Welcome to AfterEllen.com!

Enter your AfterEllen.com username.
Enter the password that accompanies your username.
News, Reviews & Commentary on Lesbian and Bisexual women in Entertainment and the Media
Home » Blogs » emily hartl's blog » Styled Out: The urge to merge closets

Styled Out: The urge to merge closets

by
emily hartl

The jokes surrounding lesbians about merging their lives together are about a dime a dozen. Despite being over-used generalizations that don't apply to the masses, one extra scary stereotype is "the lesbian urge to merge." I think you'll all know what I'm talking about when I discuss girlfriends that dress alike.

Even if you don't personally know "that" couple, you've definitely seen them out and about in their matching button-ups. I don't care if they're the same flannel shirt just in different colors, it's a no-go. I myself almost fell victim to this very debacle this weekend, when I tried to convince my girlfriend that it was "OK" if I ordered the same mid-calf boots that she owns in brown, just in black. Thinking back, I'm wondering if it was some sort of possession because I can't believe I almost initiated that kind of horror.

What was I thinking? Haven't I seen enough bad examples?

Here's the thing: It's totally great, wildly homosexual and really cute to coordinate with your GF, just don't try and snag her style straight up.

Rachel and I are fans of keeping the same color palate in check when we have to dress to impress and sometimes we do it just for fun. We were both wearing a lot of gray tones last Saturday for a pumpkin carving party and I must say, the coordination technique is subtle but makes you look oh-so subconsciously in sync with one another and it's a look that doesn't look bad on anyone.

If you're sporting a teal dress, for instance, it might be cute if your better half took the initiative to throw on a teal tie just to complete your perfect pair "look." If she's wearing a red sports jacket to a cocktail affair, and you're sticking to a little black number, throw on a red beaded necklace or even a red belt for a pop of color and a cue for your sweetie pie.

One of theories surrounding this whole "one and the same" mentality is that sometimes it seems as though society doesn't validate our relationships and it's some sort of shout out to the planet that you're together and in the same mindset. It's truly not as horrifying as I'm making it seem but it's totally scary to see "identical" lesbians in matching power suits, OK? Keep it in the front of your mind, ladies.

  • emily hartl's blog
  • Login or register to post comments
    • Submitted by
    emily hartl
    on October 28, 2009 - 2:00pm.
    TAGS :: 
    Silly Alex's picture

    lol..that first picture is priceless!!

    Submitted by
    Silly Alex (113 posts)
    on October 28, 2009 - 2:36pm.
    Ones things forsure...I have never been attracted to a girl who 'looked/dressed' like me. Just aint happening, it's nice to keep things interesting and not look like Im dating my sister...(okay I know that sounded wrong on so many levels, PS I dont even have a sister haha)

    ~I couldn't let boys have all the fun ;)

    Painterly's picture

    Individuals

    Submitted by
    Painterly (376 posts)
    on October 28, 2009 - 2:54pm.

    What ever happened to being seperate dynamic individuals who both bring something to the table that is unique and different?  Maybe that's how the merge happens, you like eachother's style...

    I don't like matchy-matchy, my preference I guess. It's up to the couple.

    Knowledge is Power.  Believe in yourself.

    Melissa Hsu's picture

    Merge.

    Submitted by
    Melissa Hsu (not verified)
    on October 30, 2009 - 12:38am.
    Seems we've touched a nerve.
    Sparkles's picture

    Priceless, definately...

    Submitted by
    Sparkles (23 posts)
    on October 28, 2009 - 3:05pm.

    I agree with Silly Alex,that first pic is priceless!  They look like dykebots or the enforcers of the gay mafia. Too much!

    I think couples can be cute when they kind of co-ordinate, but when they start dressing too much alike, it's like dating yourself. Keep the individuality, and save the uber-coordinating for only the super narcissistic.

     

    Social Networking, news, tv, games, shopping at it's best. All FREE... and GET PAID for it! See how at:

    http://my.blastoffnetwork.com/freeaccount 
    royaroo's picture

    my girlfriend and I run into

    Submitted by
    royaroo (31 posts)
    on October 28, 2009 - 3:13pm.
    my girlfriend and I run into this problem periodically.  Mostly it's because we physically look alike and our styles often lean towards the tried and true jeans and button down.  It sucks to always have to work at NOT dressing alike, because generally whoever gets dressed first wins the "who has to change" fight, but it's worth it in the long run.
    TampaStephie's picture

    No matching!

    Submitted by
    TampaStephie (34 posts)
    on October 28, 2009 - 3:21pm.

    I always check to see what my partner is wearing before I finish getting dressed JUST IN CASE it looks too matched. I hate matching!  Or, if I dress first, I'll double-check what's she's pulled out of her closet JUST IN CASE too!  No matching!  Reminds me of twins I knew back in elementary school...

    pornograffitti's picture

    agreed

    Submitted by
    pornograffitti (9 posts)
    on October 28, 2009 - 4:29pm.
    I pretty much do this exact thing. Especially because my girlfriend and I do own some very similar clothing. Although we dont look at all alike, i.e. i'm very petite she's average height and athletic; I have olive toned skin she's pale and freckled, matching still is just not cute.
    lois_must_die's picture

    The caption under that first

    Submitted by
    lois_must_die (7 posts)
    on October 28, 2009 - 3:37pm.

    The caption under that first picture must be something like "the most unhappy couple EVER-gay or straight" They've proved the worst thing to match is frowning faces lol. To be fair to matchy couples, it's hard to NOT do it if the two ppl are very similar in style and personality (but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try anyway).

    If someone shows you who they are, believe them ~ maya angelou

    Bathory's picture

    First picture!

    Submitted by
    Bathory (31 posts)
    on October 28, 2009 - 4:03pm.

    Isn't it Mary Cheney and her girlfriend. Probably on a funeral :p.

    οι ψυχές οσμίζονται στον Άδη.

    McGirl-ver's picture

    It just happened

    Submitted by
    McGirl-ver (33 posts)
    on October 28, 2009 - 4:04pm.

    When my partner/wife and I started dating 11 years ago, I had a green shirt I loved, she hated and eventually it 'disappeared' (I tossed it.) Later come to find out my BF hated that shirt too. So let it be know I had bad taste at some point. I may be young but I will never be hip.  I think styles might merged for convience. I tend to lean towards shiny and colorful yet outdoorsy-wear. She likes black, more black, and sometimes some color. We do make a conscious effort not to where the same type of stuff, which is hard because sometimes "I wanna wear my jeans" but she's already got jeans on.

    cowgal's picture

    What if

    Submitted by
    cowgal (277 posts)
    on October 28, 2009 - 5:54pm.

    What if the couple dresses similarly (like preppy with blazers) but look NOTHING alike? 

    Nevermind it's still bizarre 

    pancreas's picture

    It's a bit of a balancing

    Submitted by
    pancreas (314 posts)
    on October 28, 2009 - 6:30pm.
    It's a bit of a balancing act between dressing butch/femme and dressing identically. That's what I've found in the past, and I may have lent towards the latter a bit. Co-ordinating without matching is a nice thing to aspire to, but hard! I really liked how my last girlfriend dressed, we always dressed similarly but probably got a lot from one another too. Still we didn't look alike so we weren't quite identical.
    Jules's picture

    butch/femme

    Submitted by
    Jules (24 posts)
    on October 28, 2009 - 10:27pm.
    so i couldn't help but notice that all the examples, both photos and descriptions, of how to subtly compliment eachother were very overtly butch/femme.  while its fine and good for femme girls to date butch girls and vice versa (i mean, i'm fairly feminine as far as dressing goes and i love a good andro lady), but its also perfectly fine for two femmes or two butch girls to date.  be careful about the subliminal messages you send out.  the butch/femme dynamic can be dangerous because its so easy to slip from that into a really old fashioned idea of the "man" or butch girl being wholly responsible for her lady and that lady being completely submissive to her "man."
    style_challenge's picture

    butch/femme

    Submitted by
    style_challenge (2 posts)
    on October 28, 2009 - 10:50pm.

    I was also uncomfortable with the butch/femme dynamic in this article. Besides, who more than femme-femme or butch-butch couples would fall prey to this urge to merge their similiarly girly/masculine wardrobes?

    Totiki's picture

    I also felt this article was

    Submitted by
    Totiki (117 posts)
    on October 29, 2009 - 7:04am.

    I also felt this article was heteronormative, though I'm sure Emily didn't mean it to be. In general I don't see why it's worse or creepier if a lesbian couple dresses alike than if a heterosexual couple does so? I know plenty that do and that share clothes(mostly it's the girl taking the guy's jeans) I mean incest is incest whether it's between a man and a woman or a woman and a woman(I'm assuming that's what makes people's minds jump to "creepy"). And I'm not just talking about the article, I'm referring to people's attitude in general. 

    Melissa Hsu's picture

    Waitaminute.

    Submitted by
    Melissa Hsu (not verified)
    on October 29, 2009 - 10:41pm.

    How'd you get from dressing alike to incest. ?

    I thought we were just dishing on girlfriends who co-opt their girlfriends' fashion sense. ?

     

    Totiki's picture

    See comment by Silly Alex

    Submitted by
    Totiki (117 posts)
    on October 30, 2009 - 4:10am.
    See comment by Silly Alex and TampaStephie(above) and Haruka-Papa(below).
    rainbowshy's picture

    top photo

    Submitted by
    rainbowshy (104 posts)
    on October 29, 2009 - 1:18am.
    first thing i noticed: they looked pissed. i just assumed it's because they hate being anywhere near media limelight.  then i noticed they dressed exactly alike.
    emptyinbetween's picture

    It's definitely a struggle

    Submitted by
    emptyinbetween (56 posts)
    on October 29, 2009 - 7:50am.

    It's definitely a struggle sometimes but so worth it (compared to the alternative, see picture 1 of the original post hah). My gf and I struggle mostly with hair style choices, the same hair styles appeal to both of us. If she goes short, I keep my hair longer. If I go blond, she keeps her hair away from the blond colors. BUT sometimes we do end up looking like Tegan And Sara or some other dynamic duo (hair style wise). Then one of us has to come up with a solution.. but I would not take this too seriously if the pair differs in some way (that could be the physical appearance, hair, clothing etc).

     

     

     

    ______________________________________________________

     

    Believe only half of what you see and nothing of what you hear

    carriequeery's picture

    I love the pic!

    Submitted by
    carriequeery (1 post)
    on October 29, 2009 - 4:59pm.
    My girlfriend and I call ladies like these Dyke-alikes. Fun to spot, not fun to be.
    Haruka-papa's picture

    When I met my girlfriend for

    Submitted by
    Haruka-papa (93 posts)
    on October 29, 2009 - 9:22pm.

    When I met my girlfriend for lunch today, we both arrived wearing green polos, jeans, and converse. This was not planned! We just look at each other and laughed.

    But normally we don't dress alike, although we have similar fashion sense. I think it's cute when a couple wears similar colors (like Portia and Ellen), but when they start wearing the exact same thing, it gives off that creepy identical twin vibe. 

    Life's a pond I go a-fishin' in.

     

    Masha's picture

    Matching can be cuuute ;)

    Submitted by
    Masha (18 posts)
    on October 30, 2009 - 5:35am.

    I know this hot couple and they dress and match each other really nice. The first time I saw them clubbing they were wearing black leggins and long tops (one girl had a  black one and the other green) paired with stilletos. One is blonde and had her hair down and the other is brunnete and had her hair up. The otehr time I saw them clubbing they were wearing short sleeveless dresses (one black and the other white, made from different fabrics and designed different) and thigh-high leather boots with high platform and heels. They don't look like tweens at all. They look incredibly hot and attractive, like they stepped out of some magazine cover. Or like lesbian version of Serena and Blair =)

    I would love to wear matching clothes with my future girlfriend if she has a femme style  ;)

    Totiki's picture

    It just hit me

    Submitted by
    Totiki (117 posts)
    on October 30, 2009 - 8:19am.
    Must be impossible for man couples to avoid unless one's a cross dresser...
    kerplunksky's picture

    My gf and I are both similar

    Submitted by
    kerplunksky (57 posts)
    on November 2, 2009 - 9:04am.

    My gf and I are both similar build & height, have red hair (although mine is bit a bit longer) and we both look a lot younger than our true ages of 31 and 29 so we get mistaken for twins all the time!!  We both wear similar work attire (as we are both office based) so at the weekends we live in jeans, retro t-shirts and hooded tops/ fleeces.  Our routine with strangers is:

    "Are you twins?"  - "NO" 

    "Are you sisters?"  - "NO"

    "Are you related?" - "NO"

    We don't always say we're partners depending on who is asking but it's always funny to see their reactions but admittedly it gets very frustrating when you're trying to be seen as a valid (and mature) couple. People don't take us seriously because of their preconceptions about our age & relationship.

    The big advantage is borrowing each others shoes (same size feet!) and clothes!

    Melissa's picture

    i have exactly the same

    Submitted by
    Melissa (1 post)
    on November 17, 2009 - 10:32pm.

    i have exactly the same problem!

    my girlfriend and i are both similar height, similar hair colour and sometimes similar dress sense (although i'm pretty femme mostly and she's a little on the butch side). even when she is looking extremely tomboyish and i'm wearing dresses and heels, we still get asked if we are sisters. 

    i am going to her graduation next week and when buying our outfits i really took this article on board! she bought a red dress, and i bought a black dress... and just to let people know that i'm hers, i got red shoes to go with my dress!

     

    i really like the idea of just adding a splash of the same colour. i don't mind being matchy matchy generally (i think it's a bit cute), but my girlfriend hates it, so i think it's a good compromise to just wear a bit of the same colour!


    Home » Blogs » emily hartl's blog » Styled Out: The urge to merge closets