TV Alert: "Tabatha's Salon Takeover" returns to Bravo tonight

Out lesbian stylist Tabatha Coffey returns to Bravo tonight for a second season of Tabatha's Salon Takeover, and in a two-minute clip of the first episode, we get a five "f--k offs!", one "go to hell, you f--king b--ch" and one "maybe you were born an a--hole" from a colorist at the salon being taken over.

Of course Tabatha is as cool as the breeze of her homeland in Surfer's Paradise, Australia: "I may have been born an a--hole, but at least I'm really good at what I do."

And that, my friends, is Tabatha's Salon Takeover in 120 seconds. Well, except for the cool and collected part. Sometimes Tabatha loses it — and that's half the fun. Here are a few of her best critiques from the second season clips available at Bravo.com.

"You are the most f--king annoying, aggravating, arrogant, delusional man that I think I have ever met."

In response to "I have to get a brush": "You have to get a f--king brain as well."

"Put some clothes on, because you look like a bunch of f--king hillbillies."

"If you call me 'hon' one more time, I swear to God I am going to whack you upside the head."

"She's vacant; there is no one home. Nothing."

"You look like you should be on a street corner."

In response to: "I'm sorry; I feel bad": [head nod] "You should feel bad."

"I don't give a f--k if you like me or not, because you know what? I can't stand you."

"I'm not a violent person, but I want to just beat the living hell out of you."

"This has to be the most ghetto, unprofessional thing I have seen in 26 years. It's useless. Just absolutely f--king useless."

"You're a f--king insecure, egotistical, moronic, asinine f--k head. That's what you are."

Tabatha got her break on Bravo during the first season of Shear Genius. She may have lost the show to the other lesbian stylist, Dee Adames, but she won the fan favorite award because of her acerbic wit. And her skill. But mostly her acerbic wit.

Bravo realized immediately that they'd found someone who fit perfectly with their formulaic vision (gay + talented + gorgeous + caustic = cha-ching!), so they offered her a show where she could go into other people's salons and make them cry whip them into shape.

It's a formula that's worked out well for everyone. Well, except for faint-hearted stylists. For them, she reserves her stiffest judgment and my personal favorite Coffey-quip: "Stop crying!"

Tabatha's Salon Takeover airs tonight at 10:00 p.m. EST on Bravo. Will you be watching?