I scream, you scream, we all scream for the ladies of the Scream Awards

Theoretically, the Spike TV Scream Awards should totally not be my thing. First, it’s on Spike TV, the channel with the subtle tagline “Get More Action” and programming aimed at the young adult male market. You know, the polar opposite of Lifetime Television for Women. Second, it’s an award show dedicated to horror, sci-fi and fantasy. While I enjoy a lot of sci-fi and fantasy, I’ve never been a big horror fan. I can’t help it; I scare easily. And finally, I can’t take any event seriously that asks Paris Hilton to appear. But then I heard Lena Headey would also be there, and suddenly all that other stuff didn’t seem to matter that much.

Oh, Lena. Even your crazy choice of potato-sack couture could not deter my devotion. Now I’m going to have to tape the telecast and fast-forward to your parts. Or, better yet, wait until some similarly stalkerish devoted fan posts the clips online.

The Scream Awards were held last Friday in Los Angeles, and the broadcast airs at 10:00 tonight on Spike. And for those of you with a somewhat less obsessive view of lovely Lena, there are some other reasons to watch. Like, say, Rosario Dawson’s tongue:

Or Jessica Biel’s guns.

Or Kristanna Loken’s poodle 'do.

Or Tricia Helfer’s, uh, necklace.

Or Megan Fox’s “Angelina who?” tattoos.

Or Kristen Bell’s “I’m a Hero now, stop calling me Veronica” head tilt.

Or Jessica Alba’s potentially homicidal tendencies.

Or Kristy Swanson’s “I know I’m not Sarah Michelle Gellar, but this is as close to Buffy as you’re going to get, geeks” smirk.

Or Nichelle Nichols’ ability to look regal even while standing in front of a tacky backdrop advertising Taco Bell.

And if all of those photos haven't given you reason enough to watch, how about AfterEllen.com contributing writer Final Girl’s live-from-the-black-(yes, black)-carpet interviews with Lena and Kristanna? Final Girl works for Pretty/Scary, a site for women in horror by women in horror, and she created this clip just for us (the full video will be posted soon on Pretty/Scary). Looks like she managed to intrigue both actresses. I am now officially jealous.

Oh, and one more reason to tune in to Spike at 10 tonight: Paris got booed.