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Only on TV: On-screen clichés

So you're watching a scary movie, and the expendable female character, who is probably blonde, is about to die. You know this because of (a) the Psycho-esque shrieking music, (b) the food, either in the microwave or stove, that is beginning to burn, or (c) it is starting to rain outside, and said female is trying to escape from her car but cannot hold onto her keys. The correct answer? Any or all of the above.

Ah, movie and TV clichés. We all know the things that happen only in the movies or on TV. If you've ever lived in a large city, you know that the Sex and the City girls had to be wearing some sort of taxi-attracting pheromone. That is, unless they were in danger, or having a bad day, or needing rescue by a man, in which case no cab would be available. Then they would have to walk, most likely in the rain.

This month, TVsquad.com and its readers have been tracking some favorite clichés. The lists made me chuckle enough that I thought I should share. Here are some of my favorites and my nominations.

Here's one that's bugged me for a while: “In bedroom scenes, men have sheets that reach their waist, but women have L-shaped sheets that come up to their chests.” No kidding! This is especially true on American TV. Heaven forbid we have a wardrobe malfunction and expose the country's children to the evils of the female body. (I know, some of this has to do with actresses who won't do nude or charge for it. But still. Double standard.)

And another true observation: “Women on TV almost always wake up with their hair and makeup perfect!” No kidding. As someone who wakes up with gravity-defying hair, it bugs me that after a night of passion, our heroine can wake up as coiffed as if she'd just been to the salon.

Finally, “Women of action can run, do karate, kickbox, climb ladders and perform highly acrobatic movements while wearing six-inch heels and either a miniskirt or a tight leather catsuit.” My favorite moment of TV self-awareness would have to be the X-Files episode "Hollywood AD," where Scully at one point dashes though the background showing Téa Leoni how to run in heels.

And here's a nomination from me. If an animal appears, and especially if somebody loves it, that animal will likely end up disemboweled, probably in a domestic space that used to feel safe. I dread what's to come when somebody has a dog in a suspense or horror film. You just know Rover's going to get it first.

Another nomination: If there are identical twins, at least one of them will be evil. Since I started dating my girlfriend, who is a twin, I've really noticed this one, everywhere from evil genius kids to comedic relief on Friends.

Finally, here's a cliché that I want to gay up a little: “You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.” I'd change that to: If a lesbian character discusses a happy relationship or is even shown to the audience in a loving moment, said girlfriend will probably die in a horrible way. The moment Kerry started dating a firefighter, I knew what was going to happen.

Your turn. What are some of your favorite (or most despised) clichés?

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  • GertandBernie's picture

    Taxis..

    Probably one of my favorite clichés.

    Also, kind of related-- parking. Somehow, the character is ALWAYS able to park directly in front of the building, restauraunt, you name it. And for some reason, a majority of these shows are set in NYC. As a New Yorker, I can tell you that being able to park directly in front of the building you wish to enter is about as likely as not being sexually harassed in the Subway.

    cosmiccowgirl's picture

    Doris Day

    That's a Doris Day spot. Anytime I find a parking spot right in front, I always exclaim "Doris Day!!"
    lonelily's picture

    seriously!

    but it's not just New York either! As someone who has lived in LA, Chicago and the SF Bay Area, I get extremely jealous of these tv/movie characters and their ability to defy the laws of big city parking. 

     Chicago was the worse, anytime you go to an apartment building it's going to take at least 20 minutes and 5 times around the block to find even a little teeny bit of space to fit your car in, and when the weather was bad, it took double that time.. If you have an SUV, you can forget about keeping your car nice and pretty because soon enough both the front and back bumpers will be dinged enough to make you cry .

    ShastaB24's picture

    An exception I like

    I think Seinfeld dealt with that conundrum rather well in at least one episode.  I can remember they got lost in a parking garage trying to find their car.  It's the only show that I can think of that did something like that, though.

     

    Ave Messer, 66, B24, GO SHASTA!!!

    LadySam's picture

    Cliches

    >The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris. = I always found it crazy, it's like every little character can pay a rent on the Champs de Mars, Lucky them !

     

    Also, Damn these L-shaped sheets !

    Starshone's picture

    You mean there are people

    You mean there are people out there who aren't addicted to TV Tropes.com?
    ketchup__fights's picture

    So I've heard. All I know is

    So I've heard. All I know is that I'm not one of them. Don't click on that link unless you've got a lot of time on your hands, folks. It's ridiculously addictive.
    Trix's picture

    Um....

    Unfortunately, your link goes to a spammy place-holder site (and it's so increased their google pagerank, meh). The actual URL is http://tvtropes.org/.
    livlab's picture

    Hmmm

    I don't know that I'd call it a cliche but nowhere on TV -- ever -- do people brush their teeth. You see a lot of restaurant scenes, shower scenes, waking up in the morning scenes, bathroom scenes, etc, but seriously, when do you ever see people brushing their teeth?
    csaurin's picture

    One example I can think

    One example I can think of... Pulp Fiction.

    But it is rare! In fact, Mitchell and Webb did a sketch about it in their show, That Mitchell and Webb Look (it's an English show), which was rather funny.

    betsys2003's picture

    Without toothpaste

    To me the cliche is that they brush their teeth, but without toothpaste. Honestly I'd rather not see them do anything, and imagine (if I happen to think about it) that they brushed them properly, than see them brush their teeth with no foam at all.

    I think it was Imagine Me and You that I was watching and it actually had some toothpaste foam during a toothbrushing scene, and I was shocked. In a good way.

    GrrrlRomeo's picture

    Buffy and Battlestar

    I've seen teeth brushing on both those shows. It's shown quite often on BSG.
    Better's picture

    Brushing teeth

    Wasn't Ellen brushing her teeth on the coming out episode when she started singing "I'm so pretty, and witty, and ...HEY" (when there was no toothpaste) ?
    lurker_above's picture

    moral decisions!

    The hero has a weapon pointed at the conquered villain, and is in a position to kill them and prevent their ever doing anything evil again. After an amount of time which is probably the same to within a second for any given variant of this scene, the hero slowly lowers the weapon, deciding not to kill because they're a hero and it's the right thing to do.

    It's worse than always running into a cul-de-sac, I swear. However, I do enjoy a good chase across a rooftop now and then.

    --

    No boom today. Boom tomorrow. There's always boom tomorrow.
    --Susan Ivanova tells it like it is

    ShastaB24's picture

    Even worse:

    When the character does that and is deemed worthy by some overseeing person/entity.  To me, it just looks like a last-ditch effort to look like the better person (and usually stupid, considering how often the hero turns his back and the bad guy sneaks up on him from behind).

     

    Ave Messer, 66, B24, GO SHASTA!!!

    radishapeaches's picture

    the duckling/swan thing

    When the uptight female lead loosens up near the end of the film: She's the 'ugliest' girl in school and no one will ever date her - but no, wait! Take away the glasses and let down the ponytail... She was a goddess the whole time - who knew? 

    mddrugger's picture

    beautiful-ugly girl

    I know I hate that! I think that's also called the "beautiful-ugly girl." (or beautiful/ugly girl)

    Adele in the L-Word has a bit of that going on.

    ShastaB24's picture

    Great takeoffs

    That makes me think of two different parodies of the phenomenon:

    Not Another Teen Movie--the homely girl takes off her glasses and lets down her hair, and suddenly she's played by a completely different actress

    Arrested Development--GOB's relationship with the one girl (my memory of the show is fuzzy as to who she was) and trying to find the right combination of hair up/down and glasses on/off, since her looks didn't really change

     

    Ave Messer, 66, B24, GO SHASTA!!!

    Castaway's picture

    Great list - Very true.

    Great list - Very true.

     

    In Australia there is a show called Mcleod's Daughters - whole bunch of women run a farm in the middle of the outback (none of them lesbians of course), and despite the rugged terrain, heat and the fact they do farm stuff a lot, their hair, make up, and clothes are perfect the whole time.

     

    Evchen's picture

    McLeod's Daughters

    ... I just love it! But it truly is amazing how perfect they look all the time while chasing cows, shearing sheep etc. Even the sweating is attractive ... And I totally pretend they're all lesbians :)

     

     

    http://blauermontag.livejournal.com/

    AnotherFrenchGirl's picture

    Got lot of them

    First, being French, I believed for a long time that all phone numbers in the States begun with 555... And also, that all moms cooked eggs, bacon and waffles every morning even if nobody eat them.

    Another one ! You can be sure that if a man and a woman hate one another, they're gonna end up together...

    And if you're a cop, your partner will be your exact opposite.

    I'm sure we could find hundreds of clichés !

     

     

    lesbionic_woman's picture

    555

    They used to do real phone numbers on TV shows/in movies, but there were lawsuits or something, so now they use "555" to indicate that it's not a real phone number. However, some 555 numbers are being used by businesses now, and only 555-0100 to 555-0199 are reserved purely for fictional use... Did that make sense? *Shrugs*

    And yeah, most people I know eat pizza for breakfast (yick).

    _____________________
    Obsessive? Me? Never!

    lurker_above's picture

    re: the eggs, bacon and waffles

    You reminded me of another one -- the unfinished drink. Whenever someone is sitting around drinking something, they will inevitably be called away and leave the half-empty glass on the table (or bar.)

    --

    No boom today. Boom tomorrow. There's always boom tomorrow.
    --Susan Ivanova tells it like it is

    Pesto the Pirate's picture

    The Villian

    The Villian NEVER wins. He/She is always defeated 2 minutes before the show ends. Example: Charmed. For about 98% of the show, the villian always loses, there's probably one 2-3 instances where it lasted for 2 episodes. (They lose because they take too much time into telling what their evil plans are.)

     

    Clonchi's picture

    Shooting!

    this is one I've always seen...

    Whenever there's a good guy with a gun, he can shoot bad guys 100 miles away with his eyes closed, but when he has to take down the REALLY bad guy, it takes him hours and hours to shoot him at close range... It goes both ways too, bad guys waste a lot of time chasing down the lead to shoot him, when they've shot thousands from a far...

    lesbionic_woman's picture

    I've Started to Hate...

    ...the fact that every show that has both a male and female lead has to add sexual tension between them. (They can even be RELATED, and it doesn't seem to matter!) Why can't they have a story where they're both sincerely interested in other people just ONCE?

    _____________________
    Obsessive? Me? Never!

    apollo's picture

    so true . . .

    It even extends to non-leads. I'm still icked out by the scene between Rachel Griffith's character and her brother on Six Feet Under, last season I think. Dream or not, blech.
    cosmiccowgirl's picture

    I'm not sure if these are

    I'm not sure if these are as common anymore, but on old TV shows especially, if people are sitting at a table, they always sit in a u-shape and leave one side of the table completely empty. Also, when someone is watching TV on TV, they always turn it off immediately after the show/segment they are watching is over.

    miss chatelaine's picture

    Away From Her

    I watched Away From Her a couple of days ago, and while it was a great movie and all, the thing that really bugged me was the fact that two couples sat around a round table in a U shape so the camera could catch all of them. It's a great movie, artistic and moving and I admit my eyes weren't what you call dry at the end, but COME ON! great movie, great actors and actresses, great direction, great story but that one scene really took me out of it for a while. it's not supposed to happen in movies.
    LilyJadeRose's picture

    i've seen that...

    on the show 'everybody loves raymond', every single time they were in the kitchen they were sitting at the table like that.  it was very noticable, and granted i understood that it was so that no one's back was to the camera...but it was quite noticable and annoying.  like you have all these people squished together, but here is this entire sid of the table that is free..ya know?

    ~i am bisexual.  you are confused.~

    kshadow8's picture

    Real life example ...

    I find this funny only because I actually often try to seat people around a table in a U-shape and I'll sit where the camera would be to be able to view everyone at the same time ... I have a good reason for this - I'm Deaf and I need optimal viewing in order to read everyone's lips. :)
    nz 2 ca's picture

    doomed pets

    the pet thing was something i noticed years ago and the only other times I've seen anyone else acknowledge it was twice here on AE. I used to be watching something and they'd show the dog or whatever for just that second too long and I'd be like "oh crap, they're going to kill the dog, something horrible's going to happen to it" and whoever I happened to be watching with would think I was really weird. But it ALWAYS ends up happening...except for the horse in the middle of the desert in Jarheads, I left the room when I saw the horse because I was sure something bad would happen to it but I was told after I came back in that nothing did....if my friend lied to make me feel better, please don't tell me otherwise!

    kshadow8's picture

    Exception!!

    I can think of one exception to that - only because I just watched the quadrilogy this weekend.

    Jones the cat in Alien survives with Ripley!!!!! :)

    nz 2 ca's picture

    I am genuinely glad to know

    I am genuinely glad to know that, I've never seen it but if I ever do at least I know I don't have to worry! Although I do tend to worry much more about dogs than cats, cats seem to have more chance of escaping, for some reason.
    aerisstrife's picture

    One cliche that annoys the

    One cliche that annoys the hell out of me is when there's a romance, but one of the people involved is already with someone else, and that person is a total jerk. That's one reason I really like Imagine Me and You, because Heck was a nice, likeable guy and wasn't some jackass who you were supposed to hate. I of course wanted Rachel and Luce to be together, but I still felt bad for Heck. Then you get movies like Wedding Crashers where the sweet and nice girl is with some total idiot guy who treats her like crap.
    ShastaB24's picture

    I can think of an opposite

    But it isn't intentional, I'm sure.  The movie The Heartbreak Kid has a thoroughly unlikable character played by Ben Stiller and I wanted nothing good to happen to him.  However, he is the main character and supposedly in a bad (I just say too rushed) marriage, we're supposed to sympathize that he is flirting with another woman. 

     

    Ave Messer, 66, B24, GO SHASTA!!!

    Elvis730's picture

    Running

    Ok this cliche is probably a cliche in itself, but it always happens and it realy bugs me.

    When ever a woman and/or girl is being chased she always always has to trip and fall

    Also the ugly duckling and beautiful swan stories piss me off coz they are so stupid and have been done so many times 

     

    ~Elvis Presley~

    nz 2 ca's picture

    cliche yes but...

    On the 2 occasions in my life when I have been running away from someone or something in an intense running for my life situation I tripped and fell. Both times, seriously...it's not funny at the time but afterwards the first thing I thought was "so that doesn't just happen in the movies!"

    L.RollingStar's picture

    My Top 5

    Lmao at the one about people turning off the tv as soon as the show is over.

    1.One that i notice is the impossible towel that stays on the characters for long periods of time while they move around and never adjusting it. I guess that is just because i am a failure at that but still, anyone see Lucky Number Slevin?

     

    2.Whenever someone is robbing a bank, the teller is always a nervous newbie and always a woman.

    3. When people go to an elevator, it's always on their floor and they never have to wait unless, of course, they're being chased then they usually resolve to taking the stairs last-minute.

    4.When someone is chasing another person and takes like 5 minutes to talk to the another character about their plan while the bad guy has more than enough time to get away, but then the good guy starts chasing him and catches up to him in a second.

    5. In general, the important conversations/epiphanys/plans that the character rants about during the most inconvenient times.

     

    "Even in his heart the devil has to know the water level."

    sarafrombcn's picture

    peer and family pressure

    In romantic comedies the mother and friends of the leading role, specially if it's a woman in her late 20s, are always obsessed with finding her/him a partner. And they say really mean things like "you are not getting any younger" or "nobody will love you if you are like this or like that.." ... I find it shocking, I can't imagine my mother saying those things! or thinking it's more important to be married than to have self esteem.

    Also, in movies where the drama is set before 1900 and someone caughs he/she is going to end up having a deadly disease.

    ShastaB24's picture

    Head games

    The most annoying thing to me, but this is a pop culture in general problem, is mixing up schizophrenia with disassociative identity disorder.  The two are not the same, and simple fact checking could alleviate that terrible misconception.

    Mental health, though, makes me think of a movie I watched a while ago named Neverwas, where Ian McKellan plays a mental patient who believes that a children's fantasy world is reality.  It was a nice movie, but my mom, a psychology major, had issues with some things (for instance, despite the main character's mention of it, there is no such thing as "borderline schizophrenia").

     

    Ave Messer, 66, B24, GO SHASTA!!!

    ketchup__fights's picture

    On the other hand...

    Quote:
    And here's a nomination from me. If an animal appears, and especially if somebody loves it, that animal will likely end up disemboweled, probably in a domestic space that used to feel safe. I dread what's to come when somebody has a dog in a suspense or horror film. You just know Rover's going to get it first.

    On the other hand, if you're watching a disaster movie, the dog will live. The black guy will die, the flamboyantly gay guy will die, and you better believe the weasly corrupt businessman will die... in fact, entire cities and civilizations will be razed to the ground in an orgy of destruction... but the dog will be okay.

    In fact, the only living thing with a higher survival rate than a yellow lab is a curly-haired precocious young moppet who's wise beyond her years. Those things are like teflon-coated cockroach Twinkies.

    notchegeva's picture

    Awesome!

    "In fact, the only living thing with a higher survival rate than a yellow lab is a curly-haired precocious young moppet who's wise beyond her years. Those things are like teflon-coated cockroach Twinkies"

    Those have to be the two sentences of the month!

    I know this is necessary for the movie but I am still amazed when the characters in any given horror movie think it is somehow a wise move to go check the basement/barn/summer kitchen all by themselves instead of staying all together in a close and secure room after having called the cops...

    "I'm gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening even if I have to kill every person on the face of the Earth to do it"

    educatedguess's picture

    Nice

    Well said!
    apollo's picture

    Great point!

    And frickin' hilarious.
    ferpsi88's picture

    Cliché

    One thing that always happens when a woman is being chased by a bad guy is that she loses something, like her purse, and just has to stop and go back for it instead of running away. It really annoys me, cause in addition to being a total cliché it's not even something that's likely. I mean who in the real world would give a shit about a shoe or purse if there's a killer or a rapist chasing you?
    Ale's picture

    Women and Guns

    Also when the killer or bad guy drops his gun and the woman gets it and points it at the bad guy, the bad guy says something like "Go ahead you got me, shoot" AND next thing you hear is the "click" sound and the bad guys says "Oh you forgot the SAfety" and he slaps the girl and gets the gun.
    shellyjoanne's picture

    The phrase "Let's get out

    The phrase "Let's get out of here" no matter what the film is about

    and back to the toothbrushing scene, there is a good one in bring it on. But I do notice that people don't tend to rinse their mouth with water, just swallow, either made me think that the toothpaste in the US is not as strong flavoured or it's the whole brushing with no toothpaste, also they never get the dribble down the chin. hehe

     

     

     

     

     

    http://www.myspace.com/shellyjoanne

    scoutgems's picture

    Follow the trail of blood.....

    It is one of those things that has you shouting at the screen. A character in a horror movie sees a trail of blood leading down some dark cellar steps and HAS to go and investigate without a weapon or a light (torch, match, whatever).

    Speaking of lights why do the CSI lot always enter a crime scene with just a tiny torch. Are they not allowed to turn the lights on? The X-Files was guilty of the same thing and Scully's torch was always half the size of Mulder's..hmmmmm.

    One that has driven me mad since childhood though is the fact that any drama or scene from any TV show that is shot in Britain (or set in Britain and shot anywhere else) has to have a red double decker bus, red phone box and Big Ben in it. This is despite the fact that the scene may be based outside of London where we don't have red double deckers or Big Ben and there are a scant few red telephone boxes left around the country but not many of them.

    It's ridiculous. :o)

    cindy6's picture

    csi flashlights

    I was also wondering why the csi guys don't turn on the lights and use the little flashlights. So I looked it up and it turns out that is an acurate thing csi guys do because by not turning on the lights they can focus more intently on the scene in small areas using the flashlight and not get distracted by the whole surroundings.

    As for cliches, dealing with lights again...whenever someone in a movie hears a sound and has to go investigate it...they do it in the dark...do you know anyone that does that?? Me...if I heard something...every light goes on instantly!!

     


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