....was I supposed to take with my morning bloody mary?  If you answered "4", then I am right on schedule.  It's no secret that Anastasia has been a huge Cathy Debuono fan since seeing "Out at the Wedding" at Outfest.  This new vlog just totally made my morning.  I LOVE IT!  Cathy is not only easy on the eyes, but intelligent as well.  Not to mention the fabulous Dora Biddle AND JD DeSalvatore!  LOVE 'EM!  Great vlog!  Keep up the good work and keep the champagne flowing!  Can't wait for next week!

I am about $6000 from paying off my MA too! But I do have it (though it's an educational psych...kid oriented degree). Love what you said about not fighting in public. I'm like Doria when it comes to fights, I walk quickly away...though if it's a night club, I tell management or the bouncers if a cat fight has broken out on the dance floor. Having a business background, I kinda figure the owners (usually friends of mine) want to avoid costly glass breaking, law suit provoking, party poopingness.

Looking forward to your insights!

PS. I'm sitting on my fingers in an effort to NOT respond to some of the questions posted below, cause the psych in me just wants to SAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY something...lol You'll have much to work with, that's for sure!

I really enjoyed the vlog! Maybe a few less cuts next time and it would be perfect.

Will your guest be back next time?

 By the way did Sarah tell you to cover the apple sign? :-) 

Love it!  This is an excellent distraction from planning discussion sections for the psych class I'm TA-ing.  Can I just screen this for them instead and go over qualitative research methods later?  Yeah, thought so.  ;-)

I've been lurking here for a while, so this is a good opportunity to come out of lurkdom. BTW Cathy, you look great in glasses!

Here's my situation. I've been with my partner for a long time. We get along really well, but our sex life at this point is pretty much non-existent. When I was in therapy...oops, I mean analysis ;)...my therapist suggested we pretend we were "dating" to see if that would spice things up. It didn't.

I love her. But the thrill is gone. Of course I don't expect things to be like they were when we first met but a little activity every now and then would be nice. What do we do? If I bring it up, it's like it's a bother.  

A really good vlog! Welcome welcome to comment-land.  

Dear Cathy. I liked that discussion on anger. But now I want to know what I should say, how I should act and react when my girlfriend gets angry with me for not getting angry. 'Cause I don't get angry. I can be disappointed, sad, annoyed and grympy but not angry. She doesn't think that I'm telling her what I really feel when I talk about something I don't like. And that I'm not passionate enough about us. But I do and I am. Just not by raising my voice. Is it bad to not get angry? And how do you talk to someone when they're screaming at you?

Oh, this sounds more depressing now that it did in my head. =D

This vlog is a really cool and nice addition to the site! A hard time hearing what you guys said but other than that, perfecto!

Well thanks for that vlog. I really enjoyed it and look forward to seeing more. It was very well done and entertaining. I guess i'll see you next week.

Actually I may just have to send in a messege about a little problem I'm having and see what Cathy's take is! 

God, what you guys were saying I've been thinking for years.

lol I've had so many friends in therapy that it's sorta rub off on me. With every new relationship I make now I try be to make sure were both honest with each other. Whether it's with a new friend or girlfriend I try to make it a point of being open to what they have to say. I've been blessed with several wonderful people that I know I can trust with my secrets and me with theirs.

Last year I purged myself of all the bad friends in my life. More in importantly my best friend. It was a 5 year friendship that sorta turned into a relationship. We were together all the time and when we weren't together she became very jealous of whoever I was hanging out with. Instead of dealing with our issues she just buried them deeper, as did I. She started lying to me and I stopped telling her the truth. When it started eating away at me I knew that ending our friendship was something I needed to do. lol But before I ended it I did the dumb thing of getting a matching tattoo with her. It's the kiss of death for any relationship.

Now what amazed me about ending our friendship was how heartbroken I was. I really missed my friend. I still do. But I know I could never be friends with her again. And although I feel this way I'm thankful for her. With her I exprienced amazing things, went places I'd never been, and met some of my best friends. Through her I met someone I now consider to be one of my soul mates.

Side note - I believe you have many people you are connected to that will always find you. Whether they are a lover or a friend your meant to be with one another. There are some that you'll know for brief time and some that will be with you forever.

Through my friend I met someone who has made me a better person. I like Lucia, I couldn't have asked for a better friend. lol I sort of pity all the new friends I make cause he's kinda set the bar pretty high.

Question: What would you say to couple where one wants to have an open relationship and the other doesn't?

lol It's not for me but I figured I'd get the ball rolling.

Hiccups?  Ah...I'm thinking yes.  Love it!  The part in the beginning wrestling with the camera tripod (at least you weren't selling us on your film making skills). I had to fall out of the chair laughing.  Very helpful footage especially naming the "auditory hallucination" Lucia and using her as a euphemism for "fixing your towel rack".  JD was very helpful with her toolbox info and Doria...staring at a blank wall?  I'll try and remember it's not nice to push each others buttons on purpose *winks*.  And thanks for touching on the public display of fighting issue...ICK!  It was very insightful how you pointed out most of the inappropriate fighting is a result of the underlying passion to connect...a self awareness issue.  I guess I'll be back around with a question once all this has been absorbed.  And I'm postive you will keep all innocent names protected when having a question presented to you (even though you did share the great footage of JD and Doria's little disagreement over the Advocate gift bag).  On that note I'm off to let my core issues take over the driver's seat of the 18 wheeler.  No, wait...are they supposed to be driving?  Maybe you could clarify that.  LOL!  Great job, looking forward to much more in the future!

P.S.-  Good luck with finding people who don't get warm and fuzzy when they walk in and see YOU are their therapist!  Ok...now really, I'm off to bleach some red flags!  

"I want freedom for the full expression of my personality."  ~Ghandi~

Loved the number of points the three of you were able to touch on. I liked JD's point about wanting people to like her for who she is and not what she looks like--but we all know she is adorable. I like leibug's suggestion about identifying core issues for people. I would like to hear what you as a psychotherapist think the goal of therapy should be. Very informative and entertaining. Anne

I'm so drunk on  Cathy. Will you wear boy beaters more often in your vlog please?  (drool)Love the creativity of your vlog. Topics to discuss: How to get back into the dating world when you don't go to bars?

I'm highly allergic to cigarette smoke so I avoided bars but now my city has banned smoking inside bars. I still don't like them. So, what other options does this  sinlge Lesbian womyn have to get back into dating. For heavens sake please don't say the Internet Dating: I've been in that circuit for like 9 years. I'm so burnt out. Too many crazy lezzies and bi womyn.

I use to give advice here and now I need advice. What flip-flop.

HUGZ

Did I ever say I would play nice?-Miss Ketina

please please please change that sound effect!

As much as I enjoyed the vlog I couldn't go more than a few minutes...maybe there is something wrong with my ears or my head?!!

 ok cathy, you caught me, i'm usually just a voyeur here....but for you i'll join the fun and games!!

i love the rawness of the first vlog!!!  good stuff ladies!!  now take the tape off that silver apple so it can breath!!

my new favorite vlog!! 

back to the studio Paint Monkey!

...love the new vlog - looking forward to more.

Doria. Rules.

Patient: There's like this longing ... this pull. I mean, does that make me, you know, like, some kind of...?

Maeby: Homosexual.

I have to say, I was so jealous watching the wine glasses empty and fill, empty and fill - but I liked the social touch to your vlog - loved the discussion about fighting in public - it's all amusing until the bouncer gets stabbed in the legs with a 4 inch stiletto (that happened once, well actually, two bruises in the same night) - Can you take some time to address the collective shyness in women? I don't have a problem going up to a nice-looking lady, such as yourself (although you're kinda tall, so I may hesitate at first, it's a basketball thing, the big girls can get scary on the court, but I digress) but women LOVE to travel in packs, and walking up to one woman is one thing, walking up to one among a gang of ten is quite another - and how are you supposed to know if any of them are dating each other, or worse, if they're exes (I've been in both of these situations, and it's no fun for anyone)...Of course, I'm assuming that when I'm out with MY friends, I don't create this confusion myself, so perhaps the ladies aren't doing it consciously, but maybe you can suggest something to make it as easy as the color-coded t-shirt parties at Dinah Shore or NYC Pride? AND, what's up with those single chicks who wear rings on their left hand ring finger? Is that a joke? Or a tease? btw: loved the vlog..did I say that already? When's the next episode getting put up?

~F.

ps. Yes, please change that cutting sound effect...

"...I had to, I needed shampoo." That was an awesome excuse for stealing your friend's gift bag.

Cathy, I can't think of any problems right now, but I'm working on it.....so next time? :)

This vlog was so funny. I laughed out loud. Cathy don't feel bad about exposing yout secret love of Lolita, LOL!! THAT was funny. Cathy you make a good point about compassion for your girlfriend's psycho problems, I mean core issues!! What are we expecting, perfection? I am as guilty as the next gal, thanks for the reminder. I look forward to your next vlog!

This was very nice - I love how you edited it, intersecting the discussion with your comments - it was fun and informative - with a positive message overall!

Question: How can one tell if therapy would be helpful? Why would one go into therapy? And if so, how would one go about selecting a therapist? My partner and I often joke we mastered our lesbian processing to such an art that therapy would be a step back ;) but I do wonder if it would be beneficial to have therapy as a way to resolve issues without burdening her - or to spend more of our time together doing other things other than figuring out our individual issues. It's not like I have a million issues and neither does she, but I've wondered if there are other ways to deal with them and I'm not at all familiar with therapy and/or what you can get out of it.

Thanks for getting the vlog going, I really enjoyed it.

Cathy Great Vlog and loved Doria and JD...

Flags are only right on July 4th - Great discussion girls--spot on!

Congrats on your first VLOG!

 Loved the editing, agreed about the sound effects, and you know about the sound probs -- I really don't have time to actually *watch* (yet another ADHD multitasker here!!), so it would be great to be able to just follow along with the sound...

Not sure if you want feedback on the format?  If not, stop reading here and just know I think you're awesome! :-)

Maybe just one guest at a time would be better?  It was a bit hard to follow everyone and not feel like you were missing something.

The bed part was awesome and comfy, but the table seemed a little uncomfortable.  I would have loved to see you guys sitting on a couch or something, but maybe that would be logistically weird?  Or maybe Doria would spill wine all over the couch??

I'm not sure where the time limit comes from - Would you be able to do shorter episodes?  Maybe 5 or 10 minutes for the first few episodes - then go longer as the audience grows and the format gets more solid?  I know, for me, I don't have much time to sit down and actually watch something - and I know it would be easier to tell people to tune in if it were short and awesome...

So those are my thoughts - I'm really interested to see where you go with this, and will be tuning in for sure!  Don't you know that ADHD meds and champagne are a dangerous combination?  Such a funny drunk girl....hahahah.

I must say this is impressive.I know a lot of older Lesbians, that tell stories about when they first came out there was no one to talk to, no outlet for them.In some rural areas this is still the same, so afterellen is a god sent in many ways.For all you guys, who work so hard to put this out there and touch our lives, THANK YOU.

I'll be back next week with my problems ( get a keg you're going to need it)

Hey Cathy,

I watched the vlog yesterday, but didn't have a chance to comment until now.  I loved, loved, loved it.  This first one is a good introduction to future episodes.  I really liked the time you and your guests spent discussing psychotherapy and its relevance to the gay community as well.  ;)

I'm very confident this will be successful with quite a bit of audience participation.

Great job.

Maureen

 P.S. My master's degree isn't paid for yet either! 

---------------------------------------------------------- 

The Unofficial Bridget McManus fan site forum.

http://ubmfc.freeforums.org/

Been in a relationship for five years.  Partner, like you Cathy is ADD and on meds...but also on depression meds.  Since the meds and a surgery her libido has taken a nosedive.

Any suggestions on keeping the passion alive...or how to deal with the libido issues of psychiatric meds/surgery.  She even said, I've lost my mojo.

Liked the first Vlog but fought with the sound.  Fix that and you're good to go.

If you weren't a lesbian I would say that sounds like a Penthouse Forum article...

Had my share of straight girl teases in the work setting...don't know if it's nurses...or what, laughs.  Mix in happy hour and alcohol and it became more prominent...

Good luck.

Oh Cathy, anything you do is entertaining, no difference here! I love to see you making something of your degree as if being an actress isn't enough. And wanting to help us here at AE for free is commendable. I agree with some of the previous points like the hard to follow with 3 people and the cut away sound but these are little things and it is your first vlog so don't worry it will all come together. ;)

I do have a bit of an issue in that I don't deal with hurt and disappointment well and am loud and animated by nature and it comes off as anger. So no matter how much I try to breathe and relax, it always seems like I am raising my voice and end up intimidating. I know it just defeats my purpose and no one listens then but I am not sure how to change it. I have a hard time not offering rebuttle when someone is slamming me or lying so no time to calm down. Anyone need a teenager, I have a few.

Ah the drama of it all.  Any Suggestions?

Can't wait for the next vlog.

http://bee-haven.blogspot.com

Hi,

     I saw your video blog and it was really wonderful. You did a really good work. It was serious and funny at the same time. I hope you can continue to work on this video blog. Thank you very much, Cathy.

                                              Francis Doyon

"She's so cute when she screams at people" haha, yeah...

It should definitely be longer. Loved it though, loved the intimacy, love the glasses. Can't wait for more! 

Cathy could never be my therapist. way too sexy. My therapst is very short, matronly and wears clogs and thats the way I like it! (I hope she never reads this, but add that she's straight to that list of unsexy features.)

I do feel like Cathy just may know what she's talking about and if I'm not trapped in a room alone with her I might be able to pay attention and learn something. Hurray for vlogs!! I look forward to her Dear Ther-Abby wisdom.

So thanks AE, a fun vlog that might actually help our community get a little healthier, or become alcoholics I'm not sure. I do know I'm craving a glass of pinot though.

Cheers!

Cute show for a first time. well, how would I know being this was my first VLOG I've watched.

To comment on a serious side, uh oh, I thought you gals brought up a lot of good issues regarding therapy. Doria hit it the best with her comment about getting pissed off. I used to get so pissed off I'd throw my check at my therapist and walk out. 10 minutes later after a smoke I'd come back in and she always accepted me back. Having an awesome therapist is so important and filling up that tool box is the answer. But I believe with yourself you have to begin to use those tools ASAP. I've seen to many people depend and rely on the therapist to get through each week, month, year, whatever. I think a therapist should be in our lives for the time they are needed. I've found one great therapist in the past 20 years who I actually worked with and grew from. She happened to be an ex nun, now lesbian. Best relationship I ever had! haha

Hi Lucia! Nice to put a face behind the scenes. And I LOVED the doggie walking back and forth.

I won't comment on the editing and god awful sound effects becase I'm sure you'll work on that for your next vlog. lol

keep up the good work!

Hazy

Cathy,

Loved the first vlog - very fun. I thought Comet's cameo was a perfect touch as well!

Can't wait for next week!

I'm not a big fan of therapy or therapists, that's why I never became one despite my MA in Clinical Psych.

However, I do believe in good sensible advice. I agree ones relationship status or skills often has little to do with the ability to give relationship advice.

Looking forward to the next Vlog.