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News, Reviews & Commentary on Lesbian and Bisexual women in Entertainment and the Media

eHarmony launches Compatible Partners for gay and lesbian dating

When it comes to the wondrous world of internet dating, there seems to be a site to match every personality. Quirky singles unite on the Onion’s personals site; those looking for the hot, redneck lesbian of your dreams need look no further than redneckandsingle.com.

With so many options for the LGBT community, why would we bother with a site that showed disdain for us from the start? Will we welcome the “formerly” anti-gay eHarmony’s new gay site, Compatible Partners, which launched Tuesday, with open checkbooks?

In 2000, we started seeing commercials about an internet dating service that helps folks find true love through a “Compatibility Matching System.” It’s patented, and oh-so-scientific. The site’s founder, Neil Clark Warren, based the system on his experience as a psychologist, where, evidently, he did not encounter any gays.

"It's what I did for 40 years," Warren told the Los Angles Times. "I never had a gay couple."

For the record, Warren is born-again Christian, and evangelical Christians did much of his site’s promotion. This pissed off many people, but especially the gays, who were not allowed to use the site. The company was slapped with lawsuits alleging discrimination, and in New Jersey — the company settled, and promised to include the gays.

And thus Compatible Partners, the gay love child of an anti-discrimination lawsuit in New Jersey, was born. So what now?

In an interview with CEO and founding investor of eHarmony, Greg Waldorf, 365Gay writer Kate X Messer learned that the company wants to make amends with the gay community.

“The bad feelings that may have existed in the past — from the gay community to eHarmony — I hope, over time, will dissipate,” Waldorf said. “I realize that we’re starting from a position that not everyone thinks highly of us. And I hope people will judge us based on the service that we offer. I believe that we are going to enter this market with the same commitment and credibility around offering individuals a high-quality way to find long-term relationships. And how we got here, to me, is just not relevant.”

Not relevant? I don’t think we feel that way. In what we thought was a possible move to appease its gay critics, eHarmony sponsored Ellen’s version of The Newlywed Game when she had Portia on as a guest in March, but the site actually is sponsoring the entire Newlywed Game series on the Game Show Network, so as Snarker said, it wasn’t exactly a “flash of gay good will.”

In any case, eHarmony is taking a load of heat from conservatives for launching Compatible Partners in the first place. They are accused of pushing the “gay agenda” and being bullied by the government. Are they in a lose/lose situation?

As the right-wingers start calling the site Gay Mecca, their evangelical base is sure to falter. And, really, are we going to give our time (and money) to a site that rejected us so vehemently for more than eight years when we can go to sites that included us from the start?

Would you use Compatible Partners to find your queer match, or shop elsewhere?

  • Jen Sabella's blog
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  • LilyJadeRose's picture

    shop elsewhere is what i

    shop elsewhere is what i say.  eharmony has always seemed to be on the level...leading people to true love.  this "compatible partners" thing just sounds thrown together and not the same caliber of matching as the original site.  

    and why a different site all together?  there was no way to adjust the "science" to include gays/lesbians/bisexuals in the matching process on the original site?

    ---------------------------------------------

    ~I am bisexual.  You are confused.~

    InaccuratelyNamed's picture

    Um, no.

    I think I'll continue doing business with those who have supported my community all along.  I met my girlfriend through online dating before eHarmony accepted gays and lesbians.  Why would we give our money to people who just woke up one day and decided we're good enough for them when there have been plenty of sites that have accepted us all along?  I remember Chemistry.com launching ads that seemed to be directed at eHarmony for rejecting gays.  Chemistry and many others have accepted "males seeking males" and "females seeking females" for quite a while.  If eHarmony disagress with my lifestyle, I don't need some fabricated mea culpa to get my money.  eHarmony: just stick with the straights.  It's what you're good at.  Oh yeah, and your commercials are super-annoying. 

    http://www.nimzigirls.com

    krscat77's picture

    totaly agree

    krscat77 inaccurateelyNamed is so correct,i remember in apex of Bushwackers reign of terror,e-harmony denied some of r community to be on there site,at least in seattle that happen,my money was'nt good 4 them then taint good enough for them now peaceout kc,
    Alisha's picture

    Hmm..

    "In any case, eHarmony is taking a load of heat from conservatives for launching Compatible Partners in the first place. They are accused of pushing the “gay agenda” and being bullied by the government."

    I love this "gay agenda" crap these people keep claiming. What is that? My only agenda is to have a loving partner, to be who I am and be an equal citizen. How dare I! lol

    -- 

    http://www.drunkduck.com/Empathy/

    Rach's picture

    Ha!

    I was going to comment on the same thing, Alisha, only I was going to state sarcastically that these crazy conservatives are getting closer to the truth that all we "gays" want to do is take over. *sigh* Hell, I wish we had as much power as they think we do. 

    never met a pearl quite like you

    that could shimmer and rot at the same time through

    chanticorae's picture

    it's redic

    the "gay agenda" is making "the gay lifestyle" appear normal. so you're pretty much advancing the gay agenda by browsing the bread isle at the grocery store or going to your job everyday. the "gay agenda" is pretty much living your life as a gay and not being the scary boogie people they want us to be.
    dntelfan's picture

    Eh...

    If they can find me a sane girlfriend, I'm all for it.
    Celebridyke.'s picture

    Oy. Have you ever actually

    Oy. Have you ever actually been on eHarmony? It's a horrible site and a complete rip-off. There are a million better options, even some free good ones.

     

    Add 'Celebridyke' to your LiveJournal for gay media updates and my L Word commentary.

    Tess's picture

    The Eharmony commercials

    The Eharmony commercials have always kind of creeped me out.  The couples seem so homogenized, even down to their skin and hair color.  It has a bit of a stepford feel to me.  Does anyone else get that vibe?

    Even if I didn't find the commercials so unsettling, as other people have said I would much rather use a dating site that chose to include lgbt instead of being forced by a court.

    Harpy's picture

    Don't support them

    I don't want to sound like a broken record because I've commented on this new site on the forums and in other blogs, but really I advocate not using the site.  eHarmony was originally founded as a 'Christian dating site' (with ties to Focus on the Family) and intentionally disallowed same-sex couples from the site. --And they're still doing that by creating an entirely separate site rather then adding to eHarmony itself.  Separate but equal?

    I fully believe a portion of the money 'Compatible Partners' generates will go to Focus on the Family and other anti-gay groups.  I don't think many California gays contribute money to the Mormon Church -- I don't see this as any different.

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    AfterEllen Moderator

    Anonymous's picture

    I think they just want your money

    But I'd rather stay single then try online dating through a compatibility website that said my difference from straight was a problem for them at one time. 

     

    m e g g a n's picture

    Consider where the money is going

    Agreed - even if the site they've created is all about helping us "find love", the money we spend will be all about helping them legistlate againsts us.

    I'd rather use carrier pigeons to try to find a match, thanks.

    TampaStephie's picture

    Too late.

    I agree that this is a purely financial decision for eHarmony.  They probably did some research on per capita income or something like that...and said, "HEY!  These gays have some dough!"

    I found my honey online but didn't mind using a site other than eHarmony.  My vote is to tell them to take a hike!

    GrrrlRomeo's picture

    Teh Gays

    When you say "the gays" you have spell it "teh gays" for full affect. Just saying LOL

    eHarmony can blow me.

    I already have a partner and I'm not looking, so I wouldn't use the site anyway. But if anyone I know asks about them, I'll tell them to try a different site and tell them why.

    Jeannette's picture

    separate is equal?

    What I don't like about this this new compatible partners site is that they're putting everything in black and white.  There's one site where you can only seek the opposite sex and then a whole separate site where you can seek the same sex.  What if someone is bisexual?  You  have to set up an account on two different sites?  I guess that's a criticism of dating sites in general, because most just say man seeking woman or woman seeking woman, but there's no extra options to be man seeking man or woman or whatever.  I noticed on the onion that they have a couples option, which is cool for those polyamorous out there.  Also, there's never a gender neutral/gender queer option, but I figure it's going to be a loooong while before we jump over that hurdle.

    You'll notice on the compatible partners site that if you choose woman seeking man or vise versa, it takes you directly to the eharmony site.  Why not just have it all as one site?  Are the makers of eharmony afraid to expose its straight customers to its gay ones?  Oh no, the horror of being a member of the same dating site as a gay person!  I don't know how they'd survive!

    Remember eharmony, separate is not equal.

    Megan Rose Gedris's picture

    What about the bisexuals?

    This totally sucks for bisexual people! What if they're looking for a man OR a woman? They have to register and pay at two different sites? Seriously, there's no reason why the two sites shouldn't be the same thing. Every other dating site I've been to does just fine pooling all the straight, gay, and bi people together.
    Megan Rose Gedris's picture

    Another thought

    To say "They didn't include us from the beginning, so we're not going to use them now even though they've changed their policies and made an effort to include us now" isn't good. What's their incentive to change if they're met with the same criticism before and after? They made some effort (not including bi people and keeping it seperate was a bad move, but there is SOME progress) and instead we get snooty and say "Well, since it wasn't this way from the beginning, we still don't want any part of it".

     

    If we want companies to change, or individuals for that matter, we have to give them credit for making progress, and encourage them to keep making progress. Show them that it pays off. Show them that including gay people will give them more business, more friends, more respect, than if they didn't include us.

    GrrrlRomeo's picture

    Normally I'd Agree

    Normally I'd say when a company decides to change to be more inclusive they deserve kudos. But each case is unique and I don't believe this particular company has really changed. I think they created a separate site to avoid being sued again and this way they can keep the icky gay people separate from the wholesome straight people in the process.
    capitaltimes's picture

    i second that

    it's all about the lawsuits.
    svissmiss's picture

    I would like to join

    I would like to join Compatible Partners because I think that if a business does wrong and then stops doing it and corrects their behavior, they should not be punished for the past forever. In this case, however, there are still three major reasons I can't join (the past is not one of them as I'm willing to let that go). (1) It's not incorporated into eHarmony alongside the hets--it's inclusive but not integrated. (2) It makes bi people pay twice for the same service--outrageous. (3) Some of the money paid to that business may be donated to tyrannical, fundamentalist religious groups. Also, considering how unpopular Compatible Partners apparently is in the gay community, just who am I going to meet there? So the cons still far outweigh the pros. Sorry, Compatible Partners. Integrate queer possibilities directly into eHarmony and stop funding villains, and I'll gladly join.
    svissmiss's picture

    Hahaha, I checked it out,

    Hahaha, I checked it out, and if you say you're W seeking M or M seeking W it kicks you to eHarmony but not so if you start at eH and say WsW or MsM. Wow. And, both sites auto-complete when you specify the first gender field. Gee, thanks, not sure I could've done that for myself. Subtle as a candlestick to the skull in the conservatory. *shakes head*
    Busy CDBC's picture

    profile

     So i signed up..just to see what kinda matches it gave me...and this is what i got. Yep great faith i have in them lol 

    Unable To Match You At This Time

    Compatible Partners is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

    We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

    Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

    KineticStillness's picture

    Exact Same Result

    I had 20 minutes to kill so I filled out the info (fake identity, of course...I don't want these people having any real information on me!) and I got the exact same response.  Shocking that two of us have already gotten this when it only happens to 20% of people, huh?

    I'll bet it happens to a much higher percentage of gay people. 

    I'm surprised there wasn't a little message at the end that said, "Well, of course we couldn't find any matches for you, you're just a gay sicko and we are only pretending to do this because of that pesky lawsuit.  Silly, silly gay!  Thank you for visiting our site though.  When you convert from your sinful ways, feel free to visit out real site at eHarmony.  Have a pleasant and god-filled day, suckers!"

    chickfactor's picture

    You've got to be kidding me.

    Or, get this: The website launched a total of three days ago and not enough people have joined to match you yet. 

     

    But that's impossible! It has to be, like, a big anti-gay conspiracy, right guys?  

    Busy CDBC's picture

    Just another way

    for them to make money...and especially since they were TOLD they HAD to make a site. What the hell is up with that?? lol

    marieke's picture

    those silly christians should be worried...

    because I don't know about you, but I for sure have a gay agenda...and that's to take over the world! starting with the dating scene...soon I will be ruler of america and straight people won't be allowed on gay online dating sites! I WILL MAKE AMERICA GAY! one straight person at a time...hahaha
    Nikki's picture

    "Gay Agenda"

    By a utilitarian standpoint their move seems purely economic with the times becoming more gay-friendly, they did what was the "smart" move and "opened" their website for the gay community to join in on their site. eHarmony has always rubbed me wrong from the start, I am not the kind of person for a dating website, as the Internet is a great tool for forums, research and whatnot, but serious dating I think shouldn't wholly be based on a website like that, when I personally filled one out of the applications on eHarmony (purely out of curiosity as I knew the was no "lesbian" option) it was rather flat and plain. Seemed to be lacking the quality of getting to interact with someone directly.

    Even if they are trying to make "amends", saying to forget about their past is irrational, and quite frankly asking something childish. You shouldn't forget what a company has vested money and time into, it is like asking the LGBT community to forget that a lot of mainstream companies were Pro-Prop 8, it directly affects us, of course we aren't going to forget about it.

    Whose to say that when they really start catching the heat from Evangelicals they don't opt out again. I think this was for publicity to get in the good light of the media, and receive some extra profit. I personally also take offense to any organization that uses the word "gay agenda" good or bad, make it sound like the gays and lesbians of the world have a secret to do list, and just has a negative connotation to it.

    Carnedo's picture

    Is it just me, or does the

    Is it just me, or does the name "Compatible Partners" sound a little condescending? :p

     

    VeeMachi's picture

    Don't worry, it's not just

    Don't worry, it's not just you.
    Michie87's picture

    Im just going to copy/paste

    Im just going to copy/paste what I said in another thread;

     

    I agree with the above comment! -which was Harpy's-. Besides,I wouldnt pay for love you know?. Im seriously past the dating site ridiculeness of my teen years, I dont see the point in them no more. It is just seriously a waste of time...why not get out more and socialize, I think those sites are some real sort of social awkardness inducing waste of time -im adding this last bit now-..and a definite waste of money, more even so when they have been kind of forced into it? Its not like if they did it on their own.

    --------------------------------------------

     

    Let it Rock,Let it roll

    Kristin's picture

    Meh. I would never join. But

    Meh. I would never join. But I have a question for you girls. Where are you going (what sites) to find women? I can not find ANY in my area, none. :[ I've tried them all with no luck.
    beautifulchild's picture

    ok cupid!

    it's free! which eharmony/ compatrible partners is not, from what i know of it...

    and besides the money thing, i wouldnt join either eharmony or compatible partners. i wouldnt want to support an organization that only did the right thing when forced to, after adamently fighting doing just that for so long.

    kate's picture

    Mad TV eHarmony skit

    This article reminded me of Mad TV this past weekend, here's a link to the skit:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLUhrO7gX8M

    PDXoxo's picture

    Umms......

    Um, that was glorious. Very funny video!
    Erika's picture

    Hell Eff No!

    I met my g/f on Onions Personal Site Nerve.com

    She was my third date after two crazy ones and we've been together for almost a year...HELL NO to the eHarmony F*cks!

     

    OhioLezGirlinNYC

    http://oh-iolez-girlinnyc.blogspot.com/

    867-5309's picture

    I'm in a relationship but if

    I'm in a relationship but if I wasn't I wouldn't use eHarmony or Compatible Partners.  

    I also disagreed with the lawsuits. If they only wanted to offer heterosexual matching, it's their business, right?And there are other companies that offer same-sex matching. I mean, I think it was LAME they didn't offer it, but that's their choice.

    That's like me suing Baskin-Robbins because I like burritos and they only sell ice cream. Well, if I want a burrito I should go somewhere else. They have identified their target market and set up their marketing and their business around that target market. If they don't have what I want I should go elsewhere.

    And now that they've been forced to offer something that clearly they are not in favor of them I would much rather spend my money with a different company. 

    And ditto with all of the separate but equal comments.  

    tide's picture

    Amen

    I couldn't have put it better myself. 
    VeeMachi's picture

    I won't use a service that

    I won't use a service that segregates gays and refuses to acknowledge bisexuals. Screw them.
    Blissful83's picture

    Sooo what is a good site..

    I hear talk of other alternative dating sites, would anyone mind sharing? Haha (no seriously!) I've always wanted to give one a try.. You never know right..

    We Never Seem To Quench Our Thirst...

    Anonymous's picture

    No, I wouldn't use eharmony

    www.myspace.com/lunakiss7.com

    I would never use eharmanoy's Compatible site. I just closed Chemistry.com. I'm through looking online sites. I need to get out more. So I'll do that.

      Go in peace and surrender chaos for it has no place at the seat of your soul.

    Garage Door Whisperer's picture

    Has history not taught us anything?

    Separate but equal does not work.  No, I would never use this due to the whole separate but equal thing.  Knowing that the money ultimately goes to eHarmony and like Suze Orman said at the GLAAD awards, support those who support us. And finally,  eHarmony has always creeped me out.

    nikki's picture

    yay

    finally!! i don't do online dating but now at least i can! woot!! i always thought what was up with the eharmany comercials. i wonder if they will have a comercial featuring a gay coulpe, i hope so :)
    Facetious's picture

    Delusional

    You don't seriously believe they will have commercials do you?  They *don't* support same-sex rights or equality and only launched Compatible Partners because they were forced to by law.

    I can't believe anyone here would even consider supporting them.

    little_earth's picture

    Use something else!

    Match(dot)com worked wonders for me.  If I was single right now I'd probably be using them and wouldn't even think about Compatible Partners. 

    But I've been waiting for a day when a gay couple comes out that they found each other on eHarmony (through some falsifications and such) but still it could happen.

    chickygirl's picture

    Shop within your community

    I dont know...i have a bad feeling about all this. Of course these huge companies can deliver a sound product, but so long as we keep buying, they will continue to produce. I'm much happier supporting an all lesbian run company and give back to the community.

    My friends have started a dating site called www.shedate.com

    The entire group is run and funded by the lesbian and bi community...and proceeds get invested in further outreach projects.

     

     

    my fave BLOG @ www.lezzbuzz.com