I know I can’t be the only one who was a little disappointed the subject line didn’t read “Tina Fey poses for Playboy.” But I digress, already. That’s, like, a land speed record. OK, seriously, back to Tina Fey
and why she is the coolest straight woman on the planet. Bold statements, I make them. And Tina makes them too. In an interview for the January issue of Playboy, the 30 Rock star is her usual delightfully candid self.
Paula Abdul “was awful” on Saturday Night Live. Paris Hilton is “a terrible role model and a terrible young woman.” Jessica Alba “has an amazing, gorgeous body.” It’s like she is quoting from the Declaration of Independence: We hold these truths to be self-evident.
Playboy apparently names Tina the “Goddess of Geeks” in the issue. Since I refuse to go to the site to verify, I tracked down the cover instead to make sure Tina is indeed interviewed inside. And yep, there she is, to the left of America’s Next Top Model winner and Brady-by-marriage Adrianne Curry. I brown-bagged the cover so you too can see the headline — just in case you’re having a hard time believing Tina would talk to the bunny rag.
But talk she did, and hold back she didn’t. About Paula’s 2005 appearance on SNL:
“I may be the only SNL alumnus who has created a character based on Lorne who’s not lying about it.”
And about her near-death experience at the hands of Will Ferrell:
“Will Ferrell tried to stab me once. We had been up all night writing skits for the guy from Dawson’s Creek — James Van Der Beek. And you know, it was
SNL, so we were all hopped up on goofballs, out of our minds on quaaludes and horse antibiotics. I foolishly made a disparaging joke about Will’s skit. I was like, ‘Really, dude? A hat salesman who’s afraid of hats? That’s the best you can come up with?’ And he lunged at me with a letter opener. I remember thinking, ‘This guy’s a genius. It would be an honor to be killed by him.'”
While the Paula and Paris disses may be attracting the most attention, it’s her tough talk on body image that had me smiling:
“When I was growing up, to have a good body you actually had to have a good body. You know what I mean? You had your shape, and whatever your God-given shape was, that was your shape. But now — and this is what these young Hollywood ladies seem to do — even if you don’t have a great body, you can lose a lot of weight and get super skinny, get a fake tan and fake t-ts, and you’re in the game. Just get super-duper skinny. Some women are the real deal, like Jessica Alba. She has an amazing, gorgeous body. But for some of these other chicks, the closest they can get to a body like that is to remove everything that’s there and add a little something on top. It’s like the ladies you see in Playboy.”
Oh, dude: She just slammed the very magazine interviewing her. Nice.
“I was pregnant at the time and probably a little moody, but I remember thinking, ‘She’s a disaster! I gotta prop this lady up and get her on TV.’ … A year later I saw her on a flight. We both looked at each other like, ‘Do I know that girl?’ And then we both had the same moment of recognition, and she was like ‘uuuggh.’ I saw it register on her face that she had had a terrible time with us.”
About saying Paris was a “piece of s—” and “looks like a tranny up close” on Howard Stern last year:
“I regret sinking down to that level of discourse. But Paris is a terrible role model and a terrible young woman. She needs to be ignored. I work with people who have 12-, 13-, 14-year-old girls who are fascinated by her. They look up to her, and that’s not great. You can buy videotapes in which you can see her (slang word for female genitalia).”
About how hilariously corporate network chief Jack Donaghy (played by the hilariously deadpan Alec Baldwin) is based on Tina’s former SNL boss Lorne Michaels:
“I may be the only SNL alumnus who has created a character based on Lorne who’s not lying about it.”
And about her near-death experience at the hands of Will Ferrell:
“Will Ferrell tried to stab me once. We had been up all night writing skits for the guy from Dawson’s Creek — James Van Der Beek. And you know, it was
SNL, so we were all hopped up on goofballs, out of our minds on quaaludes and horse antibiotics. I foolishly made a disparaging joke about Will’s skit. I was like, ‘Really, dude? A hat salesman who’s afraid of hats? That’s the best you can come up with?’ And he lunged at me with a letter opener. I remember thinking, ‘This guy’s a genius. It would be an honor to be killed by him.'”
While the Paula and Paris disses may be attracting the most attention, it’s her tough talk on body image that had me smiling:
“When I was growing up, to have a good body you actually had to have a good body. You know what I mean? You had your shape, and whatever your God-given shape was, that was your shape. But now — and this is what these young Hollywood ladies seem to do — even if you don’t have a great body, you can lose a lot of weight and get super skinny, get a fake tan and fake t-ts, and you’re in the game. Just get super-duper skinny. Some women are the real deal, like Jessica Alba. She has an amazing, gorgeous body. But for some of these other chicks, the closest they can get to a body like that is to remove everything that’s there and add a little something on top. It’s like the ladies you see in Playboy.”
Oh, dude: She just slammed the very magazine interviewing her. Nice.
