Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (July 16, 2010)

THIS JUST IN: SCIENTISTS CREATE LESBIAN MICE, WE IMAGINE A SOCIETY OF TINY LESBIAN RODENTS
A group of South Korean geneticists claims that female mice can be turned lesbian by deleting a single gene. The researchers discovered that disabling the fructose mutarotase gene, amusingly abbreviated as "FucM," in female mice causes them to hump and attempt to mate with other female mice. The lesbian mice also lost the urge to sniff male urine.

I wonder what other behavioral patterns were altered after disabling the FucM gene.

— An increased interest in physical activity and athletics, such as taking to the hamster wheel as if they were training for the New York Marathon or the Tour de France?

— Increased levels of squeaking as the subjects are driven to hash out their feelings for hours?

— Inexplicably getting excited and drooly after seeing a picture of another female mouse toting a guitar?

— Instantly becoming offended after reading the article linked above and being stricken with an uncontrollable desire to correct the writer's grammar?

— An inability to cancel Showtime even though the subscription only depletes your bank account, and you know you'll never get as high as you did in 2005?

Wait — where is this going? Wasn't this a serious article about a breakthrough in the field of genetics? Well, it doesn't look like this study will progress past "FucM" jokes and LOLmice, because, according to a Stanford expert in human sexuality, "the study is not directly relevant to the subject of human sexual preference." Furthermore, and not surprisingly, the scientists who conducted the experiment admit that applying this study to human subjects will be "very difficult," partly due to an inability to find a suitable number of volunteers.

So ladies, do you know any straight buddies who want to be, um, guinea pigs?

— by Grace Chu