Cherry Bomb: "Living With Your Ex"

where ya been?

also, gloria looks really nice with her glasses on.

Since we can no longer download AfterEllen vlogs, will you please put them on iTunes again so we can still get them on our iPods? I would even pay.

I lived with my ex for three years after we broke up. It was definitely a bad idea. Oh, by the way, we shared a bed and slept head-to-toe for those three years as well. She had moved here from Colorado but had been here for at least a year prior to our breakup. I didn't have the heart to kick her out of my house but I don't think I could do that again. She didn't have money to move out and nobody to move in with. I agree with Gloria saying that when you break up you move out because that's the advice that I give people now.

I absolutely love Jill's idea about the contract. The piece of jewelry was a great idea. Gloria's "I love you enough to take care of you if we break up" spin was great. 

My ex and I had all the same friends because we had the same job. Yeah, so on top of living with each other for three years after we broke up, we also worked together and had the same friends. And usually, they took her side. It wasn't fun. 

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I like the insurance policy idea by Jill B. You're so smart and so wise. I agree with you too on splitting up finances when you begin a relationship. Things I will most defintely keep in my mind for future relationships.

Here is another idea. For legal purposes if you puchase rental insurance on your items like furniture,clothes,etc make sure you have a roommate contract just in case something happens like a flood or a fire. It's really not a prenup. If you're going to split finances on paying  bills you and your lover/girlfriend  need   to sign a contract agreeing you  two will pay half the bills.  So in the event of a break-up and  one of you leaves the other with an outstanding balance on a bill.  You can take the issue to court. This applies to non-girlfriend living  situation too. It should hold up in small claims court. (I watched too much Judge Judy.) I'm glad Cherry Bomb ladies are a realist.   Life's about wisdom. Great topic. Enjoyed it.

A line taken from my poem "She" It is SHE who awakens my soul..."

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I vote for Tatum starting a cooking vlog

I'd love for you to share your delicious vegan recipes with us

while some of us swoon from your accent :D

www.GoVeg.com

Great discussion, ladies. I definitely think it's important that parameters be set around the break-up just in case things go awry. One of the more compelling reasons for that that I've seen, though, wasn't mentioned.

I've known a few couples that have prolonged relationships that, generally, weren't very healthy because one person (and sometimes both people) chose the certainty of a bad relationship over the uncertainty of being without the relationship. They were so unsure about how everything would be split or who'd move where or whatever that it kept the relationship static. 

it's much better to have, at least, some understanding of what a breakup may look like so that if/when that day comes, you're not paralyzed and, in turn, don't do anything.  

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"The problem of power is how to achieve its responsible use rather than its irresponsible and indulgent use — of how to get men of power to live for the public rather than off the public." -- Robert F. Kennedy

I think I would still feel awkward about the "insurance policy" idea. I just can't get my head around planning to break up with someone when you are moving in with them! However the advice given if that is what will put your mind at ease was very good. I'm sure different things work for different people.

I totally agree with the point made about financial independance with regards to the viewer question. I hate the fact that there must be so many teenagers/young people trapped and closeted because of fear of repercussions.

This is the first time I have watched this vlog and I must say that I am impressed. It was very interesting and I think I will be checking out back episodes :)

The closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes, but don't be afraid...

For everything else in life you have to have a plan B whether it's what to do if you lose your job, what to do if you need to start caring for somebody in your immediate family, what to do if you get sick, what to do about your savings and so on.

I couldn't have even love and relationships something that I have a contingency plan for. And it wouldn't work for me. Yes, all sorts of things can go wrong in a relationship, especially between two women, and people can change as well, but I just couldn't be in a relationship if I was that afraid of what the other might do or of how wrong could things go if I needed to have a 'pre-nuptial'.

And anyway, breakups are never a prolonged affair for me so honestly at that point in time all I know is the heartbreak. It doesn't matter if we've split everything down the middle or how much, financially, I've lost. Other than bits of my heart anything that might have been lost can be replaced anyway.

I would never live with my ex, not for any reason. If I made all those other provisions, surely I'd be able to deal with whatever not living with my ex entails. 

Jill Bennet!

Omg I love seeing her face again. I didn’t realise how much I missed her on After Ellen until I watched this Vlog, which by the way, I’ve liked the BEST out of all your recent ones. I really liked the talking point of this one, mainly because I’ve never lived with a significant other, so was interested to hear your views on how to deal with the ‘in’ and ‘out’ situation of it. And going back to Jill, I think your rapport with her as a group was really good, and your conversation(s) and combined mix of views was very insightful as well as entertaining also.

Lookin fine this episodes ladies!! Nikki.. that out fit and those boots.. damn, i Heart you girl.  And Gloria with glasses.. you need to wear those every week!! That was hot.  Really enjoyed Jill Bennett on the show, she was great.  Good topic, handled well.

really great advice.. i always enjoy the vlog.. Jill u look amazing.. i saw the shows pilot last night and love it.  

"i'm a cute Texan dork!"

Wow...great timing. I am currently in the process of finding my girlfriend and i a house to rent. It is an interesting situation but i truely believe its for the best. She is getting out of living with her sister and sisters kids...but i am seeing how bad the split up of stuff is going and they really havnt started moving out yet!!!

We have been together over 2 years, so its not like we are jumping into something.

However...we had decided a long time ago that when/if we moved in together that we would still maintain seperate bedrooms. Not only for the sake of being "roommates" in everyones eyes (small town & family) ...but also so we would have our "own place" to go. Granted that doesnt mean we wont be sharing one of those rooms at night...it just means that when i need some ALONE time i will have somewhere to go.

Thanks to this vlog..its given me something to think about. Thank you!!

Hello ladies, I don't usually comment although I do always watch...but this time I had to.

Damn Nikki those legs!

Very deep huh? lol

Also it was great to see Jill again :D 

wow how about my life right now, fresh horrible break-up, yeah money sucks........

Everyone should have an emergency fund that covers at least 6 months of expenses.  This is in case you lose your job, your car breaks down, a hospital visit screws with your finances, and if you break up with someone.

I've worked with women who've been in dangerous relationships who stayed in them because they didn't have the financial means to escape.  They depended on their partner for everything and ended up trapped.  Women who had to live on the streets or in shelters with their children because they gave up their financial freedom.

This all goes back to smart lifelong financial habits.   Teaching children how to save their money, putting aside something for the future.  Setting up retirement accounts and paying off debts so that you don't become trapped by your financial situation.

Fuck romance.  Money isn't romantic.  This is something everyone should be practicing even if they've never been in a relationship.

I'd be really suspicious of a partner who had a problem with me having my own emergency funds or plain ole savings.  I don't believe in "what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours".  I think you're going to get a hefty chunk of what's mine because I decided to give it to you, not because I'm obligated. 

I'm not a big fan of the 'insurance policy' idea.  i don't think it's your partner's responsibility to give you something as collateral just in case things go bad.  You should already be set up before you even get into the relationship.

I'm a big fan of the idea that you should never get into a serious relationship until all your (and their) debt has been paid off.  Many married divorced people can tell you how their partner's financial mess screwed them over.  Again, I think everyone should already have enough funds to 'start over' before they even get into a serious relationship.  And by serious relationship, I mean a relationship where you are sharing financial responsibilities.

I'm also not too big on living with people.  I know this is where I depart with most people on this planet.  But I'm in favor of keeping a separate place (rental/friend's/parent's house).  Some place you can go if things don't go well, Some place you can go if you need to escape. 
I don't think this is the same concept as the emergency fund.  The emergency fund is something everyone should have.  The separate living spaces is just a cynical idea.

Reading is Fundamental

Wow! i wouldn't make that list either. :/

thats kinda odd. LOL. sorry.

i feel if we're making some sort of agreement or plans about Splitting up, then what are we doing together?

Thats kinda like ruining a beautfiul moment. to be honest that would break my heart if my girlfriend told me to sign a little agreement "if we broke up." :( 

If we break up, we break up. We're both adults, and we can take care of ourselves.

But thinking about that and signing papers on the way in of a relationship seems really odd to me.

Great to see her back. Not so sure about the insurance policy ring story. Seems a bit cold to pre plan for a split - I'm with Dalila :-)

I have to say my enjoyment of the l word has been deminished with out WGN/Jill. This season was SOOO ripe for re-enactments ... oh and the sock puppets - miss em.

We moved in because we were both superbroke but COULD NOT live on campus anymore (because it was beginning to feel perverted) so we got an apartment. Now we've broken up and we still live together. We're really good friends but I'm about to move out just to give her space and all, and yeah. So I think if you let go on good terms it's okay to live together, like if you were friends first, but you should stll try to move out before you start dating again. Obviously if it ends badly then someone's gotta stay at someone's hotel for a while cuz. yeah. 

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I dangled my participle in her fragment and stretched it into a run-on.

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