cathy is  awesome 

and hot and i just love her style

great advice and once again good vlog

and jennifer corday rocks

Mmm...Porn and rok n roll...

Awesome vlog...awesome advice...awesome guest...Hell Yea!!

 And Cathy, you have the best laugh ever ;-)

Wow! Did ya see how wiggy these ladies got w/o you Debuono??? Not me. I was fine. I'm gonna quickly cancel my missing persons report and be right back to watch the vlog. Hooray!

All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story.

James Baldwin

Cathy is hot as ever and I have to say that Jennifer Corday rocks!  I didn't know of her before this but now I'm a fan!

Jennifer has a great voice and it was fun to watch her on the vlog.  I think she should have her own thing on AfterEllen. 

The last song! I almost peed my pants! I looooooved it!

--- "In three words I can sum up everything I know about life: it goes on" Robert Frost ---

you made me think about my lost loved ones (thats never a bad thing:o) specialy my dad. Great advise once again Cathy thank you. 

the song at the end ROFLMAO  i LOVED it and you guys all singing along what do your neighbours think of so much noise ;o)

............................................................................................

but we´re never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy

Cathy- I love your advice, your honesty, your style. You've made me cry more than once now with your heartfelt words of encouragement- you make me feel like I'm not alone. It seems that at least one of your topics each week is something I have been or am currently dealing with myself, and I wanted to thank you for being the voice of comfort and understanding.

I lost my grandmother six years ago this week. Her birthday and the day she died are ten days apart, and my birthday (today) is right in between. I can't quite believe it's been six years, but I'm just now able to have some perspective on it and celebrate her life, as you and Jennifer put it. I will never stop missing her, but she's safe in a place in my heart that's slowly being healed.

I started going to therapy for the first time two months ago, and also began watching your vlog. I feel like I get two sessions every week, one with my counselor and one with you. I'm very grateful for your insight and your candor. Thank you so much for being here, and being who you are. 

Though we choose between reality and madness, it's either sadness or euphoria.

-- Billy Joel

"If you should see her...tell her I miss her still." -- Galinda. 'Wicked'

Cathy,  Another engaging, fun, and helpful vlog.  I thought of you and your vlog recently when I watched a dvd called "For the Bible Tells Me So."  I wanted to recommend it to you because I thought it might be something you could, in turn, recommend to some of the women who write to you--in particular those who struggle with coming out because of their religious upbringing and religious families.  The movie is clear about the consequences of homophobia on the health of LGBT youth, and it is affirming in its refutation of the religious right's allegedly bible-based diatribes against gay people.  It includes dialogues with biblical scholars who establish a coherent argument that the bible does not disdain us.  Anyhow, I'd be curious to see what you think

The mourning part of the vlog was very moving... what a bad year you had Cathy... Mourning really is all about letting people go, but keeping them close... love that paradox.

I love the segment where you get carried away about people asking how NOT coming out ;-)

The M&M's story is so sad! I wanna test that :D

I love Jennifer!!! Great voice, great parody, i'm a sarcastic person and she's fantastic!

Hell yeaaaaah for Cathy's vlogs!!!

Great Vlog once again...with some awesome music...

I agree about coming out. You just have to come out. It might not be easy, in fact, it might be very hard, but there really is no alternative. Because the alternative would be living your life without ever truly being yourself.

Now what kind of life is that?

- - - - - - - - - -

-Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

Who doesn't blog these days?

for having Jennifer on your vlog, id never heard of her before ,but wow shes amazing, i checked out her myspace,and i love her songs :D

great vlog as always, you're awesome <3

Rats, my comment didn't post!

Advice on lost loved ones: I know it's heartbreaking to have someone u love pass. Still remember they will always be there. To confirm they r still there: light a candle,meditate and be open for them to send u messages by asking. Please find psychic mediums such as Sylvia Browne, James Van Praagh, John E, as such to help u cope.

Corday do you take requests for inviation to pride Festivals?

Cathy you're sweet and honest. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with us

Cathy, besides being wonderful and talented, you seem to have equally wonderful and talented friends. Loved Jennifer!

Great advice on tough subjects of grieving and the coming out issues.  

Look forward to your vlogs each week.  Keep up the excellent work!!  It's greatly appreciated.

Your advice is great as usual. Thank you for refering to the loss of someone close, it really helped me even though I thought I was over it.

Loved the last song, "Red neck lesbo". IT ROCKED!

Quite the vlog today, Cathy. I'm familiar with loss as well - having a long term relationship end, losing my parents and a sibling to cancer...on top of moving (and, therefore, losing a job), and kids leaving for college - all within four years. My life still seems upside down a lot of days, but I've realized that all I can do is go with the flow for now. What you and Jennifer said was so very true about the seasons and rituals.

One positive out of all that loss was that it gave me the courage to come out to my sister, a cancer survivor. I always held back because of fear of being rejected by my family, and only felt comfortable enough telling friends and some co-workers. I will say this to everyone out there struggling with the decision: yes, come out! From my own experience and from what I've heard from others - it won't come as any surprise to anyone that knows you because most everyone knows or suspects anyway! Fortunately for me, only a few people chose to exit my life and that's fine with me because it has shown me who my true friends are. I'd say that's all you need to prepare for (well, that and a million and one questions), but it is well worth being at peace and being free to be who you are - to literally feel that weight come off your shoulders!

 As always, Cathy, great vlog. Great music. Wonderful women. And laughter. Keep 'em coming.

Stay sweet. :) 

Love is my religion

Thanks for jet another great vlog. I think it is amazing what you do Cathy. Your advice is the best and I’m sure they help a lot of people, including me.

And by the way, great song in the end.  SO FUNNY.

I love this vlog! Plain and simple. Wonderful guests and amazing music.

My own advice to people who are in a relationship with someone who's lost someone, is to just be there for them. Listen when they wanna talk and be quiet when they just need silence. I know it hurts you to see them in pain but realize that this is life, and that something of this nature was bound to happen. You can't shield them from their own pain. You have just them ride it out. It's going to be hard but right now what they need most from you is understanding.

My own loss story is kinda tragic. In 2005 my 20 month old niece was murdered by her grandmother (her mother's mother), when I was 17. The ritual for that was me getting several tattoos. 3 months after her death I turned 18. On February 12, her birthday, I got Forever love Kady tattooed on my lower back. In November of that same year I got 11 rainbow colored stars and her named tattooed above what was already there. In between that time I had gotten 5 other tattoos. All small and semi meaningful. 3 years after her death the killer on my niece was finally convicted of her death. Even though this great victory accured I am still really affected by what happened. I still have days of not wanting to talk to anyone or doing anything because I don't have energy to get over how I feel. As the years go on the sad days aren't as bad but the pain is there, it just gets eaiser to deal with. The good thing about lossing my niece is that I've become stronger person. I understand myself more because of this. I feel that her death has made me a better person.

Wonderful vlog as always Debuono.

Just seriously...wonderful. 

---------------
3waytv.tv Go now, go often.  

Excellent, excellent vlog. I work at a Hospice and witness death and grief on a daily basis. Thought the advice given was right on, especially in terms of taking care of your basic needs when you are grieving so that you do not slip into a chronic depressive state.

That being said, loved the redneck lesbo song and bowoh chicka bowoh porn and rock bits.

As always the best vlog on AE.

I have to confess I often get distracted by the holes in Cathy's jeans. Sigh

weird that grieving was one of the topics this week...my aunt just died last saturday and i'm taking it alot harder than i thought i would...

cathy, you are adorable, i love your laugh and i've got a lil celebrity crush going on.

and...great advice as usual

the redneck lesbo song was too friggin funny.

I have a similar "Exit Strategy." I will be graduating in May and starting college in the Fall. I have been planning on telling them (my family) once I move out and am stable enough that I don't have to depend on them financially. I am sure that my sister, mom, and step-father will accept it once they have time to process it. However long that takes, I can wait because they are the most important people in my life. My father, however, will never accept that I am gay, but that's something I can live with. He was never World's Greatest Dad, and I do not expect him to be once I come out to him. I know if I can't have the family that I was born with, I will live with the one I choose, the one that accepts me for who I am and not who they want or believe I should be.

I have been reading AfterEllen for about three years and recently made a profile here. I am slowly trying to find some outlet where I can be myself until I do tell my parents that I am gay. This site, your VLOG in particular, has been a BIG help with the information and entertainment that is meaningful to me.

All of you ladies are wonderful. I hope ya'll continue to do what you do because you are truly making a difference.

-That song at the end was the perfect way to end this VLOG-

Wow...Cathy, this was just pure, unadulterated magic.  I really think it's awesome how you can be funny, warm, sympathetic, courageous, shy and downright adorable all at the same time.  Jennifer Corday ROCKS...I didn't know about her before today, but I do now!....Redneck Lezbo...Right on!

Rock on!!

is that a moth crossing in front of the camera? If so, what is its name?... Or maybe it's just too fast for you to recognize him or her..... Or maybe it’s not a moth at all…hmmm a spirit orb...... O_O *gasp* Cathy has ghost..... if you do some EVP work you might find out if  it indeed was a sprit orb.... but I digress.... or maybe it is a dust particle hmmm I think it is moving too fast to be dust... dust skin cells... O_o Or maybe its nothing at all… ummm never mind Sooo yeah Great Vlog!!!

d(^_^)b

I LOVED THE REDNECK LESBO SONG! It was just lighthearted and fun! And as always Cathy, you were funny but inspiring. Thanks for the wonderful episode. TGIF has a new meaning now, because of your vlogs. Cathy and Jennifer DO rock (and look hot kissing each other too)!

Once again, great vlog Cathy and Jennifer.  I can totally relate to this vlog and as far as I'm concerned, the timing is perfect to talk about mourning the loss of a loved one.  

I recently lost my life partner of 10 years just 3 months ago.  We shared the same birthday and today is our birthday, so it's been very bittersweet for me.  She just died suddenly and I wasn't with her when she passed because she was at her mother's house.  The last conversation we had was very loving.  I was watching the Rockefeller Christmas Tree Lighting and we were both making plans to go see it together.  A few hours later, she was gone. 

We shared everything together and in 10 years, we had lived and experienced more than some couples experience in a lifetime.  My partner was the most fearless, free-spirited and funniest person I have ever known.  How can her life be over at 43?   

I have since gone through all of the 5 stages of death.  Every day is different for me.  Some days I'm very angry, others I'm depressed and very quiet. I still cry myself to  sleep at night.  There are many mornings where I wake up after dreaming of her thinking that's still beside me in bed, only to be sadly reminded again and again that's she's gone forever. 

At times it's been hard for me to get up in the morning and face another day without her, but I know in my heart she would want me to move on and be happy.  I have good days and bad days and days when I don't want to talk to anyone.  Sometimes I literally have to force myself to get up and go outside.  Be in the light and sunshine and not so much in a dark.  The quiet times when I'm not busy is when my mind starts to ramble on and on and I can't turn off the noise in my head.  The "what ifs" and the "should haves" will drive you crazy if you let them.  This is why it's so important that you take care of your physical, emotional and mental health.

In my experience, every loss is different.  Sure you go through the same 5 stages of death, but the pain can be very different.   I lost my mother 9 years ago and it was very painful.  It took me  about 2 years before I was able to move on.  For me, losing my partner has been alot more painful, in part because we had shared so much and we had a life long committment to be together for a very long time.  We had lots of plans and we were supposed to grow old together and most of all, we were soulmates. 

In response to the woman whose partner just lost her mother, I think it would help your partner to allow her to go through her process.  Be there to listen and to help her in any way you can.  Let her talk, let her cry and get angry and go through the motions of grieving. If you don't know what to say, just give her a hug.  Hugs always say what you can't put into words.  Let her know that you're there for her.  Maybe you and your partner can plant a tree together in memory of her mother.  Create some kind of living memorial or ritual you both can participate in together so she doesn't feel so alone.  Maybe help her create a scrapbook or do something together to honor her mother.  This may help your partner with her grieving process as well as help your relationship.

I didn't just do porn voice overs, my dear Catheters! That would be just gross. I have an entire porn music portfolio! i call it Patt- Pumps Out Pop For Porn. It's a "secret" portfolio. Even though I wrote many of the songs and sang hundreds of tracks. I don't own any of it. I don't really watch porn (well, maybe just for reference), but I assure you that I have been doing my part to rid the world of the bare-chicka-bare-nare MUSIC for which older porn is known the world over and, if Jennifer Corday wants to contribute her talents, the world will be a better place I'm sure. A struggling musician does what she must. Unfortunately, the porn stuff really rocked (I am totally not even bragging. It is awesome and not what one might expect.) AND AND AND I donated my primo genius years to turning out lyrics and riffs for only a few bucks! Well, at least I can say I did it. Oh that's right... I've been keeping it a f#$%^ secret...YOU can say I DID it!!!!! You are just lucky that I've already told my grandmother about it, so now I don't have to be scared when she hears it on your vlog (she thinks you are so hot).  Oh well, I forgive you for outing my porn-singing alter ego to your kazillion fans (I heard you get 2000 hits a day and I hope they are paying you well...if not, do you take donations? Or maybe there could be a carwash fundraiser for you to ensure you're vlogging in style? I want you, Bridget and Jill to wash my car.) Anyway, Corday could call her contribution to porn music > Corday Cranks Out Choruses for Crackhos-Just-Doin'-Their-b-Job. That's all I got. I'm out.

It WAS hard waiting an extra day to watch your vlog. I don't respond well to change. That's why I was also comforted to see you hadn't committed any moth mass murder either. They are hatching in my kitchen all over the place. Hey, maybe I gave you moths when you came over to borrow my camera??? If so, you and I are even (until the next time you mess up my hair).

go together well.......like your moth's Harold and Maude;) Great Vlog. Lot's of laughs and good advice. Sorry for all  the loss you've gone thru. I lost my 2 dogs in the same year. One was 18 the other 17. It was really hard, but I got to a point where I felt I was blessed to have them that long. Your cat lived to be 23. Wow...that is a blessing!

Jen is awesome. Loved the red neck lesbo song and the Xena mention.....hell yea! 

Love how you always manage to get a kiss in...you sly dawg you;)

I'm so gonna learn that song!

Hell yeah! ;)

ps - Cathy's laugh after the line "your sex is real nice..." is just beautiful...

LOL!  OMG Cathy that made me laugh so hard.  Jennifer Corday is fun stuff.  I will be looking for her out there in the world of music. 

ROCK ON GIRLS!  Cathy I love your vlog.  I love Lucia.  I love your dog and even your moths darting around in front of the camera.  HAAA!  But I'm betting you'd rather not have Maude and Harold and all of their little off spring living with you!  

Can you make these vlogs longer? They seem to flyyyyy byyyyyyy! 

I loved that song! :)

This was a great vlog. I loved the balanced messages.

I completely agree with the comments about rituals and seasons in the process of mourning. My Mom died last year and just the thought of her can bring a lump to my throat. I'm not a tattoo person but I wanted to mark her passing with something positive and physical and noticeable. Everyone has to find their own way and I hadn't cut my hair since the day before her funeral. This past week, I had 10 1/2 inches cut off and the hair went to a charity that makes wigs for women with cancer. It helped.

Question: Was the camera person at the end (I assume that was Cathy) intentionally trying to get Lucia on film via the mirror? Sneaky.

"Think Sideways"

It will be a year since I lost my Mom to breast cancer this coming Monday and I really wasn't looking forward to it, but I think I might get a tatoo to commemorate what she meant to me. She was also a Cancer. I've been considering getting a tatoo for sometime now but wanted whatever I got to have some significance. I can't think of a better reason. I think I'll wait until a couple weeks when my friend comes to visit me, though. I'll need the support.

Great vlog as always Cathy. And Jennifer is hilarous and quite talented!

 Hey Cathy I think ur vlog is great and You are sooo cute. I loved Jennifer's song at the end. It was catchy ;)

~Not lost, Just Undiscovered~

 Loved the song.

Almost had me in tears, I was laughing so hard.

~Show me a smile that won't come off and I'll show you a cheerful idiot.~

I've been visiting the After Ellen site for just a little bit over 6 months and think it's great.  I think this vlog is so fun and so informative that I had to get an account and write in to let Cathy know what a great service she provides. 

Loved the song "Redneck Lesbo" and was wondering if I can find the lyrics anywhere?  

I just love it i think its hilarious and really smart at the same time.you dont find that very often anymore.its awesome how one can combine serious topics so well and thoughtfully with great humour, it makes you really enjoy watching it even more=) i had to laugh so hard this time again*wide grin* its great thank you i cant wait till the next episode next week=D

keep up the great work=D

What a great vlog! Thanks to both Cathy and Jen for sharing effective ways to cope with grief. All too true, in my experience.

"Red Neck Lesbo" deserves a Grammy, IMHO. Whooeee!

"I got posters on my wall of Xena,

She ain't straight...."

Loved this weeks vlog!

Jennifer Corday was a great guest & perfect for the letters that had been chosen. 

Cathy your honesty and insightfulness with the ae readers is wonderful. It looks like you have so much fun making the vlogs. I know I love watching them!

The song at the end was hilarious!!

Looking forward to next Friday! ;-)

eddie