Cherry Bomb: "Serial Monogamy"

Welcome back!!!

Great discussion today ladies.

Glo you are just as beautiful and charming as ever.

 

LOL. Serial Monogamy. I dunno about that..i'm usually single for like, 4 months (or three years) then i might get a date, then i'm alone for another three months, then i find myself in a relationship without preamble, lol. I mean I'd need time to rest after a relationship; reflect on myself and all that. For the mean time I'd like drinkin partnahs. lol

 

 

I got a dick like a mule...with a big dick.

http://ichasethedevil.blogspot.com

of the Chris Crocker vid on co-dependency.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rp198k984Yw

Glad to have this vlog back, love it.

"Come On Then Get These Good Done Debbies"

So glad to have you guys back!

Gosh this topic is so relevant to my life right now.

This is probably the way in which I am the least lesbian-ish. I DO NOT jump from relationship to relationship, and to be honest, I kind of judge (for want of a better word) people that do.

I'm VERY picky, and I'm also kind of a loner. I don't do the bars and the clubs. I really like my own company, and I only ever get hit on by men because I "look straight." I'm also a very busy law student.

Consequently, my last relationship was a year and a half ago.

I generally like my space and my alone time, but you know, sometimes it would be really nice to have someone around. I especially have been wanting to have someone around of late. But I won't just find someone just to have a warm body around. They have to meet my standards, which are not always fully intelligible even to me, lol.

So there in lies the problem. *Sigh* I guess things will work out if they're meant to.

Anyways, great insights, guys!

i'm more of a serial dater then serial monogamist, but honestly i can't fathom the thought of continiously getting into serious relationships with people. 1. because i value my alone time and 2. because i'd need some time to breathe after a serious relationship. i couldn't even seriously date anyone who just left a serious relationship either, even if they were presumably a serial monagimist and their relationship efforts could be construed as sincere, because i'd be afraid of being their rebound relationship. (nobody wants to be a rebound).

i say with some skepticism that serial monagamy and overlapping relationships may work for some people, but i really don't think it works for a majority of people. i don't think people need to take 6 months off from dating, but i do think a some kind of break between relationships is healthier and bound to provide a person with more clarity on who they are after their breakup, what part they had in their break up, and what negative traits they don't want to bring into their next relationship with a person.

You guys are so funny and click so well with one another; the show is definitely my favorite.  I love your opening sequence by the way, who designed it?

how women are socialized in this culture, to believe there's something wrong with us if we're not in a relationship.  i believe this is the main reason so many women practice serial monogamy, regardless of our sexual orientation.  we're taught it's not right for us to be alone, so we learn to be uncomfortable with periods of celibacy.  and we're certainly not comfortable with casual dating, given its inevitable connection for many with sexual promiscuity. 

i'm interested in how others feel about this. 

You know i have to admit that i TRIED this rule although i changed it to one month when i got out of my last relationship.....HOWEVER.....my current girlfriend (who was just a friend at the time) DECIDED that i wasnt going to make it. I was a CHALLENGE for her lol

Needless to say....ummm....i didnt make a WEEK let alone a month lol I broke up on monday and was with my now girlfriend by saturday. lol Granted the relationship that i had been in had seen its better days and was coming to an end anyway. FYI That was over 2 years ago and my girl and i are doing awsome, and we laugh about it all the time that i was just a challenge to her.

Glad to have you ladies back on!!! Great choice of a start to the season.

I practice serial dating..  I try to be in relationships but they all fail miserably.. So i try to just try on the shoes in the store before i buy them.. most times they aren't the right fit..

N the suprise question is true.. sometimes they just don't get it.. and even when u communicate and they still dont get what you like then u have to end it.. if the sex isnt good and u arent on the same level y stay??

lovely to see you as always, ladies.

this is a great topic to bring up.  i'm glad that you pointed out all the different reasons people practice serial monogomay, as sometimes it's healthy, and sometimes it's not.  There can be a lot of judgement thrown around related to our personal practices, so I'm glad to hear many perspectives.

I've recently embraced serial monogamy as what works for me right now, after previously judging people who did it as indecisive and/or overly commital. Dating can also be GREAT, especially if you are in college or a great urban center with lot's of ladies available.  

Rock on!

Everybody overlaps? Nu-uh!

y'all got it.

I don't agree that everyone has to date around when they are young...yes take some time between relationships....but if you meet the right one you meet the right one....your lucky

Very interesting topic.  Personally I can relate.... and I can't.  I mostly "date" men and am generally not a relationship person.  But all of my dealings with women have been relationships or heading down that road.  No grey areas of dating... "You my boo." LOL

 I plan on putting an end to that this year.  And just be an equal opportunity serial dater. 

=) Great one, glad you're back! 

"Don't threaten me with love, Baby.  Let's just go walking in the rain."

-Billie Holiday

www.myspace.com/TalkCrz

nice new intro and graphics. and Michelle Wolff as guest. awesome. great to have you back ladies :

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lol hmm..never really have gone the overlapping direction, but for one of you fine ladies, I'm willing to make an exception;) Especially you Gloria, but umm speaking as one of the 20yr old youngin's who should be out playing the field, been there done that, yeah it was fun, but it cost a whole lot too and we're in the middle of a recession so had to settle and cut down on these courting events. Can't really say it's a 'the one' situation at the moment, but it's nice and I think like some have stated before if someone comes along that's 'perfect' in your eyes at a youngin age why not stay and ride along for a while see where it might lead. Might even end up in that 'forever' spot that everyone seem to be gushing about. But yeah, thanks for another fabolous Vlog. hmmm...about the question of the day, it's not good if your getting 'railed' all the time. Maybe your partner is taking some over the counter stuff that's aiding her aggressive state in the bedroom, who knows? But like everyone before communication is key. ok, I'm done.

 

6 month rule? Who the hell needs these rule in a world where sexually active women are alive ang kicking? No,seriously we must remember that each one of us is of different personality and culture. What works for me doesn't necessarily works for you.

A break after a relationship is a must, not necessarily 6 months ( Jesus!..lesbians can't just wait for that long when a hot lady is in front of you).Being alone to get that fresh air and space is ok but not for long 'cause really...it sucks and lonely.

this is the only vlog i watch on afterellen and i love it...i laughed when gloria said serial monagomy was better than crack..but anywho thanks for doing a show on this topic because it has been something i have been pondering over quite some time now..personally i want to be in a long term relationship but at the same time i feel like dating around and explore the sea but since you have done an episode on it it gave me some clarity..but really i just wanted to thank you ladies for doing the show because of all your different views it really help me understand things more and look at things in a more open-minded approach

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly." - MLK

www.myspace.com/lunakiss7.com

I suffered from a withdrawl of CherryBomb vlblogs over winter break. I'm so happy you laies are back. I must admit I would logon to your myspace page. click on previous episodes and watch them. I miss you just a little bit. LOL.

Serial monogamy-I only done that twice out of necessity. I had an opportunity and I took it. I at least left the  the pre-relationship before jumping into another one. I don't think I'll do it again sometimes serial monogamy comes with problems that you didn't see down the road.  Now I'm just single.

 I agree with Tatum's friend she described at times I enjoy being single and sometimes I gone to movies, restraunts and other events byself and like Tatum  it sucks b/c you have no one with you to enjoy the moment. I have waves of single emotional breakdown moments. I bounce back by talking to people at those places-waitress.  Whenever I'm  in a true authentic relationship, I pretty much focus on that relationship.

I agree with Michelle Wolff people, especially womyn in general regardless of sexual orientation, should give themselves an opportunity to date. You don't know what's out there unless you are an experienced dater or  experienced relationship person.  For those  who are just coming out or "in the life"- freakin date.  Have fun!

I like the graphics in the improved cherrybomb.

I must add all of you ladies look beautiful like always. 

A line taken from my poem "She" It is SHE who awakens my soul..."

thefemininedivine.blogspot.com

IN REPLY TO: GREAT EPISODE, BUT YOU FAILED TO MENTION...somehow the website screwed up the placement of my comment...

Guys are taught it is ok to go out "catting", and that if a woman behaved that way...she is a "whore"...We see that in films, we read it in books....there is that bombardment of "standards" ...You have your "players", who jumps from partner to partner...that does cross over from straight to gay as well....but I agree that girls growing up are picking up sublimally the SOCIETAL rules...of a woman's role, and what the Man's role is...which is probably the BIGGEST imprint that is the conflict of what "Marriage" is....it sounds like I'm rambling...but think about it. What little girl from age maybe five to about eight...has NOT played house and have role played the different figures in a relationship, and they often mirror what is actually occuring in their immediate "world"...what they see on TV...see in cartoons...for me growing up...you had your mommy and you had your daddy. Daddy went to work...Mommy stayed home, took care of the house, bills, the children...Daddy went to work...brings home the (bacon) money...and often once or twice a week...goes out with the boys....its not taught...but the message is there...and LEARNED...so when, Like Michelle asutely noted, WHEN we have come out....WHEN in our lives we have embraced our loving women...does factor in how we behave in lesbian relationships...so...good point!

Ok...Ladies...looking lovely as ever...So wonderful to see Michelle Wolf as a guest. Love her!

I agree with an earlier comment on the new graphic for Cherry Bomb...WONDERFULL!!! Kudos to the artist. Really got a kick out how the text type had that 'tattoo' feel to in its presentation...

Once again, enjoyed the wonderful diversity of personalities...of viewpoints/opinions. Nikki, you crack me up (LOVE YA) how you intensely make your point...telling it like it is! The great communicator! Tatum, love your Devil's advocate perspectives...Dalila...mmmm, mmm...I love watching you while you're lsitening to Tatum...enjoying seeing your reactions - poetry in motion. That wit of Gloria's....**SIGH** just adore it.

WELCOME BACK!!

Loving you all from CT,

Patti

oh jeez. I for one am a serial monogamist, for sure. interesting topic, it gave me a lot to chew on!

Fantastic to have the ladies from Cherry Bomb back! Great topic to open on. I have to disagree with everyone overlapping. Never done it, not likely to. I do so agree with the 6 month rule though. In my case 4 months out of a 10 year relationship it won't be hard to make that a 12 month rule. What I have found is it's a great time to reinforce friendships for friendship's sake. Socialising without emotional angst and heading to the movies or restaurants with pals, instead of the significant other, has been a breath of fresh air. I visit couples who are fully into the cohabative, domestic bliss and at the moment it makes me feel a little queasy. Monogamy, in any shape or form, is off my card for a while yet. (In a shallow and irrelevant aside, Michelle has the most amazingly sexy hands! Please ask her back!)

on Nikki's shoulders...oh my my my. Couldn't barely listen to her points because i was so distracted by her sexy shoulders.

On a serious note though, I love hearing each of your viewpoints and experiences and how you respect each other's opinions even though sometimes they are very different from one another.The best blog on AE.

..and now i am disappointed. hope, that this shallow self-absorbed flirty small talk of all of you (including your guestbian) is due to wine. overlapping monogamy, seriously gloria? don't u have any friends to go to cinema with u tatum? women are more likely than men to switch from one rel.ship to the next, really michelle? please raise up to the level of the last year.

... is just sooo smart. :-) I had to sign on just to say that!! Loved what she said about being a fan of serious relationships while being able to enjoy your life as a single equally when you are a single.

those girls are great!! 

Gloria, Gloria, Gloria...

I swear, everytime you open your mouth, MY words, thoughts and feelings come pouring out... A girl after my own heart... <3

I missed you beautiful ladies so much... 

And, um, Nicki...Gorgeous as ever... I couldn't stop staring... And drooling... hahaha

Soooooooooo excited you guys are back...

Yay!!!

:-)

 

 

 

Nikki annoys me, a little-but, hey! ya can't please 'em all...

I loved this episode, especially Tatum's answer to the question of the week; i agree, that girl probably DOES like it more than she'd care to. Because if you're not there mentally, all the friction in the world won't make you cum.