A few weeks ago, I called Sandra Bullock‘s rom-com, All About Steve, part of her comeback tour. Boy, did I get that wrong.
What I didn’t know at the time was that All About Steve has been collecting shelf dust for two years, because the movie’s financial backers didn’t know what to do with it. After Bullock’s stellar box office showing in The Proposal and Bradley Cooper‘s surprise success in The Hangover, the good folks who brought us Miss Congeniality 2 decided to go ahead and release Steve. It came out Friday to the worst Rotten Tomatoes ratings I have ever seen in my life. It was late afternoon on Friday before it moved past a zero percent approval rating.
Still, Steve brought in over 13 million dollars on opening weekend (though there is no record of how many people demanded their ten bucks back after the movie was over). So, to celebrate its moderate success, and the addition of another terrible film into the single-digit Rotten Tomatoes review canon, we bring you our list of 11 Worst Movies Staring A-List Ladies:
11) I Still Know What You Did Last Summer – There are so many things wrong with Jennifer Love Hewitt‘s sequel to I Know What You Did Last Summer, including the movie title. You still know what I did? Awesome, because if you stopped knowing what I did, that probably means you suffered some sort of head trauma. Which, come to think of it, is kind of what it feels like to watch this movie. 10) Basic Instinct 2 – No amount of leg-crossing and uncrossing could save Sharon Stone‘s Basic Instinct sequel. We don’t need to revisit our favorite femme fatales in the theater; we’ve got DVD players for that. 9) First Daughter – Remember when Katie Holmes was still trying to shake the Joey Potter type-casting? Yeah, this movie didn’t do it. It was a good film, though – when it was set in Europe and starred Mandy Moore and was called Chasing Liberty. 8) The Perfect Man – Or, as I like to call it, “That movie where Mr. Big cheats on Carrie with Heather Locklear, thanks to the shenanigans of Lizzy McGuire and that girl who looks like the sister of that boy from Jerry McGuire.” I just saved you the time of reading the synopsis on Netflix! You’re welcome. 7) Swept Away – It’s a good concept, right? Madonna and Jennifer Aniston in a romantic comedy? Sadly, you would waste less time watching A League of Their Own and all ten seasons of Friends than you would spending 90 minutes with Swept Away. 6) Legally Blonde 2 – Another excellent movie gone to hell in the sequel hand basket. Everything adorable about Reese Witherspoon‘s Elle is amped up to unbearable. It serves up every dumb blonde stereotype the first movie so campily combated. 5) Because I Said So – This isn’t the worst movie ever made, but when you consider that it stars Diane Keaton, Mandy Moore, Lauren Graham and PiperPerabo , and it still leaves you feeling unsatisfied in the end? Well, that makes it top 5 material. 4) Catwoman – When Halle Berry spends two hours in a leather suit and the movie is still unwatchable, you know something is wrong. 3) Elektra – I blame Jennifer Garner‘s Elektra for the fact that there’s still no live-action Wonder Woman movie. Garner is an action rock star and Elektra is a serious bad-ass, but Elektra‘s screenplay was the worst. Its failure at the box office has left investors feeling timid about superhero movies with female leads, and that is unacceptable. 2) I Know Who Killed Me – Oh, Lindsay Lohan, I don’t know who killed you, but I know what movie tried to kill your career. (Hint, it wasn’t Mean Girls!) I Know Who Killed me is one of those movies you assume can’t get worse as the story progresses, but then it absolutely does. It is one giant clusterfrak, wrapped around a stripper pole. 1) Gigli – This movie about a lesbian who falls for a man is not only commonly accepted as the worst movie ever made, it’s also responsible for bringing together Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, and as we all know, that was the beginning of the trend of combining celebrity couple names. For “Bennifer” alone, Gigli deserves the number one spot. Did anyone see All About Steve this weekend? What movies do you think deserve a spot on our list?
