What's YOUR Problem? Episode 7

I can't wait to watch it!
I always wait the whole week for this Vlog!

I HAVE BEEN WAITING ALL WEEK, AS I HAVE BEEN SINCE THE VERY FIRST EPISODE...LOVE YOU CATH, AND I REALLY ENJOY YOUR VLOGS, EVERY TIME..I ENJOYED YOU HAVING CALPERNIA ON...SHE REALLY SEEMS LIKE SUCH A LOVELY WOMAN....I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST LEARNED ABOUT HER AND HER STORY OF HER LOVE AFFAIR WITH A MAN WHO WAS IN THE SERVICE...I HONESTLY CANNOT REMEMBER IF HE WAS IN THE ARMY OR THE MARINES....BUT I DO KNOW THAT IN THE BEGINNING, HE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT HER, AND SHE WAS AFRAID TO TELL HIM, BUT SHE DID TELL HIM, HE ACCEPTED HER, BECAUSE HE WAS IN LOVE WITH HER AND HE CONTINUED TO SEE HER, REGARDLESS OF BEING HARRASSED ON BASE AND BEING QUESTIONED AND SO ON.....ONE NIGHT, IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY, I THINK IT WAS THE 4TH OF JULY, THEY WERE HAVING A PAGEANT,THAT NIGHT WHERE CALPERNIA WAS WORKING, AND HE WANTED TO GO......CALPERNIA WANTED FOR HIM TO BE THERE TO, BUT NOT TO BE SELFISH OR TO DRAW TOO MUCH ATTENTION,TOWARDS THE TWO OF THEM, SHE INSISTED HE STAY ON BASE THAT NIGHT, FOR THEIR PARTY.....HE DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO, BUT DID SO ANYWAY, HE ENDED UP GOING TO BED EARLY, AND EVERYONE WAS DRINKING......HIS ROOM-MATE ENDED UP EGGING ON THIS YOUNGER BOY,(WHO HAD AN ARGUMENT W/HIM EARLIER,AND CALLED HIM A FAGGOT),HE WAS EGGED ON, AND BEING DRUNK, HE TOOK THE BASEBALL BAT, OF CALPERNIA'S BOYFRIEND'S ROOMMATE'S, AND BEAT HIM TO DEATH WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING........THE MUSIC HAD BEEN TURNED UP, AND HIS DOG HAD BEEN BARKING, AND HE ENDED UP BLEEDING TO DEATH...........VERY SAD, AND A SENSLELESS AND HEARTLESS ACT........THAT SHOULD OF NEVER HAPPENED....HATE CRIME......HORRIBLE..........BUT THIS IS HOW I FIRST HEARD OF CALPERNIA....THEY WERE BOTH SO IN LOVE, TOO............CATHY~I WAS HAPPY THAT YOU HAD HER ON AS A GUEST, AND I THINK IT IS VERY COOL, THAT SHE HAS A SHOW ON OF HER OWN...TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE THAT ARE GOING THRU SUCH AN ORDEAL THAT I COULD NEVER IMAGINE....IT IS HARD ENOUGH BEING GAY....I CANNOT IMAGINE, HOW HARD IT WOULD BE TO BE TRANSGENDERED............SHE IS REALLY DOING A GOOD THING...........AND SO ARE YOU!!!!...............

KISS.............MUAH!!!!...........OXXXXO~DEBRA........................;)~

we missed ya!
you did have a great show! and you were the star!!!

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Calpernia: What do you call a straight girl who hangs out with lesbians?

Cathy: Curious

That made me chuckle. As for my lingo? I call my straight guy friends dykedudes and my straight girl friends dykehags... though most of my straight girl friends are actually total faghags that just hang out with me 'cause they wanna go to gay bars. :P Anyway, there aren't that many of them, I mainly have queer friends, for some reason.

Thanks for a great vlog!

*bows* You got the ultimate guest. I have much respect for any Trans person who is open about who they are. Visibility for them is much needed.

Lucia I heart you.

I too have the Lean-on-me-I'll-be-your-rock type of personality. For long while I kept befriending people who needed me. I would do anything for them but would feel hurt when they didn't put forth the same amount of effort. I was always the better friend. When I finally met someone who put up the same effort as me, it almost shocked me. They showed me that I needed to have more respect for myself. That I needed to honest with both them AND myself. Its hard but it's worth it.

Excellent vlog Debuono.

That was brilliant and very fun Cathy.

And Calpernia is absolutely lovely.

I am afraid these little moths that you have invading your house are coming from within your house.  They do not like outdoors much however exist in nature.  Like lots of insects they thrive in concert with humans.  IN particular they arrive via cereals and grains (think bulk foods, pet food and foods packaged in materials that are permeable to the larva, plastic and cardboard)  The larva also will eat feathers (poor bird!!!) waste, silk and wool.  They are literally everywhere there are humans.  THEy do not build a chrysalis but do make little webby things to metaphor in.  Sorry they can spread germs, not the plague but still not cool.  Squish them.  

p.s. by the way they will survive in your vacuum, lots of animal dander and food bits in there, then they will show up again with their wntire family

Cathy DeBuono, Moth Catcher Extraordinaire!!  That was awesome!!  You are like a ninja!!  Hehe!!

Great vlog as usual!!  Keep up the good work!!  Love ya!

awesome vlog, great guest. I hads heard about you on the LESBIAN LOUNGE with Denise and Donna a while back. awesome that you're on cathy's vlog now. kudos to you ;)

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Are brill!

I highly ecomend them - great choice of guest Cathy :] I really enjoyed this weeks episode. Your guests always have such insightful things to say!

<>Love, Crayon <>

Nice job of incorporating psychology with Calpernia and science when dealing with those pesky moths.......Oh yeah, the greco roman wrestling ending was a nice touch too, Comet should try out for WWE!! LOL....

You're a better person than me, Cathy. I think I might have quickly lost my patience with the moths and taken to swatting.

Great advice offered, as always--I'm definitely taking some of it to heart. Calpernia was great and I'll definitely tune into her show.

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"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts." - Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan

That was fantastic...the moth catching was the best part.  I lived in a dorm room for 3 weeks with a wolf spider because I couldn't catch him; I hate the smoosh noise.  I enjoy how Cathy can reach the ceiling without a chair...makes the process a little easier :)   

"Humans are inscribable, written on by experience."
-Franz Boas

Calpernia is fab!!!! That was a really thoughtful episode.

Liked the Metamorphosis metaphor, did you hire all those moths for the night?

You have a very happy doggy.

Your moths are not only coming from your bird seed but your occassional food from "the somewhere under 100 cents store" *discreet*, and any other packaged foods that have been exposed to the moths and their larvae. One time I was eating a snack and I looked into the little bag and saw...erp...sorry...I just threw up in my mouth...I can't talk about it. ANYWAY, I ran to tell my roommate about it and I couldn't finish my story and SHE TOO had had the unmentional experience. We both cried and commiserated. I threw away almost all of my food in the pantry (should have thrown it ALL out) and cleaned their little vacation homes that they make in corners and between the wall and ceiling. I cleaned with BLEACH! Still, they return over and over for YEARS. You must not leave flour, chips, crackers, teabags NOTHING unless it in a SEALED jar or can in your cupboard. These things can get into canisters too!!!! Put those things in the fridge or freezer.

Now, you can go online and get some moth traps--one's specifically for bird seed and one's specifically for pantry. Put the one's for bird seed right next to your seed and spread many other traps respectfully. You must bleach everything and discard things that are infested simultaneously. The traps consist of a sticky little sleeve with a little pink square made of concentrated feramone's...maybe moth sex juice (I dunno). In about a week, you will see some poor moths in there. This is MURDER, so you must be prepared to commit murder in the interest of ridding your home of this terror. I will not give you my stand on moth murder...only the information about the ONLY WAY to end this nightmare. I used to live behind the Less-than-a-buck-store and I have moved twice and have taken my moth family with me each time because I took my seasonings and foods with me each time.

Good Luck, Cathy. Get Lucia to help you. Her Lucky Dog Leather company is soaring because you made her a friggin' web star. She owes you one.

but not the "war" I'm sure!!! As for the moths, you could be a holistic moth catcher in your "spare" time....lol You seriously have an infestation and I agree with what someone else said about Sam and the bedding. Good Luck and happy hunting!!

 Calpernia was awesome. It must really be hard to not be accepted by your family. At least she has a safe haven in the gay community. Good luck with the dating show...hope you find the right guy!!!!

Another great vlog Cathy.....keep the wine and the humor flowing!

 I think I saw Lucia briefly reflected in the mirror...loved her commentary as always!

LOL!  THAT was great Cathy, you wrestling Comet was priceless fun!

Calpernia is lovely, and I've never forgotten "A Soldier's Girl", what a heart breaking love story and I love Calpernia for joining us here. 

Cathy, will you hunt insects in every vlog? Not that I wish an infestation on you, but seriously, it is entertaining watching you deal with it. LOL!

Cathy,

 I see you have a bird cage.  I bet the moths are from the bird food.  You need to ditch the food.  This has happened to me a few times.  Its usually sunflower seeds.  Makes ya want to eat some huh?

Another great vlog. Another wonderful guest (and funny, too!). More appearances of your petses (awww...).

Calpernia's remark of her wanting to date a stalker so she knows he'll always be there. Right outside the window... Bwahahahahaha!

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." (Dr. Seuss)

I've been catching moths miyagi style all week.

That is the quote of the week Ms. Debuono. Thank you again for another meaningful and so entertaining Vlog. I'd like to point out that your guest serves a beautiful contrast to how transgendered people are being portrayed on the Lword right now. *cough* Max *cough*. It only shows how diversely minded you are in welcoming everyone. For that you are so amazing. Capernia was a lovely speaker and charming guest. If I had logo I'd be tempted to watch that show. It sounds interesting.

As for your advice I again would like to thank you both for "hitting the nail on the head" in my case. I started to experience the frustration of finding "someone", which seems ridiculous when youre in college, and so I was recently told to "stop looking" like so many others and was faced with the question, ok so what am i supposed to do? You two put it perfectly. I have been trying to put myself more out there. But it takes time. I think some people forget that. But I do agree it is seriously helping in build my confidence.

LOVE you Ms. D.

lol that is hilarious. i hang out with lesbians all the time i dont think i would call my self curious.... idk what i would call myself lol

is there a real name for it???

As always this was great!

Calpernia´s advice was great and Cathy catching moths was so funny.. keep up the great work!

"Think Sideways"

The week long wait has been totally worth it...now for that cigarrette 8-)...just wanted to say that the advice you gave Vic, and the anecdote about yourself being someone who is a caretaker really hit home with me...I've been discovering the same thing about myself, and it's been a difficult thing to realize...I'm not really sure where to go from here with this knowledge, but hopefully something will click, and it will lead to healthier relationships...

On another note, I think you have a real future as a moth huntress...(yumm, nice visual...let us basque in the awesomeness of Huntress Cathy....)  Maybe they're there so you could help them transition as well!!  Oh, wait...was that tied into the theme of your vlog?  hmmm....I'm so darn quick >:-/

Have a great weekend!!

xoxoxo 

Think...it's not illegal...at least, not yet.

Calpernia can have Christmas dinner at Anastasia's house ANYTIME.  I love that woman!  I am a proud lesbian who is even more proud to have ladies like Calpernia Addams in my camp.  Her bravery, power, and humility should be a lesson to us all.

Cathy, how is it possible that you look good chasing insects?  I thought the advice you gave to Vic was spot on.  The more work I do on myself, the less attracted to the wounded birds I've become.  TOTALLY understand the "black hole" concept.

As always.... My favorite vlog of the week....  should be a TV show.... I'm just sayin'. Who do I need to talk to about that??

Calpernia's stalker joke at the very end had me rolling. This whole vlog is so much fun!!!

Wish I were a moth on the wall! HA!

i nearly died from laughter at the moth scenes. i study butterflies for a living and have spent many an hour trying to catch them, though my attempts are rarely as hilarious as yours.

good luck in your quest to remove them from your home and thank you for not wanting to kill them!

and thank you for such a great vlog. calpernia is wonderful. 

cathy is one hot moth hunter

i cant believe how many are in her home and i was waiting for jodie foster to walk into the room

anyways great vlog  

I don't know if you're primarily addressing gender/sexuality specific issues, and my question is more run-of-the-mill, but I'll give it a shot.

How do I keep myself balanced while my partner goes through a depressive episode? It seems like she uses up all her energy and resources during the day at work and when we get home I get the cranky end of the stick. I try not to resent it, but it wears on me. Then I end up feeling guilty for being sick of it since she has pretty good reason to be in a bad mood (chronic pain, along with new job stress).

...Waiting all week for this, as usual. It's like the beginning of my weekend, my weekly fix of The Cathy DeBuono Power Half-Hour (as I've, er, renamed it in my head).

This week seemed just a little...short...I'm not quite sure how to put it. Like there wasn't enough there to make a whole episode from, maybe? Calpernia was a good guest and had great advice but somehow it just didn't "spark" like many of the previous installments. I kind of kept waiting for it to get back to Cathy vs the Moths.

This said, wrestling Comet was one of the best moments of any episode yet. Aw, I miss my old dog now... :/

~S

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"I give myself some very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

I happened to see this blog when I was about to run to another appointment.  Now, at 3:27 in the morning, I have finally seen it and able to comment.  The biggest thing to me: Calpernia Addams is on AfterEllen!  She's just awesome, and it is nice to see her get more exposure.  However, it is odd to see her do such a long video without Andrea, who you usually expect to pop out of somewhere to join in.

The moths were also interesting and I loved how your dog was so excited at the end.  Makes me wish we had pets at home, but our cats haven't been seen in a couple years.

Ave Messer, 66, B24, GO SHASTA!!!

Cathy, can you please (*please*) do a vlog with 'lucia' your notorious but still not visible friend/camera operator lucia? Haha I could imagine that being so much fun lol

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I would never be a straight girl's first lesbian experience, because being a straight girl'sfirst lesbian experience is like teaching a baby how to roller skate: I'm dragging her ass around, she's screaming WEEEEE, and then my back hurts the next day!

Once again, your vlog ROCKED!!  It was intelligent, insightful, honest and funny as hell!  Wrestling with Comet the wonder dog at the end was the epitome of cuteness..You are both so damn cute!  Good luck getting rid of those pesky moths.

I'm already looking forward to next weeks episode...You are really awesome!!

Thanks!

moth hunter at night ;-) that must be time consuming :-P

I found the vlog very informativ, being a minority in a minority must really be tough, congrats to calpernia! She seems lovely and very funny.

Looking forward for the next one :-)

It was nice to see Cathy's nice Italian cute butt  being featured in her ninjia moth vlog. So sexy!

I vote for them to come back! (Sorry!) LOL

I really am diggin' your vlogs. They are so deep and balanced. I like how you invited Calpernia to talk about being a minority within a minority. I most defintely can relate. It was great to hear  her talk about her story even though sadly enough I didn't know who she was. Now I do ,and hopefully I will get to see more of Calpernia in the future.  You Cathy connected this whole vlog vibe because you wanted to help the person who wrote you about how to accept their FTM life. Bravo for you!

This vlog was so much fun and so sexy  to watch!

Hey Cathy...This vlog was different and I enjoyed it even more. I like the personal look at your moth troubles. You are kind to animals and insects. I like Calpernia and I watch her show, which at times is a little over the top but that's entertainment. She seems down to earth and you related well. She gave some good advice. The light was very bright and seemed less personal being so bright. The volume was way better though. I loved watching you wrestle with Comet, she seemed to enjoy it as well. I think it's great that Calpernia is part of Slate & Kelly. It seems that you have a great cast. I miss you talking directly to us, the viewers, one on one but I like the personal view into your space. Thanks. Cant wait til next week. Bravo.

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Come chat Ladies!

This vlog had a different feeling to it but I really enjoyed it. Calpernia was a great guest. Thanks for bringing her to us.

I love the moth catching. The parrallel was genius and you have such  a talent for combining the serious stuff with humor. You and Lucia seem to have a great friendship. I love how she is always in the background laughing!!!

Oh, and you are so beautiful!!!

i am so enamoured of calpurnia, everytime i see her she brings to mind the ethereal beauty of candy darling. i originally heard about her through soildier's girl, and through the performance she did of the vagina monologues. i have had many trans friends and lovers and there is a lot of inexcusable hostility and ignorance directed towards transfolks. the more people out there putting a face to being trans and educating people on the trans experience, the better to combat transphobia in the queer community and society at large. i wish her luck with love and her show.

cathy could you please stop looking all cute and toned in your vids? it's distracting. lol, seriously you look great. and healthy. i want to know what you're doing so i can look that good come summertime. ;-) i like that you divulged that you had a habit of being attracted to the wrong people. i think more people have that issue than they would care to admit. i agree that its all about training yourself to attract what you want in your life. i think calpernia was spot on when she said you should be involved in things where you could meet people of like minds and the right person will come to you at the right time. i think that if you force a relationship and go looking for it, you're probably going to search for what you know and find the type of person you're trying to stay away from.

the stalking joke at the end: hilarious.