Awww, therapy...where do I sign?  I think you're right, I need some new experiences!  And I don't know where you found Janet Robin- but can we keep her?  Girls with guitars, especially playing with their teeth- HAWT!  But, on the serious side.  You ladies touched on some important issues.  I finished watching and had to come back to add.  Whether it is your sex life and other relationship issues or meds for psychiatric issues exploring and expanding within yourself and growing in experiences with your partner are very important.  Meds are not a cure all, and as a nurse majoring in psychiatry and a very involved patient advocate always be aware of all your options and ask questions.  If your doctor is quick to diagnose and write a prescription, but unavailable to answer questions run, don't walk to get a second opinion.  Maverick is definitely not alone.  I am a 40 y/o woman who came out at the age of 17 while living on a dairy farm in South Dakota in a town with a population of about 400 people.  Going to college really helped expand my universe and education is always a beneficial way to explore who you are.  We are all here and willing to help.  I would like her to feel free to contact me and anyone else here for support for sure.  Ignorance is a social disease, people fear things they do not understand.  Be strong, be yourself and you will find people in your life who love and accept you for who you are.  The extended family of friends you find will be irreplaceable and the love you find will be unconditional.  Another excellent vlog! 

"I want freedom for the full expression of my personality."  ~Ghandi~

Great 2nd vlog! I'm diggin' Janet Robin , she's  got a great singing voice.  Oh...I'm blushing you said my name. How cool is that! I'll try to go and branch out. I guess it won't hurt to take risks in life. I hope I can put my age dar. I don't want to hit on an 18 year old kid and I'm thirty-ewww no matter how cute she is. That's funny how you mentioned the grocery story. In the a famous health food store...there were plenty Lesbians to be found ok presuming they were Lesbians). Did I flirt with any of them ummm no. I was feeling a little under the weather. Plus they're like way older than I am.

Stay beautiful. Oh yeah, the sound was almost inaudible when you and janet were talking. The guitar sound came out beautifully though.

Did I ever say I would play nice?-Miss Ketina

This was fucking awesome. Solid advice, great music, and a hot host. What more could you ask for.

Great second vlog, Debuono!

I'm guessing that onGwing has to do with the series Bad Girls:p But I could be wrong.

I really like this second vlog! I like the subject, really diffirent than the other vlogs. Not that I have that much experience in relationships (yeah, looser, I know:p) and that's what it's mostly about. But it's still interesting to watch. I especially liked the last letter, because here on AE I think there are a lot of girls in that situation. I always get the feeling the every lesbian out there is in a relationship and happy about who they are, which of course I know isn't true, it just sometimes seems that way in the real and online world. But I'm glad for once someone spoke out that it isn't always the case. Thanks. Hope you feel better Maverick!

OMG, Cathy can rock a quitar!! She's awesome!! Beautiful song...

http://www.youtube.com/user/BetweenThaLines

Well, simply superb.  Where else can you find s'mores, ee-sues and passion talk all in 30 minutes?  Fabulous music, great pets, beautiful "Robin," and a touching young aussie.  Oh, yeah...and your sweet feet.

Here's to all the lovers who've lost their passion and for the young sheila down under:

Passion 

Touch me gently when we walk,
Brush against my skin. 
Caress me slowly with your breath,
Whisper once again.  

Will you grant me spontaneity?
May I choose the way,
To take you to a higher plane,
A plane that lights the day?  

I see you now, so innocent,
And yet, you do not know,
The times I look and see you in,
That light, that basking glow.  

I love the way that jewels learn,
To wear their beauty well.
The lessons that they learn from you,
I can't begin to tell.  

My heart beats fast against my breast.
I know not how to hold,
The love I feel, the cherishment.
Oh, how can I be bold?  

If only in another time,
You were he and I were she,
I'd wrap my long and toasted arms,
Around your silken skin.  

At times I think the timing foul.
What could the spirit know,
That we should be of body same,
And, yet of heart and soul...  

Lovers?  

I want to tell you all I feel.
I want to be so clear.
Must not there be a simple way,
To sate my heart's true fear?  

Do you know?  Oh God, you must. 
I feel so much inside.
I long to feel your body pressed,
So gently next to mine.  

Your smell, the breeze, how still it lingers,
So sweetly in the air. 
Oh, do you also stop to breathe,
The scent that now we share?  

When you touch me, I explode.
My passions leave my grasp.
I trust you so. You do not know,
What depths are stored below. 

My love, my sweet, oh, help me God.
How can I let this rest?
My insides torn and tearing more,
With each new breath request.  

How could you make my soul this way,
If it was not okay?
I don't believe you to be cruel,
I won't believe that way.  

What lesson's here?  What paths to know?
What wisdom to be found?
My thoughts, though burning,
Wrapped within a heart that knows no sound.  

No sordidness, no wickedness,
No evil will you find. 
A broken, bruised, and crying heart,
Is all that's left behind.  

My walls still falling,
No more to hide the pain once locked away.
An innocent, naiveté, 
I still know not the way.  

Does not my openness invite, the tough to soften night by night, 
To see a cloud a fresh new way, an ocean wave, moonlight?
Does not my questioning ignite,
A passion deeply squelched by fright?  

I know you find me curious,
But do you feel the heat?
Or, am I only being burned,
By my own flaming beat?

Wish someone would sing me a song like that. She is fantastic with that guitar!

Trying to come up with something I could need some advice on but I guess i'm perfect:P

keep up the great vlog, love it!

That was a wonderful, enlightening vlog and the sincere response to Maverick by both women really warmed my heart tonight sitting here by a log fire.  Rural Ireland can be pretty much the same and it's only when you head to the bigger cities that you can spread your wings and take that leap. And Janet Robin's Beautiful Freak was simply breath-taking.  Thanks Cathy for the sound advice re:meds which I must pass on and I'm really interested in following your next sessions as I've learnt a lot already.  Have you any advice for a teacher caught in the delicate knot of an education system still reeling from the church years?  Coming out is not an option that will lead to acceptance and that's quite stifling.  What's the situation for teachers in America? I guess that's beyond the scope of your vlog(!)  'I'd better 'do a computer search!'

Thanks ladies and Comet and Mama Kitty! The one-eared stray cat asleep beside me now will have to get a name soon! Looks like he's adopted me. Perhaps I'll call him beautiful freak! who knows ;)

The singer has a beautiful voice. I don't have a love problem, sorry, happily in love:)

At times Cathy reminded me of Jill.  Not the way she looked but the way she laughed, face expressions. Weird.

Anyways, until next time!

Cathy... you are lovely.... On the outside and on the inside.

You're compassion and concern for all of the questions was clear to me.  But your investment in letting Maverick know she wasn't alone... was heart warming, and palpable right through the PC screen.  

And who is this Janet Robin and where did you find her?!?!?! WOW! What talented fingers! Great shot of that, was fun to watch!  I'm definitely going to look out for more of her. 

And Lucia is priceless, really... "It's not complimentary! You have to pay for it!" LOLOLOL...  I just picture Cathy sneaky yogurt covered pretzels while Lucia runs the other way.... That is if I could picture Lucia at all ;)

Great vlog Cathy D.  I truly enjoyed this and will be back next week. 

I hope you read all these messages of encouragement. As Cathy said, you are not alone. I too came from a small town and my first step was to move to a large city. I didn't have family to live with so I just got a job in my small town, saved every penny and then took off. Believe me, when you have a plan like this, the pain becomes much more manageable.The world opened up for me as it will for you. Years later I went back and told my family. It was rough at first but they eventually came around. If they don't, it is ok too. Many wonderful experiences are waiting for you. Enjoy and good luck!

I wish you love...

Like many others, I was touched by the response to Maverick's letter. Cathy, you are a great addition to the afterellen site. Maverick, believe in yourself and know you're not alone. Geography is an easy thing to change. Surround yourself with people who support you.

Ihave to say, it was great! Maverick's letter spoke to me as well. I'm not quite 'out' yet myself. 

“You know you are in love
when you see the world in her eyes,
and her eyes everywhere in the world.”- David Levesque –

Hang in there, Maverick, and do everything you can to be your authentic self. Good suggestions from Janet. I had to go to university to get away from my parents and my small town on the sheer faith that there was someone else out there like me. There were plenty, trust me! Remember Kermit the Frog. It might not have been easy being green, but he was never not Kermit. Once parents are assuaged of any "guilt" for having "brought you up the wrong way," they are usually more receptive. Their tendency is to think that they have done something wrong. Not the case at all.

To the teacher: As a teacher, most of my students and all of the faculty knew that I was gay, but I verbalized it to make it "official" in the 80's. It took a weapon away from them: If they fired me it had to be for something else.

Good work, Cathy and Robin.

I mentioned a book in the vlog for Maverick and anyone in a similiar situation called "Now That You Know" and as promised I've looked up the authors. 

"Now That You Know" by Betty Fairchild & Nancy Hayward

I also have another book I'd like to recommend for our couple, and all those out there like them, that need a little help rekindling their sex lives in a long term relationship.

"Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love & Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships" by David Schnarch

Hope this helps.  

-Cathy 

www.myspace.com/cathydebuono

www.cathydebuono.com 

Cathy, a belated welcome. The addition of your vlog to AfterEllen is truly appreciated. I was apprehensive at first in how you would deal with the topic matters, but you have proven to be an insightlful and entertaining addition the the site. I hope that you continue to have guestbians. Completments to whomever edits your vlogs, I like how you cut in to comment on what's happening.

I've also quite enjoyed you as an actor as far back as "The Pretender". I knew nothing of your sexuality, just that every now and then you would pop up on one of my shows, i.e. DS9 or Chicago Hope.

I haven't even watched the vlog yet, but the pic Sarah chose to post of Ms. Cathy on the homepage is totally HOT.

I will most definitely be watching now. :)

"Whatever people consider to be normal, it never is." -Ashley Davies

Janet is incredible! I truly love this vlog. It's informinative, I love how it's shot, 

Lucia's comments, Cathy's intelligence, and the guests! Can't wait to see next weeks.  

Cathy, the compasion you and Janet showed for young Maverick moved me, as has the responce from your viewers. I am so glad AfterEllen has added you to this site.

I always found you atractive but I am growing to respect and admire you as well.

And it's fun, too! I like hanging out with you.

Janet Robin is really awesome! Thankyou for the introduction.

How cool was that??   As if Cathy isn't hot enough, she has to be smart and compassionate too?? I'm going to have to take medication myself just to tame the urges.    Cathy, Janet rocks, thanks for sharing her with the world.  Keep this vlog up.

Question:  What do you think of gay marriage? Would you consider marrying me?

Great job! I can't stand how adorable and funny you are.

I have to tell you, I LOVE the Poison t-shirt. I'm not even a pioson fan but it was really funny and looks really good on you!

You just keep getting better and better.

So many great things about this vlog, I just can't wait to see the next one!

Hi. I guess meeting people was one of your suggestions, and, well, I'd be happy if one of those people was me. :)

I'm 17. I'm in Year 12. I live in Sydney, and I'm a lesbian. If you ever want to talk sometime, whether about sexuality, what it's like being out in the City, conservative country families (my Dad's side of the family lives in a town of 250 people, all of whom are strict Catholics), or even just about Sydney Uni (my Dad is a professor there) or anything at all, just add me on MSN or Facebook or myspace or Yahoo or AIM or whatever one of the messengers/websites you use.

Contact me, anytime: liddlechristina@hotmail.com

And, as an aspiring guitarist, I have to say, Janet, you kick ass! :D

This was such a great vlog.

Great topics and wonderful and genuine perspectives from both Cathy and Janet.

Gosh Janet rocks so hard. And that last song was so beautiful. I love her voice.

I hope Maverick feels the warmth and support from everyone here on AE. Hang in there, hon!

Oh, and Cathy, while I've never thought those candies in the supermarket were "complimentary" (ha!), I've taken a sample every now and again:).

To hear your response to my question from the last Vlog...about psych meds versus libido...

However, the video is not working.  I tried the other option but the vlog kept pausing and finally just shutdown.  Having technical difficulties afterellen and I need my Cathy fix!

Brilliant advice, brilliant music & a brilliant vlog. I look forward to next week's!

Maverick,

Hang in there, girl. Life has a lot of surprises, both good and bad, headed your way. Hang on and get ready for the ride!

"Whatever people consider to be normal, it never is." -Ashley Davies

A perfect mix of serious issues with a sense of humour. And your response to maverick really moved me, I think many of us are or have been in a similar situation of feeling like an outsider and not having anyone to identify with and that's why this site is so great because it shows us some great role models. Anyways, thank you for that.

Also Cathy, you're really hot.

You made me cry a little. This vlog is turning out to be something really...real. With all of the humor and Cathy's hottness, I think people might be getting something really helpful. You guys that have responded to Maverick are so sweet and very touching.

I love this vlog!!!

Hey Cathy - I think your  Vlogs are really awesome!  I love the informal, humorous format!  It makes them feel warm, safe and real.   There are so many people out there who feel like they're alone.  With people like you to listen to and identify with; hopefully they will feel courageous enough to come out and live an authentic life.  I wish you had been around when I was in that place.  Keep up the good work...YOU TOTALLY ROCK!!...PERIOD.

Looking forward to next week!!

XXOO

=;D 

Yeah, I know I haven't watched the whole vlog yet, and yes I know I'm not that person but my guess is that "On G Wing" refers to the (best) TV-show (ever made) Bad Girls. The prisoners in the show are on G Wing. Oh Nikki & Helen. *swoons*

Edit: A moving response to Maverick's letter. Both from Cathy and Janet, and the comments. At first I thought that Janet's advice sounded a bit harsh but then I remembered that that was exactly what I did. I moved to a city and I'm studying now. I've been here for a year and I'm nothing like the person I was when I left home, in terms of how I view my sexuality. I have great friends here and I'm not at all afraid to come out to people here. I haven't come out to my family and my little town (well, village?) yet but I can actually think about it without it creeping me out, and that's a big step. I guess I'm just trying to say that I can relate to you and that you're not alone even if it feels like it. I hope all the answers help you, at least a little bit.

A Swedish author has written about his coming out and said that: It wasn't just that I didn't have a compass, I had to draw the map too. I think AE does a pretty good job with at least giving us a dotted line. And now, even more so with this vlog.

I wanted to throw in my three cents for you, for what it's worth.

I have to agree with Janet's assessment that you have to find the courage to find your own way in the world.

I know it can all sound like platitudes sometimes, when people tell you to have courage, to take risks, to do the things that scare you the most. Don't think for a second that we don't know that there are consequences for all of these things, and some of them may be heartbreaking. In fact, more often than not, they are mostly that, but only for a little while. And without the heartbreak, it's a lot harder to appreciate the joy when you find it.

What you don't expect, and what does seem to happen, is that by taking control of your life, by standing up and showing the world who you are...by acknowledging the beauty of your own life...sometimes you find support and understanding in places you did not expect them to come from. Sometimes that takes form in a parent or a friend who is more accepting than you gave them credit for, but sometimes...and these are the times that always astound me, by wearing your courage on your sleeve, you attract people who are drawn to courage, and to someone with self-awareness.

When you look around you and realize that your life is just as important, just as worthy, just as beautiful and real as anyone else's...well, people are drawn to that. A self-aware and unbound human emanates that without even trying, and people do respond to that, on a very visceral level.

An example:
When I was in my senior year of high school, I had this epiphanous moment just sitting in class one day. I looked around me and realized that this was not all there was to life, that I had SO much inside me just waiting to break free, and that what these people around me thought about me meant NOTHING. Odds are (and I come from a fairly small town myself), I was never gonna see these people after this year, and even if I did, I knew high school was just one time in my life. It had influence, but I still had the rest of my life to live outside of it.

And that was it. Everything changed. I knew who I was. And something weird happened. I always had plenty of friends in school, but all of a sudden, people just sorta flocked to me. At first I didn't get it, and then I understood: somewhere, on a very subconscious level, they were attracted toward me because there is a quiet confidence in having a true sense of self...of knowing who you are and loving it, instead of being ashamed of it. I never said anything to anyone; I continued to be me, just...well...MORE me than I had ever really been. And somewhere they knew that.

The reason I told you that story is to kinda illustrate that the self-confidence that comes from knowing who you are and embracing yourself wholeheartedly, will bring new people toward you, and possibly keep some people close you are worried about losing.

At the end of the day, the only person you can be is you. And those who accept that, will share in that joy with you, and the ones that don't...well...it will be heartbreaking. Know that. But know also that their fear stifles their lives as much as it does yours. In the end, they suffer from that more than you could know. It's sad, but maybe by living your life to the fullest, they will learn that fear may be a comfortable familiarity, but it keeps them locked up, and by seeing you live your joy...maybe they can free themselves in the process.

Anyway, I know that was long-winded, but I wanted to give you something from my life, so you know that there are many many stories, from many many women, that you can take with you on the journey that lies ahead of you.

May you keep the wind at your back, and the sun on your face.

Much love,
Shiva

p.s. Count me also as one of those who moved to a bigger city, and even though I do go home sometimes, it was the best thing I ever did. It was hard, but in the end it has been worth it.

ok. I was trying to post a comment but it isn't time to put my brain to work. English isn't my native language and midnight is not a good hour to think a lot.

But... I'll say a few little things. This vlog was perfect, kind the thing I needed to hear... it's like "Oh... so... I'm not the only lesbian in the world... and oohhh... they have  problems as I do." i'm referring to all the issue of coming out with family, being very confused and all that crap.

waiting for the next week vlog. You're AWESOME, Cathy

i really don't know if you saw the movie but... although horror movies never really scare me ..

this one did.

 will  people really end up that dumb in the future? i'm pretty sure i'll be dead by then, but i still care.

 it's no joke, i witness it everyday ...  and there are statistics showing decrease in IQ, average scores on the SAT, and # of college graduates are going down  

i can't really think of a celebrity below 29 years old that i count as a fan of.  ~ just a thought

I thought I already left a comment, but apparently not...

I wanted to say, that it's a good advice for people who have trouble meeting new friends just to say yes to invitations and (as you said) take advantage of every opportunity. I know what i'm talking about, I said "no" so many times, that people have simply stopped asking me.

Great vlog, i like the concept very much!

I love this vlog, it feels really intimate and the humour is great too. It's good to move away from fantasy tv land to something warm and real. Like many people on this site, I'm currently living in a place where I can at times feel like 'the only gay in the village.' It's nice to feel the connection and realise there are so many people going through the same thing.

Loving the music as well. I have such a weakness for girls with guitars.

Beautiful Freak gave me goosebumps, wow Janet you blew me away.

Loved the bluesy jamming session aswell.... Janet = Guitar Playing Genius!

I really related to that poor lil aussie girl, my coming out was very very lonely. Eventually the gay communitybecame my family, the first place where I wasn't a freak, but if I was it was a GOOD thing!

Honestly I have a hard time making it through most of the vlogs here, but I actually watch cathy's till the very end. amazing. I'm gonna go f%$k some sh*& up so I have some juicy problems to send....

rock on girlie!

Another great vlog, Cathy. Your attention and advice to Maverick was lovely.  My wish for her is to see just how safe and wonderful it is to be "weird."

Janet is a huge ROCKSTAR!  My toes were tappin' harder than Cathy's!

When do we get to see this "lucia" person?  I think she's an android....

Funny AND informative. What more does this little geek want? A rock guitar guest? Ker-plunk! There's she is... And I'm going to admit I liked Poison - back in the day ;) I wish I could play the guitar like that. For now I'm just the mediocre rhythm guitarist in a band :p

Comet's cute and was unfazed by Janet rocking out on her guitar, and Mama Kitty looks like my furry friend Sheba:

Dear Cathy,

I, too, have an eessue. I'd like to open up and share more. To a lot of people it seems so easy. I'm not much of a talker, but more of a listener - a very approachable one at that. Friends come to me if they want help or advice and I'm more than happy to try and help them out. While I (still) have a hard time asking for help. Background in a nutshell: I had a childhood I do not wish upon others (not related to my sexuality) but it left me distrusting people and very much self relying. I've worked hard on that and it's slowly paying off. Still it takes a long time for me to (really) open up to people and I'd like to change that. Especially when I meet a lady I really like. What can I do?

_ _ _ _ _

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." (Dr. Seuss)

Cathy and Janet, thank you for a wonderful vlog full of insight and compassion.  Not only do you give good advice to the reader's letters who you responded to, but your talk was a good reference for us all.  I especially like the ideas put forth about the interest in someone not just about the outside but about the intelligence and heart within a person.

Beautiful music Janet....what a great gift to us this round.  Cathy, wow, smart lady...I am smiling that you are indeed a woman of substance.

Maverick....I wish I was in your situation of having realized things at the tender age of 17.  It took me 22 more years to figure things out and believe me, it was hard at the age of 39 to totally change my world.  I wound up moving 3000 miles away to a place where no one knew the 'old' me and I was finally who I really was... a lesbian woman.  Funny, I found out that friends and family had an inkling all along about my sexuality.  I was very lucky and have been accepted, but not because I was gay or straight, but because of the person I was.  I think that's an important thing to note.  Be a good person, be true to yourself, be kind to others and don't forget to be kind to YOU!  You know when you fly, and the flight attendant gives the instructions and always says, 'put the oxygen mask on yourself before you try to help others'.  You can relate this to your life too.  Discovering who you are right now is your Oxygen...and you need to allow yourself to do this and be happy with yourself before you can deal with others' response to it.  If you are happy and strong, that will carry over.  I like Cathy and Janet's ideas of going to Sydney and establishing yourself there.  It's ok if it takes a while....all good things are worth the time and this is a good time of exploration for you.  Enjoy the journey as much as the destination.   

If you need anyone to communicate with, please feel free to email me and I'd be glad to talk any time.

Enjoyed the show,    Keep up the good work.  The pets were adorable.  Will tune in again

Cathy,

I've been in school for a while now and finally decided as 'Human Service' to be my major. My question for you was what made you decide to become a therapist? I have thought about becoming a child psychologist but don't know if I can deal with all the emotional stuff that comes with it. How do you handle the emotional level of being a therapist?

____________________

whatever doesn't kill me only makes me stronger

I think it is great that everyone is supporting maverick, and the song Janet Robin dedicated to her is really encouraging and beautiful.

This blog will help a lot of teenage girls that are trying to come out or that are being doubtful about their sexuality, and I think we've all been there and we know what it's like...

you are doing an amazing job Cathy, keep it up!

"i don't suffer from insanity...i enjoy every minute of it"