Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (July 11, 2008)

IF WE'RE STILL SINGLE WHEN WE'RE 35, LET'S MARRY EACH OTHER
TV news and gossip column Ask Ausiello reports that the Julia Louis-Dreyfus sitcom The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS) will have a gay wedding sometime in the near future. Just who will be donning complementary wedding outfits? A "mole" on the show reports that Christine herself will be marrying her friend Barb, played by the deadpan, acerbic and totally right-on Wanda Sykes.

The column says that show producers are "taking advantage of California's new gay marriage law." By "taking advantage," do they mean giving Julia Louis-Dreyfus an opportunity to dance at her big, fat, lesbian wedding? Because I'm all for that.

No other plot information was given, but anyone who's ever watched a network sitcom can guess that the lesbian nuptials will have something to do with a hare-brained scheme to scam some health insurance, ditch an annoying suitor, or fool a landlord. Hilarious!

Meanwhile, Wanda Sykes is pro-gay marriage and happily mocks the knuckleheads who feel threatened by same-sex weddings. According to Sykes, "The biggest threat to marriage is divorce."

NO PLAYMATE FOR TUCK ON GREY'S ANATOMY
Meanwhile, Ausiello also reports that the Grey's Anatomy rumor of Callie being pregnant with an Egg McSteamy next season is "not true." I guess Dr. Bailey's son, Tuck, won't have anyone to keep him company at day care.

Good. I'm against anything that might distract from the what-happens-next of Callie and Erica's lip lock from last season.

Besides, I've never been a fan of infants and offspring on shows that take place in decidedly adult environments. Teen starship officer, Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: Next Generation? Oh, honey. No. Starfleet officers should not have pimple cream in their footlockers. Sharon and Helo's hybrid spawn, Hera, on Battlestar Galactica? Her constant Amber Alerts are fracking tedious. And then there's Dawn Summers on You-Know-Who the You-Know-What. She's the "key" that opens the ranty part of my brain.

But don't get me wrong — I love kids in real life. It's fun to teach them how to light matches and throw rocks, and they rarely complain when you ask them to fetch you a beer.

— by Dara Nai