A sexpert from Fox News asks where all the bisexuals are

I believe many don't think they are actual bisexuals.  They prefer to think they are straight or gay, and like to dabble with the same sex now and then.

Yes, I think many bisexuals opt for one or the other, repressing one side or other of their desire. There's comparatively little love for bisexuals from either the gay or straight community. Young bisexual people are seen as attention seekers and phoneys by their homosexual peers, and confused wierdos by their heterosexual peers.

I think Fulbright just needs to get away from the books and net and spend more time out looking for them if she's really that concerned about it.

I don't have any problem finding women who are bisexual at all.  

I do agree with Ava a bit in that many jus don't consider themselves bisexual.  But, if you're doing both sexes, you are bisexual, whether you admit to it or not. 

If she wants to come to San Francisco, I'll be happy to show her at least one.  ;-)

I definitely think a lot of us just hate that label. It's very difficult to actually be bisexual nowadays, it usually means that neither straight people nor gay people are comfortable with you. I'm bisexual, which I've struggled with a lot - I came out to my friends as gay, before admitting that I was occasionally attracted to men too. My flatmate calls himself gay, but has brought more women home than men in the time I've known him.

In the LGBT group at uni I've found a few good friends, but the first time I mentioned that I was bisexual there was an awkward silence lasting a few minutes after and a few people have completely lost interest in talking to me since.

As for my straight flatmates, they just tend to think I use the term in order to label myself different or unique - which couldn't be further from the truth!

It's very annoying anyway. 

As much as I normally despise anything FauxNews related, the "sexpert" does raise a valid question.

I think it's a combination of three things-- the first two being what you already mentioned ("Do you think many bisexuals are in the closet, or people are just tired of having to label themselves?). The third being that I believe "true" bisexuality is a rarity in itself. By "true", I mean those who are genuinely and equally attracted (both sexually and emotionally) to both sexes.

Just like a lot of people, I am tired of labels but if I had to pick one I would have to say I'm bisexual. I could very easily see myself with a man the rest of my life, just as easily as I could see myself with another woman the rest of my life. Gender is a complete non-issue to me. I honestly cannot choose one gender over the other. Choosing one gender would be denying who I am. It's just like asking anyone who's gay to deny being gay; or asking heterosexuals to deny their heterosexuality. 

As a society, we are rather clueless to bisexuality. So many people view bisexuality as "greedy," "promiscuous" or just a "lay-over to Gayville." In reality, it couldn't be further from the truth even if it tried.

I believe there are many bisexual women out there however I totally agree with Arneneithel's comments - there is little love amongst the gay community for bisixuals - especially bisexual women. I recently wrote a blog about being bisexual - feel free to check it out if it interests you:

http://www.evolutionofchase.com/?p=83

I always laugh when I see stuff like this. I don't know who the hell they're polling, but there's plenty of us out here. No one's ever asked me or anyone I know to be part of a study or take a poll about it, but we'd all be more than happy to if asked.

But I do agree that we are underrepresented because people don't come out as bi as often as they should. Why? Because we aren't accepted or taken seriously by either the straight or gay communities. Because some of us find it easier to not say anything and let people make their own assumptions based on whatever relationship we are in at the time. Because we're in denial. Because we think it's sinful. Whatever. But there are also many of us who are out, proud, and even happy to talk to researchers, if they'd just bother to ask.

A lot of people don't like to label themselves as bisexual.  I hear about "straight" girls who have sex with women more than once and continue to identify as straight..

But at the same time a bisexual that is 85% gay and a bisexual that is 85% straight.. Well would you still label them as bisexual? Not really. They are just occasionally attracted to someone of the same/opposite sex. So why bother labeling it. 

I think the problem with the label bisexual is nobody believes someone can be 50/50. And you get the girls who aren't really bisexual and just make out with girls drunk...

 

There is so, so much biphobia in both the straight and gay and lesbians worlds that it's hardly surprising how few bi people are out to themselves or others. I've dated more than one woman who clung to the "lesbian" label despite clearly being strongly attracted to men as well. I think the negative portraits this piece describes have enormous power there.

But there's another factor at play, and that's that many people define bisexuality really, really narrowly--much more narrowly than most bisexuals do. They claim that you have to have a 50/50 split (don't ask me what that means, because my likes & loves don't fit a mathematical formula), or have to have had a lot of sexual experience or actual relationships with more than one gender, or that your feelings for people of different genders have to feel exactly the same, or you can't love trans or genderqueer people, etc., etc.

Sometimes this seems to be people defining bisexuality deliberately so that they won't fit the category--for fear, I think, that then they'll have to deal with the negative stereotypes. Or maybe they just haven't met enough bi people to get a realistic & diverse sense of the community--they don't know that plenty of bi people define themselves by their potential for attraction, that some bi people feel they fall in lust with one gender and love with another, that you don't have to be polyamorous to be bi (though good for you if you are), etc. It's not that somehow we're all bi inside--I really do think most people are straight--it's that we're different & varied.

I am proud, and happy, to call myself bisexual, in part because of all of the wonderful people I have met through bisexual community--and (even more important), because I find I am a better and happier person when I am honest and own all of myself.

Also, I think a major problem with the bisexual label is the emphasis it puts on sex. There's a reason people use words like "gay" "lesbian" and "straight" instead of "homosexual" or "heterosexual". Human relationships are much more complicated than just sex.

Personally, I have had occasional sexual experiences with men over the past few years, but I have never felt romantic feelings about them. The thought of being with a man in a romantic relationship is ridiculous to me. They are my buddies, my pals, and, every now and then, a source of sexual release. That's nothing to build a life on. Some people would like to force the bisexual label on me, that I'm just not "admitting" it. On one occasion, a guy I know got his feelings hurt after we slept together because other people, who were calling me bi behind my back, gave him the impression that I date men even though I had made my orientation clear.

It's important to remember that friendship, passion, romance and sex are not mutually exclusive or inclusive.

 

everyone i know is bisexual, man

1) Bisexuality is seen pretty negatively. Bisexual women get a lot of attacks: many dykes won't date them because they see the risk of losing them to men as too high, straight guys often assume bisexuals will fulfull their girl-on-girl fantasies, and it's common in general to see bisexuals as people who require one man and one woman in their life/bed at any given time to be happy -- promiscuous, in other words -- regardless of the individual bisexual's actions. There's a lot of pressure to "pick a side" from gay people in general. So I think bisexuals tend to do just that, either picking the side they tend towards (e. g. a woman who's a Kinsey 4 -- slight preference for women -- identifying as gay) or opting to stay in the closet.

2) A lot of people who are attracted to men and women don't like to describe it as bisexual because, besides the stereotypes, it emphasizes the "both sexes" rather than the "all people" that a lot of people feel. That is, what about the transgender/genderqueer segment of the population? "Bisexual" doesn't cover it. That's why people who include these people as well as bio-men and -women in their potential attractions pool prefer "pansexual" or to avoid labels altogether

3) Similarly, bisexuality as understood in our culture implies equal levels of attraction probability to both men and women. Realistically, most bisexuals are slightly more likely to find a given person attractive if they're one sex or the other -- more likely to find a woman attractive, all else being equal, or conversely -- and that doesn't necessarily show up in most people's consideration of the term. For people who are particularly high or low on the spectrum, it makes more sense to say gay or straight, which is easier for people to quickly conceptualize, than to say "well, I'm bisexual, but I tend to prefer [men/women]" and explain that to the people who don't get it.

So, yes, I think bisexual identity is less commonly expressed than clinically-defined bisexuality actually occurs, principally due to stereotypes, but also due to the fact that when we measure attraction, we talk about it in physical terms -- for those of us for whom it really is more mental/personality based, like the pansexuals, "bisexual" is oversimplistic. I know it took me ages to figure out that yes, I was gay, my attractions were just to women's personalities more than their bodies -- the difficulty with these labels is very clear to me.

As an aside, I question the studies of arousal based on visuals because there's some reason to believe that women tend, with the usual statistical anomalies, to be interested in sex because it's sex and not because of who's doing it -- not necessarily an indicator of bisexual tendencies, but of different priorities; the age-old "women care about relationships/interactions between people most of all" stereotype was an interpretation I saw that seems just as legit.

--

No boom today. Boom tomorrow. There's always boom tomorrow.
--Susan Ivanova tells it like it is

I don't know why theraren't more people who 'come out' as bi.  When I first realized I was, I was cool with it, but then was shocked to find out about biphobia and other bi myths that are untrue.

One thing I realized early on is that sexuality is fluid.  And you dont have to like men and women equally to be bi.  I dont.  I probably see more men that I'm attracted to, although I think now that I'm coming to terms with my sexuality, I'm "allowing" myself to be more attracted to women (if that makes any sense)

But I will agree with previous posters, there is a lot of lying going on.  People lie to themselves or other people for many reasons and discussions like this are important to have.

Plus it would help if we our bisexual representation was actually positive (no tila or ikki twins)

This is a public service announcement. AE, Dr. Fulbright, etc. etc.   Nona is a bisexual....

I deal with things with a sense of humor. It keeps me sane.

Yes, I believe that there are a lot more bisexuals in the closest and people are tired of lables.  I get tired of labels, but only use the label to show there are people who truely identify as bisexuals. I'm tired of the stereotypical plague put on bisexuals; Which one do you like more?... ahh, you want your cake and eat it to (yes, I like cake), eventually you are going to have to choose, why don't you just date studs (i like femme and studs), where are you on the Kinsey scale with your sexuality, and so on and so on.  Yes, I get annoyed, and shunned by both (some) people in the straight and gay community.....But, I answer these questions in hopes that they would get a better understanding of bisexuality rather than watching two girls kiss during the rating sweeps on tv or listening to Katy Perry.

" True enjoyment comes from activity of the mind and exercise of the body; the two are ever united" ~ Wilhelm von Humbolt

I guess i've always seen bisexuals as the stereotypical, dare i say, "sluts". I guess thats more common in high school, but whenever I meet someone who calls themselves Bi, they tend to be slutty people or someone who just wants a lot of attention.

I guess I never really thought about bisexuality after college, because you don't hear many cases of it. I assumed it was a fad, that they either went back to being straight or came out completely as gay. 

One thing i've noticed about those who call themselves bisexual is that they do tend to lean towards one gender the most. The same-sex people they sometimes only use for short-termed 'meetings', while they have longer relationships with the opposite-sex. 

but then there are those who prefer not to be labelled, and thats where I believe that they honestly feel the same towards both genders. They also do keep more private about their sex lives because they dont want to be stereotyped.

 

Bisexual characters on tv to me seem to just be the shows way of having more to work with. They can put them in a gay relationship, but if the fans dont like that, they can just change it and put them in a straight one. Like 13 on House, she slept around like crazy with women, but then they put her in a serious relationship with Foreman. They're just more flexible

I'm bi, and I'm out to almost all of my friends.  They haven't had any problems with it, but they're all queer-friendly in the first place (or queer themselves).  In general, I tend to think of sexuality as a spectrum, but if I had to choose a lable, it would definitely be bi.  On any given day, I'm equally as likely to find a woman attractive as I am a man.  I can't imagine giving up that state of mind...it would feel like part of me was missing or muted.

There is one thing, however, that really annoys me.  When a lesbian doesn't want to date a bisexual girl for fear of her breaking it off to be with a man. Or when a man doesn't want to date a bisexual girl because she might someday want to be with a woman (this one has happened to me recently).  The fact of the matter is, there is ALWAYS a chance that your beloved will drop you like a hot potato when you least expect it.  Who gives a damn if they've left you for a woman or a man??  Your heart is broken. Period. End of sentence.  Love is always a risk.  There are no guarantees, but if you're dating a *real* bisexual, then they likely won't leave you just because you're not a woman or not a man.  They've made their peace with their sexuality.  It's the bi-curious straight girls you have to watch out for...  ;-)

 

"It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses."

~Daphne Fielding, The Duchess of Jermyn Street

Bisexuality is completely legit as a sexuality. For the past eight years I have struggled really hard with my identity. Until the age of 17 I was "straight," though I had briefly hooked up with most of my girlfriends of the time. I just thought it was experimental, even though those experiences are the most memorable of my high schol career. I had two semi-serious relationships with boys. Now, after FINALLY sleeping with a woman at the age of 19 I call myself bisexual to everyone, with the exception of my father of course.

Thinking back on it I believe I was always bi (recently i was going through old boxes cuz my mom's moving out of her house and i found a bunch of love poems directed to my best friend in middle school), but i think i either repressed those feelings deep in my memory or just never addressed it at the time and let it slip away.

Though it has been a long road the conclusion i have come to is this. I am not attracted primarily by sex, but by the mind of the person (thats why I fell in love with my second boyfriend). though I AM predisposed to the physical female sex. Girls are WAY hotter, more mentally satisfying, and I am constantly falling for them. Once in a while I will meet a quiet, sensitive boy who I like just as much as any girl. It's rare, but it happens. Actually, come to think of it, I might just be oversexed, which would be another variable to add to all of this. For the sake of cutting out all the tedious soul-searching, I'll just call myself a horny bisexual.

I'm gay, but all the girls I've gone out with have identified as bi. I don't see any lack of them. I know quite a few bi guys as well. I think it's kind of silly when gay people start dissing bisexuals. <--- off topic, but oh well.

there a lot of "bisexual" girls at my school. most are very attention starving. everybody thinks they are bisexual just for attention. and i actually now a few who are. i believe there might be a few in the closet bisexuals here. if i had to label myself i would say im bi but i would never come out as that at my school because of the stereotypes made. the bisexuals here are thought to be sluts and attention whores, then the real lesbians are treated as outcast and made fun of. so i just have to stay as a straight "normal" girl so i wont be crusified from these stereotypes.

I think there are plenty of bisexuals out there, they are just afraid to be put into the bisexual category. It seems as though there is this stigma that comes with the term, you're either a slut or confused according to the media. Not to say that all people don't consider this to be the terms of bisexuality, but a lot of society, yes. There are no terms out there to truly describe a person that does not fall for gender but for personality, which I think what bisexuality really is. Instead, society focuses on the labels of switching between men and women and how nothing real can come of that. Now tell me, who in their right mind would put themselves in that category, to not be taken seriously because of one little word? I think if you search hard enough you'll find them, they may just be under another name.. or term.

honestly i think everyone is bisexual to some extent or another. and i think soon labels will be obliterated. at least, i hope.

Most American Sexperts I can think of - at least the female ones- are bisexual.

Although some - Tristan Taormina for example - have clearly had some difficulties/issues coming to terms with identifying as bisexual,  prefering terms like "equal opportunity lover". But she does seem to accept that "label" now as I've seen her state bisexual as her Orientation on her Myspace.

I'm kind of inclined to believe Yvonne Fulbright is in the minority among sexperts if she isn't bisexual.

I think there's too much focus on labels.
Hetersexual men/women can have a pleasant homosexual experience and still identify themselves as straight, and vice versa. There are effeminent men and masculine women who have no interest in the same sex. In my own experience, I know a self described  lesbian who was in a happy relationship with a man for over a year, I know a 'bi-sexual' woman who has been chain-dating different men for over 6 years now, but never passes up an oppertunity to be with another woman, and I know a bi-sexual man who simply goes with whoever he becomes friends with when he moves.
The only people I know who insist on a definitive sexuality are those who seem to want to make it a dominant aspect of their personality.

I do have a theory as to why few people tend to openly identify themselves as 'bi' (I didn't full read the article, disregard if this is a repeat). Because bisexuality is more of a grey area, there is less motivation to get involved in the whole pride movement. Homosexuality still carries a stigma. Why make a point of bringing it up if you still have hetero relationships.

Oh, and quick note. I am actually male. I only found this blog because an article mentioned Allyson Hannigan, and some of the other posts caught my eye. If some of you feel uncomfortable having me here (I know it's a stretch), I'll stop. Promise I won't be offended at all.

 

How often do you talk about your sexual orientation? It may not come up so often. People just presume based on the current relationship you're in. I identify as a lesbian and wonder would I underline the fact that I'm bi and not just correct people when the topic comes up. Not because of the bad reputation, simply because I don't like to underline sexual orientation, prefer people to figure it out themselves (isn't very hard).

Bisexuals are invisible much of the time because people make stupid assumptions. Most people assume everyone is straight, until a person actually says or does something that shows they are not so straight. At that point they immediately get transferred into the gay/lesbian category - there's no stop in between. When you're not straight, you are constantly coming out in many ways without actually saying 'I am gay', like everytime you mention a girlfriend, go out in public holding a partner's hand, mention who you find attractive. But if you are bisexual, if you don't explicitly say it, only the people who know you well will be aware of how you identify and who you date, so you're invisible to most people who cross your path.

This is just another way our culture likes to put everything into a binary. You're either a man or a woman, straight or gay, black or white, etc. But so many people don't fit neatly into those boxes. Even the word 'bisexual' suggests a binary world where there are only 2 genders, which is why I personally don't like to use that label even though I have dated men and women. It's not so simple. It seems stupid to divide people into 2 strict gender categories when there are femmey boys and butch girls and androgynous folks, genderqueers and crossdressers, transgendered and intersexed people. A term like 'bisexual' erases the entire gender continuum of people and waters it down into 2 supposedly homogenous groups, and leaves out people who have a more complicated relationship to gender. Which is why many people I know use the term 'queer'.

But regardless of how I actually identify, most people assume I am a 'lesbian' unless corrected, and sometimes will refer to me as a lesbian no matter how many times I correct them because I look androgynous or masculine. The idea that I'm attracted to guys is so beyond comprehension for most people that they just edit it out.

Ok Doctor Fullbright, I need some operational definitions of bisexuality, and I want you to start CITING your research so I can go and see just what and who did these studies you’re citing. Because for all I know you got your research from a bunch of monkeys that don’t know the difference between empirical data and a load of shit if it smacked them in the face.

And I will tell you why good data on bisexuality is infrequent because NO ONE HAS BEEN DOING RESEARCH ON THEM! In fact LGBT research is infrequent too, how about that.  And of course society is disproving of bisexuality,  it was only recently that scientific data was collected to specifically state “ hey guys.. guess what bisexuality is a real sexuality and not a phase”. Why isn’t that mentioned at all?

I don’t think bisexuals are in the closet I think they just aren’t being targeted by studies, or these studies aren’t using representative population samples. Please remember that methodology is really important in empirical research and just because your findings state one thing.. that doesn’t necessarily mean that your data is representational of the population.

Also i feel its important to add that the trend in research now is to say, Men who have sex with Men and women who have sex with women.. not lesbians and Gay men... so uhh... where does that leave bisexuals. I haven't seen what the new trend in reefering to bisexuals in research is so if anyone can tell me, please do.

"Fox News wants to know why, when images of bisexuality have become more visible in pop culture lately, more bisexuals aren’t coming out of the closet." 

 I dont think bisexuals are in the closet or that people are tired of labels. Well, anymore than usual. I dont even think all the bisexuals are missing! No no, I have a further theory which may be ludicrous I tell you. But perhaps not. It's all fox news. Maybe fox news lives in a small conservative city and needs to move. I mean, I have the same problem. And I'd think it's quite common in this crazy place we call "America", but maybe that's not it either. **sighs**

"but is the problem a lack of data or has society’s disapproval of bisexuals forced many into the closet?"

Lack of data. Definitely. Bisexuals are amazing! I mean, people would be nuts to disapprove of someone based on their sexual orientation. Glad we got rid of discrimination years ago. Pfff "discrimination." Who needs that stuff.

But on a serious note (after all of my crazy notes/notions), maybe men and women out there are just fighting the urge. And when I say "urge", I mean amazing gayness. I blame society, but it's not because I'm a hippy. No sir, not at all. The fear of violating social rules, norms, mores in addition to all those mental inhibitors are to blame.

(I realize I answered nothing and contradicted myself like a billion times during this whole comment. And my god, the grammer. Oh well, I tried.)