I love Thea!

I love Cathy!

Cathy, I really think you are doing an amazing job, and you're so cute...loved the monkey face :)

*gives Cathy the signal, wink wink*

great vlog once again!

and YAY FOR SLATE AND KELLY!

"i don't suffer from insanity...i enjoy every minute of it"

This is actually the first time I'm watching your Vlog, and I'm so loving it! I have to go and watch your two forst ones. Anyways...this was SOOO good, it makes me wanna write you and maybe get your take on my story =)

Thea Gill is awesome and you, you're just my gay godess from now on! 

 There is only one sun and it travels the world every day

http://www.myspace.com/bea_christensen  

Cathy really does have ADD. Totally hot and funny and intelligent, but major ADD. It's hilarious. I love women who have a childlike quality about them.

Cathy you're so entertaining. I love this vlog!

What's Slate and Kelly? I want to know more about this. 

That was a really great vlog really funny and insightful. There was a lot of flirting going on there and I loved the way your Dog Cosmo kept trying to get some attention.

I hope that the two viewers with problems take your advice and gain confidence to do what is difficult for them. Their both so very brave and if I was in either of their situations I think I would have just ended up trending the easy route and sticking to the status quo. The best of luck to the both of you.

xxx

P.S. I think your the Vlogger and we're the viewers but feel free to correct me.   

Dear Cathy,

I know that you're last advice was intended for someone else, but it actually made me realize that I should probably just drop my extended family and move on, kind of hard, but I think it's for the better unless they change their ways, and luckily I don't have to deal with them as much. Just wanted to let you know, that writing to you actually helped too, because I think ranting to someone who isn't biasly mad at my father (love my mom but I don't blame her for being mad at my father after everything) is just helpful, so thanks for listening.

This is the trivial part of the comment, love your audition outfit, and you're just always gorgeous. I cma up with a stupid name for the people who watch/write in this vlog, like 'vriters' because it's a vlog that's viewed, and then a lot write in, but 'viewers' is a lot less complicated,

Debbie

 I love the way you embrace the weirdness and at the same time give good advice to those who need them. I agree with you that people who don't accept you ain't good to have around, but at the same time it's not always easy to turn your back to things and people that have been there your whole life. That's why it's so good that people like you are there to show your support and help. Love your vlog and keep ebracing the weirdness :-) 

"Be who you are and say what you want because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter" Dr.Seuss

 To the Afterellen.com viewer who comes from a conservative family. I understand your feelings of wanting to harm yourself. I want to share a piece of my life with you and whoever else is reading. Ive been there at age 16. I  attempted suicide.  One  advice I received was from a girl's scout counselor with who I did not tell the rootcause of my issue, suggested back then to write what I was feeling in a journal. I did just that. Although,it was a long process and other things were involve in my sadness. I am overcoming it.   Writing to yourself or writing in a journal  is one outlet to fill up a void you feel is missing. Another thing that helped me overcome the void, I sought out  mystic spirituality,which saved me from harming myself.  I wasn't crazy or weird or anything but different. Different was wonderful. Actually better b/c you live life the way you want and no one else. The best thing I did was to educate myself in a different way by emerging myself around people who are like me.

You know what, you have made progress by a)finding Afterellen.com  b) writing to Cathy. I believe in the spiritworld b/c my own uniqueness. I feel that your spirit guides and guarding angels wanted you to find this site to reveal to you u r not alone. This here is your light, the hope that you lit and I want you to carry it with u knowing you can come here and feel free to be who you are.  What you were taught doesn't mean it was right. I wa raised by a bigot mother and figured that out. Your family belief may not be your beleive. I was raised Pentecostal,yeah I understand. You are a unique person that happen to be in a family that is different from you. Your challenge,which may take time, is to understand every single soul is born different and you are no expection. The only love and approval that you need is really yourself. So I want  you to give yourself  permission for approval. Start off small, things you know you would  approve. Your family beliefs are opinions not facts. Science hasn't confirmed a lot of bibilical references about certain things like homosexuality. It's all specualtion,a wanderer without a home, and so everybody has one. The true divine is truly about love. If one doesn't have that then they have nothing.

I  also understand the power control parents have over children, your parents strictness,in their mind is a form of their packaged fear,trust me,my mother was so strict I rarely had friends. That packaged fear is like a safe haven for them b/c they don't know how to live life among others who are different. You,my dear, as the beautiful soul you are, starting from inside, do have control over your thoughts. This is something I had to tell myself when I was younger. Just b/c so and so says this doesn't mean I agree with them. Look at them, their your family yet  each one of them r different. Do they always agree? One likes this.the other likes that? Am I right? Take those into consideration when u r alone thinking about stuff swimming in your head-yes you make look like your parents, have so so this and that, but you r also a complete being with your own tastes, opinions, moods,desires,joys,etc-all part of you. So ask yourself are you creating you?  Life is a part of figuring out who r not just in sexuality or orientation but in everything. When you pray silently with your family, pray for  separetely in your mind for the divine(my neutral usage as an example) to give you wisdom,strength,peace,happiness and love to embrace your true self . I,too, will send love and light your way,with permission, I would like to light a candle and say a prayer for healing(soulhealing) please email to give an ok.

I rambled enough. Thanks Cathy for sharing with us that touching story. It brought back memories of my own void. 

"Do I have to dial 9 to call 911?"(This  quote was shared to me by a nursewho was talking about her then 14 year old  daughter who asked her mom while the father was having a heat stroke)

When I heard Cathy's description of your situation, I immediately noticed the striking similarity with my own.
I grew up in a very religious home (father was a pastor, two uncles are pastors, been to church since I was an infant..), and I was actually very involved in the church, especially through high school. I've struggled with depression and self-injury since junior high-that's about 7 years. So when I started questioning and coming to terms with my sexuality just a year and a half ago, I was in a Christian university and 90% of my relationships were with Christian friends and family. I completely understand how difficult it is to deal with an issue like sexuality in a Christian setting.. I had a horrible time dealing with it at the time. I dropped out of college and went home because I hadn't made any new friends in school and I was in a very dangerous situation--a big danger to myself. But I didn't tell a single person why I dropped out until months later when I was at my wits end once again.
I don't know how serious you are about your personal Christian faith, but I know that was also a huge deal for me. Until that point last year, it had been everything my life centered around.

What I would suggest to you is.. don't be afraid to question anything. I had to question my relationships, I had to question my faith, and I had to be brutally honest with myself. It was hard, but when I finally let go I could see everything in a whole new light.. and I understood that the person I am is not wrong and sinful and disgusting.

I would also suggest talking to someone you trust to be open-minded about it. One of the first people I told about my sexuality was a long-time Christian friend. Of course she believed it was wrong, and I understood that. But the mere fact that I was able to tell someone, and then know that she still loved me helped majorly. But I would most definitely also encourage you to find a counselor that is neutral in regards to beliefs. And I don't know how old you are right now.. but I transferred to a large, public college and this also helps. At this point in my life, everyone including my family knows about my sexuality (and although they're dissapointed they still love me).. and I'm here with the few friends that stuck by my side and really could care less who I love. It sucks to lose so many long-time close friends, but I know now who really cares about me. Plus, since I'm in such a big school, I'm able to work on forming a new life for myself. Here I can be myself completely, and I can find friends who like me for who I am now. It's truly a big relief to have a home here at school where I can be myself. My family loves me and treats me fine, but I know I can't be myself around them without making my mother cry. So I think it's important to work on (or look forward to one day) finding a different setting for yourself where you can grow and be yourself.

And as a side note.. ever since I allowed myself to question my beliefs and my sexuality, I haven't once felt an uncontrollable urge to injure myself, nor have I once felt like I truly wanted to die. It's been nearly a year, and it's going to stay that way.. Cathy's right.. if you stifle who you are, you start to die inside.. and that's what makes us feel such an intense desire to die completely.

I want to help you in any way I can.. I know intense this is, I really do. So if you want, email me sometime... jaynecmack@yahoo.com

Love,
Jayne

I'm Korean, and I came from a conservative christian baptist background. And I identify my self as a lesbian. It took me a long time to be okay with myself. When I came out to my friends and stuff I told them I was bi- sexual. I wasn't sure if I was going to be embraced by them. They left one by one. But I met some really good friends who accept me for who I am!!

And after all these years I can't help but to theorize that sexuality is like water. There are EVERY type of people. Most important thing is that you're happy.

is a low talker. I am too but I've never gotten anyone to lie in my lap because of it. People usually just yell at me say, "SPEAK UP, MARBLE MOUTH!" Ms. Gill, you should give lessons.

Cathy, you ought to be in pickchas, Doll! Cast as a tough, motorcycle chick but squishy on the inside and wise as Yoda. You go travellin' from town-to-town, see; runnin' away from a past that wont let you go. You solve mysteries, fix broken lives and screw help out beyuudiful dames! I'd watch that show!

On a serious note, I enjoy your vlog very much. I find your advice thoughtful, insightful and wise. I hope your letter to the the young woman from a conservative family has helped her. I know that I found it meaningful and applicable to my own life. Whenever we aren't true to ourselves, in whatever way that may be, we are, metaphorically smothering ourselves and it tends to manifest in not so metaphorical ways. Thanks for the reminder. 

On a not so serious note, if I could be guaranteed a therapist as hot as you, I'd be in therapy in negative 5 minutes. Prolly, I'd be kicked out for jumping on inappropriate behavior...like last time *sigh*, so to hell with sanity, I say!

PS: If my motorcycle show idea doesn't work out, perhaps you might want to take me on as a client. I couldn't pay you but I'd make an excellent case study for lunacy weirdness. Think about it. 

All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story.

James Baldwin

Thank you Cathy and Thea for a wonderful, thoughtful and very entertaining v-log. I love what you are doing and how you pull it off. So many people talk down when they give advice. I feel like you have been there, you really care and you make me feel like everything really is going to be ok. You are not even talking about my problems! It's just this way you have. Thanks again.

By the way, you look awesome in the motorcyle gear!! So hot! 

I thought Thea Gill was soooo sweet!

Thea is such a joy!!! and great monkey face cathy, boy that will stay with me for awhile!!

it's so great that there is this outlet for you're viewer to get some advice and to realize their not alone!!

another great vlog!! 

back to the studio Paint Monkey!

This vlog is not only entertaining but highly intelligent.  I often find myself in the precarious grey area between straight and gay and your comments, Cathy, are the first truly insightful words I've heard spoken on this topic. 

I also enjoyed Thea's outlook on bisexuality as something to be proud of.. maybe I am one of the lucky ones?

Until I figure it out I will no doubt be looking for that stillness to find the answers to the million questions floating around my head.

thanks!

I agree with the comment above ^, first truly insightful opinions I´ve heard.

You are great and this vlog is really helpful, thank you for it and for taking the time to help all of us who need it!!

absolutely loved it. your best yet.

as you know I have had problems with your past two vlogs, but this one was ACE!

funny, entertaining, great comedic and editing timing. great guest, awesome chats, terrific content.

It's like you are relaxed and yourself ad totally at ease speaking from the heart. that's the Cathy I know and love!
;)

------------------------------------------------------
THE UNOFFICIAL JILL BENNETT FANCLUB WEBPAGE
http://www.freewebs.com/ujbfc

I can't decide which Cathy is hotter! Hmmm, wallet chain or glasses?? Compasionate Cathy in whatever outfit is the best.

That was a great vlog with a lovely guest. Thea had an interesting point of view that was good to hear. Although I am all lesbian and consider myself one of the lucky ones!

 I loved the song at the end, was that Janet Robyn from last weeks vlog? She was amazing!

...they're people like you and me ;-)

WOW... what a vlog!

It's almost painful for me to hear and see in Cathy's vlogs how in every single topic I have found some bits and pieces of my own biography. But it also makes me feel proud... I've come a long way.

So 'courage mon coeur' to everyone out there!!!

And a huge 'merci' to Cathy!!!

I’m speechless… I wish i could make a meaningful comment, or share my experience and thoughts, but I’m just speechless and moved like I was for your past vlogs. I thought this time i could come up with something to say, but i'm still stunned.

Cathy, your vlog is amazing and by amazing I mean wonderfully clever, thoughtful and priceless. It brings peace to my heart, it helps me a lot, and i’m obviously not the only one… so thank you and your guests, and also thanks to the people who share their problems… it feels good to see that I’m not the only one weird person in here and in weird positions ;-)

Upon hearing your story, I too couldn't help but to think of my life and the situation I am in now. I've grown up in the Church and I graduated from a small private Christian academy last year. I now attend a private Christian university...so being surrounded by Christians is something that is normal for me. When I first realized I was gay I absolutely hated myself because homosexuality was "wrong", I mean that is what I was brought up to think. I never hurt my self physically because I did not have the guts to, but I did become a pill popper. I tried O.D.ing two different times, but it didnt work. So, I decided that I was going to talk to my best friend about being gay. Turned out that she had kinda knew all along. She was going through some rough times and was harming herself, but me and her decided to take the world on together. She was the person I could turn to when I needed to talk and vice versa. After that I really got into poetry and started writing down all the struggles I was having about balancing my faith and who I was in poetry style. It has been 4 years since I tried killing myself and I finally am comfortable with who I am and what I believe. My advice to you would be to find someone that you can take the world on with head to head. Figuring out who you are is not an easy thing to do but it is worth it in the end. Being comfortable with who you are no matter the setting is one of the best feelings in the world.

I hope everything works out....

I'm having delusions of granduer.....

Partida

You bring such insight and warmth and what you're saying speaks to me even though you're not talking about my specific issues.

Also it's very true what you were saying about how the weather affects you're mood. I can tell you that if you live in Sweden this time of year you can feel it. When it's grey and dark and the days are still short you just feel drained of energy. At least I do and I know that winterdepressions are common here and light therapy is actually quite popular, they say it works too.

Anyway, I'm just bitter because I live in a cold country but your vlog brought some brightness to my night while another storm is raging outside, so thank you for that!

Thank you, one and all. =) The comments may not have been directed to me directly, but they helped.

I've found escape in my school's GSA, but it's still hard to hide who I am from my parents. To live in a conservative environment really sucks, but finding solace in my group really has helped. I just don't want to be unable to go to college in the fall, which is what would happen if my parents were to find out I'm "still gay." Turning 18 on Saturday helped open new opportunities and a sense of freedom, and I'm lucky enough to be able to find a slight piece of sanity in my GSA.

Anyway, thanks again. I really am lucky to have found Afterellen, even if it's taken me some time to get involved with the group! You all definitely are my favorite group of weirdos. =)

And a special thanks to you Cathy... =)

*two thumbs up* to weirdness, to going against the grain of a society whose determined to produce nothing but ken and barbie clones .. two thumbs way way up i say!

also.. *two opposable thumbs up* for monkey ears.. that was some good monkey ear representation going on there

I met her and she was so gracious. She is even more stunning in person, so much so, that I was told my face turned as white as a sheet when she turned to greet me (along with my knees buckling). I'm thinking of studdying phycology in college so this vlog is a must watch!

Love it and can't wait for the next one!

http://www.youtube.com/sinfulhex

i feel very bad about these stories (however you spell the plural of story). Cos, really I have a better "enviroment" I don't live in a closed religious community, but I have a family that would be crazy with the gay stuff, my mom the first.

The most frustrating thing on me is that I think of two person with whom I could talk about this, in fact both are lesbians, so it shouldn't be a big deal, but I still be afraid of talking about that. And is very stupid to not talk when I know that these friends would understand my situation and my confussion.

BUT, I feel better meeting people in quite the same situation, and people who offer their help.

that is Cathy and Thea....you both are so much fun and easy on the eyes as well!! While there were alot of funny and touchy(literally) moments...there were also some very poignant moments. What these girls are going thru is not easy. I wish them luck.

 I am Soooo glad you changed the editing sound!

Cathy, I can't believe  anyone that caught your eye. would ever play coy...whats up with that??

The "come on my lap" comment by Thea was PRICELESS !!! I LMAO!

Can't wait till next week!!!!

Cathy - we are loving your vlogs - way to go! - it's apparent you are taking the time to really "listen" and understand the questions - we'll be asking some of our own questions soon.  Best, peace and pride,

Cate & Crew from ImGay.tv

I just thought that I should say that you are not the only one. Although I can't say that my situation is exactly like yours I can relate. So much so that I cried when Cathy first told your story. It hurts so bad to not be able to tell anyone about or show anyone your true self. It is hard dealing with the fact that by just being who I was born to be I go against all that is considered normal and acceptable and "natural"(that one hurts me especially deep.I'm not sure why. Maybe Cathy could tell me? IDK). To say that I grew up in a conservative Christian environment is an understatement. I was brought up in a Southern Baptist church and sent to a Catholic private school. When I first began to question who I really was I very consciously repressed and ignored those feelings and thoughts. I really barely even knew what gay or queer was, but I knew that it didn't go with the life that I have always been expected to live because it was "weird and bad". It made puberty and even life now so much more painful and awkward than it would have been if I'd felt comfortable being myself, but that isn't how it works in oppressive environments. In oppressive environments you are expected to find happiness in it rather than yourself and it simply isn't possible. We are all told that happiness comes from within and we believe it, but it is so much more difficult to be able to tell when you are being drawn away from that basic truth. To feel truly free I am sure you know in your heart as I do that we must leave these environments.

I am only just coming to an understanding of who I am, and I am really only just beginning this and can't offer any advice other than to love yourself so much that you find yourself smirking when you look in the mirror because your weirdness makes you cool as hell(yeaaaah!). It works for me anyway. To get to that point was difficult only in that it was scary to step outside of all that I had been told and to decide what I truly believed. I thought about who I felt I truly was inside and how I would feel if no one cared whether or not I was that person. I knew that I would be happy as myself. It was then that I knew that the problem wasn't with me but others. It is hard, though, to say that those who mind don't matter because I know, at least for me, that I hold my loved ones so close to my heart that it hurts to say that I'll never be who they want me to be. I also know and still feel the trapped, weird, crushing, lonely, seemingly endless sensation of not being myself and that hurts too. I can never be perfect in any person's eyes so which hurt can I do away with? I'm still working on that one . It is admittedly, easier said than done . Just find someone to talk to and if you find that there are no unbiased caring people around you then look else where. After all you found afterellen .

I am sorry that this has become so long. Being long winded is part of my weirdness I guess. All I really wanted to say is that you aren't alone in the way that you are feeling and that there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with you. You deserve the love of true friends, but most importantly yourself. So smirk at the girl in the mirror next time you see her because I heard that she is weird and that makes her pretty damn awesome.

We are so much more than a label or any facet of ourselves.  Yes when we come to afterellen we feed the queer side of ourselves and some of the other sides too!  But in my life I have friends who each reflect me.  If I brought them all to a party they won't necessarily be one big happy family but they each allow me to be me in different ways.  So I don't feel the need to "come out" universally, just as I don't need to point out that I'm left handed.  It will be noticed in the normal course of events.

The same things applies to my sexuaity.  I am "gay" sometimes, and "lesbian" sometimes. I'm both.  I'm bi. 

Inexperience makes us thing that every step we take will blow away our entire identity and we will have to start from zero.   Instead take little risks, and learn a little bit about yourself.  Each step will teach you about yourself, and then you can  start trusting yourself enough to trust others with more.

Good Luck!

--
"One does not see anything until one sees its beauty" - Oscar Wilde

 Great vblog. I come from a strict catholic family and its hard to talk to my family about cause they think its wrong for a woman to be with a woman. Ive had problems to by trying to come out. Because there isnt really anyone I know or who I can talk to about being a lesbian.

Thanks cathy for telling me and others tobe strong that there is someone here that will hear you out.  Sometimes it hard to go on day to day with out having someone to talk to about this.

Thanks again and oh yeah your very HoTt ;)

I'm also one of those people who chafe against any kind of label. "Queer" is the best I've come to finding one that fits.

I like it for several reasons including the fact that for me it's about more than just sexuality; it's about a fundamental approach to life that questions and often seeks to disturb the "norm" and a fascination with all that is "weird."

I have friends who continue to love me even as they continue to discover my weirdness. That's truly one of the greatest gifts one can find in this life:). As someone who also comes from a Christian, conservative background I hope the last person who wrote in to Cathy finds the same.

SSB stands for secret single behavior...what I and my roommate used to call things we do in the privacy of our homes...and not in front of dates, etc.  You know you're in a good relationship when you can show your WEIRDNESS OR secret single behavior!

To the person who is conflicted...you're not alone.  I grew up in the deep south, still live there in fact (the weather is sunny here to Cathy, come on down!).  I also came from a very religious family.  I knew about  my sexuality by my teens.  It came out/I came out in college (of course, typical story).

I was miserable for six months solid.  I would literally cry myself to sleep.  Not only was I placing a horrible amount of pressure on myself with the situation, I had a gf who was pushing me to come out to my parents.  She also happened to be BICURIOUS (love the bisexuals but it's not my cup of tea).  Funny, in hindsight, there was all this pressure from her to "come out", etc...but I never met any of her close friends/relatives.  Go figure.

My point is, don't let anyone ever pressure you.  You'll know when it's time.  I know you feel conflicted and miserable...been there, done that.  I was so scared I would lose my family if I told them.  That was the biggest fear because I'm so close to them.  I'll never forget...telling my mother...and her saying, you know...I've known this about you for years...I was thinking, if you knew it...why DIDN'T YOU TELL ME???  Then we cried/hugged/bonded and had cocktails. 

Fast forward ten years.  I've been in a relationship for over five years.  My other half goes to all the family parties/holidays/etc.  She's part of the family.  My family was very religious...and some of them had a hard time with it.  However, they quickly got over themselves.

It's hard to take that leap...but I know I had to be true to myself...I couldn't marry some guy and pretend to live the dream so to speak.  Listen to yourself...and as Cathy said, get some counseling.  Many cities offer free/discount counseling...especially concerning sexuality.  It can be done confidentially.

I LOVE this vlog.  Informative, fun, and for some I'm sure, life changing.

Can we just do something about the sound?  I turn up the volume on my speakers, on the computer itself, and on the player, and I still have trouble hearing what gets said, "on the couch."  

Peace! 

Lisa

Great vlog and great advice!  Cathy and Thea...what flirts!

I too agree with the other writers about the sound.  Some of the talk on the couch is tough to hear with the volume up.

One thought to the writer who was having the problems with the very Christian family and school.  Since totally changing your life away from that Christian upbringing might be a part of what you might be afraid of, what about seeking a Christian Church that is gay acceptable?  There are denominations that are very embracing and perhaps you can do an internet search for your area.  This way, you could get positive feedback about your own life, find a 'family' atmosphere, and not lose that connection to God that has been such a part of your life.

Take care and feel free to write any time!

(LOVE Janet's music)

The best vlog on AE!  I so appreciate Thea's willingness to discuss her sexuality so openly.  She's clearly a flirt! 

Cathy, the last segment encouraging the young lady to embrace her wierdness was beautiful!  The Axl Rose bandanna? not so much! :)   (I'm just jealous.  You could wear a trash bag and look hot!)

Who is this mysterious Lucia?  That girl makes me laugh and I don't even know what she looks like!  SHOW YOURSELF! :)

Tell us more about this Slate and Kelly thing!!! 

Cathy, the vlog was awesome. I really feel for the girl you talked about. I understand her situation even though I am an adult. I live in Arkansas which is not known for its gay and lesbian friendly population. The conservative Christians here still try to manipulate you with the fear of going to hell (and they literally mean the "hot place" with the fire and devil). It's truly sad...I have a young child and if her father or anyone else closely related to me wanted to have me declared unfit, it could happen. Our circuit judges will still take a child away from a parent for being gay. Our legislature is trying to pass a series of laws prohibiting gays from getting near children in terms of adoption, fostering or even stepping in temporarily when something happens to the parents.

There are thousands of us out here Cathy and your vlog makes a big difference. Just connecting on some level is better than being totally alone. Thank you so much and keep us all together.

Cathy... I love your vlog and Thea is so sweet

I so wish she would stop doing cheesy TV

I don't understand how she could do a quality show like QAF and then do CHEESY Dante's Cove

Camp or not. Really she was a cross between Gloria Sawnson and Carrie in the last episode. Can't she do some thing more meaningful Sad to see her career get away like this she had so much potential, more than bingo's, benefits and bad TV

We'll keep my story short- lets just say I struggled with thoughts of suicide and depression through high school and can relate to your situation.

Two things:

 First, don't feel like your identity as a Christian has to conflict with what you're figuring out about your sexuality. If your faith is important to you then there are many Christian churches that embrace homosexuals and if you consider the true core of your beliefs you'll find the idea is to love others not to love conditionally.

 Second, Cathy mentioned going to a Christian school so I'm not sure if that is to mean you are in college or high school. I know when I was in high school it felt like that time would last forever. I would always be confined by others and what I HAD to do with little choice of anything else given my age and financial dependence.

  But really, nothing lasts forever. Hang in there and work hard and you'll find that independence that will allow you to decide things for yourself. This isn't to say just hid out until then- until you can reach that complete dependence that lets you embrace those who love you for you and let the others go, find any way you can to branch out and explore yourself. Music was a great release for me, sports as well. Anything that you can embrace as YOURS and possibly expand your circle of friends.

  Finally, if you have anyone you can trust, even if you think their opinion might not be what you want to hear, consider talking to them. Maybe even just ask about their views on sexuality and why they feel that way- opens up some room for dialogue.

One of my friends in high school was the poster child for conservative Christianity. After a year away at college (he was studying to be a minister) we caught up with eachother and he literally and very sincerely apologized for his former closed-mindedness.

Turns out a friend of his in a position much like yours came out to him, told him about his fear at telling anyone else in his life which revolved around a conservative church. My friend realized how hard this was and completely changed his views to the point of co-founding a gay-straight alliance at his university.

Hang in there, like Cathy said "embrace the wierdness", and find those people who you trust and who care about YOU.

God,  I LOVE Thea! I'm so jealous. And you were so cute and bashful.

As for the topic...I would never go back "in the closet" for anyone. Your advice on letting go of friends or whoever judge you is right on in my book. No more living life for others...why live at all then??

Nice Job, Cathy..

Hi Lucia! haha 

http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/2008/01/28/learning-to-seize-to-the-day/

I don't really know what got me to watch this vlog, because I haven't seen the other ones, but now I'm glad I did.

This is such an amazing vlog, so different from all other AE vlogs and really helpful and just inspirational...

I also found bits and pieces of my own story in what was shared, and it made me think a little about my own fears and reservations.

I watch almost all AE vlogs, and I love 'em, and I'm so glad that this vlog exists in contrast to the other ones.

Thank you for this vlog, it really blew me away.