Will work for food or a fair contract, preferably both

FADE IN:

EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY

A scruffy bunch of sunlight-averse, caffeine-addicted, ironing-impaired television and film writers parade back and forth with purpose. They carry placards and chant slogans. Among them are a few famous faces.

GROUP

What do we want? Fair contract! When do we want it? Now!

CLOSE ON the dark, reflective sunglasses of a network executive as he pulls into the studio lot in a car that costs more than the average American family’s house, passing the rag-tag writers with nary a glance in their direction. The writers shout, snidely, in his direction and some make accompanying FCC fine–worthy gestures.

WRITER

Hey, buddy, download this! I’ve got your new media profits right here!

CUT TO:

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

A couple sits on the couch in front of the TV and flips through the channels, only to find repeat after repeat. They stop on what appears to be a new show.

ANNOUNCER

Welcome back to “Who Wants to Marry A Rottweiler?” Our couple has just returned from the dog park ...

WOMAN

That’s it, I give up! I can’t take the strike anymore. Man, I can’t believe it’s come to this ... Susan, honey, pass me a book.

FADE TO BLACK.

The End.

In case today’s dramatic reenactment didn’t clue you in, the Writers Guild of America went on strike Monday. That means that television and film wordsmiths across the country have put their pencils down and turned off their laptops in protest until they get a new contract. While the specifics are complicated, the negotiations essentially boil down to giving the writers a bigger piece of the profits pie. And one of the most contentious slices of that deal is how to divide new media profits, i.e., internet downloads and online streaming. Right now, writers get nothing each time a show is watched or downloaded on the web. Yes, you read that right, nothing.

Now, I could be biased since I am both a writer and a guild member (though not of the Writers Guild of America — wrong kind of writer, wrong kind of guild), but I support the striking workers 110 percent. I happen to believe that the ability to put words to paper (or on screen; this is the digital age, after all) is one of humankind's greatest evolutionary advancements. Well, that and the opposable thumb. But, like I said, I could be biased.

But even if you’re not a big union backer or a written-word enthusiast, the writers strike could hit you where you live — maybe it already has. If you turned on the TV yesterday, you noticed that all the late night talk shows were in repeats (The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, Late Show With David Letterman, Late Night With Conan O’Brien, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, et al.). No writers, no witty words. Even daytime talker Ellen DeGeneres shut down production in solidarity Monday, even though her writing staff is largely exempt from the WGA strike rules. Stewart, a WGA supporter, broke down the issue last week on the air.

And it only gets worse. Cashmere Mafia became the first scheduling casualty of the nascent strike when ABC pushed its premiere back from Nov. 27 to TBA. This means we’ll have to wait indefinitely to see Bonnie Somerville and Lourdes Benedicto do this. That sound you hear is a million lesbians sobbing as they unprogram their DVRs.

While most currently airing scripted shows have a backlog of finished episodes that should last them through Christmas, things start to get really ugly in the new year. If an agreement isn’t reached before the new episodes run out, expect repeats — lots and lots and lots of repeats. Expect more reality shows to start clogging the airwaves as well. Remember when they joked on 30 Rock about the network airing a show called “Are You Smarter Than a Dog?” Yeah, not so funny anymore. See how many episodes your favorite show has left here and then start making a list of all the books you never got around to reading. Looks like you might have some free time coming up.

Still, if there is such a thing as a silver lining in a strike, it is that you get to see a little of the best in people as well. Several well-known actors, writers and showrunners are lending their voices to the cause. 30 Rock writer-producer-creator Tina Fey was among a list of more than 100 showrunners who promised to refrain from writing while their scribes are out. Other writer-producers supporting the strikers include Shonda Rimes (Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice), Amy Sherman-Palladino (Gilmore Girls, The Return of Jezebel James) and showrunners for CSI, House, Bones, Heroes, The Office, Ugly Betty, Bionic Woman, Gossip Girl, Battlestar Galactica and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

Chanting along on the picket lines Monday were The New Adventures of Old Christine stars Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Wanda Sykes, Saturday Night Live cast members Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers, CSI sleuth Marg Helgenberger and Ugly Betty herself America Ferrera.

Fans even got in on the action as readers of the Joss Whedon fan site Whedonesque.com delivered pizzas to striking writers, including former Buffy scribe Jane Espenson. They even had a special sign. God, I love Buffy geeks.

So, whose side are you on in the writers strike? And if this strike becomes a long, boring fresh-episode-free nightmare, how do you plan to weather the drought?