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Actress Stephanie Reibel says she's falling for a woman for the first timeIf Stephanie Reibel looks familiar, you could have seen her in a variety of places. She's had guest spots on Monk, Two and a Half Men, and she's also one of the stars of a new bisexual web series, Rose by Any Other Name.
The series is from FenceSitterFilms, who was behind the Ally Sheedy/Ruby Dee film Steam, which also had a bisexual theme. Reibel plays a lesbian (Rose) who decides to date a man, which makes friends upset and her family ecstatic. The actress recently in a recent interview told an interviewer she's actually finding herself on the other side of things.
"I'm a straight woman who has found myself attracted for the first time to a woman in real life," Ribel said. "I found myself attracted to a person, and I liked the fact that I can feel that way. It happens that I felt the love for a woman." Reibel said she doesn't call herself bisexual now, as it's not something she wants to put a label on: For me, it's not something I'm embarrassing of, but I don't think I need to have a label for it. It's OK if other people want to label it though. This is my first experience of it, so I don't know what it is. If it makes them feel better in terms of labeling then that's fine, I found myself attracted to a person.
And much like her character deals with on the web series, Reibel said she finds that the gay women are the ones who have the hardest time with sexual fluidity: In the lesbian world it's different reactions than the straight world to my situation. With women, it's more emotional. My friends say it's OK if I'm gay, but I say, 'No, it's just this one person' and then they say, 'It's OK if you're bi,' and I say, 'Well, if that makes you feel better,' but really I don't want to be labeled and don't see the need for the label. I think it's about the person.
Besides starring on the lesbian-themed web series, she is also going to be on our radar for her upcoming role in The Legend of Awesomest Maximus, alongside out bisexual actress Kristanna Loken. Kristanna on set with a co-star Check out the first five episodes of Rose by Any Other Name. What do you think of the series, and of its star saying she's finding herself not-so-straight? Submitted by on November 13, 2009 - 12:00pm. |
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News, Reviews & Commentary on Lesbian and Bisexual women in Entertainment and the Media
labels
Lack of a self-label
Blah blah labelcakes...
I agree with monica that her refusal to identify her sexuality makes sense since she's still processing this. I think it's prudent, really, to take some time and figure out what her feelings mean without jumping into anything. It's certainly better than running out and screaming OMG GUYS I AM A LESBIAN NOW... and then be all J/K! two weeks later.
That said, I do find it annoying when people posture like they're so much more open-minded and free-spirited than those rubes who actually like, think terms like lesbian or bisexual or queer are useful. Part of me just rolls my eyes when someone starts in on the "I am a special snowflake. How dare you try to slap a label onto my unique soul!" schpiel. I think some people really do have a genuinely unique sexual orientation that can't be described using traditional terms. (What do you call a person attracted exclusively to transpeople, for instance?) But with most people, I'm like, Are you really that special a snowflake, or are you just not ready to admit that loving a woman kind of by definition makes you a big ol' queer? Internalized homophobia runs deep, and I think labelphobia can kind of be some people's way of admitting they like the same sex without admitting that it means you're one of them now.
how about it isn't so much
how about it isn't so much about being a special snowflake but some people just don't fit into the definitions that are available like with anything there are people who are in-between and i don't mean bisexual. my mother for instance is straight but she met ONE woman who she loved. she's told me it was only her so what do you call that? bisexual? no. gay? no. straight with a little tiny curve?
i think it is more popular than people think and maybe a new term should be coined for it so people can stop labeling themselves wrongly.
Lauren
very interesting
labels are for jars
why is the whole label thing so important? if she doesn't want to be categorized and shelved according to a standard set by others, I think that's great and she should be supported.
we all have experience not fitting the "normal" hetero standard set by "society," so why should we try to make her fit ours?
I suppose this is directed at me...
I guess I'm coming across as being all "yay labels!" when I'm really not. I just don't understand the massive hangups people have about them.
I honestly don't understand how people jump from "using the current terms that exist to describe sexual orientation" to "having a label stamped on your soul for ever and ever amen." You might think the terms that exist are imprecise and fail to capture the nuance of your sexuality. Fine. That's fair. I agree. But say that, and move on.
Besides, it's expected that broad descriptive terms are going to be imprecise. I don't think words like "American" "liberal" and "agnostic" really capture the full depth and breadth of my religious, political, and national identity. But I generally use them because most people are capable of understanding that they're jumping off points, not the whole story. Why is it only when we talk about sexual orientation that everyone gets all terrified that those words we use to describe ourselves will be so powerful that they're going to obliterate every other aspect of our beings if we actually use them?
Here's the thing. She's quite happy throwing the term "straight" around in reference to herself. Sounds to me like it's not labels she's afraid of, but gay type labels. And it's fine if she's not ready to use those terms to refer to herself. She's still figuring out who she is and even if she's something other than straight, and even if she decides she's bi/queer, it takes some courage to admit that to yourself and others in a homophobic world. God knows it was hard for me. No woman should have to call herself lesbian/bisexual/queer/whatevs. But don't try to turn it around and act like you're just being more open-minded than all the women who do, especially when you've been freely applying the "straight" label (which nobody is ever afraid of having stamped on their soul) to yourself.
Expectations and Labels
I think that the inherent problem with labels is that a great deal of people don't understand that they are just a jumping off point and not the whole story, particularly when it comes to things they disagree with or that are difficult to understand. And sexuality is one of the most nuanced and baffling things in life. Labels I think are used to essentially cut down on the talking time one needs in order to explain themselves. I could spend a good 2-3 hrs explaining my own sexuality and my opinion of sexuality in general, but for convenience sake I say I'm a lesbian. The problem is for convenience sake people take that label and what they understand it to mean and infer all of that onto me, and forget or don’t realize they should delve deeper into what I mean. Friends and family do of course, but your boss or coworkers or casual acquaintances don’t, and this can get exceedingly frustrating.
And also about the “straight” label. Personally, I think the fight for equality will be finished when gay people can have the same luxury that I see straight people having, they literally don’t have to think about the fact that they’re straight. There’s no need for them to qualify what they’re saying when talking about a boyfriend or girlfriend, by explaining that they’re straight, there’s no need to come out to their parents as a straight person. While outsiders will often ascribe to them the label of straight when discussing sexuality, the self-realization of such a label is, I think practically non-existent, and it is only when they start questioning the fact that they might be gay that the issue of a label even pops up. They have the luxury of having nothing “stamped on their soul” because theirs no need to send the letter.... wow, I just tried (and I suspect failed) to extend a postage metaphor..... I think I’ll stop now. Anyways, if I’m honest I don’t like labeling myself (though I feel compelled by our society to do so on a regular basis, hence us not really having equality yet), because I can be extremely lazy and don’t want to have to think about it anymore. Yup, down with labels!! I’m going to veg in front of the TV now.
Oh, boy, this is long...
I don't disagree with anything in your first paragraph.
I agree entirely, in fact. Words are a bitch. They can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. They're subjective and they can be misunderstood or willfully misconstrued. But that is and always has been the basic dilemma of all language and communication, not something unique to "labels," which are just descriptive words.
Maybe it's just my experience, but refusing to "label" yourself doesn't necessarily mean you're going to be more clear about the nuances of your sexuality than someone who simply indentifies as queer/bi/lesbian. I've more often heard the "I don't like labels" line used as a way to shut down a discussions of someone's sexuality or to distance oneself from the gay community and that yucky gay stigma than I've heard it used to clarify and expand the concept of gay sexuality. I think that's what's driving my antipathy towards this phenomenon. I think it's related more to shame and fear than real honesty. (Whether that's true of this particular actress, I don't know. Her words just set off those alarm bells for me personally, though I admit she was a bit more forthcoming about the specifics of her sexuality that most people riding the "I don't like labels" train I've met.)
And I while I agree that it sucks that people are making assumptions about you because you identify as a lesbian, you're doing a lot of good by being out even if they don't understand your full story. Your coworkers are going have the chance to think, "Oh, I know a gay person, I know LezzyGeek!" Or, "Hmm, LezzyGeek is a lesbian, if I vote against gay rights, I'm basically voting against her." They might make that same connection with Ms. I Don't Like Labels, but I kind of doubt it.
As for your last paragraph, I don't think we'll ever get to a point where queer people don't have to think about their sexuality at all. We'll always, sadly, be a sexual minority in a sea of Kinsey 0s and 1s. There will, I think, always be a need to say, Hey, I'm different from the norm. I just don't think there needs to be any shame, stigma, or even surprise in such a discovery. I think kids are always going to be asking themselves, do I like the same sex? Do I like the opposite sex? Do I like the people who fall somewhere in between? And yeah, of course there's always going to be words to describe people based on how they answer those questions. It just won't carry anymore stigma than saying "I'm left-handed," "I'm right-handed," "I'm ambidexterous" would.
I completely agree that right now, it's harder to identify as gay than as straight. That was kind of my point in the above post, actually; that it is really hard, and it's that double standard that makes people reluctant to identify as gay/bi/queer, not a principled stand against labeling (nobody says "I don't like labels" when asked if they're a lefty). I guess I just think we'll get to a point where being gay/bi/flexible/queer is seen as equal to being straight faster the more we're actually willing to come out and say "I'm lesbian/gay/bi/flexible/queer/not straight."
i find myself...
...somewhere on the fence, whereas i agree with your post and your previous posts, because i know people hate labels but guess what, the world has them, and it has them for a reason...i do completly agree with you, no one does ever question labelisation when asked about nationality, political or religious views, it does only ever seem to prop up around sexuality....and to be honest usually happens a lot more in Hollwood because of their attitudes to the gay/bi community....even though a little more lax in recent years it still doesn't change the fact that Hollywood is quite homophobic, i can think of very few exceptions.
On the other hand, why should anyone have to clarify their sexual identity, when i came out i told my best friend i thoguht i was gay, he said ok (turns out so was he lol), told my parents and my grandparents but after they knew i didnt feel a huge desire to make an announcement, or tell n e one else (i told my parents and grandparents about it because i didnt want them to hear from somebody else or hear through the grapevine i was dating a girl and have them ringing me every 5 minutes), i have since changed my facebook interested in to women, so that people can now just assume whatever they want...
...however presenting this arguement has left me with points that counteract what i exactly said....changing facebook interesed in to women.....its a label! i have labeled myself as being intered in women (as we do on all online profiles) and telling/clarifyign myself to some people and not others (i don't understand why it was important for me to do that with certain members of my family but let the other members of my family just find out however they find out)....and i don't think it's that im ashamed of myself, but i think i do care a lot about what other people think, so i thinks thats why im not so forthright with my sexuality, but i want to be, i think it's just a matter of society evolving or just generally being more comfortable with myself
so far i have no idea if i'm making any sense, what i know is your right, the straight world don't ever have to come 'in' to their parents or anybody because (lets face it) its percieved as the norm, however i don't see celebrities not clarifying their sexual identity as being afraid or not embracing teh queer community, i think in terms of celebrities it's a lot harder to work things out when there are papperazzi outside photography you, constantly being in teh papers etc, workign out your sexuality is hard enough without everyone hanging around you and asking you every to minutes, with this actress, given time everything will be clear to her, i remember clementime ford, she said she didnt like labels........a lot!....then came out.....right? im thinking of teh right story yeah? lol
but yes, anyways lol, i never really know what to think, sometimes im like "labels are for suckers" then sometimes i think "well life is labeled, who cares just put a label on it and get on with your life!"
p.s....sorry for the length everyone
"the longest lies are told when lonely hearts won't stay to fight it" Ten Second Epic
I think i might.......
Lack of label vs wrong label
Personally I think it's fine to say "I don't really know what I am right now, I'm figuring it out" at least for awhile. If that's your argument for say, 20 yrs....well maybe you should do some self-reflection. =)
What bugs me are people who DO label themselves, but inappropriately. If you are dating a woman, you aren't straight. If you are dating a man, you aren't gay. You can be bi, or you can be "i don't know" but especially in the public eye, please don't label yourself strangely. It just adds to people thinking that lesbians just need to find the right man. Stephanie doesn't appear, from this article, to be doing that.
Props to her for being cool enough to explore what she's feeling, and I hope she's happy!
This issue has popped up
Hmmm....
I've often struggled with labels.
Are they good? Are they bad? Does it just depend on who you are and whether or not you feel the need to class yourself in a certain category. But if someone is starting to discover that maybe they aren't as straight as they thought they were then they definately shouldn't rush to label it. I dunno, I still can't decide if things are better without labels on them... just my thoughts. Definately going to be thinking about this a lot more though.
~ I've been spending too much time in California
Where your feelings change but seasons never do
And in my dream last night I felt a storm was coming
But awoke to sunny skies of baby blue...
Oh, "The Labels" discussion...
...just love it!
Good for Stephanie, 'cause she doesn't have to lie about how she is feeling.
Probably just me but I find
Probably just me but I find the title.. The Legend of Awesomest Maximus.. quite amusing. If it didn't have the 'Awesomest' bit in it I probably wouldn't.
Maybe.. "I think it's about the person".. should be a new label to add to the others, lol.
And as this is her first time of feeling this way towards another woman, its good thats she's just letting her feelings guide her.. rather than a label.
I'm a...
I certainly think
Labels, shables!!
Labels, shables!!
Yukky labels are what is wrong with the world! If she doesn't want a label than clicks to her! I'm happy for her, that she feels she's able to voice her feelings openly whilst there are so many other people who are scaried to be honest with their own feelings, afraid of persecution or judgement.
As many of you have said she probably just needs time to process these new feelings, it's a new experience for her. I remember the first time I had feelings for a women... and let me tell you, I was scaried out of my skin!!! It took me over 10 years to accept my feelings and to stick two figures up at the world and be proud of who I am and my feelings!
-
nope
not her. I think someone probably has a crush
Reading is Fundamental
I like it!
The acting and the camera shots are much better than most web-series, I'm excited to see where this goes!
Also, Stephanie Reibel is really really hot =))
Let's get one thing straight, I'm not.
I think labels can be useful
I think labels can be useful for other people. Same deal with stereotypes. They help people separate and organize the ridiculous amount of information that we're bombarded with each and every day. If someone doesn't "label" themselves, but to all outward appearances is "straight" I don't want to potentially offend that person by coming on to them - so from MY perspective the label has use. *shrug*
I definitely think that fluidity can be inherently handy when it comes to more complicated subjects i.e. sexuality - but IMO the best approach comes from combining the two. Fluidity with guidelines I guess.
labels are important and if
labels are important and if a girl considers herself straight while dating a woman or has in the past let her. i know she isn't saying that but i know some people think they can decide what to call other people.
Lauren
I think one reason people do
I think one reason people do not like the label bisexual is because it is (wrongly) associated with promiscuity. There is no good way to change this. I do wish that people who have publicly identified themselves as bisexual and then marry men or women of the opposite sex did not then say, "Now I am straight." You can be married, and wholly committed to your spouse, and still be bisexual. Bisexual does not mean you have to have sex with both sexes at the same time in your life to be fulfilled, which is how it is often portrayed in media. For some people, this is actually true, and they have polyamorous, or non-manogamous relationships. But just because someone is bi, doesn't mean they are non-manogamouse
Part of is that I think people want to identify strongly with a group. Most people automatically identify as straight, even when they might be somewhat bisexual. I always thought I was fairly bisexual, but called myself gay for the first couple years after I came out. As I explained it at age 15, "I am more attracted to women, but I wouldn't be surprised to find myself married to a man 15 years from now."
Now I identify myself as bisexual when I don't feel like actually explaining my sexuality, which is pansexual. Pansexual, because I am often attracted to people who do not express their gender in traditional ways. I am also masculine identified, to confuse the issue further. A lot of times, I flat out simply say I am queer.
I am not a no labels kind of person. But I might have contradictory labels at the same time, such as lesbian and male, and butch and bi.
Bi
To Label or not to Label
First thing, I want to make it clear that I don't intend to impose my personal views on anyone else, nor is this comment intended as a judgment of anyone, including the actress in the article. People should do what is right for them, and I can't be the judge of that.
That said, for me personally, I think claiming the label of lesbian accomplishes a couple of goals that I have. First, by claiming the label proudly, I weaken anyone else's attempt to use it against me in a derogatory way, or against anyone else, for that matter. The more people who say, "Yes, I am a lesbian, or bisexual," the more people will begin to accept all of us. That's because they will know that we exist and we're not just some outdated stereotype they had in their heads. We're real, human, people. They already know us, and like us.
Secondly, there is always going to be some element of assumed shame in refusing to be labeled. I'm not saying that the person is actually ashamed, or should be, but bigots can point and say, "see, being a lesbian is as bad as I thought, because you won't claim it for yourself. You're ashamed to be thought a lesbian." We have to ask ourselves if we're not harboring some deep-seated shame or embarrassment by refusing the label. By claiming the label proudly, by saying, "yes, I am a bisexual, and I am so happy that I finally found out what was missing in my life," we dismiss the shame, and gain power.
That's my 2 cents.
firstly it's
Stephanie REIbel I believe ;) Secondly why did you post a lot of screencaps of Kristen Howe/Jo and none of Stephanie/Rose, when the article is indeed about Rose and her role?? Below is a pic of Kristen and they don't even look similar. A little more research (or basically reading the picture descriptions on facebook ;)) would have done ya good Trish :P
okay..
women need to stop having amazingg eyes cause I need to concentrate in life sometimes..
Let's get one thing straight, I'm not.
Welcome to...
there's a word for it
pansexual or omnisexual: a sexual orientation characterized by the potential for aesthetic attraction, romantic love, or sexual desire towards people, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. Some pansexuals suggest that they are gender-blind; that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others
now everyone's happy.
What's wrong with
What's wrong with a simple:
"Hey, I met this woman and she's freaking awesome, and sexy, and I can't get her off my mind. I think I'm falling in love with her. That is all."
Maybe it's my ego speaking but I don't care if someone identifies as bi/lesbian/straight/panwhatever.
All I care about is if they want me and are willing to be with me and express that openly.
And if/when they want someone else or don't want me anymore, they can be honest about it and we can move on.
Reading is Fundamental
I agree with jackedup77
What's wrong with a simple:
"Hey, I met this woman and she's freaking awesome, and sexy, and I can't get her off my mind. I think I'm falling in love with her. That is all."
Cudos jackedup77.... That is beautifully said! I am a lesbian...I am not a dyke...I am a sister, aunt, friend, lover, bitch,... If I choose to label myself then that is on me... It is not for anyone else to decide for me... I fell in love with Tina 21+ years ago and that was all she, i.e., life, wrote for me! It is all about our love and no one elses business.
Thanks, Lisa
Busy week in celebrity-ville