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News, Reviews & Commentary on Lesbian and Bisexual women in Entertainment and the Media

I bet you know this song is about you

Alanis Morissette’s angst-ridden “You Oughta Know” was the first hit for the Canadian singer/songwriter. It was also a big slap across the face to some idiot cad who had the nerve to break Alanis’s heart. Whatever this guy did to her, listeners thought, she got him back ten-fold by exposing the intimacies of their relationship, right down to the promises he made and broke and the kinky things the couple did in movie theaters.

Naturally, as soon as “You Oughta Know” hit airwaves, everyone in their right mind wondered who the song was about. Oh, how I wish you guys could have been there the first time I heard the rumor that Alanis penned “You Oughta Know” — the ultimate hell-hath-no-fury-like-a-woman-dumped tune — about comic actor Dave Coulier.

“Dave Coulier?” That dufus from Full House?” I cried. Looking back, I know wasn’t the right thing to say. Dave seems to be a fine man; both Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen gravitated toward him when they were kids and they grew up levelheaded. I guess I expected the guy who devastated Alanis to be more, I don't know, heartbreaker-y. It was hard to imagine Uncle Joey lovin’ them and leavin’ them, but, what do I know of heterosexuality? And to my credit, the only famous Canadian people I know are lesbians.

So I read with interest last week that Dave confirmed to People magazine, after all these years, that the song really truly is about him. Dave recounts hearing the song on the radio for the first time:

I said, "Wow, this girl is angry." And then I said, "Oh man, I think it's Alanis." ... I listened to the song over and over again, and I said, "I think I have really hurt this person."

Alanis was hardly the first musician to write a break-up song about someone famous, and she won’t be the last. Why? Because heartbreak makes hits, kids. And it’s even more interesting for listeners if we know both parties involved in the mess.

Go back a few decades to 1977 and try not to wince when you hear Fleetwood Mac’s angry “Go Your Own Way.” Isn’t it even better knowing Lindsay Buckingham’s bitterness is about band mate Stevie Nicks? Don’t worry Stevie retaliated with the seething “Silver Spring,” a song that has her vowing: "I’ll follow you down/To the sound/Of my voice/Will haunt you."

In 1977, the songs were released together on a 45-record. You could flip them back and forth to hear both sides of the break-up. Fun!

Two decades later, No Doubt’s Gwen Stefani worked out her break-up blues over bandmate Tony Kanal in the bands's 1995 hit, “Don’t Speak.”

Sleater-Kinney is another band to suffer a romantic break-up (between frontwomen Corin Tucker and Carrie Brownstein). The song “One More Hour,” off 1997’s Dig Me Out, is understood by fans and critics to be Tucker’s lament of the relationship’s end, though neither woman has confirmed.

In 2002, Justin Timberlake sent a musical middle finger to his ex Britney Spears with “Cry Me A River.”

But what’s the most famous kiss-off song of all? It might be Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain.” A lot of the interest has to do with the song’s mystery man. For years, the song has been speculated to be about either Hollywood gigolo Warren Beatty or rock’s most famous womanizer, Mick Jagger.

“You’re So Vain” is filled with clues — for instance, Carly sings about jetting “down to Nova Scotia to watch a total eclipse of the sun.” Would it interest you to know that Beatty’s mom was raised in Nova Scotia? Or, do you sway toward voting Jagger because he sings uncredited on the song’s choruses? For the record, Beatty thinks it’s about him. Carly is keeping mum.

Which is your favorite break-up song? Is it about a famous person? Do you suspect a kiss-off song by your favorite band or singer is about someone famous?

Natazzz's picture

Ewwww

“Dave Coulier?” That dufus from Full House?” I cried.

*Snicker* Thanks for that Gina. 

I so did not want to know that....it really ruins the memories I have of that song.

- - - - - - - - - -

-Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

I blog, therefore, I am

Good Will's picture

"What do I know of

"What do I know of heterosexuality? ...the only famous Canadian people I know are lesbians."

Brilliant.

cave0408's picture

Break up Song

Now That it's Over - Everclear

A Little Gasoline - Terry Clark

cave0408's picture

oh and

Little know song -

 Balls - Amy Rigby 

EmmaCariad's picture

LOL!!

 

Great post. I'm with Warren Beatty, and the fact that he thinks to this day that the song is about him is even more perfect, and proves Carly's point!!

 

michellesandiego's picture

I just threw up a little

Ok, first.... WTF? ick, ptuey, shiver....

Great break up song: Goodbye my lover, The scientist, destroy everything you touch...

this could be a great thread...... keep em coming

Hate Me Today

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

soupchef's picture

Dave Coulier... I just threw up in my mouth a little

My favorite break up song will always be Ani Difranco`s Untouchable Face. Its a classic.

http://artists.letssingit.com/ani-difranco-lyrics-untouchable-face-hvgrq75

Gay by Nature... Proud by choice

Becca's picture

ooh

do we know who that one is about?  I love that song!

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." ~Howard Thurman

http://depts.washington.edu/aspuw 

missymae's picture

Don't Think Twice - Bob

Don't Think Twice - Bob Dylan
Gina Vivinetto's picture

"Diamonds & Rust"

Joan Baez wrote it about Bob Dylan.

 Interestingly,  Judas Priest did a cover of this.

tinustijger's picture

me too

yeah, I absolutely love that song too, the Joan version I mean :)
michellesandiego's picture

oh yea

An oldy but a goody.... one of the best..

Now you're telling me you're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You who are so good with words
And at keeping things vague
'Cause I need some of that vagueness now
It's all come back too clearly
Yes, I loved you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust
I've already paid

Karina's picture

Another break up song

Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence

I've known for a while that "You Oughta Know" was for Dave, and I still can't believe it... 

 

Kayyo's picture

Ahhh...Amy Lee and

Ahhh...Amy Lee and Seether's frontman...can't recall his name at this moment.

Im such a fan of Evanescence!

Dorkalicious's picture

Shawn Morgan is the Seether

Shawn Morgan is the Seether frontman. Most of their album Finding Beauty In Negative Spaces is like a slap in the face to his ex. It's always great to hear both sides of the story :)

 I <3 Ev & Seether alike

fallon ash's picture

You Suck - The Murmurs

I've always been very fond of You Suck by the Murmurs, the second track on the soundtrack of my life back in high school.

"But right now there's dust on my guitar you f*ck
And it's all your fault
You paralyze my mind and for that you suck"

Track 1 was another break-up song; Take Me or Leave Me from Rent, but as it's from a musical I don't think it counts.

"Women, what is it about them, can't live with them or without them."

michellesandiego's picture

yes!!

Of course, one of my all time fav bands!!! Also I'm a mess.....
bittybuffy's picture

Agreed on both counts

You Suck is a great song period. Take Me or Leave Me is brilliant. And possibly the most upbeat break-up song ever.
Michelle Branch's Goodbye To You is definately my favourite break-up song though. It makes me cry every time I hear it.
purplereign's picture

and the weiner is....haha

best break-up song...

"Song for the Dumped" by Ben Folds Five

hands down 

dirtyredbandana's picture

I Agree

That is definitely my favorite break up song.  I love the line about his black t-shirt. They really always seem to end up with one of my favorite shirts, haha.
H.'s picture

I love

break-up songs, there's always more depth to them.

Before The Worst by The Script is a good one.

http://www.myspace.com/good_souls

shortypants's picture

Let's Keep 'Em Coming!>>

 

I'll toss my hat in for 'Idiot Wind' by Bob Dylan and 'Fool of Me' by Meshell N'degeocello.

 

Gina Vivinetto's picture

Me'shell

I saw Me'shell perform at a small club show once and she was really pissed off about the sound so she fired the sound man right in front of everyone. It was shocking - and kind of awesome.
Cheezemack's picture

Dave and Alanis

This is the most disturbing part of the news about Dave Coulier and Alanis....

"

The item, in US Weekly today, is Dave Coulier reminiscing about when he realized that Alanis Morissette's "You Oughtta Know" was about him. OK, that's hilarious, BUT, Alanis Morissette was on You Can't Do That On Television at the same time that Dave was hosting Out of Control. THEY MET ON THE NICKELODEON LOT, AND THEY BEGAN TO HAVE SEX. I need an adult.

Now, Alanis was on YCDTOT as a five-year-old in 1979, and then didn't return to the show until 1986, while Coulier's Out of Control aired in 1984. But that just seems like too much of a coincidence. They probably met at the Nickelodeon Christmas party or something. Wikipedia claims they met at a hockey game, I claim BULLSHIT. Jagged Little Pill came out in '95, when she was 21, and they had, clearly, already broken up. I'm going to give Coulier the benefit of the doubt and say that he did not sleep with an underage Morissette, but he definitely slept with an almost underage Morissette. Coulier is 15 years older than Morisette."

The whole article can be read at http://videogum.com/archives/nostalgia/remember-this-out-of-control_0145...

 

Sportylady's picture

My choices

Is probably Sheryl Crow, one of my favorite artists ever but the woman just doesn't have luck.  My Favorite Mistake, Anything But Down, If it Makes You Happy...just to name a couple.

I also like to rock out to In The End by Linkin Park and I think they have a few others as well.  Out of Control by Hoobastank...I kind of like the ones you can sing your ass off to alone in your car.

Gina Vivinetto's picture

Sheryl Crow

I've always heard that Sheryl Crow's "My Favorite Mistake" is about her fling with Eric Clapton.
Han M's picture

The singer and bassist in

The singer and bassist in my band used to date (when we were teenagers as well so you can imagine the drama). After they broke up we wrote a song called Sick (as in you make me sick), and it only struck me about a year later that it was the singer talking about the bassist, lol. She never realised either...

 

www.myspace.com/stopstartstall - acousticy music type stuff.

tinustijger's picture

Break-up song

I love 'Dairy Queen' by the Indigo Girls because it's not about anger but being grateful for the time you had together;

'I take it in stride, at least you were mine,
if not for all time, enough to hold,
oh at least enough for me to hold you
'

 

:D

.elida.'s picture

until next time

My favorite break-up song is actually one that my friend wrote for our band. It's called "Until Next Time".

 My favorite line:

"F*ck all the happiness/and the way you looked in that dress/i can't believe you moved on so quickly"

Another fav: "Someday You Will Be Loved" - Death Cab

Hats's picture

Another... well, the chorus..

My ringtone for ages (because I keep forgetting to put new stuff on my phone :/) is Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5

And it really makes me wonder

Why I ever gave a f**k about you?

Give me something to believe in, 

Cause I don't believe in you, 

Anymore, anymore

 

 

 

kwright's picture

'Taking Bob Dylan' by Jen

'Taking Bob Dylan' by Jen Foster.  AfterEllen really should do an article about her. 

http://www.myspace.com/jenfoster

 

"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do." - Anne Lamott

 

Rabbit317's picture

NIN- Only

In my book, it doesn't get much better than "You don't even exist."

Yes I am alone but then again I always was
As far back as I can tell
I think maybe it's because
Because you were never really real to begin with
I just made you up to hurt myself

I just made you up to hurt myself, yeah
And I just made you up to hurt myself

And it worked.
Yes it did!

There is no you
There is only me
There is no you
There is only me
There is no f**king you
There is only me
There is no f**king you
There is only me

Only

kiwimarie's picture

possibly the best break-up song ever

Tear in Your Hand by Tori Amos is possibly the best break-up song ever.

 

"I think there are pieces of me you've never seen/maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen" 

 

Northern Lad, also by Tori Amos, is a close second. 

Zillah's picture

Trent Reznor?

Was Northern Lad about Trent Reznor?  He's Canadian, right?  I always wondered.
ClassicChic's picture

I'd have to go with...

Goodbye Earl~ Dixie Chicks~ has to be the best breakup/revenge song lol.

Come on, poisoned blackeyed peas, being stuffed in a trunk and then tossed down a big hill. Now thats a breakup ;)

eleigh3's picture

check out Matt Nathanson...

Personally, I've been a huge Matt Nathanson fan ever since I bought his "Beneath These Fireworks" CD right as I was going through a breakup with my first girlfriend.  That entire CD was like therapy.  Check out some of the lyrics

The first lines are from "Bent"

If I bent like you said was best
Would that change a thing?
If I spent myself what’s left
Would you still leave me here?

You're so sorry about it all
Now that it's over
Should i thank you for that dear?
You're so sorry about it all
And I hope you'll always be

And then there's "I Saw..."

And it's amazing
With the look in your eyes
Like you could save me
But you won't even try
And then you tell me again
How everything will be alright

And if I told you
That I'm sorry
Would you tell me that you were wrong
Or would you hold me down forever
If I came to you for answers

And I saw
Pictures in my head
And I swear I saw you opening up, again
Cuz I would be heavenly
if baby you'd just rescue me, now

alright I'll stop dragging on...but I highly recommend any of his stuff and he has many more good breakup songs on top of the ones I mentioned!

leehoosierforlife's picture

My fave is Missy Higgins'

My fave is Missy Higgins' PEACHY


It's not my fault
It can't be my fault
That you speak to me the way you do
Now I'm split in two
I'm half me and half you
But I hate us both, don't you?

No of course you don't of course you don't
You say life is peachy without me
Of course you don't of course you don't
You say life is peachy without me

 

michellesandiego's picture

The mother of them all maybe...

Like The Way I Do lyrics
Is it so hard to satisfy your senses
You found out to love me you have to climb some fences
Scratching and crawling along the floor to touch you
And just when it feels right you say you found someone else to hold you
Does she like i do

Tell me does she love you like the way I love you
Does she stimulate you attract and captivate you
Tell me does she miss you existing just to kiss you
Like the way I do
Tell me does she want you infatuate and haunt you
Does she know just how to shock and electrify and rock you
Does she inject you seduce you and affect you
Like the way I do

Can I survive all the implications
Even if I tried could you be less than an addiction
Don't you think I know there's so many others
Who would beg steal and lie fight kill and die
Just to hold you hold you like I do

Tell me does she love you like the way I love you
Does she stimulate you attract and captivate you
Tell me does she miss you existing just to kiss you
Like the way I do
Tell me does she want you infatuate and haunt you
Does she know just how to shock and electrify and rock you
Does she inject you seduce you and affect you
Like the way I do

Nobody loves you like the way I do
Nobody wants you like the way I do
Nobody needs you like the way I do
Nobody aches nobody aches just to hold you
Like the way I do

Tell me does she love you like the way I love you
Does she stimulate you attract and captivate you
Tell me does she miss you existing just to kiss you
Like the way I do
Tell me does she want you infatuate and haunt you
Does she know just how to shock and electrify and rock you
Does she inject you seduce you and affect you
Like the way I do
 
scorpio54's picture

How Do You Sleep? - John Lennon

OK so this is after the break-up of the Beatles rather than a romance, but still a very pointed dig at McCartney by Lennon: 

so sgt. pepper took you by
surprise
you better see right through that
mother's eyes
those freaks was right when they
said you was you was dead
the one mistake you made was
in your head
how do you sleep?
ah how do you sleep at night?
you live with straights who tell
you you was king
jum when your mamma tell
you anything
the only thing you done was
Yesterday
and since you've gone it's just
another day
how do you sleep?
ah how do you sleep at night?
a pretty face may last a year
or two
but pretty soon they'll see
what you can do
the sound you make is muzak
to my ears
you must have learned
something all those years
how do you sleep?
ah how do you sleep at night?

Ah, claiming the only thing worthwhile Paul did was 'Yesterday', that most of his new stuff sounds like muzak, that he's just a pretty face, and that may those who started the 'Paul Is Dead' hoax were on to something.

 

 

Gina Vivinetto's picture

Excellent choice,

Scorpio 54! A great example of a song about a famous person.

 

And anyone who's ever in a band knows those break-ups are sometimes just as painful as romantic break-ups.

Ana's picture

Alanis, Simple Together

i actually sent it to my ex some time after we broke up. It's more like a sad," i'm disappointed with you" song than an angry one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qm2KyjhjTnk

 

i think this line's mostly filler...

tothelees's picture

Hide and Seek

I can't believe no one has mentioned this one yet. Imogen Heap's Hide and Seek - apart from being a beautifully layered experiment in electronic a capella (is there such a thing?) - is a kick ass break-up song.

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling

spin me round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads - heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here)
blood and tears (hearts)
they were here first

Mmmm whacha say,
Mmmm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
Mmmm whacha say,
Mmmm that its all for the best?
Because it is
Mmmm whacha say?
Mmmm that it's just what we need
you decided this
whacha say?
Mmmm what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs

(hide and seek)
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a (you don't care a) bit

heart1e55m00mba's picture

Re: Hide and Seek

Break up song wasn't the first thing I thought of when I first listened to this song, but then again I was distracted by the "beautifully layered experiment in electronic a capella" as you so eloquently put it. Now that I look at the lyrics I'm going to have to agree with you.

 

"No power in the 'verse can stop me." ~River Tam, "Firefly"

Renee's picture

Imogen!!!

First of all...love this topic! Everyone has one breakup song they love, and most have one that has meant something to them at some point.

Two things: Imogen is like the queen of breakup songs...but I don't think Hide and Seek is her best. Check this one out...it's called "The Moment I Said It"

"The Moment I Said It"

The moment I said it
the moment I opened my mouth
lead in your eyelids
Bulldozed the life out of me
I know what you're thinking
But darling you're not thinking straight
Sadly things just happen.... we can't...... explain

It's not even light out,
But you've somewhere to be - no hesitation
No I've never seen you like this
And I dont like it, I dont like it, I dont like it at all

Just put back the car keys
or somebody's going to get hurt
who are you calling at this hour
sit down, come round , I need you now
we'll work it all out together
we're getting no where tonight
now sleep, I promise, it'll all seem better somehow
in time

It's not even light out
Suddenly, you've somewhere to be
No hesitation
mmm...I've never seen you like this
Your scaring me, Youre scaring me,
Your scaring me to death

Don't..oh, smash....please
Don't...oh.....and another one
Don't...oh.....and another one

I'm losing you.......I'm losing you

Trust me on this one
I've got a bad feeling
Trust me on this one
You're going to throw it all away
With no hesitation

Bye bye bye bye bye bye
bye bye bye bye bye
bye bye bye
bye

****

Also...Alanis' new album has some WICKED breakup songs. Check out "Moratorium," and "Torch."

~Renée

Shar.shar's picture

Angry Break-up songs!

 

Never Again - Kelly Clarkson

 

I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green
I hope when your in bed with her, you think of me
I would never wish bad things, but I don't wish you well
Could you tell, by the flames that burned your words

I never read your letter
'Cos I knew what you'd say
Give me that Sunday school answer
Try and make it all OK

Does it hurt to know I'll never be there
Bet it sucks, to see my face everywhere
It was you, who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew exactly what you were doing
And don't say, you simply lost your way
She may believe you but I never will
Never again

If she really knows the truth, she deserves you
A trophy wife, oh how cute
Ignorance is bliss
But when your day comes, and he's through with you
And he'll be through with you
You'll die together but alone

You wrote me in a letter
You couldn't say it right to my face
Give me that Sunday school answer
Repent yourself away

Does it hurt to know I'll never be there
Bet it sucks, to see my face everywhere
It was you, who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew exactly what you were doing
And don't say, you simply lost your way
They may believe you but I never will
Never again

Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never

Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you
Never

Does it hurt to know I'll never be there
Bet it sucks, to see my face everywhere
It was you, who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew exactly what you were doing
And don't say, you simply lost your way
They may believe you but I never will
I never will
I never will

Never again

 

 

H.'s picture

shar.shar

I love that Kelly Clarkson song. I love angry break-up songs. Like Rhianna's Take A Bow, that's another good one like it.

http://www.myspace.com/good_souls

wickedgrrl's picture

Sister 7

21st Century Life

I wish I could find the lyrics.  I really wish I could find my ipod.  *chews nails* 

The lyric in my head is "taking out the garbage; put your favorite shoes inside; welcome my 21st Century Life."

Also, cheesy I know but Eamon's F* You, I Don't Want You Back has been very helpful post-breakup.

ChemistryOfACarCrash's picture

"Maps" by the Yeah Yeah

"Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Best love song/break up song ever. I've read somewhere that Karen O funded "Fever To Tell" out of her own pocket Just to get Maps out there.

Gina Vivinetto's picture

Totally.

"They don't love you like I love you" kills me every time. 
ChemistryOfACarCrash's picture

Oh. Ditto. to the extreme.

Oh. Ditto. to the extreme. I still refer to my first love as Maps. and have "Maps, wait." tattooed on my back for her.