Cherry Bomb: "Interracial Dating"

I've been dating women of different backgrounds since I came out. I've nver even looked at them as a different race. That issue never comes up. The only things I'm concerned with are

• does she respect my love affair with death metal? (Arch Enemy, Otep and Dimmu Borgir are must haves on a playlist)
• does she respect my pagan ways? (can she handle dating a Wiccan?)
• can she accept that sometimes I want to take charge but other times I want to just lay back and not think?
• does she like it slightly rough?

our racial backgrounds don't matter. I see her not the stereotypes or skin tone.

hm. tatum was especially daft and evasive in this episode. not impressive. other than that, great show- race is a hard subject to converse about.

so much shouting,

so much laughter

great vlog. always love your topics. more more more. ;)

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I’m white and have personally never dated anyone outside of my race. But at first glance, I seem to be more drawn to European women, especially Spanish, Italian, and UK. I think it's the accents and my love of Latin-derived languages. J However, I have friends that date all colors of the rainbow and I say good for them. I on the other hand, have my own tastes and preferences and do not wish to be judged for those. I actually had a friend of mine accuse me of being a racist because I don’t date black women. It threw me for a loop. For me, it’s never been about color but what I’m attracted to. If you don’t have certain qualities that I value in a mate, I want nothing to do with you and that’s the truth. Date whoever makes you happy and leave it at that. In a perfect world we would never have to explain why we love someone. But this world is neither perfect nor forgiving.

Now for my question, was anyone else a bit taken back when the girls said they dated people outside of their race and they actually had to list the reasons why they were doing it? I was with Nikki! I’d be so fucking offended I couldn’t even tells you. People, if your friends are doing that to you then you might want to consider getting new ones. Now you parents are an entirely different animal. Unless you have the KKK for parents, most of them just want to make sure your partner is good enough for you. And if you have a mother like mine, you just know that there will be an interrogation so you need to prepare your partner. Only difference with my mother is she knows that I value her opinions but I will not let them dictate my relationship with my partner

I also felt like giving Tatum a hug when she said that people had corrected her accent. WHAT?!?!?!?! I’m with Nikki, that’s the best part about dating someone from a different country. When I was in college, I had friends from places like Bulgaria and Japan. If I didn’t need to be part of the conversation I’d just sit back and listen to them speak. God foreign languages are so damn beautiful. I’m so jealous of you bilingual people! I’d kill to have the brains and the sexiness to pull that off.

Ladies as always this was fabulous. How you managed to top yourselves week-after-week is beyond me.

I hate it when people think there is a hierarchy to race and that people in one country are better than those in others, or that white is white, but non white is ‘ethnic’ because it’s the other.  

I’ve met people from different countries through travel or during when I was at University and have learnt more about life, and myself, just through knowing them. 

I always look forward to CB on Fridays. :D

My ex-girlfriend is African American while I am white. I think it was more of a shock for her parents than for mine. Mine were more surprised I was dating a girl. Hehe. I never really look at skin color or heritage. I like women if they are attractive and intellectual. I will say the accets are a killer for me though. :D I love foreign women.

I am African American and I refuse to use the N word. I do NOT purchase music from any singer, songwriter or musician that decides to use that word in that piece of work.

On the other hand, I live in a very rural part of France, with my white French husband and I have experienced racism. My husband never understands, never tries to understand and has never been there to witness it. Coincidence or am I truly losing it? France has its own set of racial issues and don't let the rest of the world pretend that they don't have their own set. They do!

The best way I get through life is by realizing that racism has nothing to do with me. It has to do with the racist person. I did nothing to deserve their stares. I am just me. Their racist view of my flesh can't make me any less of a person and can't turn me into the thief or "untrustworthy" person they want to believe in. They don't know me. A look, a thought, a belief is not going to change me. I am stronger than that.

There is also faith. I have faith that this world is changing little by little. Hopefully, the youth of today are willing to open their eyes and let go of their inherited fears of the "other".

I totally understand Tatum. I am dutch but I moved to germany and people correct me all the time. In my case people often argue about whether it were better to correct me or to let me have my accent and call it cute. I think it's demeaning, and I feel offended and small when that happens, because in those situations I am ashamed about myself (oohhh how cute, she is too dumb to learn the language properly). I can't change the way I speak, only time can, it took me almost three years to change my dutch accent flemish accent (and that's the same language). 

I'm glad you talked about this :)

girl, 20, charming but insane...

beat 1&3 is of significance.

i've dated both blk and white women. i'm open to anyone. i am nervous about some people because they do come to the situation thinking i'm one way because i'm blk. usually they are disappointed. haha. i hate being a fetish.

people like what people like, looks wise... i'm pretty broad. 

My ex is african american and I'm white.  Between us, race was always something we had to talk about - usu about how we experienced things differently because of our race - but never divisive.  

On the other hand, family was a huge issue.  Though I've spent a lot of time getting acculturated to African Americans, my family hasn't.  They're mad white and don't really understand how non-white people experience the world at ALL.  Bringing my ex home was a huge source of stress for both of us.  It ended up ok, but in the end, she and my mom didn't click on more than a superficial level.  That was frustrating since my mom and I are so close.  I was bummed that race was such a factor in their interaction. :(

Now I'm dating a white woman, and it's SO much easier to include her in family stuff.  It's a relief.  Makes me wonder how I'll make dating decisions in the future.  I would be disappointed in myself if I passed up a woman of color to avoid potentially race-based drama, but I wouldn't blame myself either.

I would prefer the purple and red ones but in the end I eat them all.

Yea.

I don't know how many people submitted the question for this week's episode but I am one of them. My ex gf was white of Irish and Scottish decent and I'm Asian. We didn't date that long but I guess what brought us close in the first place was because she always had a thing for Asian stuff, and in particular, Japanese culture, while I have my eyes mostly glued on caucasian women. I don't care if you'd call this fetishism but I was always fascinated with how different we are and I really dislike the mirror effect.

I am really touched by how Nikki's family would respond on her 'not caucasian' gfs, I wonder about this myself often, about how my ex's mom would react when she brought me home to meet her, but... this is if we didn't break up. Anyhow, another thing that I like is when Nikki said she doesn't mind if they speak their own language when they are tired. I speak from experience that this happenned sometimes with me too when my brain and my mouth disconnect from fatique and I just let it go on automatic. My ex would just laugh and ask what what it was about the next day. 

This is my question, how many of you here who has or is still in interracial dating would take that extra step to really try to understand the core of your girlfriends and their values, their upbringing and their way of seeing life? Because personally, if you are too lazy to make an effort, you shouldn't be in this type of relationship. I am always willing to talk, compromise and conform if needed, unfortunately I have yet to meet someone who is willing to meet me even half way. 

I liked Tatum's comment on the inter-cultural dating. I am a native african and I have dated african american women. They had the tendancy to correct the way I speak and do things. I dated a latino lady once. She and I got a long great though she was 10 years younger. Our cultures were so similar.

i've mostly dated within my culture, but have also gone out with womyn of a variety of ethnic and regional backgrounds. i am open to relationships in general, but on the whole..i find myself more comfortable dating other black womyn. there is a level of understanding that i really appreciate...in regards to certain things....no words are even needed. u can communicate just by looking sometimes. i enjoy that. it makes me feel at home.

i do realize also, that a large part of my feelings are because of where i'm from and how that marked me. i try to take that into consideration, but it would be a lie if i didn't admit that i have a preferences in terms of who i end up in relationships with.

I'm mixed, and I don't belong to any one (or even two) specific race or ethnicity or culture. In fact, the majority of my family is in interracial marriages - all my first cousins are mixed, of different races, religions, colours. If you put all of my cousins together, we definitely do not look like a family. Family gatherings look crazy, with people of all colours speaking several different languages effortlessly (though I've never thought about what people marrying INTO our family must feel!) So, as a mixed race person, I HAVE to date someone outside my own race. I'm never going to find someone who's exactly the same demented mix of race and ethnicity that I am.

In terms of who I'm attracted to, it's just not an issue for me. It's not that I'm race-blind, because being a racial minority I'm usually hyper-aware of race; it's just that in relationships and attraction, it's the least of my problems. But on the other person's side, I can understand how it gets confusing for them, especially if they've grown up in a community with only one race/ethnicity, whatever that is. And once they bring in their family, I understand as well - parents who live in that single race community WILL face problems if their kid brings home someone from a different race. But as long as they're willing, not to necessarily embrace it, but even consider or accept it, I'm fine.

And Tatum, I CANNOT believe someone "corrects" your accent! That's just ridiculous.

Thanks for the perspectives ladies. I usually prefer to date women of color but have been in an LTR with a white woman for several years. There are not a lot of differences in how we relate or in our relationship in general compared to the other women I've been with.

 However, now that I am in SC I am sure if I were in an interacial lesbian relationship I'd have even more of people's bigoted b.s. to deal with. I see how hetero interacial couples are stared at around here - it is shameful and sad how so many people are still  stuck in a 1930's mentality.

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I've never seen color or a difference in race. I grew up in a small town with white being the majority. Unfortunately, 90% of my family is racist. When I graduated from college and my family attended the ceremony, the main point of conversation within my family was "how did you tolerate and/or understand what those people were saying?" WOW... "those people" were actually some of my best friends and class mates. I now take the stand of if you state something racist, I will correct and/or debate you on that fact. If I sit there and "tolerate" it, it is as if I accept their beliefs. This has recently created a great divide between me and my family, but I refuse to believe that someone's race or ethnic background gives charge to judgement.

Lisha

I'm pretty much open to dating anyone of any race. I love all types of women, although I'm only limited to white macadamia right now, and I love em, but I wanna taste all the colors in the rainbow not just one. Hell, white isn't even a color in the rainbow j/k. But I think that it'll be nice for a change to date and get to know someone who has had a different experience than growing up on a farm lol. For me though, as long as she is respectful of my parents and hers and is polite around elderly folks especially, then thats the only aspect of Samoan culture that she should care enough about. Because I love my culture and everything, but most of the 'traditions' are just pure ridiculousness. And also, she's gotta at least know its an Island in the Pacific Ocean and not some kind of Sars like disease. We are such a minority in different parts of the states, that Comedians don't even waste their time clownin us. Because, they know unless they have some kinda free for all buffett at the end of the show, we ain't gonna come lol j/k.. 

As for the N word, I know that people like my roomate whos African American use 'uh' at the end to say my homie or as McCain would say 'my friend'. So I don't think theres a problem with saying that, because you gotta look at the context in which someone says the N word and what it ends with. Because usually the ones who have no problem saying it and ending it with an 'er' already have a confederate flag, KKK stamp on their forehead. Theres really nothing much you can do to enlighten these wonderful individuals. So I say live and let live. I must agree tho with what bella36 said, in that we can stand up to these individuals and try to enlighten them, instead of silently agreeing with them.

Thanks for another great Vlog ladies.

Tofa Soifua;)

-<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>

"The first duty of a man is to think for himself"

Jose Marti

I've never had an issue with interracial dating. I'm mixed, just about my whole family is and interracial relationships have never been an issue for myself or my immediate family. However, there are some people in my extended family (who are mixed as well) and have given me a hard time in the past when it comes to race. It almost seems like they expect you to "choose" a race and that's it, you can't identify as "mixed" or multiracial. I don't understand such thinking, I am who I am and what I'm made up of, really shouldn't matter. I've dated interracially before and I haven't had any issues. If the relationship didn't work out, it was for some other reason(s), not because of race.

As far as the "N" word goes, I despise the use of it by anyone. I'm sure there are some other nouns that could be used in its place. 

Accents: I like them, the more the merrier. I'm a native yankee living in the south (Florida) and I've been corrected for saying "you all" instead of "y'all"...go figure :)

For your voogling pleasure?http://www.youtube.com/OneBad281Stroker

My last relationship (4.5yrs) was with an ethnic HK chinese for whom I moved to the UK from Germany (I'm German but also half-Swiss, just not got that passport).

I fell in love with the person, not the ethnicity..and that's always been the case with my GFs. First GF was a redhead (not very common in GER), second a native Nicaraguanian (sp?) but adopted and grew up in Germany, and then a HK Chinese British.

It was difficult with my last GF as her family had huge difficulties with her being with another woman, and this never actually subsided over the course of time. And  being caucasian didn't make things easier although that was never discussed (you see her family hardly spoke English, and I only learned a few words of Cantonese, actually mainl food, lol)

Eventually the cultural differences made things very difficult and sadly contributed to the break up (they were not the only reasons), yet I'm so grateful to have experienced a different culture (actually in a double sense, since I got to know the Chinese culture, and I moved to a different country which allowed me to broaden my mind even further). I can only recommend opening up to a different culture, although it may not be easy!

As for the N word... I hate it with a passion. I think it's because its main use is still so oppressive, pejorative and degrading. It's good that many black people have reclaimed the word such as gay people have reclaimed the word gay,fag etc. So in certain contexts I can understand its use, but for me especially being caucasian) there's no way I'd use that word at all.... it's on a list of words that are not spoken...just like the c word!

As for accents.. well I don't mind accents on others, quite often it's cute.. but when I speak a foreign language (ha, I'm actually typing in one) I like to speak as accent-free as possible (You can always check out my voogles ;D). I am quite proud that I pass mostly as a native English nowadays. Similarly when speaking French or Spanish I aim for native sounds, and thankfully I have a knack for languages so it's not too difficult for me. But that's just me :D

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frosch411 online   Voogles

I think this is a ridiculous topic. By discussing this you are only pointing out another difference, this is something that you shouldn´t even think of. First the bisexual episode and now this, you are creating labels, how would a relationship be any different when it is with someone who has a different skin color. It´s 2008 this shouldn´t be an issue. There are heterosexuals, bisexuals, transexuals, asexuals if we need to keep in the back of our mind that our partner has a different skin color as well then we might as well not be in relationships. We are who we are and if you are worried about your girlfriend messing up by saying the n word then you have some personal issues and probably didn´t even know her that well. This is clearly an American issue much more than it will ever be in Europe.

I've dated all kinds of people, and in my experience at least, queer women are more likely to date outside their own than the straight people i know - maybe because we're already outsiders or because the pool is smaller or i don't know. i've never dated someone who was both of the same race and the same religion.

I don't know if other people had this reaction, but the ex Dallia described towards the beginning sounds like an argument not to date someone who isn't racially aware...as a white-ish person who grew up in a mixed neighborhood, i think there is something wrong if you don't know the N word is not okay to use.  seriously.  

I feel like there are obstacles/challenges in any relationship, and, again, at least in my experience, race hasn't been the biggest factor.  One big thing for me is that my mother worked, and this is another thing that people often say ignorant things about if they had a stay-at-home mom.  Actually, this is something I'm more likely to have in common with women of color than with white women.