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Michelle Paradise's Worst Date Stories

A few months ago, Michelle Paradise asked you to submit your best and worst dating stories — and did you ever! There are over a hundred hilariously bad date stories, and Michelle gathered together four of your favorite women — Marnie Alton, Dara Nai, Karman Kregloe and Jill Bennett — to re-enact some of the best ones, with Lori and I "directing" (which in this case, meant zooming the camera in and out, refreshing their drinks, and trying to keep the cats out of the frame).

As you can guess from the photo, much chaos ensued. Some of my favorite moments? Marnie as a "hot RN," Dara as a cop who can't get her handcuffs off her belt buckle, Michelle moonwalking, Karman's puppet love, and Jill overdosing on pharmaceuticals while on a dinner date.

They also award a fantastic prize to one of you unsuspecting AftereEllen.com readers who submitted a story. I don't want to give away the surprise, but you impatient types who want to know what the prize is now can click here. (To find out if you won, you'll just have to watch the vlog!)

The final vlog was pretty long — almost an hour and a half — but since it was too funny to cut out much, I just split it into two videos. And I figure this will keep you busy while AfterEllen.com is on a break next week.

So grab a cup of coffee/can of soda/glass of wine applejuice, sit back, and prepare to be entertained!

Tip: if you click on the little box in the bottom right corner of the player, you can watch the video in full-screen mode.

AfterEllen.com Worst Date Stories Part 1

Download from Veoh

AfterEllen.com Worst Date Stories Part 2

Download from Veoh

And stay tuned for the outtakes at the end!

  • Sarah Warn's blog
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  • BetweenThaLines's picture

    Wow, I'm the first. That's a first!

    The favourite people of AE? Isn't that a little mean to the other people of AE? Haha! But I'm sure they're going to forgive you. But oh, what a lovely way to start my saturday morning. Thanks!

    Too bad I didn't have any terrible date stories, it would be sooo cool to see you all reanact it. Go Karman that you know what <3 means! I was starting to feel rediculously young...

    Loved it!!! Wish this could be a weekly thing, haha! Happy holidays!!

    http://www.youtube.com/user/kisshester

    Laura's picture

    Omg I had a dream I was

    Omg I had a dream I was kissing Michelle Paradise last night... that was nice.. but I have a girlfriend haha. But omg.
    fallon ash's picture

    Yay!!

    Oh, this is so fantastic!! Thanks so much!! It's like AfterEllenOverload in the very very best way... *squee!!*

    I just gotta ask, though, is there any way to download the videos to my computer? I'm going away for the holidays and will be offline for an entire week... Watching this over and over would be the prefect antidote to spending an entire week with relatives.

    Nea's picture

    Okay, you guys...

    ... are complete freaknuts!

    That was just frigging awesome! Thanks ladies! Again. I think Marnie should be the honorary lesbian of the year!

    "It's not that kind of a vlog." ::giggles::

    Congratulations for the winner! You truly deserve to go on that cruise :)
    VashtheStampede's picture

    Regis

    King of Useless Trivia here, I think the person you were thinking of on Regis and Kathie Lee was Geilman, who they'd often talk to off screen and who would fetch things for them. God, if only I could actually remember stuff that actually mattered, I'd rule the world LOL Okay, back to watching the show.

    Abana's picture

    Awesome

    This was one awesome vlog! You guys are hilarious!

    The best one for me was the one with Jill & Dara and the pills. I couldn't stop laughing.

    chrissy e.'s picture

    *gasp*

    As Lesbian Members of the world (don't lie, you each have a card) you should be ashamed of yourself for that horrid representation of rugby. :)

     

    Thank you for the early morning laughter.

    Happy Holidays,

    C

    stephcologne's picture

    crazy!!!!

    you are crazy people in the best way possible 

    thanks for the laughs

    happy holidays to everyone

    but we´re never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy

    rudua's picture

    AfterEllen video player

    I really want to see this, but the AfterEllen video player just WON'T work for me. Or well - it works, but it takes forever to load and is really choppy, so it's pretty much impossible to watch without going crazy. I can't even pause the video and wait while it loads because it stops loading when I press pause! Do you have plans to upload this to another video host?
    miss chatelaine's picture

    can't watch it either

    sigh. the afterellen video player won't work for me too. and dang, I've been waiting for this vlog since the first blog post came about. I used to be able to watch the older Michelle Paradise blogs, but for some reason I can't get these or the more recent ones.
    Crank Heart's picture

    Same here...

    Any chance this is going to be uploaded on Veoh? :)
    golden_bird's picture

    Veoh please

    Yeah, could you please upload it to veoh. I really want to see it, even if I normaly don't watch either Michelle's vlog or We're Getting Nowhere. But the pics alone look so funny... And since there won't be SMMWT or WTTWAGI this week I really need some other vlog fun :)
    coffeesky's picture

    me too

    It's really choppy for me too and pressing 'pause' to let it load doesn't work either.  I also had no problem watch Michelle's earlier vlogs (and they rocked!)
    Sarah Warn's picture

    Veoh

    Sorry about the problems you're having watching this! I've been having problems getting these uploaded to Veoh - Veoh is really technically unreliable sometimes, and often rejects files for no good reason - but I think I've figured out how to tweak these files so Veoh will accept them, and I'll post the links here when they're available (it will probably be on Monday, though, because Lori and I are leaving now to spend the weekend at my sister's for our annual family Christmas party).

    (I can't upload it to any other video sites because the file sizes are too large and the videos too long in length.)

    In the meantime, no one else needs to leave comments about not being able to see the videos and asking me to put them in Veoh - don't worry, I'm on it! :)

    Crank Heart's picture

    yay!

    Thank you!
    coffeesky's picture

    Quick Response!

    Thank you so much for such a quick response, I really appreciate it!  I'm looking forward to Monday.  Have a happy holidays!
    k_ash1200's picture

    OMG!!!!! You picked my story

    I can't belive you guys picked my story, and I'm glad Jill liked it, and the funny thing is that right after i posted the story she sent me a e-mail and now we are dating. Oh yeah she doesn't pray after sex and she came out to her parents.
    ms_drummer's picture

    so funny...

    your story was hilarious too.  glad she worked that out finally.  lol
    Radioactive Girl's picture

    Worst mouse date ever.

     

    Damn I did get to put mine in! It’s horrible! I was having dinner with girl and we were sitting at an outside table. It was a horrible date, because I was really uncomfortable and nervous. It was going badly put it that way. Than I felt this tickle at the bottom of my leg and I looked down and a mouse was trying to climb my leg. I jumped and screamed and the mouse ran off and got its tail caught underneath the leg of some guys chair (the whole time I’m like oh my god, oh my god). It was trying to get free when a lady in stilettos walked around the corner and stuck her heel in its head and squash it and didn't even notice. I shouted OH GOD!! And turned back to the girl who had no idea what was going on (along with the whole restaurant). I told her I saw a mouse and was about to tell her the whole story but I realised she thought I was completely nuts so left it at that. We never saw each other again
     

     

    www.myspace.com/slowgun 

    Laura's picture

    oooh my god to radioactive

    oooh my god to radioactive girl, that's horrible LOL! poor thing. i can see how it owuld be hard for someone to believe, but those are a series of things gone really wrong, haha. aw.

     

     

    THIS VIDEO BLOG IS AWESOME!! i love seeing all the skits and fun

    Radioactive Girl's picture

    Thanks Laura

    Thanks Laura, I think I still need therapy after that date.

    It was so horrible that I try not to think about it. When the whole mouse event happened I really couldn't believe it. I wanted to laugh at the time too because it was really completely surreal and shocking! but that would have made me seem even more nuts. I've done that before!

    I'm not sure if Michelle and the crew would have been able to re-enact that scene without a super trained mouse. Although if they had I'm sure they could have made it hilarious!

    tissarah's picture

    dude...

    Haha. Seriously, that was like the worst case scenario! You can't make that stuff up! Hm...the mouse incident is somehow reminiscent of the lizard freak accident on Tila Tequila, where Brandi steps on and subsequently kills a random lizard while with Tila. It was probably the most hilarious and equally weird thing that happened on the show.

    Good stuff Radioactive.

    Radioactive Girl's picture

    Bad Stuff Bad Stuff...

    That date was so bad. I wish the memory loss stuff in eternal sunshine of a spotless mind were real, because I’d be down there in a sec erasing this memory and a few others mind you. Embarrassing! I wanted to say... “Did anyone else see that?" but I was completely on my own. I guess me and the mouse shared a moment somehow. I've not seen the Tila Tequila show.... It might give me flash backs.R

     

    Wench2007's picture

    Loved it

    That was sooooo entertaining on so many levels, you are a bunch of nutters.

    Thanks for not being sane

    x

    Hopeless_Savage's picture

    Top notch

    My dog was running around like crazy coz I was laughing so much :-P

    Looks like you guys has as much fun making it as I did watching it! Hehe

    Total success. What a great team :-D

    Plus.

    Jill x Marnia HOTness!

    That nurse action....not to mention the vicks scene. LOL.

    sundancer's picture

    Too funny

    Great vlog, I hope you do this again some time!

    Wunder's picture

    That was great!

    I'm not sure which improv I liked best. The one with the girl running after the car or the wasted girl refusing to get in the Ambulance, he he he. They were all so good.

    It also reminds me of the crazy dream I had last night. I dreamt about every lesbian I've ever met and for some reason Dara was there smoking a cigar!!!! Try and decipher that one dreammoods.com.

     Much love xxx

     

    Aimi's picture

    Awesome!!

    That was brilliant definately worth waiting for.

    Any chance of Marnie being upped from guest vlogger to fulltime? I'm sure I'm not the only one who would love to see her in a regular vlog.

    Lunakiss's picture

    This vlog was wickedly funny!

    You ladies were great in this vlog. I thought my dates were bad but never on that bad. Geez, by watching the reenactments I felt sorry for those readers : a passed out drunk turned psychopath ;a pill poppin' wench ; a oops a daisy  lover gurl  who got a rash by makin out with another drunk in a bush. You know what your past worst date experiences made it to AE.com, at least  now you got something out of it.

    Congrats to  the winner! I hope the cruise makes up for that  past worst date experience.

    I give this vlog two thumbs way up!

    Happy Holidays!

     

    I'm in Vibe this month...pick up a copy..check me out and then put it back on the stand. thanks.

    peace imani (Imani Coppola's Black & White album from her mypsace page)

    bksn's picture

    Afterellen All*Stars

    I didn't think I could love you all more. 

    I am reminded of the second PSA, when Sarah warned the writers that we would be forced to create our own entertainment if they didn't step up. Like I suspected at the time, that ain't such a bad thing.

    Thank you all and Happy Holidays. 

     

    Vee's picture

    AE's Whose Line is it Anyway

    That was brilliant and so hilarious. My two favorites were the Jill pill popping fiasco and Jill and Marnie's vicks experiment ;)

    For the first time in my life I wish I would've had a disastrous date story just to have had a chance at that prize ;)

    Congratulations to the winner!!

    spotticus's picture

    What a way to start the day

    Here it is the shortest day of the year (northern hemisphere) and we get the longest vlog. How cool is that?  Way!  Kudos to the crew (both in front of and behind the camera) that made this worst date vlog so hilarious. The interpretive "rugby" dance was priceless. And I think Michelle P. has a promising future in shrubbery re-enactments.

    Thanks so much for the laughs!  You guys at AE have really "brung it" this year, and it looks like '08 will be even better. The articles,recaps, blogs and vlogs (and comments) have been so entertaining.  Thanks again for the insanity that helps keep me sane.  Best wishes to all!!

    gooby's picture

    Best.Christmas.Present.EVER!

    Honestly, you guys had me in stitches the whole time. I had the best time watching this special and truly, special it was!

    Marnie SO needs to be the honorary lesbian of this year.

    This kind of sketch/improv thing should be a regular dealio on AE, SO much fun. You guys are so hilarious.

    Thank you Michelle, Jill, Karman, Dara and Marnie, you guys just made my Christmas!

    playthemusic814's picture

    Days like this...

    Thank you guys so much. I just did something I told myself I'd never do. I bought airport WiFi. All in the name of watching 5 uncommomly amazing, smart, funny, beautiful women. Thank you all for keeping me company during my 3hr layover. The Terrible Three rule my heart. Always a pleasure watching you cut up. MP, as Jill says, you are a delightfully charming woman. And, uh... More hot RN. Naked. Marnie, you stole my focus quite a few times. Of course, it goes without saying, it was worth every penny. Heck, for the "Vapor Rub" scene alone. Yowza. ~It means pride.~
    Eliza's picture

    "Oh god!

    "Oh god! Jesus!"

    "Literally!"

     

    Best. line. ever.

     

    Loved the rugby dance. Amazing.

     

    Congratulations to the winner, enjoy your cruise!

     

    E

    A long road

    http://www.asearchforlove.blogspot.com/

     

    A long road

    http://www.asearchforlove.blogspot.com/

    Shar.shar's picture

    Best.Line.Ever.

    I agree with you, I think Jill accidently stepped into Jesus. hahaha!!!!

     

     

     

    ~♥~♥~ It's funny how people would be concerned about things that would NEVER affect them ~♥~♥~

    the_pressure_of_a_name's picture

    Ad-lib at it's best =D

    You guys are the SHIT!! That was awesome and I loved every minute, especially Jill chasing after Michelle in her truck in slow motion hehe.

    The After Ellen "allstars" are certainly ending 2007 with a bang - seriously thank you all for continuing to do these vlogs and be the crazy ladies that you are because you really do rock the most!  Happy Holidays to you all, here's to 2008, whoop...

    Oh and Sarah, if you should feel the need to hire a bar tender/waitress the next time you do an "allstar" vlog, I'd b more than happy to oblige!

    Oh and Jill love the SexyBack rendition, it's my fav club track when I'm out!

    Chantal's picture

    Best. Vlog. Ever.

    That just totally made my day, thank you. Will rinse ;-) and repeat several times the coming days.

    Whoo!

     

    The Way The Cookie Crumbles

    No Borders Allowed
    sarrit's picture

    jill went a little crazy

    but in a good way....

    " I WANT MARNIE ON THE BENCH!"

    spoken like a true exe's and oh's fan.

    happy hanuka!!!!!!

    风's picture

    you ladies were great!

    thank you ladies, you guys were so hilarious and make me laugh so hard~~ :DDD   i think Jill just great at performance, especially on that " took lots of pills and passed out " story~

    thanks again and happy holidays!  @>>->----

    Radioactive Girl's picture

    Hilarious!!!

    I'm sorry but your picture is hilarious!!!  Is it you???

    风's picture

    This pic is not me

    Radioactive, this pic is not me, it's Michelle Paradise. i'm Michelle's big fan, so, i did little PS work, now you can see: Michelle Paradise+Mona Lisa=Mich Lisa  :目

    oh, i hope Michelle won't mad at me for ding this~~ >_<  Amen~~~~

    Radioactive Girl's picture

    cool....

    I thought it might be Michelle Paradise! Wicked! Such a funny picture, it cracks me ups!

    Kerstin's picture

    wayyy too funny

    the 2nd video was definately my favorite, I loved the hot rn, seriously can Marnie Alton get any hotter?  I'm not sure it's possible, but hey I'd love to see her try lol
    Meg's picture

    OMG

    That was so funny and so great....Marnie I wouldnt mind you being my hot RN..If I needed one...Great Job....way to go gypsy!!!
    eme's picture

    happy holidays

    well this started off the long day of cookie making on a good note.
    A Muse's picture

    I want the bench, and Marnie on it LOL

    the outtakes were awesome as well. Jill doing Justin.... :lol: and then her line "do I get jessica biel now"

    this is the best xmas pressie ever!

    ------------------------------------------------------
    THE UNOFFICIAL JILL BENNETT FANCLUB WEBPAGE
    http://www.freewebs.com/ujbfc

    Zleznjiyh's picture

    Most excellent!

    This was just.... WOW. Overload like woah. I see this vlog getting played over and over again during the holidays just to stay sane from... the holidays. :P

    Happy Holidays everyone!

    Spaced's picture

    Almost died from laughter!

    So, so, so funny! Congrats & many thanks to everyone involved & to all the people who sent in their stories (and to the winner of the cruise ;) ) Pure entertainment for an hour & a half, utter genius!

    Far too many to pick out as favs but I did especially love the random chicken talk, lol!

    beecharmer79's picture

    Fra-Gee-Lay

    Awesome Vlog...love the "A Christmas Story" references - you used up all the glue on purpose!

    Can't wait for next year's vlogs!

    ...and...don't worry Karman,it will grow back!...and Jill, there's plenty of fish in the sea, and I ain't talking pisces. Though we're nice too!

    Happy Holidays!