

Aside from the usual reality TV interpersonal drama, there's whipped-cream wrestling, pillow fights, stripper poles and trash-talking lesbians fighting with shirtless straight guys. This is quality television, my friends.

Here's a friendly tip for you, Tila: Only a straight woman would say "I'm a bisexual" (the way my mom used to say "he's a gay"). Actual bisexual women say "I'm bisexual" (if they adopt that label at all), not "I'm a bisexual." But then again, you did write on your MySpace profile about the show, "will I be straight or lesbian in the end????" — as if being bisexual meant you were deciding which of two dinner entrees to order off a menu ("Will I order steak or sushi in the end????") — so I don't know why I'm surprised that this whole bisexual concept seems a little foreign to you.

But I digress. Here are a few of the 16 "lucky" lesbian contestants:

Ashli (pictured, far left): Ashli is a virgin — she's never been with a man or a woman. She's just about ready to come out of the closet and wants her first time to be adventurous and special. And she thinks Tila Tequila might be the one who'll finally steal her heart.

Sara (pictured, middle): Sara is a drama queen who loves exotic women. She admits that she is sexually aggressive and has had threesomes with her ex-boyfriend and female friends. Will she pounce on Tila Tequila and get what she wants?

Keasha (pictured, far right): Sorority girl Keasha is a straight up party girl that isn't looking for love — she just wants to have fun! She considers herself to be a very loyal friend and dreams of being a fashion designer. Maybe meeting Tila Tequila will make her tame her wild ways.

Wow, what a great representation of "lesbians"! I don't know how I'll ever choose a favorite. I do know one thing, though: After reading these bios, I'm even more excited that Karman will be recapping this show. This kind of high-quality programming is right up her alley! (Also look for weekly discussions of A Shot at Love on our women-of-color vlog The Lo-Down).

DOES THIS SHADE OF PRISON-SUIT ORANGE GO WITH MY CUTE BRITISH ACCENT?
The first promo for the fifth season of The L Word is out, and there looks to be drama galore. Tasha at war! Helena in prison! TiBette hanging in the balance (for a change)!

"Do you want to be in my movie?" Um, only if your movie doesn't include carnivals, manatees or Max. So thanks, Jenny, but no.