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The Best and Worst of “The L Word” Season 2

We here at AfterEllen.com pride ourselves on delivering the most provocative and nuanced criticism on the web, but this week we thought we’d take a little break. After all, The L Word wrapped up its second season last Sunday, and that means we have at least seven months before Season 3 premieres-plenty of time to nitpick the producers’ choices in Season 2. So instead of launching into a full-throttle critique of heterosexual privilege and its manifestations in the misguided Mark storyline, we thought we’d compile a list of the best and worst moments from last season. Here it is, in random order.

Best Kiss — Carmen and Shane’s game of “Too Hot” in episode 2.03 (“Loneliest Number”) definitely turned up the heat and set a new bar for kissing on The L Word. Watching that scene made that game look like the best invention since Twister.

Worst Kiss — Despite the fact that Kit (Pam Grier) is one hot mama, even she couldn’t make kissing Benjamin Bradshaw (Charles S. Dutton) look good. When she and the self-help guru locked lips after their illicit lunch date (episode 2.06, “Lagrimas de Oro”), their lack of chemistry should have reached out and slapped them. Where’s Ivan when you need him?

Best Seduction — Shane may be the resident heartthrob, but Bette is the real mack daddy. Her trip to New York in episode 2.04 (“Lynch Pin”) may not have landed her a grant from the Peabody Foundation, but it did land her a cute little number from the Starlight Bar. After downing a couple of vodka martinis, Bette swaggered over to the nameless brunette like the hottest shark you ever saw and asked, “Do you wanna dance?” Saying no was never an option.

Worst Seduction — Unfortunately for the nameless older lesbian in episode 2.11 (“Loud and Proud”), she never went to Bette’s School of Seduction. Her attempt to woo Jenny with the line “What’s the matter? Am I too old or too suburban or something?” was both pathetic and just plain weird.

Best Sex Scene — Alice and Dana would have been a cinch for this award given their creative use of costumes on the Olivia Cruise, but since Dana cut out early due to seasickness, the award has to go to Tina and Bette, who reunited briefly on episode 2.09 (“Late, Later, Latent”). The emotion and sincerity in the scene made it one of the most multilayered, meaningful love scenes on the show.

Worst Sex Scene — While many lesbian viewers may object to straight sex scenes because The L Word is a show about lesbians, I don’t mind them-as long as they’re sexy. But in episode 2.01 (“Life, Love, Leaving”), we got an example of a decidedly unsexy straight sex scene when Tim (Eric Mabius) barged into Jenny’s room in the middle of the night, woke her up, and basically mounted her with no foreplay whatsoever. To make matters worse, after about a minute (just when Jenny seemed to be getting into it) he decided he had enough and left. After that, I think pretty much any woman would turn into a dyke.

Best Dressed — In a wardrobe department full of “eccentric” outfits, Bette’s closet stands head and shoulders above the others in terms of style, elegance, and that indefinable hot-damn element. Perhaps it’s just that Jennifer Beals has the grace to carry off even high-waisted trousers with suspenders, but even when Bette is down in her cups, she looks damn good. (An honorable mention has to go to Alice in her scrumptious Julie costume.)

Worst Dressed — Out of a plethora of choices, we have a tie in this category between Jenny’s white doily dress (episode 2.03, “Loneliest Number”) and Alice’s red velour boob tube/track shorts Pride outfit (2.11, “Loud and Proud”). All I can say is, at least Alice wore those accompanying Ray-Bans with pride.

Best Hair — Regular readers of AfterEllen.com will remember that I have a certain fascination with hair on The L Word. Let’s just say that this year everybody on the show should get an award for Most Improved Hair, but the winner in this category has to be Bette. Again, just like her wardrobe, her hair always looks good. Even when Bette was floating face-down in her pool, her hair managed to fan out in the water perfectly. That’s a miracle.

Worst Hair — I picked on Shane’s hair a lot last year, but this year Shane has also improved-on some occasions. I’m going to choose to believe that her hair is a state of her mood, and that when the strange little bleached ducktail on the back of her head emerges, she’s having a bad day. So sometimes Shane has the Worst Hair, and sometimes she’s just really cute.

Best Villain — Who would have thought that I would ever develop fond memories of Tonya (Meredith McGeachie), whom Alice accused of poisoning Dana’s Mr. Piddles? But after that hilarious dream sequence in episode 2.03 (“Loneliest Number”) which Tonya left hot pink lipstick prints all over Alice’s stunned face, Tonya quickly skyrocketed to the top of the villains list. She really was someone we all loved to hate-and McGeachie played her with admirable tongue-in-cheek aplomb.

Worst Villain — Shane and Jenny’s roommate Mark (Eric Lively) is a shoo-in for this award. Mark’s behavior was offensive, sure, but he was also boring, and his sudden change-of-heart combined with an obvious obsession with Shane was unbelievable and, dare I say it, lame.

Best Guest Star — On Season 1, The L Word made a mistake by having the sole Asian character be the hysterical (as in, apparently crazy) girlfriend of Bette and Tina’s baby daddy. The show made amends this year by casting Linda Ko as the calm, assured nurse that Bette hired to care for her dying father beginning in episode 2.12 (“L’Chaim”). Thank you, casting directors.

Worst Guest Star — Ariana Huffington’s appearance in episode 2.01 (“Life, Loss, Leaving”) was clearly a throwaway celebrity placement, and an uninteresting one at that.

Best Use of Music in an EpisodeThe L Word has been pretty adventurous with its sound this year, and music director ezgirl (a.k.a. Elizabeth Ziff of Betty) definitely got it right in episode 2.09 (“Late, Later, Latent”) when she chose to layer Heart’s “No Other Love” over Bette and Tina’s love scene. That song’s minimalist aesthetic and one verse of repeated lyrics was perfect for the emotion and intensity of the scene.

Worst Use of Music in an Episode — The theme song has really taken a beating this year, and while I admit I am not a fan of its spy-girl-meets-surfer-chick sound, I would have been okay with it if it had been limited to the opening credits. However, the theme song reappears throughout most episodes in endless variation (xylophone, cello, French), hammering home the fact that “this is the way that we live.” Message to ezgirl: okay, we get it! Girls in tight dresses drag with mustaches!

Best Angst-ridden Moment — Dyke drama was showcased in its finest form during Tonya and Dana’s bridal shower in episode 2.05 (“Labryinth”) when a miserable Bette toasted the mismatched couple. “I lift my glass to caring…and kindness and trust…and longevity and respect. To all the things that you’ll need to keep your love alive,” Bette began. “I wish you… happiness. And I hope that you forever spare each other pain. And if you find that is impossible,” she concluded with heartbreaking honesty, “then I wish you forgiveness.” Did you hear that massive rustling sound? That was thousands of lesbians pulling out their tissues at the same moment.

Worst Angst-ridden Moment — Tina’s emotional breakdown with Helena (2.09, “Late, Later, Latent”) shortly after she slept with Bette was so over-the-top bizarre that I kept wondering if Tina was flailing out at Helena on purpose in order to drive her away. The scene was a seesaw between stereotypical pregnant hormones gone bad and questionable acting–neither Laurel Holloman nor Rachel Shelley convinced me that the two characters were really in the moment.

Best Use of a Prop — The dildo at the airport in episode 2.10 (“Land Ahoy”) wins, hands-down. (No pun intended.)

Worst Use of a Prop — “Land Ahoy” delivers again on this category. The Phoebe Sparkle/Amy Ziff extended love scene featured the use of a cello. No musical instrument that fine should suffer that kind of indignity.

Best Man — For two seasons now, Bette’s assistant James (Preston Cook) has stood by her through numerous personal and professional challenges. Even though James was forced to reveal Bette’s personal schedule to Helena on threat of being fired during the season finale, he still deserves to be the winner in this category. Go James!

Worst Man — Mark’s lascivious, one-dimensional buddy-in-crime, Gomey (Sam Easton) takes the prize in this case. Mark would have won this category, except he already won for Worst Villain, and in my random rules for judging, one man cannot win more than one category.

Best Public Service Message Moment — In 2.09 (“Late, Later, Latent”), Alice crawls up to Dana and declares seductively, “Dana. Many bona fide lesbians find strapping it on the ultimate way of fucking.” Alice, if your radio career doesn’t succeed, there’s probably a job for you at your local sex toy store.

Worst Public Service Message Moment — The season finale featured Gloria Steinem (love her, much respect) in a round-table discussion at Bette’s father’s funeral about feminism and its intersection with lesbianism. A fascinating and worthy topic, but the conversation was both contrived and unconvincing, not to mention it seemed really inappropriate for a funeral.

Best Actress, Drama — Even if Jenny is a bit crazy, Mia Kirshner invests her with real dignity. Go Mia!

Best Actress, Comedy — Leisha Hailey has emerged as the show’s star comedic actress. Her timing is always perfect, and she plays the straight man with a skill found only in real dykes.

What do you think of our list? Share your own Best and Worst Moments from Season 2 of The L Word in the Forum, or see what other viewers thought of the season in our L Word polls.

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