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Like, gag me with a spoon: Hollywood serves up the '80sRemember the '80s? Big hair, big belts and blue eye shadow. The Bangles taught us to "Walk Like an Egyptian." Conservative Christians crucified Madonna for her latest video devilry (OK, some things never change). And at The Breakfast Club, Claire (Molly Ringwald) realized that, despite all their differences, she really could fall for Allison (Ally Sheedy). Oh, wait — that was me.
With this week's theatrical release of Transformers, everyone's saying the '80s are Hollywood vogue. And it's true that we'll soon be seeing an animated Thundercats, G.I. Joe, and a live-action He-Man (I'm not kidding). Not to mention that a sixty-something Indiana Jones will find something else to raid in 2008. (AfterEllen hottie No. 48 Cate Blanchett will appear in that one — count me in!) I was the '80s girl who ditched her Care Bears for the neighbor's more poseable boy-dolls, so even though the trailer for Transformers features stunningly hackneyed dialogue like "The car picks the driver. It's a mystical bond between man and machine," I can't help but feel a little nostalgic. And all these years later, I know what was missing back then: the lovely Australian lass Rachael Taylor. Here she is as Maggie Madsen, head of a DOD anti-robot team:
Probably few Pentagon employees show up to work with a lacy black bra peeking out, but whatever. At least she has the underwires to support a run for her life, unlike Megan Fox, whose character Mikaela Banes could be auditioning for an episode of What Not to Wear to Armageddon:
Between this apocalyptic monster car rally and other upcoming flicks, '80s revivals so far whiff with testosterone. So, in the spirit of bad machine's Fake Summer Blockbusters, here are a few of my (dorky) attempts at giving '80s nostalgia a lesbi-lift. Thunder Cat-Woman, starring Rebecca Romijn as Cheetara. Thundercats, hello!
She-Rayne, starring Kristanna Loken and Michelle Rodriguez. The Princess of Power meets her match.
The L Team, starring Rose Rollins. Yeah, she pities the fool.
Any other eighties-tastic suggestions? Do we need a Rambabe? a Mad Maxine? The Wonder Queers? Hello? Anybody? Bueller? Submitted by on July 3, 2007 - 2:01pm. |
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News, Reviews & Commentary on Lesbian and Bisexual women in Entertainment and the Media
A few choices for 80's TV revamped...
(disclaimer - IMDB helped me a bit...)
KnightlyRider (obviously starring the one and only Keira Knightly)
Plot: A lone - and might I say, HOT - crimefighter battles the forces of evil with the help of her vrooming, kickass and artificially intelligent ride, Kitten.
The Jackiesons - starring our favorite lesbian
drill sergeantpersonal trainerWell she's movin' on up...(mooovin' on up...) to the West side...to a deluxe apartment in the sky. When a small town girl makes it big as a fashion maven/personal trainer in L.A., friction, high-drama, and makeout sessions near the bathroom ensue.
MacGirlver - starring Jodi Foster (ok...she's hasn't declared anything yet, but...a girl can dream, right?)
Using an ample arsenal of scientific and mathematical skills, Macgirlver is able to make use of household items like spare acoustic guitar strings and tofu wrappers around her to create unorthodox solutions to any problem she encounters. Criminals soon learn that underestimating this...umm...possibly-lesbian hero would be a fatal error.
If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in gay to work: "Hello. Can't work today...yup...still gay".
Rainbow Marple Heat
Victoria Pratt plays a San Francisco policewoman sent after a notorious drug dealer (played by Gina Gershon) who has escaped to the to Canada and is awaiting extradition in Toronto. Lauren Lee Smith plays her temporary partner on the Toronto police. When the drug dealer escapes, the two policewomen must overcome their differences in order to recapture her.
Not very original, but the only thing i could come up with. And no I am not Canadian! :-D
4 da boys
Pink Dawn
She-Ra
Does anybody remember She-Ra, and Jem?
Yes, I remember Jem
M*E*S*H
Miami Spice......baby.
“Miami Spice”
Two female detectives, fashionably dressed, sans socks, stomp the beat in Miami, donning their sporty Teva’s with pink guns latched securely with lace to each leg. Their side kick, Teddy Bear, a cute young Whoopie Goldberg look-alike hipster-tipster teams up with them when needed and occasionally watches their six cats when out on assignment.
Magnum PMS
Celurean Sky....that's
Celurean Sky....that's Good!! LOL!!
:)
ET: Extra
ET: Extra Testosterone.
Adorable dyke alien from StarBadHair (Kate Moenig) (sp)befriends a young, beautiful blond woman (Drew Barrymore). During her visit on earth, she teaches her new earthling girlfriend the real meaning of love and shows her what those long glowing bulblike fingers are really for…… And it’s certainly not for phoning home.Cheers
Three's Company?
Couldn't think of a better name.
Two girls sharing an apartment with one guy, who is actually gay, but, hey, so are the girls. A suspicious Mr. Roper is kept off the scent by a bi-curious Mrs. Roper.
Eh, I just can't see Suzanne Somers and Joyce DeWitt together. Maybe if they were played by Renee O'Connor and Lucy Lawless... Or Mary Stuart Masterson and Nancy McKeon...
By the Power of Grayskull!
He-Man has already been done! Masters of the Universe! C'mon! I can't have been the only person that watched it? It was MADE of awesome. And by awesome I mean cheesy, badly acted and with even more cheese. Evil-Lyn turned me on way too much, considering I was only a small child. Blame it on Meg Foster's compelling eyes.
It had Dolph Lundgren, Courteney Cox, Robert Duncan MacNeil, Meg Foster, Christina Pickles, Billy Barty and Frank Langella. That I knew all that off the top of my head is very, very sad.
A Lesbian Top Gun
Have Angelina Jolie or Michelle Rodriquez(a sexy actress who can look good with a white button cotton long sleeve shirt and sexy panties or boxers sliding across the floor shaking her ass) playin' Tom Cruise character.(FYI:I've never liked Tom Cruise Sorry Rosie!) The Sexy blond played by um ...Scarlett Johansson or your choice of other blondes. OOOOO Hot!
LOVE IT!
The mere fact that you mentioned The Thundercats immediately puts a smile on my face :) My friends and I call ourselves the Thundercats and even made it the theme of our first beer pong table. And today we finished our second tabled just in time for Fourth of July and the Transformer movie - yup it's a Megatrons vs. Deceptacons table (it's okay to admit it's badass)
So yeah this totally made my day :)
I'm a complete action movie geek
and all I could think of during the movie was, "why isn't the sexy australian girl the lead?"
that's all i can honestly contribute, considering i was born in 1990...
ooops I mixed up two wrong movies
I meant whatever movie Tom Cruise was in where in the movie where he 's wearing the infamous white button shirt. Yeah Angelina can play that role. Heck both roles. Better yet Katherine Moennig can play that role in Top Gun. I'm realy start thinking she's really cute.
y'all...