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Top Model mini-recap: When in Rome … speak with a bad Italian accent?

I've learned not to claim disdain for reality television. I'd love to, sure, but I'm so hopelessly addicted to America's Next Top Model that I have no room to talk smack. And after last night's episode — one of the most hilarious I've ever seen — I can say with assurance that I'm not heading to ANTM rehab anytime soon.

The final six contestants (Anya, Katarzyna, Whitney, Lauren, Fatima and Dominique) headed to Rome this week, got brief lessons in the Italian modeling industry, and filmed some truly awful Cover Girl commercials. There was so much to love in this episode, I don't even know where to begin.

Left to right: Lauren, Whitney, Katarzyna, Anya and Dominique

All photos by Elizabeth Carrillo/The CW

Well, I could start at the beginning, when Anya charmingly face-planted coming out of the van. I'm not kidding when I say "charmingly" — I don't know what it is about Anya, but she's so sweet and cute and nice and upbeat that she must be made out of unicorns or something. Unicorns covered in glitter. And rainbows. With sprinkles on top.

The girls got on Segways and tooled around Rome before heading to the first challenge: an impromptu meet-and-greet with designer Gai Mattiolo. Everyone puts on dresses and gives Gai a little runway show, and Lauren still lurches about like … er, Lurch.

And Whitney complains about the fact that all the dresses are too small, and she's a plus-size model and she has it so hard. And did you know that she's a plus-size model? Plus-size model plus-size plus-sizeYes, Whitney, we get it. You are a plus-size model. You have mentioned this six or seven hundred times during every episode this season — I think we're finally getting the hint.

I swear, if this was Pee-wee's Playhouse and not America's Next Top Model and "plus-size" was the secret word, we'd all just be yelling and screaming for a half-hour straight.

After Anya wins the challenge, it's time for the Cover Girl commercial shoot. Quite frankly, Jay "My spray tan shade? It's Oompa Loompa" Manuel is showing far more of his chest than I feel comfortable with. Admittedly, the commercial must have been tough to shoot: There were cues and blocking to remember, and the copy was written in Italian. Of course, while I'll concede that it was tough, some of the girls bombed so hard that … well, that I had to rewind the DVR six times to watch them over and over again.

Katarzyna and Fatima managed to rock it, but the others? Oh, my. Whitney was so overblown and fake and cheesy that she seemed to be channeling the secret lovechild of Suzanne Sugarbaker and Anna Nicole Smith.

Dominique was … words kind of fail me. Her accent was so bad and over-the-top stereotypical that it clearly belonged to one of those little cartoon moustache dudes on a pizza box. Why she shouted "Brasilia!" in the middle of the whole thing I have no idea — however, it's my new catch phrase.

Lauren … oh, Lauren. Oh, Lurch. It was embarrassing to watch — but not so embarrassing that I wasn't in hysterics every time I watched it — and I watched her effort a lot, trust me.

Then it was panel time, and Tyra's ego was out in full force. She reminded us several more times of all of her achievements, of how she conquered the Italian fashion world, blah blah blah. Most of this, mind you, was delivered in an Italian accent that made Dominique's seem authentic.

The judges did their judging thing: Tyra makes everyone feel uncomfortable with her "antics"; Paulina Porizkova is fabulous and funny; Miss J. critiques others whilst sporting silver eyebrows; and Nigel Barker is useless.

Everyone agreed that Lauren's, Anya's and Dominique's commercials were abysmal. All the sane people in the room agreed that Whitney's was atrocious, but Tyra loved it. The opposite holds true for Katarzyna's — but then again, Tyra's had a hate-on for Kata since day one, and I just don't understand it.

The repeated, purposeful mispronunciation of the girl's name, the blatant disrespect, the veiled insults — I think Tyrant's ego feels threatened by a contestant who's beautiful but also smart. Kata's an Ivy Leaguer and doesn't need to rely on her looks for a career, as Tyra did. All this, of course, means that Kata won't win, which bums me out — she's been my girl since Claire got the boot a couple of weeks ago.

Katarzyna's awesomeness earned her second place this week, however, while Lauren and Whitney landed in the bottom two. In the end, Lauren was sent packing back to the U.S. as Tyra reminded her that a model can take great pictures, but she also needs to speak well.

Huh? Funny, when Tyra was at the height of her modeling career, I don't recall ever hearing her voice. Oh, well. Arrivederci, Lurch!

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  • frosti3000's picture

    Great recap, and completely

    Great recap... and completely agree about the comments on Katarzyna and the disrespect the judges show- shes a beautiful, talanted, intelligent girl that hasn't got a chance of winning as for Tyra she doesn't show enough "personality" for TV  

    My money's on Fatima winning, Anya second and Katarzyna third.

    Oh and what a genius episode, one of the funniest in top model history thanks to Whitney and Dominique showing off their both natural and subtle on-screen presence.

    Brenda647's picture

    It's A Toss Up...

    As to who's going to win, but  I'm pretty sure Whitney is living on borrowed time.  She just didn't get what Mr J was telling about the cheesiness of her acting.  And I'm surprised no one brought up Anna Nichol 'cause that's what I was thinking the entire time.

    I loved that they let us see the director and some of the crew watch the girls. I was laughing harder at them then at the girls.  It was obviously pretty painful to watch, so they just had to laugh.

    And Tyra's accent was definitely not Italian. It sounded more Jamican.  

     As always I look forward to next week.   I'm laying my money on Whitney going home.  Any takers?

    Peace, Joy and Love

    nunzilla's picture

    Grah!

    Oh damn it. They killed Claire and then killed Lauren?

    Why must they eliminate my favorite models every season? Now I've got no more reason to watch.

    If Drag Queen Dominique gets top model I will pull my hair out. Meh.

    finalgirl's picture

    Ah, Dom of the Dead.

    "If Drag Queen Dominique gets top model I will pull my hair out"

    I'll pull your hair out, too! I loved it when Miss Jaye said "I still think she's a brotha". I do find her amusing- I mean, all the third-person talk and her desire to be a "Diva Mother Teresa", but come on. She's just...not...right for this.

    Although I wish she'd mention again how "high fashion" she is. That always cracks me up.

    _________________________________

    Reading Final Girl is good for your skin.

    Caoili's picture

    Great recap

    I haven't had time to watch the last two episodes... but surprisingly I have time to read all the recaps... I'm seriously wondering how Dominique is still there. Well, now that Lauren is gone... maybe Kat will get a little more screen time. 
    pussywillow's picture

    Funny....

     

    When Tyra was at the height of her modelling career, I don't recall her.

    Period.

    Love Pussy xx

    detective's picture

    Omigosh where do I start? How about Brasilia!

    That damn Dominique, honey chile 

    BWAHAHAHA!  My friends and I were like " what the hell is Brasilia?" LMAO  all laughing aside DOMINIQUE WEARS ME OUT and I can't wait until she's eliminated so we can really concentrate on ANTM, someone should tell her she should get on the L Word.  She'd be a great love child of Ivan and Kit...... Ivan Jr. *snicker*

    If had to chose a winner, I want it to be Anya--but then I don't because I want her to have a successful carreer as a model.  And from what I hear ANTM don't do JACK for the contestants. So those fabulous prizes arent so fabulous are they Tyra.

    Yes Jay Maneul's tan..what in the..what color is that, egyptian?

    And Katarzyna is beautiful and I would love to date her.  And I wish I could hang out with Ms Jay, he rocks my whirld. "I still think she's a brother" whoo...that was fun-ny....  oh did I say Katarzyna is beautiful?

    great recap..

     

    zenarcade's picture

    It was a great episode!

    That commercial - wow, they should give them more challenges like this, it was such an entertaining train wreck.  It really was one of the best ANTM episodes in the last few seasons.

    I too am sick of Whitney constantly going on about being a PLUS-SIZE MODEL (we get it!), but I do feel like she suffers from the way they edit the show.  She and Dominique are going to be the bottom two next week, unless one of them really pulls it out on the photoshoot.  I personally find Fatima really annoying, but she's a good model.

    Anya is totally classy, as is Katarzyna.  I'm backing them for the top two. I didn't know that Katarzyna was at an Ivy League school, but that just makes me respect her all the more. =)

    Crank Heart's picture

    Yeah for ANTM!

    "Well, I could start at the beginning, when Anya charmingly face-planted coming out of the van. I'm not kidding when I say "charmingly" — I don't know what it is about Anya, but she's so sweet and cute and nice and upbeat that she must be made out of unicorns or something. Unicorns covered in glitter. And rainbows. With sprinkles on top."

    That whole paragraph was pure gold. And yay for an ANTM update on the site! I haven't got to much watch of this season (okay, I stopped watching when my dear Amis was sent home), but I've still been keeping up with it. Things I don't understand about this cycle:

    1. Why Whitney is considered "plus size" (I know because the other models are "death" size, but come on!)
    2. Why Tyra hates Kata
    3. Why Dominque is still there
    4. Why Anya is so wonderful
    and finally:
    5. Why Ms. Jay's eyebrows are white (Especially since one of the most fun things to make fun of during the makeovers is the girls getting their eyebrows bleached)

    ---------------
    3waytv.tv Go now, go often.  

     

    zenarcade's picture

    The eyebrows!

     

    I have no clue ... but I am strangely intrigued by them.

    To be honest though, I'm rather sick of Ms. Jay's schtick.

    Sparkfire's picture

    Ms. Jay's eyebrows

    Ms. Jay was diagnosed with prostate cancer awhile ago.  He's been undergoing chemotherapy and subsequently his hair started falling out.  Hence why last season he had the crazy afro and this season the weird eyebrows.

    Didn't mean to bring a downer to the thread, just thought you'd like to know!   

    Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer or sculptor or geneticist if at the same time she manages to be a good wife, good mother, good-looking, good-tempered, well-groomed, and unaggressive. - Leslie M. McIntyre

    JHB's picture

    All I know is.....

    Kat and Anya are my 2 favorites this season. And to answer your a question. Tyra is jealous LOL. Truthfully I love the show but getting a bit tired of Tyra. I wish they would replace her with someone else for a change. Maybe let Paulina take over the show or maybe a past previous winner.

                   JMO

    broadstairs's picture

    I might stop watching

    Great recap.Thanks

    i might watching the show cos none of my favourite competitors since the first season have never won.

    simbasuemama's picture

    White Witch

    Doesn't Anya resemble the White Witch from Chronicles of Narnia?

    Lauren is adorable I'm so sad I won't get to see her anymore! 

    Beauty, Love, Happiness

    wwxd's picture

    re: white witch

    that's hilarious! I never thought of the similarity. clever. My mom is a huge backer of anya. I'm crushing on katarzyna. sexy...

    http://www.youtube.com/sinfulhex

    girlface's picture

    Lauren reminds me of

    Lauren reminds me of someone... I think it's Martha Plimpton, but I can't be sure.

    Dominique really has a manly thing about her. The last couple of shows she seems to be sneaking through by not being the worst as opposed to being good.

    finalgirl's picture

    Lauren resembles...

    If Martha Plimpton, Sarah Polley, and Montana from Real World Boston all had a baby together, that baby would be Lauren!

    __________________________________

    Reading Final Girl is good for your skin.

    girlface's picture

    Sarah Polley was the other

    Sarah Polley was the other one I was thinking of. Exactly.
    Natazzz's picture

    Plus-size?

    Only in the world of ANTM can someone like Whitney be called plus-size. She's the only girl on the show who actually looks healthy.  

    - - - - - - - - - -

    -Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

    Who doesn't blog these days?

     

    clumsyabi's picture

    ANTM

    I am so addicted to ANTM! I adore Kata, and I hate that they are going to eliminate her for having no personality - of course she had personality, they just don't edit her to show it! It was also ridiculous how obvious that it was going to be Lauren eliminated on the latest show. I know it's always pretty clear who is going as a result of the editing but that was ridiculous - I was right about the exact callout order! My friend and I were laughing that poor Anya probably won't win as she's successful at the moment and those girls never win to make it more shocking (although the day one of those girls does win will be a miracle!). Probably boot her out because of her accent at the lost hurdle. Dominique is a little bit ridiculous so I tend to ignore her. I love Whitney - she's a great model and very pretty, and this rambling on about being plus size business is clearly being a bit edited. Sometimes they repeat the same comment more than once. Kata is still my favourite though! Gorgeous and intelligent. Sigh.

    ix3caughtfire's picture

    Well. Lauren was my

    Well. Lauren was my favorite girl, only because she most resembles my personality. However, that being said, I knew she couldn't win top model. Weird girls never win. Look at AJ - Jael - Heather. It sucks, but it happens. As for Whitney, I was rooting for her until she became the most annoying plus size advocate that she is. Okay! We get it! You're "plus sized!" Even though in the real world, she's not.

    And then there's who I want to win. Well my pick is Kata, but I do like Anya quite a bit. It'll be funny if they pick Anya and have another top model who speaks strangely. As long as Dominique doesn't win! And wow...Anya DOES look like the white witch!

    Missy2003sl's picture

    Cracked me up...

    ...not only your recap but the episode too. I haven't laughed that much in a while. Especially through Dominique's commercial. I too think she might be a man and she needs to be heading home next week. I kind of like Whitney too even though she is a bit over the top but i too am rooting for Kata (i've been rooting for her for a while, didn't like Claire) or Fatima. I really don't get Anya . Thank God Lauren went home She was so mean, normally i like the weird girls but not her.. So loving Paulina.

    btw anybody else heard the rumor that tyra is gonna leave top model or focus less on it in favour of her talkshow and that she doesn't really get along with the judges etc. It was on tvguide a while back.

    JHB's picture

    RE: Tyra leaving

    I do not know if its true.....BUT I hope it is. I never really liked her. She thinks she is all that when she really isn't. Maybe Paulina will take over for her....
    Gem89's picture

    Hilarious

    That episode was great i love the cover girl commercial they are always so funny. I was really annoyed at how rude Tyra was to Kata about how to pronounce her name. I mean it really isnt too much to ask is it? How would Tyra like it if people kept saying her name wrong. I feel like they put Kata down because shes not the all "American" girl. She has class. I thought the only reason Dominique got through was beacuse she was able to laugh witht the judges about her awful video, showing a slightly softer side
    MandaLeah's picture

    Generally Agree

    As with the above, I completely agree that there is no reason for Dominique to still be there. I don't understand how anyone can find any beauty in her.

    And just like others I've been totally crushing on Katarzyna for a while now. I think it all happened when they did that lame music shoot and she had to be "emo" or something and she had the short hair. But you can tell she's much smarter than anyone there, which is why she could never win. Hopefully she'll make it to the end just so I can stare at her for a while longer.

    JHB's picture

    RE; Kat

    I had a crush on her since day 1 and hope she wins. But being its tyra's show i doubt she will.....and lets pray that this is tyras last year doing the show and let paulina take it over.
    Sparkfire's picture

    Katarzyna...yummy!

    Katarzyna is freakin' GORGEOUS!  And since they chopped her hair after the "emo" fashion shoot.... Seriously, I'm still drooling.

    Call me crazy, but I still have a soft spot in my heart for Whitney.  I think she has a gorgeous face AND body (yay not size 2!) and if she just lets go of some of the cheesiness, I think she'll do quite well.

    Loved the mini-recap!  Keep it coming. 

    Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer or sculptor or geneticist if at the same time she manages to be a good wife, good mother, good-looking, good-tempered, well-groomed, and unaggressive. - Leslie M. McIntyre

    ix3caughtfire's picture

    Yes, yes, yes! I fell in

    Yes, yes, yes! I fell in love with her in the emo photoshoot. Ugh, why isn't she my girlfriend?
    Through_the_Rye's picture

    I'm too addicted to this

    I'm too addicted to this show. This recap was great - you're right about Whitney going a little overboard about being a plus size model. Plus, she kind of looks like Anna Nicole Smith....

    I've hated Polina since she made a comment about Kata having an "Eastern European tackiness" (and I'm Eastern European). I'd totally love for Tyrant to be gone - her hate for Kata keeps her from winning. And she's obnoxious.

    bettencp@gmail.com's picture

    plus size and ANTM

    What I can't understand is how ANTM takes contestants Whitney's size for plus size models, SHE'S a size 10!!!! They don't make plus sizes in a size 10, or 12 or rarely even a size 14. Most "regular" sizes go up to 16/ 18. Have they ever seen a Lane Bryant Catalogue? The models there are beautiful and big around a 14/16 and actually wear the clothes, the plus size models on this show would never get a job being a model for stores like Lane Bryant because they are too small.

    My second rant with this is why even have a plus-size model on the show if the parameters aren't extended to include her larger size? The last two seasons the plus size models have continuously lost obvious amounts of weight on the show (alhough Whitney hasn't lost as much as the last one); last season that was the specifc reason the contestant (can't remember her name) lost or so Tyra said. I think that is the best delineator to see how unhealthy the mindframe behind the scenes really is, especially during the competitions when Whitney relaly doesnt have a chance becuase there is no real place for her there. The designers even say that every show. I can totally understand where she's coming from, how upset she is and why she keeps emphasizizng the "I'm a plus size model" bit. Maybe she thinks if she yells loud enough and enough times they'll listen. Honestly, I wish one of the comps would be a switch where all of the sticks have to try to be curvy and vivacious where clothes designed for those reasons only. Let the others feel how she does a little bit and maybe the other contestants will have some compassion.

    MaeHamburg's picture

    Seriously, a world where a

    Seriously, a world where a woman who wears size 10 is considered "plus size" is just absurd.

    On our version of Top Model here in Germany most of the girls are probably size 8/10, the girls on the American version look extremely anorexic in comparison. The reason for that difference is a) Heidi Klum is the host and she is not exactly stick-thin either, and b) the first season produced an enormous media outcry for promoting unhealthy body images and they have been very careful to eliminate the extremely thin girls ever since.

    FireWontQuell's picture

    Episode = YES, recap = SUCKED

    Am I the only one with enough guts to say I loved this episode and HATED this recap?

    Maybe Anya is sweet and young, but she is seriously as dumb as a rock. She said "we must be going to a river!" when TyraMail said "roll" on it. Roll and river? I don't understand the appeal of her at all-- she can't talk, she isn't smart, and she looks almost albino.

    As for Whitney, yes she mentions being plus sized a lot, but at least she has a cause she is advocating for. In her situation, when a lot of times she is disadvantaged by being larger than the other girls, I don't think it's a problem that she brings it up. For instance, in the fashion show, the designer had a sample size dress for the winner of the challenge, and it was size two. Obviously it would be impossible for Whitney to win the challenge if she couldn't fit into the dress, so it's a valid point for her to bring up that she was essentially discriminated against in the challenge.

    Paulina Porizkova is neither fabulous nor funny, she can be quite offensive. As another reader mentioned here, she once commented on Katarzyna's "Eastern European tackiness." And I don't find her criticism constructive at all, she usually is just like "oh that's pretty."

    Ok, I agree Dominique is nasty.

     

    But why does everyone think Tyra has something against Katarzyna? Katarzyna has been called in the top half nearly all of the time, and Tyra almost always says something positive about her. I thought Tyra was really trying to get Katarzyna's name pronounced correctly, and while she could have been less dismissive at the end, Katarzyna was being pushy about it. I have a name that people always mispronounce, but I don't harp on it. It's called choosing your battles, and if you want your personality to show through, I would pick a different battle.

    That being said, I do think Katarzyna is gorgeous, but I disagree that Tyra has anything against her. Fatima did better in the commercial-- the director called her a "goddess"-- so obviously she would get called before Katarzyna. That isn't a bias against Katarzyna, it's a performance critique.

     

    And let me add-- so what if Tyra relied on her looks at the beginning of her career? She was one of the first successful black female models, and was able to take African American modeling to new levels. Additionally, after her modeling career was over, she turned to extremely successful business ventures like her talk show, ANTM, etc, as well as various forms of advocacy. She definitely has a voice now, and she recognizes that she has positive influential power! I doubt that many of you who are criticizing her would have the courage to go on the front of People Magazine in support of not being rail-thin or champion other women's causes when you have your whole life comfortably in front of you and are gorgeous and don't have to do anything else to get ahead.


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