News, Reviews & Commentary on Lesbian and Bisexual women in Entertainment and the Media

South of Nowhere Video Blog: Episode 3.3

Last week we posted our first South of Nowhere video blog and were completely overwhelmed by the response! We're happy that many of you enjoyed it, and we're pretty sure that all of our subsequent blogs will now fail to meet your expectations.

That being said, this week Jill and I welcomed our third (and final) co-host into the mix, AfterEllen.com contributing writer Dara Nai. We also invited some dolls to be our guest stars. No, not cute girls. Actual dolls. But they behaved badly and we haven't yet decided if they will be asked back.

In our coverage of Episode 3.3 of SoN this week, we discussed:

  • Why it's good that Spencer's flying solo
  • Kyla's disco epiphany
  • Ashley's aversion to publicity
  • Our first impression of Carmen, and who we think is her celebrity twin
  • The best way to handle a doll malfunction

We're still working out the kinks with our newfangled technology, and this includes proper lighting techniques. As a result, Jill looks very pale in the video blog this week, and I look downright transparent. It's not that we're anemic; it's just that we need Lighting 101. Dara fared much better and looks perfectly healthy. We decided to let her stick around anyway.

We also settled on a name for our blog, “We're Getting Nowhere,” suggested by Lanna J. from Nebraska. Thanks, Lanna! We promise that we'll do our best to live up to it.

South of Nowhere Video Blog: Episode 3.3

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  • GertandBernie's picture

    Holy crap.

    I laughed so hard at that and I actually had to use my inhaler for the first time in like... a year. Normally, I'd just quote a part I really liked, but there were too many.

     

    Please do the dolls again. And please, keep the ones from the 99 cent store. :)

    dghterjudy's picture

    don't know if you guys noticed...

    but during his scene with chelsea, glen was wearing the exact same outfit clay was wearing when he got her pregnant. that was hella creepy!
    LolaRay's picture

    Oh lordy

    I haven't laughed this hard in a while. I say yay to keeping the dolls, especially if One-Arm-Spencer, Hootchie-Mamma-Ashley, and Booty-Madison come back.

     And maybe it's cause I happen to 16, but I could understand Carmen aka Bangs perfectly. Then again, I have been known to mumble myself...

    GertandBernie's picture

    I definitely

    Know what you mean. I could understand her fine. Except I mumble too. And I'm 16. I think it's just a different language that only mumbling 16 year olds (or those portraying them on TV) can understand. Freaky...
    Omega II's picture

    No problem

    I understood her fine and I am over 25.

     

    "Bad jokes are us, ur me."

    TheDoomMerchant's picture

    Hmm.

    Maybe you're just especially in-tune with the mumbling habits of teenagers? I had no trouble understanding her either, but I'm not over 25, so... Anyway; guys, loved the dolls. The absurd hilarity of it all caused me to nearly snort half a pixie stick. This vlog might indeed "go nowhere," but that only adds to the fun. Also: One-armed Spencer needs to stay that way. Seriously.

     

     

     

    [I turn angry when I'm big and green.]

    eyeandi's picture

    Hilarity ensues

    Funny blog, just one question what the hell is going on here?
    Forinzy's picture

    Holy Madison

    Back pockets!!!!

    but during his scene with chelsea, glen was wearing the exact same outfit clay was wearing when he got her pregnant. that was hella creepy!
    I noticed that as well. I was like no, so I went back to the DVR and there it was. I agree, creepy!
    dypole's picture

    +1

    You ladies seem like you have the best job in the world!

    And the best part? Even with a one-armed Spencer, your reenactments were spot-on.

    "Out of the box is where I live." -Starbuck

    no_one80's picture

    Wow...

    That was hilarious!  I almost spit some soda on my keyboard a few times, so I made a mental note to myself to not drink anything while watching future vlogs.

    Gobias Somecoffee's picture

    Awesome!

    This was so much more entertaining and funnier than the show.  I loved the reenactments with the dolls.  And those strawberries looked good.

    On Carmen.  Her bangs do not work on her.  Aiden's hair is horrible too.  What's with all the bangs?  They cover almost half of her eyes and it's so distracting.  She also looks like she could be Ashley and Kyla's sister.  I could, however, understand her perfectly.  That's how my friend talks and I'm probably use to it but I mumble too so yeah.

    The dialouge in the "You're still gay, right, Spencer?" was horrible.  Like who says that?  So Jailbait, right there.  And the disco scene too.  Paris and Lindsay?  Really?

    leshlie721's picture

    awesome blog

    First of all love the blog. you guys are extremely funny. I'm glad i decided to watch it. I love the recaps too.

    Second...I am so glad that i wasn't the only one that didn't understand "Bangs". I watched and rewatched on the computer with extreme loudness just to understand what she was saying. And i still didn't get half of it.

    bluecin21's picture

    the dolls!

    Oh I laughed so much with this one! Please keep the dolls.....it was too funny. ;-) I enjoy watching your vidblogs.

     

    rarticalsista's picture

    Too funny

    This was so much better than watching the actual episode.

    I could not stop laughing the entire time and the inclusion of the dolls was a fantastic idea.... who says you have to be a kid to play with dolls lol. The weight as Aiden is hilarious... but seriously... an egg! Poor chelsea. I can't wait to see what you do to a paula doll.

    LolaRay's picture

    Oh, btw

    The next episode should already have some Spangs kissage according to the promo, along with a wtf!Ashley and a wtf!Aiden.
    alternak's picture

    funny funny!

    Does anyone else think that Bangs looks like Shannon Doherty?? she totally gives me that feel...

    The funniest part for me was the making out with the dolls.. "Where's the Madison doll?" lol! i would've looked for the Spencer doll though....

     

    Ohhh and bringing back the top was definitely a good idea!

    danic's picture

    heh.

    poor one-armed spencer. 

    i think i missed about 1/4 of the video cuz i kept getting distracted by jill's strawberry eating and "white grape juice" sips. and, ya know, the cleavage. teehee. 


    Omega II's picture

    "The Jill Bennet Show" Your

    "The Jill Bennet Show"

    Your welcome Jill.

    The Pee-Wee line was, iirc, "I don't need to watch it. I lived it."

    Ya'll were more childish with the dolls than an 8-10 year old boy playing with his step-sister's Barbies(aka Me).

    And to the person behind the curtain- Good job not laughing your ass off. How did you do it?

     

    ETA- Where is that 9 hour unaired pilot?

     

    "Bad jokes are us, ur me."

    Nea's picture

    Word up.

    ETA- Where is that 9 hour unaired pilot?

     

     

    YES! Intrigued minds want to know!!!

    TheWeyrd1's picture

    We're Getting Nowhere...with DOLLs

    Hysterical...and Dirty Ol Lusty Ladies anyway....if ya ask me...
    Luckycharm808's picture

    Hahahahahahahahahaha!

    Yes! "Going Nowhere" just fits you guys perfectly! I looked forward to this vlog cause i know it was going to be better then the last. Def keep the dolls ladies but bad enough chelsea lost her man...but an egg? Lol, i cant wait to see what chelsea is going to be next time. Oh dont change Aidens looks, it fits him perfect! Everything else was hilarious and well done...and as usual you guys are getting nowhere! In a good way! Until then ladies it was fun!

    Savannah Aviance's picture

    Glamorous.

    I was laughing uproariously at the dolls! I was just sitting here on this like exercise ball using it as a chair (lol) and I lost track of the amount of times I rolled off laughing! You three are HILARIOUS! Keep up the awesome work! Loved the dolls. Love the "speed" recap, hehe. I look forward to this blog so yeah, amazing.

    I love how Jill was sure to give us what we wanted by wearing the top, haha. And about the mumbling of Bangs. I actually watch South of Nowhere with the caption on because I find I have a hard time understanding Ashley! I think she mumbles a lot and if you actually watch her mouth, it's almost as if she's trying to get out all the words she can without moving her lips. However it did take me a long time to realize that it was Bangs who asked Spencer "Don't you think?" And that she just wasn't randomly moving her mouth, haha. Bangs words come out perfectly clear to me though.

    BTW Loving dumbell Aiden. PERFECT choice. If you do any scenes/re-enactments with Glen use like a Hammer or some kind of tool, haha. Random.

    lover7691's picture

    Great Job

    This was really funny, I loved it! Definately keep the dolls, they made it so much better. Not that it wasn't already a great vlog.

    I agree with the user above me, Ashley can be very hard to understand! I didn't have any problems unerstanding Carmen, though.

    The whole thing is great, and I wouldn't change a thing, except I don't think it's necesary to gloss over everything not related to Spencer and/or Ashley. I know they are the main characters/storyline, but it's not The Spencer and Ashley Show; there are other interesting things going on, too. Just my opinion.

    I'm surprised there was no mention of the not-so-sisterly dancing between Ashley and Kyla, because I saw that, and the first thought in my head: "Sisters should NOT be dancing like that."

    Oh, and the dumb bell as Aiden? Best. Thing. Ever.

    Savannah Aviance's picture

    Woah...

    I totally agree with you! I was watching Ashley and Kyla dance and I just thought my eyes were deceiving me...but obviously not if someone else noticed. They were all sexy dancing and I was like that's hot...but not being that in the show they're sisters. Ahh! Those ladies are wild.
    truobserver's picture

    Totally, even the caption for the episode on the-n.com's Click..

    .. says 'Spashley is dead. Long live ... Kashla?'. Like, seriously, go look! Now I'm going to be looking at every Kayla/Ashley scene and looking for subtext *sigh*

    Also, I don't think they'd do Madison/Spencer either, because it would just be to good! But maybe someone can write some fanfic? heh Let me know if you do, I'd love to read it.

     And last, but not least, mmmm'strawberries 'n cleavage = good.

    Kennedy612's picture

    Hilarious!

    I love watching this blog! I look forward to it every week. The dolls added soooo much to it, too. Great choices on them. The re-cap is probably my favorite part.

    I love Bangs! And, as it has been mentioned before, maybe it's because I'm 16, I caught every word out of Carmen's mouth. However, I'm pretty sure I'll be in the same chair she was in this year....

    carob15's picture

    You girls are hilarious!

    You girls are hilarious! I couldn't stop laughing. The scenes reenactment were great, and props for whoever was behind the camera and didn't laugh her ass off. You should keep the dolls, malfunction or not, it was fantastic! Great job for the three of you!
    Thegirloverthere's picture

    disco ball?

    i have a question. who's holding the disco ball? Is there like a big crew for this tiny little blog? haha i really thought it was just a webcam or little video camera. you should have the crew pop in from time to time and give some thoughts. that would be funny. This show is super funny already, its just really nice to see other people just like us having a fun time and just laughing their asses off. You 3 are just great, i hope sarah and Lori don't think you're upstaging them!
    Damask's picture

    Hilarious.

    Hilarious! Great job. You should DEFINITELY bring back the dolls next time. Excellent comedic value.

    I couldn't help but be entranced by the uncanny similarity between Mandy Musgrave and Jill Bennett. Freaked me out a little...in a good way.

    watching's picture

    The Valley of the Dolls Part 2

    Jill, you are exactly what I imagined an actress without a director's intervention would be like in front of a camera-- a total ham!

    Everyone's happy spirits, spontaneity and spot on assessment of where SON goes awry is unique and makes this blog a pleasure to watch. Sure you were pale and the glitter ball got a little aggressive but what puppetmasters you are!

     

    Leenaomi's picture

    Re. actress without a director's intervention comment

    Jill, you are exactly what I imagined an actress without a director's intervention would be like in front of a camera-- a total ham!

    I don't agree at all. She ISN'T acting. She is just being herself, and being funny to make all of us happy.

    If she was actualy acting, (even if she was directing herself) it would be a different person you'd see the character she'd be portraying and not just be herself. Witch is 2 different things.

    overthemoo's picture

    That's Cher.

    You three win at life. "What good is an armless lesbian?" Awesome. And the weight as Aiden? Priceless. More Barbies, plzkthx.

    And Jill - first the cleavage and now with the strawberries. Will your props person be feeding you grapes next? You will eventually kill us all and there will be no one left here at AE to watch you three lovelies! ;)

    alyssa h's picture

    sooo...

    ...the three of you are bloody brillant!!

     i havn't laughed that much in a long time!!

    btw...did anyone else notice the random person in the background at around 6:04?

    alyssa h's picture

    ...maybe it was just me

    ...maybe it was just me
    erica07's picture

    me too

    i totally saw her(?); i think she was the juice getter/disco ball holder.  what a glam job.
    Nea's picture

    I'm voting for the person to

    I'm voting for the person to be Jamie Blake.
    oreo07's picture

    sooo funny

    i actualy laughed out loud!
    better then the episode which was totaly boring
    printmafia43's picture

    Jill

    Where has Jill Bennett been all my life? Wow!
    erica07's picture

    barbie anatomy 101

    i love that there is a person in the background crouching to get out of the cameras range.

    Panties sounds like a VD; 'oh, you got panties?! it's ok, i hear theres a cream for it now.'

    i love that Sarah OK-ed this, it's awesome.

    YA'LL are great.

    oreo07's picture

    dolls

    ....oh and the dolls are a must have armless or not lol
    gali's picture

    Can't think of a better

    Can't think of a better description than hilarious! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time! Thanks guys!

     

    "call me old fashioned but I prefer feminism that leaves a little something to the imagination!"

    Twstdtrinity's picture

    Freaking Hilarious!!

    You guys totally rule. The Dolls could have their own show. ""South of the Power Plant". You guys work very well with each other. You remind me of my friends when we hanging out. Dirty works for you guys.

    lol I have close caption on my t.v always so I understood Carmen perfectly. I thought I could tolerate the bangs but after watching the latest eppy a few times they started to bug me. She's cute though.

    lol My Grandmother found it difficult to find black dolls in stores, so to remedy the situation she would just buy white dolls and paint them. No matter the size.

    My brother and I went to her house, one Christmas, and found a 5 foot singing maniacal Santa. She had painted him dark brown but he still had blue eyes. lol One time after it had stopped singing my brother went up to touch it and it turned to look at him. Creepiest thing I've ever seen. *shudders* That thing still scares the crap out of me.

    AJ

     

    p.s Jill please continue to wear those tops. They are mighty lovely.

     

    ann_82's picture

    One woman’s mumble is another woman’s sexy!voice...

    I could hear Bangs okay, but just to make sure I had to rewind and take a good loo… eh, listen, listen! And Jill, thanks for giving me images of you making out with Bangs, even if she was $0.99!Bangs at the time :-D

    Yay for Dara! Not-so-much-yay for keeping the “speed” recap. The re-enacting is much funnier and the text recap goes up the same day anyway. Use that time for analysis and speculation instead!

    Oh, I have an idea, you should try to get actress!Bangs (I think it’s Brooke Vallone or something) to call in to the vlog and give a short interview!

    Savannah Aviance's picture

    =)

    I agree with ann 82!!

    Let's get Brooke Vallone on, wooo!

    dghterjudy's picture

    btw

    she totally would!
    azngirl714's picture

    LMAO

    wow i totally choked on my skittles watching that.
    so awesome =) keep it up!
    p.s. i <3 bangs. she's so hot. funny thing..i saw her shirt at wetseal on saturday and thought it was the ugliest shirt ever..but when i saw the upload on sunday, i thought she looked hot in it. =P
    saolao's picture

    Hahaha!

    I loved the dolls! It was hilarious and I was laughing out loud! Keep that part, keep it!
    nullasalus's picture

    HI-larious

    Keep the dolls, lose the "speed" recap. That was hysterical. I laughed so hard and I have never even seen an episode.
    Gishalicious's picture

    Awesome, again :)

    I have to admit I caught myself being excited about this vblog on Saturday morning...I was soooo looking forward to Tuesday, and you guys did not let me down. Hilarious, as the last one.

    Keep the dools, they were so funny. Also, keep the top, Jill :).

    So thanks again for brightening up my morning, ladies :).

    Slytherclaw x3's picture

    Brilliant.

    That was brilliant, I haven't laughed this hard in a while. I love the speed recap, even though it is not speedy at all, but it's fun to watch you guys try to anyways. I actually did have some trouble understanding Bangs, but I just rewinded once and I got it the second time through. But I have trouble understanding everyone so that doesn't mean much.

     Anyways, I loved it! Very entertaining, don't change it, don't shorten it. I love the dolls, PLEASE keep them. They make is so much more fun. Awesome, thank you!


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