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Lesbian Scientistics: handicapping "The L Word" spin-off

Heather Hogan

Have you heard? There is an L Word spin-off in the works, and a possible web series too! Of course you've heard: You're gay, aren't you? You like to watch girls kiss. Where else are you going to see that happen?

The forums and comments are abuzz with predictions about which character will headline the spin-off, and what stories (if any) the writers have left to explore. Below, we'll handicap each character's odds of making past season 6, and we'll throw in some charts to help it all make sense.

Character: Bette

Odds of spin-off: 250:1

Possible storylines: After she fails once more at monogamy, Bette moves to New York City, where she embraces her identity as a woman so hot audiences don't mind her perpetual cheater pants lifestyle. She buys an art gallery, marches around in power suits, bosses everyone around, and sleeps with whomever she wants, whenever she wants.

Character: Alice

Odds of spin-off: 10:1

Possible storylines: A 30 Rock/Studio 60 view inside Alice's job on The Look. If only The L Word spin-off could find a writer who enjoyed exploiting that whole story-within-a-story-within-a-story thing.

Character: Tina

Odds of spin-off: 300:1

Possible storylines: Reeling from yet another breakup with Bette, Tina moves to the south, where her accent comes out full-force. While she navigates life in a town full of people who have never met a lesbian or a bi-racial child, Tina literally takes a page from Jenny's book. Using the Screenwriting for Dummies guide she once bought, she pens her life story. Filming will take place in the coastal south, Charleston or Savannah, so Tina can exposit her text through dolphins.

Character: Jenny

Odds of spin-off: 100:1

Possible storylines: An Earl-style redemption drama where Jenny tries to make amends for her years of wreaking havoc. First stop: Hollywood Humane Society.

Character: Max

Odds of spin-off: 1,000:1

Possible storylines: When his Match.com profile, which lists his favorite activities as "internet searches" and "podcasts," fails to bring him true love, Max leaves the self-absorption and hypocrisy of West Hollywood to travel the country with some gypsies in a Volkswagon van. None of them are transgendered, but they find common ground in their love of 5 1/4" floppy discs and DOS-based computer games.

Character: Shane

Odds of spin-off: 10:1

Possible storylines: Upon realizing that The L Word has been her own personal Groundhog Day, Shane breaks free from the vortex and begins life as a sexy single woman who is capable of more than perpetually sabotaging her life, and the lives of the women she loves. Shane starts her own company that is never — shockingly enough — torched, flooded, or huffed-and-puffed down by a scorned ex-lover.

Character: Helena

Odds of spin-off: 50:1

Possible storylines: Helena speaks often in her sexy accent and has lots of interactions with Holland Taylor. Story can take place anywhere.

Malinda reported live from the TCA that season 6 of The L Word is going to have a "mystery component." To fully understand the impact of that creative decision, please examine the following chart.

Finally, what should we hope for in a spin-off?

Which character do you think will land the spin-off? What stories would you like to see explored? And, perhaps most importantly, what letter will sponsor Chaiken's new series? "M" for "Meta" and "Masturbatory Opus"? "D" for "Don't care, you'll watch it anyway"? "A" for "Angelica should be the star?" Or are there still more actual "L" words left?

Heather Hogan's blog

Submitted by

Heather Hogan

on July 23, 2008 - 11:00am.

TAGS ::

HAHAHAHAH

Submitted by

Leah (23 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:01am.

These have to be one of my favourite blogs. I think Helena would be a fun character to follow, but if they want ratings, it will either be Shane or Alice. I wouldn't mind seeing more of Alice. She's phenomenal. Or do I mean Leisha?

its gotta be....

Submitted by

theJadedRogue (37 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:04am.

All about Shane, face it, a plethera of one-night stands, er I mean guest stars....

www.myfandoms.com

Tasha

Submitted by

Amanda (17 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:07am.

I wouldn't be surprised to see a spinoff with Tasha at the helm. It seemed like they were starting to set it up at the end of the 5th season. Break away from the L Word community and maybe focus on real people...Yeah, Right. That's likely to happen.

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Submitted by

ag1268 (29 posts)

on July 26, 2008 - 11:29am.

PPL are putting their money on Leisha and Shane, maybe Jennifer...Anything is possible if the right money is offered. I just don't think Leisha is the one, only because she wants to concentrate on her music career. But I could be wrong. If she can juggle both demanding mediums, then I'm all for it. I'm anxious to see who the mystery person is gonna be.

http://leishahaileyfans.blogspot.com

Dana

Submitted by

e.i.cats (5 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:08am.

It was all just a dream that Jenny was having, and Dana is not dead. Kinda like Dallas. So I'm going with Dana.

My personal preference

Submitted by

Bodhi (52 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:09am.

1) We follow Lara to San Francisco where we learn about Lesbian Sex in the City - but in another city.

2) The continuing psychotic drama of Dawn Denbo

But I can live with a Helena spin-off any time

Also, another question:With Bette totally dominating the screen everytime she's on - does a Bette Porter spin-off counts as a "spin-off"?

I agree. San Francisco!

Submitted by

Paperback-Writer (344 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 2:39pm.

I agree. San Francisco! with Lara Perkins!

That, or Helena goes back to jail, and then a Bad Girls-esque television show is brought to life.

As much as I like Shane, I think she's done. Maybe she goes to SF to find Carmen?

BWhahahahahah

Submitted by

milena87 (58 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:12am.

That was pure genius! :P

Helena would be great for a spin-off, she can be herself even without the rest of the cast, and she is amazing. So please be Helena! ç_ç

The letter will be obviously M lol

what?

Submitted by

atticusgirl (32 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:15am.

French fries aren't vegetables?? LMAO. That whole "suspension of disbelief" chart made my morning. Today's blog is sponsored by the letter "F" for F-ing Funny.

FUNny!

Submitted by

Jerisa (3 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:16am.

Truthfully, I would probably watch anything that came on television that focused on the lives of gorgeous lesbians. But I think that the Alice story would interest me that most. There could be a story line of her getting a job in Atlanta (hint hint) or New York and having to leave all of her girls in LA. Of course that would open the doors to guest performances by all of our beloved L word characters, but the main story would be Alice's new job, her new loves and of course the success of our chart. I think it would be “fabulous” .

leisha hailey

Submitted by

Alyssa (88 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:18am.

will probaly be working on her music, so i dont think the spin off is about her.

Ditto

Submitted by

ag1268 (29 posts)

on July 26, 2008 - 11:31am.

I agree Alyssa.

http://leishahaileyfans.blogspot.com

Ha.

Submitted by

Spill Jill (106 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:22am.

First of all, this was awesome.

I'd love to see it be the incredible Jennifer Schecter, but I would need to eat all the Lucky Charms a raft floating away into the Pacific Ocean could hold to see that come to fruition.

I think it'll be Alice/Leisha. But they're going to have to redeem her quite a bit to make up for last season in order to get me interested again.

Who am I kidding? I'll be there watching regardless. With jazz hands.

What about Kit? Or Carmen!

Submitted by

desertsky (25 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:23am.

What about Kit? Or Carmen! A mystery already left hangin' with that one.

I would love to see either Alice or Dana in the spin-off. Hopefully it won't involve Betty *shudder* in any capacity.

hmmm..

Submitted by

Rainey (37 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:33am.

I really wish it would be alice/leisha because she is hilarious and my favorite character but i think she's probably gonna want to work on her music so with that being said i think shane/kate will be the next choice...

B.L.B.E. - Best Lesbian Blog Ever

Submitted by

frogprincess (82 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:35am.

Great blog. From a practical standpoint, I think it could be Shane. And they'll try to make the show about a younger group of people. But they've worked on making Shane very not lovable the past season, so they'll have to work on that, but I think they'll do it....I think she'll hook up with Jenny in the final season (which I don't love, but think is going to happen)....but Jenny will leave her instead of Shane doing the leaving and that will leave Shane single to spinoff her own series...ride up to San Francisco solo on a motorcycle into the sunset? They'll try to make the spinoff even younger and hipper. I think the locale of the spinoff will be just as interesting as the character they spin off. They can't really keep it in Los Angeles since basically, we've learned, all the lesbians in Los Angeles live on that particular street and hang out where our current lovely ladies abode. But I think Alice moving to NYC is a good possible second. I think it will wreck Kate M. and Leisha H. to break up the family again - remember what a wreck they were when Dana went bye bye, poor things. Maybe they should keep Kate M. and Leisha H. together.

LMAO. stuntdouble,

Submitted by

chismes (133 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:36am.

youz a genius.

my fave part definitely has to be the "suspension of disbelief" chart for dana. hilariousss.

Hilarious

Submitted by

sleepylobster (164 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:44am.

I love them all, and I would watch most anything with any of them. I think though that Leisha H. is the strongest to carry a series on her own, and Erin D. if they hadn't killed her off :)

....

Submitted by

roc (294 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:45am.

Heh

60's remake

Submitted by

stormy (190 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:50am.

Shane runs away to a catholic convent and becomes a flying nun. It worked for Sally Field!

stunt double you're awesome

Submitted by

mak 23 (149 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:51am.

i must say, there aren't many things in the world i enjoy more than stunt double's pie charts and bar graphs!

i don't quite know how i feel about a spin off, but i suppose a spin off is better than nothing at all! i would love to see helena continue to be helena or bette go on to rock more power suites, but i'm not sure they would do that. my guess is alice. regardless i'm excited to just see the 6th season already!

Shane all the way!!!

Submitted by

Brittany (16 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:52am.

Even though I have doubts about Kate wanting to continue her role as Shane. I think that if they have promised to make some serious changes to her character in the next season and beyond she might be into it. that being said a show all about Shane would get major ratings as long as they get her off of this mouse wheel she's been for the last three seasons. if not i don't care how many hot sex sences she has i'm not watching. ( i can't believe I just said that!!!) I just don't see it working for any of the other characters except Alice or maybe Jenny. I think it could work for Alice but I don't see it being a drama and a sitcom WILL TANK. Jenny could easily lift out of the group as well but the only problem with her is that she's the character people love to hate. i don't see a show lasting with a character that most people just love to bitch about. jenny makes for great drama but watching her swirl around in chaos and drama every week is not appealing. and taking away her drama queen status by making her realize that the world does not revolve around jenny shecter would ruin who jenny is so that wouldn't work. what i really wish is that they could have not killed dana and had a show with shane, alice and dana. that would have been awesome!!!

is this mean?

Submitted by

jitka (68 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 5:17pm.

I just find that Kate M. has forgotten that she is not Shane and that she was all along playing a character... I say this because in that liz feldman interview (when the season had ended, therefore, they were no longer shooting), kate was still dressing like shane, and speaking like shane etc. Same as with that "podcast" I saw on youtube awhile ago that she filmed with Leisha. And like in photos of L-word premieres or parties(ie where she's with Paris)-- the girl still looks like Shane. Loss of identity or misplaced identity or whatever. I've noticed and I think it's kinda sad.

So maybe Kate shouldn't want to play shane anymore for her own health..? I dunno, maybe it's just me who sees it this way.

I'm not at all happy about what chaiken/L-word writers have done with shane because I think boi-dykes need to be see on t.v but come on! She's the most boring character. And to be honest, I completely fell in-love with Kate Moennig back when I didn't know her name and she was just that pretty dykey girl in the Our Lady Peace video. So I'd probably tune in anyway even if it was Shane. I too am hoping some drastically different and realistic changes come about if Shane is chosen.

you have a point.

Submitted by

Brittany (16 posts)

on July 24, 2008 - 3:06pm.

i think the lines between kate and shane have blurred a lot over the years. but i think it has more to do with fans and the media than kate. if you watch almost any interview she does it's hard for her to even get any real questions about herself. all she gets is your so hot!!! *drool! drool!* and the personal questions they do ask most of them she won't answer. so it's hard to establish who kate is exactly when most know so little about her. but if you go back and do find some of the other work that she has done or pictures you will see that kate and shane do have some similar style. kate is just naturally androgynous her style hasn't shifted all that much. (although she was a bit more feminate at the beinging of the show) the reality is Shane McCutcheon is the role Kate Moenning was born to play. It's never going to be forgotten and the ship has already sailed if she or anybody else thought she could escape typecasting. Kate = Shane it's that simple.

erm...

Submitted by

chismes (133 posts)

on July 26, 2008 - 1:56am.

what you see in interviews and photos shouldn't be the basis of your opinion on kate. it's not a true reflection of who she is as a person. how can you assume that kate's clothing style and shane's "style" isn't naturally the same? if you see the 1st season, the clothes that the character wears are pretty different than what she would wear in recent seasons. how do you know that the costume designer didn't base shane's style on kates? i'm sorry, but i don't think you should assume that kate has forgotten that she isn't the character she plays, when you don't know her at all. and i'm really not sure at all why kate playing shane negatively affects her "health." and as for the liz feldman interview, the whole point was a joke on the fact that so many people confuse shane for kate and vice versa. and i really don't see how she was speaking like shane.

Danish

Submitted by

Ms. Davies (80 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:54am.

I think the spin off should be with Alice, who still thinks about Dana all the time, and Dana could be like a ghost and walk around with Alice.

<3 Erin Daniels

______________________________

savespashley.com

TV taken seriously

Submitted by

tellofilms (137 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:57am.

I just love how seriously afterellen.com staffers take their tv watching. Where else to you get charts and graphs...not Access Hollywood or Entertainment Tonight! I think the trend started with Lori on the SMMWT vlog but I just love it.

Keep the science of lesbians on TV coming ladies- I just can't get enough!

Check out and upload great lesbian videos on www.tellofilms.com

a quick favorite

Submitted by

brightClik5 (113 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 12:41pm.

this column has quickly become a favorite of mine here. i check back each time hoping there will be a new installation of "logic" and "stats" where none should exist. makes my day a little brighter. :)

personally, i'd love to see more TV time for Shane. love her.

alice!!

Submitted by

paradisesofar (113 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 1:03pm.

Ok now who wouldn't love an alice spin off....
with dana comming back and shane being shane....

that would make my year!!

None of Them

Submitted by

Dykeleen (3 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 1:04pm.

I think that they will totally do a CSI thing and have an Lword New York Or Lword Miami.

Whole new characters with all new drama.

Personally I have seen enought of all of them and would like to see an introduction of some new actresses.

hahah

Submitted by

Rockstar (149 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 1:47pm.

stuntdouble you're a genius!!!

your blogs never fail to crack me up.. yea, here i am at home by myself laughing hysterically like a crazy person..

bette :)

Submitted by

kekskonstrukt (13 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 2:09pm.

i would love to watch that storyline :D
(although i don't like the cheating part...)

great blog btw... ;-)

I vote for Bette!

Submitted by

FreewheelNat (120 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 2:14pm.

I vote for Bette Porter, I can't get enough of her! Yes, I've got a thing about bossy women, can't get my eyes off them...

If not Bette, then Alice or Helena would be fun.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taking off - the novel, coming soon. Starring Katie, a lesbian in London...

In the meanwhile, you can read reviews of films and books with lesbian/bi characters and/or taking place in London at www.takingoff.org

it is so going to be Jenny

Submitted by

Anonymous

on July 23, 2008 - 2:33pm.

it is so going to be Jenny

I'm rooting for Helena!!!

Submitted by

Nero18 (82 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 2:36pm.

I'm rooting for Helena!!!

Come on! She was completely written out of "The L Word" in season 5!!! I want to see her in that spin-off!

i think helena, alice and

Submitted by

AshBun (43 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 2:49pm.

i think helena, alice and jenny would all make great choices for the spin-off, but i seriously don't think it would be alice (due to leisha's music career and all) .. however i do have this strange feeling its going to be Adele .. not sure why ..

but obviously i'm rooting for Carmen .. you can never have too much Sarah Shahi on TV .. especially when she's making out with chicks. *yum*

Dana!

Submitted by

Tess (91 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 2:56pm.

I think they should merge a Dead Like Me spinoff with the L Word one, and make Dana the main character. Maybe she could haunt Alice or Lara a bit too.

If not I vote for the Helena/Holland Taylor one. It can be like an older, gayer, more british version of Gilmore Girls, and who wouldn't want that?

Ooh ooh!

Submitted by

SpecialK7 (160 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 3:45pm.

If not I vote for the Helena/Holland Taylor one. It can be like an older, gayer, more british version of Gilmore Girls, and who wouldn't want that?

Wow, totally took the words out of my mouth :) I vote for Helena or Dawn Denbo. I wouldn't be able to stand watching a series about Shane or Jenny. And please, not Adele. I know everyone loves Shane, but I just don't see it. Sorry.

And I love LOVE the pie charts and graphs. Makes me so happy and I feel like such a dork. PS. I grew up watching General Hospital, so having Dana come back to life is cool with me ;)

Helena! but set in London

Submitted by

faith_in_buffy (140 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 3:27pm.

Okay never gonna happen. But I still think it'd be cool.

I actually love Jenny and wouldn't mind the spin off being about her. But season 1 was all about Jenny so it would kinda just seem like the L word again.

"My life's like a romantic comedy that's never romantic! Or comedic! My life is nothing like a romantic comedy!" - Caitlin (Cashmere Mafia)

Fabulous

Submitted by

bananaboat (49 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 3:43pm.

My money's on Alice or Helena. Great handicapping!

"Cheater pants" hehehehe.

Helena!

Submitted by

Lopeytal (43 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 8:02pm.

"Helena speaks often in her sexy accent and has lots of interactions with Holland Taylor. Story can take place anywhere."

Ooo, ooo! Yes please!

Alice. There is no doubt

Submitted by

Skadi22 (13 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 9:21pm.

Alice.

There is no doubt about it!

Double the bet, double the odds

Submitted by

eohl (139 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 9:30pm.

For some strange reason i was a fan of the Ghost and Mrs Muir as a tyke. So ... a spin off using this theme could incorporate and bring Dana and Alice back together again. The Ghost and Ms Piezeki :)

I know ... it is a reach.

Original Sounder's vet

Submitted by

spotticus (641 posts)

on July 23, 2008 - 9:50pm.

That would be a clean break from L.A., and she was smokin' hot. "Santa Barbara Veterinary", delving into the lives of Santa Barbara's finest veterinarians! Oh the drama, the humanity, the cute furry critters. So much potential. Considering most of the recent American tv hits have been remakes of shows from other countries, this would make sense, no? ; )

What does the Future hold

Submitted by

sduggan (1 post)

on July 23, 2008 - 11:23pm.

How about Angelica?!?!?!?

What's to say the spin-off can't be sometime in the future. Angelica heading off to college leaving the nest of Momma T and Momma B.. It could lead to a whole set on new characters and adventures....

Out of Alice, Jenny and Shane:

Submitted by

pfn (6 posts)

on July 24, 2008 - 3:18am.

Has to be Jenny! Here's why:

Because she is the most interesting. She's smart, she's a writer, at the beginning of her career, sexy, mysterious, emotional (very much a lesbian) etc etc. I can see Shane too but she's BEEN THERE DONE ALL OF "THEM." -Know what I mean? There's still discovery into Jenny's character. Plus when she falls she falls hard. Her career can take the show into so many different realms of entertainment, not to mention, all of the interesting woman she could meet on her way to making another movie, writing another story, meeting more woman on projects. I like the idea about taking the show to San Franciso. I'm there every month and there is no better place for a lesbian show or writer to reside.

Come on, Jenny is so

Submitted by

Skadi22 (13 posts)

on July 24, 2008 - 3:58am.

Come on, Jenny is so boring...

I prefer Alice in Wonderland, it's so much better in my opinion! :)

Jenny is not boring

Submitted by

pfn (6 posts)

on July 25, 2008 - 6:06pm.

Ah, she's suddle... She's interesting and her as a movie writer in the L Word -her scenes brought more excitement to the show. I like Alice a lot but last season the writers were turning her character into a sitcom version of Chelsea Lately. (btw Chelsea needs to come outta the closet already!) Ha. Alice's sex scenes weren't very "steamy" either. Jenny is younger has more to offer a spin off in terms of setting, discovering new characters, city locations, and sexier love scenes.

Just my thoughts~

10:1 for the mountain lion???

Submitted by

pussywillow (163 posts)

on July 24, 2008 - 6:47am.

Knowing how perverse Chaiken is about not meeting audience expectations, it'll probably be a spin-off about Tim. (Oh yay - more blow jobs for the lesbian community.) And the much-vaunted mystery? Why on earth anyone would tune in...

For crying out loud! Someone give Angela Robinson her own show already.

Love Pussy xx

If Bette gets her own show,

Submitted by

Ahhh_Cool (45 posts)

on July 24, 2008 - 8:00am.

If Bette gets her own show, I have a feeling it would end up being a lot like Work Out, except in an art gallery rather than a gym.

SCARY.

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